Paternity Test Before Signing As the Father...?

[xxoo]

OK, why isn't this just done automatically?

 

Would anybody be against having a paternity test be a standard procedure for all live births?

 

It's expensive and completely unnecessary. It's a personal legal matter to request if you deem necessary, not something for all births.

 

Having had babies within a trusting marriage, I can't imagine. There is as much chance that my babies are not my husband's as there is a chance that he has secret babies in the world with other women (which also happens...but not in my relationship). Just because there is a test for the former and not the latter doesn't mean we need to use it. We trust each other.

[Woggle]

While I understand why women would be offended if they have done nothing wrong I also can't blame men for wanting peace of mind. I just don't see what is so wrong with proving to your spouse in legal writing that you are trustworthy. Why do some get so offended at that?

[Revolver]

Erm....that's why there were 67 quantifiable studies on the subject.

 

So those men that are "quite confident" that the child is theirs, are right 98.3% of the time.

 

The rest is mostly fear-mongering.

 

A million is alot tho

 

http://living.msn.com/life-inspired/are-you-raising-another-mans-child

 

" It may not seem like a lot—until you do the math. According to a 2005 U.S. Census Bureau report, there are 27,940,000 fathers nationwide with a child under 18. That means over a million guys out there are taking care of some other man's kid."

 

And What fear mongering and from where? Online? this subject is never even brought up in the media. Any man who even thought of suggesting this on TV would immediately be called a misogynist

 

The biggest problem people always bring up when it comes to mandatory testing is money but lets be honest even if money wasnt an issue most women would never go for this in the first place for obvious reasons.

Edited June 3, 2013 by Revolver

[Pyro]

While I understand why women would be offended if they have done nothing wrong I also can't blame men for wanting peace of mind. I just don't see what is so wrong with proving to your spouse in legal writing that you are trustworthy. Why do some get so offended at that?

 

and what is so wrong about trusting someone if they have never done anything to betray you? They don't need to prove anything at that point.

 

What if you accidentally knocked up your wife? Would you demand a paternity test?

[xxoo]

While I understand why women would be offended if they have done nothing wrong I also can't blame men for wanting peace of mind. I just don't see what is so wrong with proving to your spouse in legal writing that you are trustworthy. Why do some get so offended at that?

 

If there is no cause to suspect cheating, of course it's offensive.

[Woggle]

and what is so wrong about trusting someone if they have never done anything to betray you? They don't need to prove anything at that point.

 

What if you accidentally knocked up your wife? Would you demand a paternity test?

 

I said I can see both sides. I see why a trustworthy woman would be offended and I also see why a man would want peace of mind.

 

I don't know what I would but I would like to think that I wouldn't. I would be disappointed in myself if I did want one but I know how I can be. I like to think I have changed and I have certainly improved but I have to fight the negative thoughts sometimes.

[Pyro]

I said I can see both sides. I see why a trustworthy woman would be offended and I also see why a man would want peace of mind.

 

I don't know what I would but I would like to think that I wouldn't. I would be disappointed in myself if I did want one but I know how I can be. I like to think I have changed and I have certainly improved but I have to fight the negative thoughts sometimes.

 

If a man requires that type of peace of mind then he has no business being in a committed relationship.

 

Trust issues? Work on them on your own time so that any innocent people are not hurt.

[Keenly]

If a man requires that type of peace of mind then he has no business being in a committed relationship.

 

Trust issues? Work on them on your own time so that any innocent people are not hurt.

 

 

So you are saying I was wrong to ask for one? Even though Its pretty obvious I was right, even though I had at the time no reason to suspect any foul play.

[Pyro]

So you are saying I was wrong to ask for one? Even though Its pretty obvious I was right, even though I had at the time no reason to suspect any foul play.

 

How was it obvious if you didn't have any suspicion?

[dreamingoftigers]

A million is alot tho

 

Are You Raising Another Man's Child? - MSN Living

 

" It may not seem like a lot—until you do the math. According to a 2005 U.S. Census Bureau report, there are 27,940,000 fathers nationwide with a child under 18. That means over a million guys out there are taking care of some other man's kid."

