what to do

[Torn]

I have a wonderful, wonderful girlfriend. I am 22, she is 26. I love her very much and I know she loves me.

 

I know that doesn't sound like a problem right? Well, it is. Just lately, I've been thinking that maybe I need to "get out there" a bit more. I walk down the street and I find myself looking at girls more than I used to. I seem to find girls at parties nice to talk to and attractive.

 

What is tearing at me, is that I know I have everything in my girlfriend that a guy could possibly wish for. I really am a lucky, lucky guy. She is a rare type of girl, and what we have is a rare type of thing. She is pretty, funny, smart, caring, loyal, a clown, always there for me - yeh, i think you get the picture. She is a gem.

 

Im torn because I know if I were to see other girls, I would be pushing aside the most amazing girl I have ever met in my life. I can't figure this out. We have soo much in common, think so alike and get along brilliantly. Boy, do we click and boy, are we close.

 

Why am I feeling like this? I'm wondering if maybe it's because she's had more experience than me or something, being older than me? Shes only had one other boyfriend and a couple of flings. I sort of don't feel equal. Yeh, stupod, I Know. I didn't lose my virginity to her, but she is my second. I'm about her 6th I think. I had your usual high school no strings attacehd no sex girlfriends (about 3 for about a week to a month at a time).

 

I just don't want to lose the best person I have ever met. She's just so great. We are great. But i don;t want to feel like I've missed out on anything before I settle down oneday. But I feel if I let her go, I will be missing out IN A BIG WAY in the future. And I know I will hurt her terribly by splitting with her.

 

This is really tearing at me, because she really is one of a kind and makes me so happy. I have honestly never met anyone like her. Whta am I to do? i'm so confused. What if in a couple of years time I think, "She was the one", but she's already movbed on?? The agony!!!

[Tony T]

What you are feeling is pretty natural. It is human nature to wonder what else is out there. But, on the other hand, if you've got something as great as you say it is absolutely beyond insane to want to wander. Let me tell you straight away, there are NOT a great number of girls as great for you as the one you've got. You may not EVER find another like her for you.

 

I also promise you, unconditionally guarantee it...that if you broke up with your present girlfriend just to see what else was out there, you would regret it for all your days. You would not find anyone like her, you would still love her and want her back, but she would be hurt and never trust you again. It would be OVER.

 

I don't really know how you should deal with these feelings you have, except to look and admire. But I sure hope you stick with your lady. Relationships of the sort you have are very rare. You would be stupid to give it up.

 

On the other hand, there's lots of guys who would give you their left arm to take your place...so she wouldn't have one day of being lonely.

[Vikki]

Hi Tony,

 

Speaking from someone who was engaged to a guy whom I shared a similar closeness and love as you describe, something which has eluded me since, I say stick with her.

 

Because of my age and similar feelings that you are now experiencing, I made the mistake of thinking the grass would be greener on the other side and let him go. I told him I didn't want to get married, NOT because of him but because I had all these nagging doubts that I hadn't experienced other people enough to get married (I'm 31 now, I was 26 when we were set to get married, I'd been with him for 6 years - from 20 to 26). We had a beatufil relationship, he too was a gem.

 

I broke his heart. Since then my karma came back to me, I got involved with a guy not long after breaking off my engagement and relationship who cheated on me. I got my heart severely broken by a bad person, with bad intentions, he took advantage of the situation I was in (just breaking up). It took me years to get over that betrayal, it took me years to realise that I'd in fact made a mistake in letting my fiance go for the reasons I did.

 

I believe everything happens for a reason. My lesson in letting him go for the reasons I did was to see that not everyone was like this man I was engaged to, I was too young and nieve to realise what I really had in him, the type of person that he was - because I knew nothing better I just thought every guy was as honest, respectful and trusting as him. I learnt the hard way that was not the case, at all. That was my lesson.

 

My life would be very different now if I'd stuck with this person. Nowawdays (5 years later) I'm still single because I simply haven't met anyone whom I really relate to or someone who treats me with the respect and love I deserve, I'm not willing to be with someone for the sake of it.

 

I don't know if I'll ever meet someone whom I can have a relationship like that again. What I've learnt in all this is that if I'm blessed enough to find that love, closeness and respect again, there's no way in hell I'll let it go because I believe that the grass MAY be greener on the other side. I learnt my lesson very well. I'll cherish him and value him because I'll really know what I've got.

