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Saying you want to wait until marriage is like saying you've got the ebola virus...

Veronica2025

By Veronica2025
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Veronica2025 Established Member

Veronica2025

Posted
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Because even men who say they are super religious ...are youth pastors...believe in taking things slow... clear out after that statement. It's like their eyes glaze over or something.

 

My cousin once told me a hilarious story of her friend who was dating a minister. And he would get on the pulpit and preach against fornication...until he got home.

 

Dating is extra hard for those waiting.

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IWasJustThinking New Member

IWasJustThinking

Posted
Posted (edited)

This is absolutely so hard to do, especially when you have a child. Guys look at me like I'm an idiot and then like clockwork proceed with " But don't you have a kid?". Just because I have a child doesn't mean I'm spread eagle waiting for the "next", it just means I fell in love and made a baby. It's been 4 years and a struggle but I am so determined to do this. I just keep hanging on to my faith but sometimes I feel like I'm not going to make it. I just keep believing, hoping praying because even though I'm a Christian, I'm also human with desires. I'm so far from perfect and absolutely sexual...I love sex but I have to believe that all this waiting will pay off.

Edited by IWasJustThinking
Forgot something
  • Like 5
apple OR orange Established Member

apple OR orange

Posted
Posted

dating isnt hard, doing sex is hard, there not linked, you seem to be a tad confused about that.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
Saying you want to wait until marriage is like saying you've got the ebola virus...

 

What's the timeline for marriage?

 

Surprisingly, I've found a good way to repel women - "I loved being married and hope to be married again some day and won't live with a woman unless I'm married".

 

Watch 'em clear out :D

 

IMO, I'd see no issue (with waiting for marriage) and would cover the relevant aspects in the pre-nup.

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ThomasD Established Member

ThomasD

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Posted

My wife and I were wedding-night virgins. Waiting got harder after we decided to be life partners, and were engaged to be married. Fortunately, we agreed to waiting, and helped each other meet that goal. Our engagement was about 9 months - if it stretches out much over a year I think the difficulty would increase exponentially.

 

One significant factor: She clearly stated that she expected to have plenty of sex after marriage, and I was convinced she meant it. (Yes, she kept that promise. Over the last 39 years we have enjoyed sex A LOT, and enjoyed A LOT of sex.)

 

What does "waiting" mean to you? If it's a nun-like image (no-sex, no-kissing, no-hand-holding, etc) you'll have a tough time convincing a guy that there will ever be sex. Guys have a mortal fear of getting stuck with a wife who thinks sex should be done in the dark, as quickly and quietly as possible, and only once (per child).

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ThomasD Established Member

ThomasD

Posted
Posted
This is absolutely so hard to do, especially when you have a child. Guys look at me like I'm an idiot and then like clockwork proceed with " But don't you have a kid?". . .
I'm sure that multiplies the difficulty. Do you have a well thought-out, sincere, explanation for the apparent change in attitude? What are you expecting from a guy in the way of sexual experience?
TheFinalWord Established Member

TheFinalWord

Posted
Posted
Because even men who say they are super religious ...are youth pastors...believe in taking things slow... clear out after that statement. It's like their eyes glaze over or something.

 

My cousin once told me a hilarious story of her friend who was dating a minister. And he would get on the pulpit and preach against fornication...until he got home.

 

Dating is extra hard for those waiting.

 

I agree with you hypocrisy is rampant. You are wise to be on guard. You can know someone's faith by their fruit, not the titles they attach to themselves. When someone is bragging about how holy they are it reminds me of what Jesus said.

And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.

 

Not all Christian men are like that. Keep the faith :)

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ChessPieceFace Established Member

ChessPieceFace

Posted
Posted

You could find guys who would be willing to wait on sex if you were willing to give BJs when they needed it. Otherwise your stance is only going to fly with the most hardcore religious guys, except that most of them already married young so they'd be "allowed" to have sex.

 

Otherwise, I expect you will have an extremely hard time. Expecting abstinence until marriage is not natural and not fair. Are you willing to wait until marriage for the guy to spend a dime on you?

transistor New Member

transistor

Posted
Posted
Because even men who say they are super religious ...are youth pastors...believe in taking things slow... clear out after that statement. It's like their eyes glaze over or something.

 

My cousin once told me a hilarious story of her friend who was dating a minister. And he would get on the pulpit and preach against fornication...until he got home.

 

Dating is extra hard for those waiting.

