How to deal with my cheating ex?

[bella123654]

Where to begin... I am currently a senior in college. To give a quick recap I came to school with a boyfriend from high school my freshman year and remained faithful until i went on a roadtrip with 2 of my girlfriends the week before sophomore year started. i knew i wanted out of the relationship and cheating was my way out. When I came home I came clean with him and we broke up, and I could barely stand to be alone with myself because of the immense guilt and pain I brought upon myself at his expense.

 

Shortly thereafter I started dating, lets call him Joe. Joe helped me through my breakup with bf #1 and we became close rather quickly. I thought he was amazing, smart, funny, caring. He told me he didn't believe in cheating because his parents were divorced due to his fathers infidelity, and that trust was the most important thing to him in a relationship.

 

We continued dating for a year and a half, until last year when we both studied abroad second semester junior year in different countries. I was 100% devoted to him, called him all the time, sent him letters and emails, everything. I basically acted like a nun there for fear of ever doing anything that would upset him. I figured if I wouldnt do something with him standing there watching me, then I shouldn't be doing if it he wasn't there either. I wanted him to trust me and have faith in me.

 

He always stressed communication in our relationship, and that if I ever was unhappy or anything I should talk to him about it so we could work through it.

To make a long story short, I found out he was talking to his ex (whom he told me he was no longer speaking to) and I wound up finding out he was keeping alot of things from me. He told me he needed a break from our relationship because he wanted to make sure he was with me because he loved me and not as a crutch to hide from his emotional issues and scarring from his childhood and his parents divorce.

 

When he realized I was actually walking away, a week later and for 5 months thereafter he tried getting me back. Telling me how much he loved me and wanted to be with me forever. Thankfully I never took him back, because when I came back to school this semester I found out that he was in fact cheating on me.

 

So basically everything he ever stressed in our relationship (truth, honesty, loyalty, communication) he just wanted ME to act upon so he could do as he pleased.

 

I honestly feel like he never loved me. In fact I wonder if our whole relationship wasnt a rebound from boyfriend #1, and that only now do I realize how different I am from Joe. We have different ideals, morals, and values. Even to this day he still wants me back. We just had a fight tonite because he has realized he can't be friends with me knowing I'm seeing other people. I try to respect that but I don't like ignoring him. Even though I think he is a disgraceful human being as a boyfriend, as a friend I do get along with him.

 

I guess I'm just wondering if our entire relationship was a sham, or if we really did love each other. I cheated before, so I would be a hypocrite to hate him solely based upon that. However I didn't lie about it. He swore to me on several occassions after we were both back in the states that he didnt cheat on me. We broke up in March, I found out the truth in September. He was trying to get me back through deciet and lies, and yet still thinks theres a chance for us to get back together. Why can't he just move on? He was the one cheating in the first place, he was the one who wanted to break up, why do i have to deal with his regrets now? It's not fair.

 

I have moved on from Joe, not 100% but I recognize I no longer love him or have feelings for him, so for me it's easy to be friends with him. He however, has not or will not let himself move on from me. How can this be based on the fact that HE is the reason we broke up with to begin with?

[nothingmatters914]

Hey every,

 

I have a qustion and I was hoping if someone could help...I have been going out with this girl and we've done out before the 1st time about half of a year...it didn't work out because we were so busy with school and all...and this time again about half of a year and I ended it because she started getting all bitche about every little thing and when I told her Iwas braking up with she was just like okay just like that..latly I have been havin feeling for her should I get back together with her? Please help!

[Papillon]

Did he actually cheat or not?

 

Or did he only "cheat" after you broke up (for that five-month period)

 

Honey, what this guy did was a deal-breaker. If he doesn't want to leave you alone, you're going to have to pull out the big gunz and tell him exactly what a slimeball he is for ****ing with your emotions.

[Papillon]

Originally posted by nothingmatters914

Hey every,

 

I have a qustion and I was hoping if someone could help...I have been going out with this girl and we've done out before the 1st time about half of a year...it didn't work out because we were so busy with school and all...and this time again about half of a year and I ended it because she started getting all bitche about every little thing and when I told her Iwas braking up with she was just like okay just like that..latly I have been havin feeling for her should I get back together with her? Please help!

 

 

Please start your own thread, friend.

[bella123654]

sorry if my post was a bit confusing, i wrote it after having an argument with the ex so i guess i wasnt exactly thinking straight.

 

yes, he did cheat on me while we were still dating, before i found out all the stuff he was doing behind my back.

 

it took us about a week to officially break up, because the day i found out everything i was leaving for tunisia for 10 days, so i told him i would think about everything and give him a decision when we came back, but as of then we were still together. at that moment he was pleading with me to stay with him (even tho he was cheating on me, and continued to cheat on me while i was in tunisia).

 

when i came back 10 days later i broke up with him realizing how badly he was treating me (even without knowing he was cheating), and promptly 3 days later he spent the next 5 months trying to get me back.

 

he told me the reason he never was honest about cheating on me was that he knew i would never look at him again, because i told him from the start of our relationship (not as a threat but in conversation) that the one thing i would never stand for in a relationship was cheating. he also knew that i didnt believe in talking to / dating ex's, so its not like any of this was a surprise to him. he just didnt want to deal with the repercussions of his actions - yet 7 months later now, im still dealing with his garbage.

 

last night we decided we wont be speaking because he cant handle being friends with me - yet this morning i wake up to an IM from him - thats not fair.