 

We are all students of life, we do things, we learn, we grow. I truly understand how you feel, I hope you can see that. I just thought I'd share my story in the hope that it will help you with your feelings.

 

Warm Hugs to YOU :-)

What you are feeling is pretty natural. It is human nature to wonder what else is out there. But, on the other hand, if you've got something as great as you say it is absolutely beyond insane to want to wander. Let me tell you straight away, there are NOT a great number of girls as great for you as the one you've got. You may not EVER find another like her for you. I also promise you, unconditionally guarantee it...that if you broke up with your present girlfriend just to see what else was out there, you would regret it for all your days. You would not find anyone like her, you would still love her and want her back, but she would be hurt and never trust you again. It would be OVER. I don't really know how you should deal with these feelings you have, except to look and admire. But I sure hope you stick with your lady. Relationships of the sort you have are very rare. You would be stupid to give it up. On the other hand, there's lots of guys who would give you their left arm to take your place...so she wouldn't have one day of being lonely.

[suzanna]

I think that maybe you are just scared. I have been with my boyfriend for over three years and I love him with all my heart and soul. However, I too, sometimes look at other people and wonder what if.... You need to sit down with her and talk about this. If you keep it inside then it will only get worse. Maybe she feels the same thing but is afraid to tell you. Honesty and openess are the keys to happiness.

I have a wonderful, wonderful girlfriend. I am 22, she is 26. I love her very much and I know she loves me. I know that doesn't sound like a problem right? Well, it is. Just lately, I've been thinking that maybe I need to "get out there" a bit more. I walk down the street and I find myself looking at girls more than I used to. I seem to find girls at parties nice to talk to and attractive. What is tearing at me, is that I know I have everything in my girlfriend that a guy could possibly wish for. I really am a lucky, lucky guy. She is a rare type of girl, and what we have is a rare type of thing. She is pretty, funny, smart, caring, loyal, a clown, always there for me - yeh, i think you get the picture. She is a gem.

 

Im torn because I know if I were to see other girls, I would be pushing aside the most amazing girl I have ever met in my life. I can't figure this out. We have soo much in common, think so alike and get along brilliantly. Boy, do we click and boy, are we close. Why am I feeling like this? I'm wondering if maybe it's because she's had more experience than me or something, being older than me? Shes only had one other boyfriend and a couple of flings. I sort of don't feel equal. Yeh, stupod, I Know. I didn't lose my virginity to her, but she is my second. I'm about her 6th I think. I had your usual high school no strings attacehd no sex girlfriends (about 3 for about a week to a month at a time).

 

I just don't want to lose the best person I have ever met. She's just so great. We are great. But i don;t want to feel like I've missed out on anything before I settle down oneday. But I feel if I let her go, I will be missing out IN A BIG WAY in the future. And I know I will hurt her terribly by splitting with her. This is really tearing at me, because she really is one of a kind and makes me so happy. I have honestly never met anyone like her. Whta am I to do? i'm so confused. What if in a couple of years time I think, "She was the one", but she's already movbed on?? The agony!!!

[PaulAU]

Hi Vikki,

 

 

 

I read your post with interest.

 

 

 

I was recently dumped by my girlfriend who was 28 years old and I believe she ended our relationship on a similar basis to what you have described.

 

 

 

We were together for almost 3 years and had started talking about marriage, etc.....I had no idea that she had actually freaked out about the concept of marriage and kept all her confusion to herself until one night when I bought up some issues and she then told me. She also said that she meant everything she had told me in the past (eg. I love you). Everything she had done or said in the past was completely opposite to the breakup reasons. At this time her confusion is the only reason for our breakup.

 

 

 

I did heaps for her and I did love her heaps and we got along so well. We are both professionals and are able to speak about much. I was the first man she had relations (as Eddie Murphy would say) with and I never slept around with women. It was her first serious relationship (and actually mine too). She is a worrier and always needs to be sure about things.

 

 

 

I think that it is very possible that neither her or myself will ever find anyone else like each other again. However, if anyone else does come along I will certainly give it a go.

 

 

 

Whilst I realise that she may never come back to me (if she no longer loves me and I am not the one for her than bad luck for me) I do deep down hold that hope that she might come back, albeit we would need to discuss much before moving forward.

 

 

 

Some on this site have strongly recommended that I do not contact her as she needs to sought herself out and she must be the one to come back to me.

 

 

 

I have not contacted her since our breakup althought I have seen her out twice in the past 6 weeks and she looks like crap (excuse my directness). However, I have decided to send to her a christmas card wishing her a happy christams and prosperous new year and a small love heart above my name to let her know I am still around.

