The pain goes on.......(very lengthy)

[Scot]

I was together with my girlfriend (Karen) for almost 27 months and we each have a son from separate marriages about 6 months apart. (Kevin, 9, her son and Kristian, 10 years old, my son). We have gone through a lot of the same things in life, so we have a lot in common in that sense. We both were not in love with our ex spouses. I married because she was pregnant and she says she realized she was not in love from the beginning and did it for the security. This is the first girl I feel I have really ever been in love with. I met her at a time in my life when I needed a lot of guidance and she was just the one to steer me in the right direction. I am so thankful to have met her. I have never been so happy in all my life. For 27 months we practically saw each other every day and made love about every day. Yes, that's probably over 600 times. It's a lot when you think about it. Well, we have had our ups and downs and we nearly broke up several times, but I kept insisting that we were meant to be together, and I still feel this way. This was a year ago and things have been pretty good since then. Well, we had decided that maybe she could move in with me and it would save her some money. I told her that I felt I should ask her to marry me if she is to move in, in order to show a good example to the kids. She was a little reluctant about the idea but did not argue to much.

 

11-22-00

 

Well, I asked Karen to marry me the day before thanksgiving and she said yes. I was the happiest man alive.

 

11-23-00

 

The next day I called my parents and told then the good news. They welcomed Karen into the family with open hearts. We then went to Karen's mom's cousin's house for thanksgiving. Karen said she did not want to tell anyone about our engagement yet. I said fine. When it was time to go I asked Karen if she had told her mom and she said no, so I said let's tell her. Well, I wound up telling here mom and her mom did not seem so excited. She said she felt it was too soon. We have been together for almost 27 months. Karen then began to explain to her mom about how she felt she was the black sheep in the family and that noone seems to really support her in any of her decisions. We went home and spent the night at Karen's apartment. We would always spend the night at each others house during the course of the relationship.

 

11-24-00

 

The next day, Karen and I went to the movies all day and went back to her place to sleep. I was still VERY happy about getting engaged. We went to Toys R Us and Best buy that night and bought the boys some Christmas gifts.

 

11-25-00

 

The next day after that Karen and I went to Kay jewelers where I had her ring reserved. I told her that if she didn't like the ring that she could pick out any ring she wants. We ordered the ring and then preceded to go to Target and buy some Christmas gifts for the boys. Then preceded to get the Uhaul truck and move all of her furniture into my house. I had a friend to help and we finished everything by about 830 or 900 that night. We then relaxed and spent the night in what was to now be OUR new home together.

 

11-26-00

 

The next day we woke up wondering when Kevin was coming back from Bakersfield with his dad. We picked up Kevin and then picked up Kristian and preceded to the movies. I told the boys we were getting married and they thought it was a great idea. Everything was GREAT and we spent the night at my house. All four of us. I could not have been happier.

 

11-27-00

 

The next day was a little stressful because the old roommate had not moved out yet. When I got home from work that evening I called Karen wondering where she was because I thought she would be home. She had stayed later at work and was on her way home. She said she wanted to meet me at the old apartment and clean a little and get the rest of her things. When I got there she told me she did not want to get engaged. I was VERY upset and cried. She kept saying, "I'm sorry" over and over. I got over it and said, "Well, at least we are still moving in together and still have each other." We then headed back home with a few things and went home to go to sleep. Kevin was at his dad's house.

 

11-28-00

 

The next day I was depressed all day about the engagement breaking off and when I called Karen during the day to tell her I missed her, she claimed I was being obsessive. She seemed very bothered and uneasy. Karen is on Prozac and used to be on Zoloft. She exhibits extreme mood swings with no warnings at all. A lot of times, I would never know what the problem is or what is causing it. Well, after both of us came home from work, we got in a fight that evening over something really stupid and after curling up in a ball and saying leave me alone for about 30 minutes, she said, "I'm going back to my old apartment. So I said, "ok, let's go because we were supposed to go there and finish cleaning it up. She then said, "No, I'm going back there and sleep on the floor". I told her not to be ridiculous and that she should stay. I kept insisting that she tell me what the problem is and why she is so bothered but she would not tell me. She became very upset and emotionally stressed over me wanting to know what is the matter and I felt she should not sleep on the floor of the old apartment when she has someplace to stay right here and that I now do not want her to go anywhere in her condition. Well, she got emotionally worse and called her brother to pick her up. Her brothers wife was on the phone and she wound up calling the police. I never knew the police were coming, but when I knew her brother was coming to pick her up, I started to help her get her stuff. Well, the police showed up and they never make the situation any easier. She then went to her brothers.

