Time to accept the hand I was dealt? LONG

[SJC2008]

I'm a very self aware person and know what my "issues" are and what has hindered me in my dating life (insecurity and social anxiety). But where do you draw the line? I mean how much do you have to look at yourself before it makes you too inecure? I'm tired of it!

 

It's good to look at yourself to see what you need to work and and such but I've done it to the point of where I'm insecure to the absoloute hilt:( If I try to look at what's wrong with me any more I think it's going to push me to my breaking point. Soo, mabye it's time to just accept the hand that I was dealt:( I'm just an awkwad guy who was destined to be woman off and that's it!

 

I've learned a lot about women and dating in the last couple of years and the number one thing that stands out is that women are very insecure and it seems like if a guy is a tiddly wink insecure it's against the law. Also, I know a lot of people whether it's in my social circle or at work where theyr'e in relationships with women who run the show. As SOON as it's closing time the women are on the phone seeing what the guys are doing. Hell even a former coworker told me that "You may not konw but the bitch runs the show". Sure it was probably a joke but if I get into a relationship I'm 100% ok with sacrifice but I'm not about to be blown up with calls as soon as I get off.

 

My problem is that I'm stuck in between (in addition to my anxiety) in that I'm too strong for the control freaks and too weak for the healthy women. You would think that knowing what your problems are would help but it's been two years since I've tried to date again and it's gone nowhere. Oh well, I guess I'll cast in the towel for now and mabye I'll be a little better in a couple of months.

Edited June 1, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

It's a process. You'll get through it.

 

I agree that you should take a break from women. Do something that is tremendously out of your comfort zone that you never believed you can do. Doing these kinds of things have given me a sense of confidence that is almost untouchable (notice I said ALMOST....it's still a work in progress, but it's very close).

[ScreamingTrees]

I'd agree with your last paragraph, OP.. I feel that my "insecurities" may cause mentally "healthier" females to assume things that are not true.. They may assume that, based on subtle words or behaviors, I will act out in insecure, negative manners..

 

And this has not been the case when it came down to it.. But I don't blame anyone for making sound assumptions, they're not being irrational, I guess..

 

And yet, on the other hand, regardless of my insecurities, they're purely physical. I love who I am on the inside, even if it doesn't count for much, I know I'm awesome and I wouldn't allow someone to control me. There is either a fair share of compromise on both ends where necessary, or I'm done and off to find someone more suitable.

[2sunny]

Write out your strengths. Write out your weaknesses.

 

Focus on building your strengths and growing them bigger.

 

Take the cation required to minimize your weaknesses a little each day by doing contrary action - which will change your outcome.

 

Some of my original weaknesses have now turned into my strengths. Identifying what they looked like helped me to focus on being my authentic self.

 

Each day - do your best to grow and move forward.

[Almond_Joy]

Can't speak for all women but there's few things more attractive to me than a man who will acknowledge his faults and realize when he's acting on them. I don't need him to not have problems. Honestly if a guy told me he's not insecure about anything I'd think he's arrogant or a liar. I just don't see how its possible to be completely secure and confident about everything.

 

Nobody's ever going to fix all their issues and I think everyone is vulnerable about one thing or another...or a few things, most likely. The thing that makes insecurity a molehill instead of a mountain is accepting that your issues don't make you a bad catch or more difficult to deal with than anybody else.

 

I'm constantly examining myself and finding things wrong and am constantly trying to fix them. But I don't work on those problems to be more desireable for my partner. I work on them because I envision myself a certain way physically emotionally and mentally. That self-image is devoid of what anyone wants but me.

 

Also, when I stopped worrying about whether or not my faults were making me bad dating material....that's when the most men were drawn to me and asked me out. Maybe it's different for guys.