 

 

 

Any thoughts.

 

 

 

Thanks in advance.

[Vikki]

Hiya Paul,

 

My ex had no idea either, I'd said nothing to him about these nagging doubts, as the wedding preparations got more involved I realised I wasn't 100% sure, I didn't want to do that to him more than anything, he deserved more. I was very confused, believe me. I just kept thinking you should never marry anyone if you've got even the slightest doubt.

 

You are doing the right thing by not contacting her, bet that hurts like a mother! I remember at the time I really thought I was doing the right thing by breaking up, no one could convince me otherwise, they tried, believe me! She is the one that needs to come back to you. Give her time to herself, her thoughts and feelings.

 

It's a great thing that you are doing by reaching out with the card, really, it's beautiful. She'll know you are still there for her if she should change her mind.

 

My ex was heart broken but he had enough wisdom (being 8 years older than me) to realise that this is what I needed to do and that it really had nothing to do with him. I was very straight (I can't really be anything but!) and told him what I was feeling, thinking. He choose to stay friends with me. It took awhile to get to that but we did.

 

Is she involved with anyone? If she's not there may be a chance. I really think that if I hadn't gotten involved so quickly and had time to think I probably would have gone back to him, if he'd have be back. I also know that in the 4 years after we broke up, he would have had be back, he hadn't been in a real relationship in all that time, nor had I! (one that mattered anyway). I didn't wake up till the 5th year (this year actually). I rang him in London because we are still friends who correspond now and then, but it was too late, he'd been involved for six months with someone he loved!!!!!!

 

I'll tell you one other thing that was in the forefront of my mind (besides thinking I hadn't experienced other people) and that was that the relationship wasn't 'exciting' enough anymore. I realise now that after six years together looking for the excitement that was there in the beginning was a stoopid thing to be looking for. We were content with each other, we knew each other inside and out, that's how it's meant to be after six years! I wish to God I had that now!

 

Hope this helps you

 

Warm Hugs to You

 

Ummm where do you live, wanna get together? Hehehehe

[PaulAU]

Hi Vikki,

 

 

 

Thanks for your response.

 

 

 

I think I also have the wisdom (after doing university and playing pro tennis thru out the world) to realise that I can't do much about the situation and that life is not greener over the hill.

 

 

 

Its quite funny that after years of studying, travelling, competing, and partying I was so much looking forward to simply marrying this lady (I had already bought her a ring...she doesn't know...I'll probably hold onto it for a while yet) and doing all the normal things in life with her such as buying a house and having a family.

 

 

 

Once aging thanks for your comments its nice to discuss such matters with others.

 

 

 

It would have been nice to catch up with you but I live in Australia and I assume you don't.

 

 

 

Warm hugs to you.

[Vikki]

Hey Paul,

 

Thanks for your response! You sound very level headed and down to earth. Great qualities. Wow, a tennis ace eh?, are you famous? LOL. Yes it is nice to discuss things like this with others, great to get others experiences in life.

 

Give her time, I don't mean to disrespect her but I'm thinking 'silly girl!', give her time :-)

 

Uhhh guess what? I live in Oz too, Perth! Bet you live in Sydney or something, right! I was actually kidding when I said lets catch up hehehe, but you never know, it's a small world!!

 

Warm Hugs, Oceans of Light and Smiles to You :-)

[Deejette]

You are still very young and have a lot of life to experience. I can understand why you want to find out more about other women and dating than what you have experienced so far.

 

Your girlfriend is entering the age where she is ready for commitment and settling down, but you are still in an exploration mode. This will be accentuated if and when marriage happens and kids come along.

 

If you leave her to try out the dating life, she may not want to take you back. But I still think you should discuss your feelings with her. She has a right to know that you are attracted to and interested in other women. It may bring the whole situation to a head. You might even discover that you would rather stay with her after you see her reaction.

 

I have a wonderful, wonderful girlfriend. I am 22, she is 26. I love her very much and I know she loves me. I know that doesn't sound like a problem right? Well, it is. Just lately, I've been thinking that maybe I need to "get out there" a bit more. I walk down the street and I find myself looking at girls more than I used to. I seem to find girls at parties nice to talk to and attractive. What is tearing at me, is that I know I have everything in my girlfriend that a guy could possibly wish for. I really am a lucky, lucky guy. She is a rare type of girl, and what we have is a rare type of thing. She is pretty, funny, smart, caring, loyal, a clown, always there for me - yeh, i think you get the picture. She is a gem.