 

 

I think the virginity/chastity issue is one of dysfunction. People do naturally have attraction and a sex drive. Trying to suppress that seems unnatural to me. "No sex before marriage" is an arbitrary standard. Where does it come from? Other people, mostly men, religious leaders. It also comes from dead people: whoever wrote the religious texts 100's or 1000's of years ago (men). So, people are letting themselves be controlled by religious "leaders". People are letting themselves be controlled by dead people. Quite strange. We (Americans, westerners) look down on those poor Muslim women who wear the burqa or jijab. The behavior of those burqa wearing women is controlled by men and living+dead religious leaders just as Christians are. Chastity, virginity, burqas, hijabs, sin, purity, etc; Its all about controlling sexuality. But why? Who benefits? The greatest trick was to convince women that they benefit from these values and traditions.

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sillyanswer Established Member

sillyanswer

Posted
Posted
Because even men who say they are super religious ...are youth pastors...believe in taking things slow... clear out after that statement. It's like their eyes glaze over or something.

 

It appears that you hold a minority view, even for your social and religious circle, so this will limit your dating pool. Sorry, but that's just how it is. However, if it's an important belief for you then you should stick with it and hope to find someone who shares your view (or, if it's acceptable to you, someone who at least is tolerant of it).

 

Good luck!

Terracotta Member

Terracotta

Posted
Posted

Me and my bf are both virgins waiting until marriage, it's something we both want and feel good about. We're both Hindu Indians and we've been brought up thinking we would always wait until marriage so it works for us. However, we are a rare case.

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irc333 Established Member

irc333

Posted
Posted (edited)
Because even men who say they are super religious ...are youth pastors...believe in taking things slow... clear out after that statement. It's like their eyes glaze over or something.

 

My cousin once told me a hilarious story of her friend who was dating a minister. And he would get on the pulpit and preach against fornication...until he got home.

 

Dating is extra hard for those waiting.

 

Well, a vast amount of divorcee's that attend singles ministry events....middle aged...do you think they'll honestly "Wait until marriage" for their 2nd or 3rd marriage? lol Probably not.

 

if it stretches out much over a year I think the difficulty would increase exponentially.

 

Yeah, I heard a couple of Christian people that were dating, said had a philosophy to be engaged for a year, before marrying....and I was wondering what kind of "alternatives" to "going all the way" were they doing during that year?

Edited by irc333
irc333 Established Member

irc333

Posted
Posted

I knew of a Christian woman that wouldn't even KISS before marriage. Even Christians found her quite strange in that regards.

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HoneyBadgerDontCare Established Member

HoneyBadgerDontCare

Posted
Posted
My wife and I were wedding-night virgins. Waiting got harder after we decided to be life partners, and were engaged to be married. Fortunately, we agreed to waiting, and helped each other meet that goal. Our engagement was about 9 months - if it stretches out much over a year I think the difficulty would increase exponentially.

 

One significant factor: She clearly stated that she expected to have plenty of sex after marriage, and I was convinced she meant it. (Yes, she kept that promise. Over the last 39 years we have enjoyed sex A LOT, and enjoyed A LOT of sex.)

 

What does "waiting" mean to you? If it's a nun-like image (no-sex, no-kissing, no-hand-holding, etc) you'll have a tough time convincing a guy that there will ever be sex. Guys have a mortal fear of getting stuck with a wife who thinks sex should be done in the dark, as quickly and quietly as possible, and only once (per child).

 

Anybody that I know that was a virgin going into marriage has had a very successful marriage.

 

Unfortunately, my sex drive is way too high and women are way too easy these days for that to be a legitimate option.

irc333 Established Member

irc333

Posted
Posted

I have known married couples that had waited, chances are they were VERY young when they got married.

 

I knew of this one couple, Christian, dated in their high school days, and got married 2 months after graduating high school.

 

I was like "Duh, no wonder you were able to wait until marriage" lol.

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Veronica2025 Established Member

Veronica2025

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What's the timeline for marriage?

 

Surprisingly, I've found a good way to repel women - "I loved being married and hope to be married again some day and won't live with a woman unless I'm married".

 

Watch 'em clear out :D

 

IMO, I'd see no issue (with waiting for marriage) and would cover the relevant aspects in the pre-nup.

 

 

I don't have a timeline. However long it takes to know that a guy is the one.

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Veronica2025 Established Member

Veronica2025

Posted
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My wife and I were wedding-night virgins. Waiting got harder after we decided to be life partners, and were engaged to be married. Fortunately, we agreed to waiting, and helped each other meet that goal. Our engagement was about 9 months - if it stretches out much over a year I think the difficulty would increase exponentially.

 

One significant factor: She clearly stated that she expected to have plenty of sex after marriage, and I was convinced she meant it. (Yes, she kept that promise. Over the last 39 years we have enjoyed sex A LOT, and enjoyed A LOT of sex.)

