Can revealing my feelings too early be undone?

[Rogerson]

I've been interested in a particular woman for the past couple of years. We met while working together, after which she left and relocated outside the state. We remained in touch over this time, and for whatever reason, I developed feelings for her.

 

Recently, I had a chance to see her during a business trip (she invited me out to visit her while I was in town), where after dinner, I revealed my feelings in a card to her. It wasn't entirely out of left field (I had touched upon how I felt in an email previously), but it definitely generated an awkward air in the room. We continued our conversation for a couple of hours further, but I left feeling terrible. I know it was a leap of faith, and a risk going in, but I feel now that I made a mistake. In hindsight, I'm not sure what I expected, and realized there was really only one way this would have gone.

 

I guess what I'm wondering now, has anyone been in a similar situation, and been able to turn it around? All feels lost at this point.

[soccerrprp]

Rogerson,

 

I don't know how old you are, but there comes a time when a failure to act brings heaps of regrets that will be greater to undo in the long run. I know how you feel. I did the same thing, except with words. I told a woman that I loved her knowing or sensing that, at the time, she didn't feel as strongly towards me. Nothing new for me, though. I told my late-wife after dating her 2-weeks that I loved her and we ended up being happily married for 12+ years.

 

Look, told this woman how strongly I felt b/c I was not certain if I'd have the chance again. I suspected that perhaps things were not going to work out, but I also knew that she was interested in me. She had her doubts, but I knew that, for me, part my need for closure or removing the burden that I felt keeping my feeling to myself was to simply tell her. And I did. The response was not "I love you too," rather, a very affectionate embrace, kiss. Not like your case, I know. But, I went for it. After telling her, I remained consistent with my behavior. How could I love her and then act cold, indifferent? My words would have been a bold-faced-lie....so, for me was to remain in her life to SHOW her that I loved her. Not absolutely certain that she would end up with me, but my feelings were and are genuine. You don't give up on the things you TRULY love until you know there's NO chance. I didn't.

 

I don't know how your affections developed for this woman, but were they further developed WHILE she was away? Also, is there any prospect for the two of you to remain in each other's lives? If not, it will be terribly difficult to cultivate anything.

 

I personally do not believe you made a mistake. But that's the romantic in me. Stay in contact with her. Tell her that you sorry for being so upfront about your feelings, but that you couldn't help it and that your feeling are genuine...illustrate that in your writing, conversations....but, keeping communication is vital, of course.

 

How did she respond? I mean, you two continued to talk, so was she more distant, or did you notice that she remained the same, or perhaps more talkative? Did she smile, laugh, etc.?

 

Did she ever show interest in you?

[Rogerson]

Thanks for your reply, soccerrprp.

 

She has shown an interest in me - its been a bit of a road, but I know for sure she likes (liked) me. And our after-conversation was good - very engaging and lots of laughs, finding more out about one another. and Im sure it would have continued further if we didn't have other plans to get to. So, I think the connection between us is/was good.

 

I think part of my undoing was that I wasn't strong in my revealing my feelings - not in the way you were. What I mean is that I never came out directly and said "I love you" - I told her I thought she was one of the most fantastic people I know and becoming more aware of this as we got to know each other. Even in writing it out now I can see how it's not a very strong statement, but I felt (and still feel) that saying "I love you" was a little too over the top in this situation. I'm just not sure what between "I like you" and "I love you" looks like.

 

I know women would rather have strong, decisive men in most scenarios, but I was trying to ride the line of telling her how I felt and honoring our friendship as well. Im old enough, but I've always had issues in knowing when to "make a move" and this scenario proved no different.

 

I now wonder if I should have just shut my trap and kissed her.

Edited June 2, 2013 by Rogerson