 

11-29-00

 

I was very upset going to work the next day, not knowing what was going on. I called Karen's work and they said she had taken off for the day. I couldn't work, so I took the day off and tried to find Karen. I could not find her all day, and when I finally got in touch, her sister-in-law was screening the calls and said that Karen does not want to talk to me. I called my friend Jamie over to take me out and cheer me up. Five minutes before we were about to leave, Karen's brother calls and says, "We have a truck and we would like to load all of Karen's stuff back into the truck. I guess I wasn't that shocked, but after they had loaded everything in he says, "Oh, and there is one more thing, Karen has filed a restraining order against you". At that point I was floored. I could not believe that she could not talk to me about any of this.

 

So, needless to say, I have not spoken to her at all and our court date is 12-20. A lawyer told me it probably will not be extended, but it just might for a year. I hope not, because I long so bad to talk to her. She was everything to me. My best friend. My lover. My companion. The person I looked up to in life. I admired so much about her and for her to put me through this as a means of breaking up is a pain I have had a lot of trouble handling. If she wants to end the relationship, why can't we do it on good terms. And I also feel so bad for the kids. They were so close. This is the most hurt I have felt in my entire life. I need closure.

[Yumi]

Wow.... unless there's something you're not telling us (and I doubt that) it sounds like she has a problem that has little if anytihng to do with you... That all sounds very romantic to me, up until the point when she broke it off...

 

The fact that her mother wasn't thrilled and that she evidently has some family problems would lead me to believe that they have something to do with it. If it wasn't for the restraining order I'd say ask her about that... but as is I'm not sure you can do anything without looking like a stalker, at least to her parents... but as a hopeless romantic, I cant suggest that you give up either.

 

I don't know the law on these kinds of things... can you legally send her a letter, e-mail, or get a friend to deliver a message? If so, maybe you should say something short and sweet, let her know that you are still there for her if she wants you, let her know that she can talk to you about her family problems if that's what it is... but if she is still set on never seeing you again, I don't think there's much you can do... It sounds like she is just going to have to make the choice between you and whatever other problem she has....

[Scot]

Yeah, I think you're right. It sure hasn't made it easy not having any support. I'm not allowed to contact her in any way whatsoever until 12-20 hearing when they decide to discontinue the order or extend it. I feel this is her only way of breaking up and that she does not want to confront me knowing how hurt I wiould be. She knows I love her, and she loves me except for problems she sees. To me, all things are possible with love, but she is much more logical and will not follow her heart and I think that is where I am going to lose out.

Wow.... unless there's something you're not telling us (and I doubt that) it sounds like she has a problem that has little if anytihng to do with you... That all sounds very romantic to me, up until the point when she broke it off... The fact that her mother wasn't thrilled and that she evidently has some family problems would lead me to believe that they have something to do with it. If it wasn't for the restraining order I'd say ask her about that... but as is I'm not sure you can do anything without looking like a stalker, at least to her parents... but as a hopeless romantic, I cant suggest that you give up either. I don't know the law on these kinds of things... can you legally send her a letter, e-mail, or get a friend to deliver a message? If so, maybe you should say something short and sweet, let her know that you are still there for her if she wants you, let her know that she can talk to you about her family problems if that's what it is... but if she is still set on never seeing you again, I don't think there's much you can do... It sounds like she is just going to have to make the choice between you and whatever other problem she has....

 

[Deejette]

The way she has behaved is cruel and unexplainable by the facts you have offered us. That restraining order is so unnecessary, since you were not physically or emotionally abusing her. She sounds mixed up and unkind and maybe you need to re-examine the basis of the relationship. You may have been fooling yourself about how great it had been.

Yeah, I think you're right. It sure hasn't made it easy not having any support. I'm not allowed to contact her in any way whatsoever until 12-20 hearing when they decide to discontinue the order or extend it. I feel this is her only way of breaking up and that she does not want to confront me knowing how hurt I wiould be. She knows I love her, and she loves me except for problems she sees. To me, all things are possible with love, but she is much more logical and will not follow her heart and I think that is where I am going to lose out.