 

What does "waiting" mean to you? If it's a nun-like image (no-sex, no-kissing, no-hand-holding, etc) you'll have a tough time convincing a guy that there will ever be sex. Guys have a mortal fear of getting stuck with a wife who thinks sex should be done in the dark, as quickly and quietly as possible, and only once (per child).

 

Nothing against kissing, handholding, or hugs at all. And friends and I have always discussed that I would need to have a very clear, in depth discussion about intimacy, wants, needs, and etc. with a partner to ensure compatibility. And there are ways to figure out whether he is aroused or not. Surprisely everything is up for discussion.

  • Like 3
phineas Established Member

phineas

Posted
Posted
Because even men who say they are super religious ...are youth pastors...believe in taking things slow... clear out after that statement. It's like their eyes glaze over or something.

 

My cousin once told me a hilarious story of her friend who was dating a minister. And he would get on the pulpit and preach against fornication...until he got home.

 

Dating is extra hard for those waiting.

 

Well, I hate to break it to you but the same men you find attractive lots of other women also find attractive.

women who do not believe in waiting like you.

 

so unless there is something totally amazing about you that sets you far above everyone else & makes you extra special & worth the wait you are going to have a difficult time in this day & age.

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Veronica2025 Established Member

Veronica2025

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This is absolutely so hard to do, especially when you have a child. Guys look at me like I'm an idiot and then like clockwork proceed with " But don't you have a kid?". Just because I have a child doesn't mean I'm spread eagle waiting for the "next", it just means I fell in love and made a baby. It's been 4 years and a struggle but I am so determined to do this. I just keep hanging on to my faith but sometimes I feel like I'm not going to make it. I just keep believing, hoping praying because even though I'm a Christian, I'm also human with desires. I'm so far from perfect and absolutely sexual...I love sex but I have to believe that all this waiting will pay off.

 

Sometimes it taboo to talk about how hard it is in a religious setting.

 

You should see what happens when someone flips across a love scene on television and I have friends over. Half of my friends are breaking their neck to turn the channel and the other half are trying to stop them. Yes, we're human!

 

It's like everything is amplified when you're around a man.

 

But I really want a God fearing man. Those qualities are absolutely admirable. Someone who will listen to my voice, take care of a family, pray on behalf of his family, not chase

after other women, being involved his children..

 

If he really is God fearing, he will have those qualities.

  • Like 1
joystickd Established Member

joystickd

Posted
Posted

Do you have male platonic friends?

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Veronica2025 Established Member

Veronica2025

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Well, I hate to break it to you but the same men you find attractive lots of other women also find attractive.

women who do not believe in waiting like you.

 

so unless there is something totally amazing about you that sets you far above everyone else & makes you extra special & worth the wait you are going to have a difficult time in this day & age.[

 

True, most men won't wait. I've brought this up before and I know it causes some to be disinterested because then I'm a waste of time, energy, and money if I'm not going to sleep with them. In those cases I think that I spared myself my feelings and my body .

 

And it's not impossible to meet a guy who also wants to wait until marriage. I've met them but it's just like any other dating. There needs to be chemistry.

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Veronica2025 Established Member

Veronica2025

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Do you have male platonic friends?

 

Yes, I do. Not very many but one or two who are very good brothers to me.

therhythm Established Member

therhythm

Posted
Posted
This is absolutely so hard to do, especially when you have a child. Guys look at me like I'm an idiot and then like clockwork proceed with " But don't you have a kid?". Just because I have a child doesn't mean I'm spread eagle waiting for the "next", it just means I fell in love and made a baby. It's been 4 years and a struggle but I am so determined to do this. I just keep hanging on to my faith but sometimes I feel like I'm not going to make it. I just keep believing, hoping praying because even though I'm a Christian, I'm also human with desires. I'm so far from perfect and absolutely sexual...I love sex but I have to believe that all this waiting will pay off.

 

I am curious on who would buy on this ... I have a kid but I don't want sex till marriage :lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

Good luck!

joystickd Established Member

joystickd

Posted
Posted
Yes, I do. Not very many but one or two who are very good brothers to me.

 

Which explains one reason you can wait.

Better Established Member

Better

Posted
Posted

I once dated a woman who didn't want to have sex before marriage. As it turns out, that was totally true. Then we got married. What she didn't tell me is that she didn't want to have sex *after* marriage either. Fortunately, after many years of trying to work through that I am single again.

 

I will absolutely not marry again unless I am sure we are sexually compatible. Those scars run deep.

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