 

Im torn because I know if I were to see other girls, I would be pushing aside the most amazing girl I have ever met in my life. I can't figure this out. We have soo much in common, think so alike and get along brilliantly. Boy, do we click and boy, are we close. Why am I feeling like this? I'm wondering if maybe it's because she's had more experience than me or something, being older than me? Shes only had one other boyfriend and a couple of flings. I sort of don't feel equal. Yeh, stupod, I Know. I didn't lose my virginity to her, but she is my second. I'm about her 6th I think. I had your usual high school no strings attacehd no sex girlfriends (about 3 for about a week to a month at a time).

 

I just don't want to lose the best person I have ever met. She's just so great. We are great. But i don;t want to feel like I've missed out on anything before I settle down oneday. But I feel if I let her go, I will be missing out IN A BIG WAY in the future. And I know I will hurt her terribly by splitting with her. This is really tearing at me, because she really is one of a kind and makes me so happy. I have honestly never met anyone like her. Whta am I to do? i'm so confused. What if in a couple of years time I think, "She was the one", but she's already movbed on?? The agony!!!

[bluebaby4ever]

I was with this guy for 9 months, in the beginning it was great, he even sent me flowers to my work on my birthday. we takled about future plans together, taking a trip, he even got the tickets but then had to cancle because of his work.

 

thna he started to pull back, at the time he was really busy, work , fighting to see his kids, competting for the Olymipcs. i asked him and he said " right now is time to work , later we will have the fun together, we have a future together, then he stopped calling me , stopped coming over, and only called when he was stressed out about his ex ( she holding the kids from him)..

 

well heres the big thing, today when i wa thinking of him i got really mad and smashed the picture frame that his picture was in then ripped up all the pictures of him, i was not crying and i did not feel ragged, i felt hurt due to the last phone call that i placed , i left a message saying rather your really busy or you do not want anything more to do with me, he still has not called back. i have told him about my past and things in my past relationships, he knows about mine and i know about his, we both are very open with the conversations, we never had a problem takling about things, we even took a break from one another, we talked about it first. i do not understand how this could just all stop, i do not understand how i could get so mad to the extent that i broke something. but when i heard it shatter it felt like my heart, alot of pain ( at the time) was released.. now i do not have his picture to look at and i feel real sad...

 

i know i love him and i know that i do not want ot see this end with this man.. any advise how how to stop whats happening, i was going to go to his house last night to talk to him but then i am scared that i might upset him.

[cj]

I have a wonderful, wonderful girlfriend. I am 22, she is 26. I love her very much and I know she loves me. I know that doesn't sound like a problem right? Well, it is. Just lately, I've been thinking that maybe I need to "get out there" a bit more. I walk down the street and I find myself looking at girls more than I used to. I seem to find girls at parties nice to talk to and attractive. What is tearing at me, is that I know I have everything in my girlfriend that a guy could possibly wish for. I really am a lucky, lucky guy. She is a rare type of girl, and what we have is a rare type of thing. She is pretty, funny, smart, caring, loyal, a clown, always there for me - yeh, i think you get the picture. She is a gem.

 

Im torn because I know if I were to see other girls, I would be pushing aside the most amazing girl I have ever met in my life. I can't figure this out. We have soo much in common, think so alike and get along brilliantly. Boy, do we click and boy, are we close. Why am I feeling like this? I'm wondering if maybe it's because she's had more experience than me or something, being older than me? Shes only had one other boyfriend and a couple of flings. I sort of don't feel equal. Yeh, stupod, I Know. I didn't lose my virginity to her, but she is my second. I'm about her 6th I think. I had your usual high school no strings attacehd no sex girlfriends (about 3 for about a week to a month at a time).

 

I just don't want to lose the best person I have ever met. She's just so great. We are great. But i don;t want to feel like I've missed out on anything before I settle down oneday. But I feel if I let her go, I will be missing out IN A BIG WAY in the future. And I know I will hurt her terribly by splitting with her. This is really tearing at me, because she really is one of a kind and makes me so happy. I have honestly never met anyone like her. Whta am I to do? i'm so confused. What if in a couple of years time I think, "She was the one", but she's already movbed on?? The agony!!!

no problem here accept you dont trust yourself

 

so trust yourself and have alot i mean alot of CONFIDENCE

 

and enjoy you life with kim bye bye