 

And What fear mongering and from where? Online? this subject is never even brought up in the media. Any man who even thought of suggesting this on TV would immediately be called a misogynist

 

The biggest problem people always bring up when it comes to mandatory testing is money but lets be honest even if money wasnt an issue most women would never go for this in the first place for obvious reasons.

 

Yes it IS a lot. I agree and think that women should offer up the testing in general. I HAVE actually offered up to take a test after our daughter was born because of my own shattered insecurities AND because my husband was blindsided by severe anxieties about being a father, so I wanted to put at least some of that to rest by providing confirmation. (He was not aware of those issues until the pregnancy became a reality. I had been told for a decade that I couldn't have children. We had both wanted children but figured that we would adopt or try a gestational surrogate in our thirties.)

 

Yes, I find that online there is sufficient fear-mongering regarding this. And although it is not discussed on the news per se, practically everyone knows the Maury reference. One women had something like 12 guys going on and none were the father.

 

And truly: In the US media at least, men don't seem to shy away from misogynistic vocalizations. Did we forget about "legitimate rape?" Misogyny is alive and well.

 

And yes, the money is a large issue. And of course a certain percentage of women wouldn't want it. But the reasons on it vary. Such as the perspectives and opinions of women in this thread. Because they didn't clone one brain and stick in it each of these "woman-shells."

[dreamingoftigers]

We're not talking about tying a woman to a rock and throwing her in the water to see if she's a witch. Although I would like to know my woman isn't a witch.

 

Just a simple non invasive test for piece of mind if that person wants it. I recommend delaying in signing as the father unless there are doubts.

 

Oh and I think he's saying obvious in hind sight.

 

I suggest the opposite. :laugh:

[Woggle]

I need to see of my wife is a witch. Time to get the rock so I can see.

 

Just kidding.

[xxoo]

A dating relationship with a surprise pregnancy and a marriage with a planned pregnancy are apples and oranges, with other fruits in the bowl between the two extremes.

 

If my partner had any doubts of my fidelity, that would be best brought up BEFORE trying to conceive. Planning a baby and then requesting a paternity test is over the top paranoia.

[Keenly]

How was it obvious if you didn't have any suspicion?

 

 

Her reaction and subsequent behavior made it pretty damn obvious that I hit it right on the money.

[USMCHokie]

Do you understand what the above means? It means that as a generality, men raising children that aren't their own, equal around 4%.

 

Well, let's go ahead and assume that 4% of men are raising children who aren't their own. We shall also assume that on average, it costs around $390,000 to raise a child in the US (from Wikipedia) and $500 to administer a paternity test. This brings the cost of the test to .13% of the total cost of raising a child to the age of 18. Paying .13% against a 4% chance you are paying for a child not of your own...

 

Without getting into the math, it sounds like quite a reasonable investment...

[tbf]

Well, let's go ahead and assume that 4% of men are raising children who aren't their own. We shall also assume that on average, it costs around $390,000 to raise a child in the US (from Wikipedia) and $500 to administer a paternity test. This brings the cost of the test to .13% of the total cost of raising a child to the age of 18. Paying .13% against a 4% chance you are paying for a child not of your own...

 

Without getting into the math, it sounds like quite a reasonable investment...

Sure, if you enjoy blowing up relationships for no other reason than paranoia.

[USMCHokie]

To those who think that asking for the test is an accusation of mistrust, why object so strongly if you are so trustworthy...? Sounds like a chicken or the egg scenario...

[tbf]

To those who think that asking for the test is an accusation of mistrust, why object so strongly if you are so trustworthy...? Sounds like a chicken or the egg scenario...

The concept of a relationship is based on the tripod of trust, respect and love. Communication is also important. Trip the tripod and you've got no foundation left.

[Els]

Honestly, this thread seems to be serving zero purpose. Hokie, you (and some of your counterparts) are clearly convinced that there is a need for a paternity test ALL the time, regardless of your partner's behaviour, history of commitment to you, etc. If you feel that way, then you should absolutely do it! Obviously there is no point in us convincing you otherwise, even if we could.

 

However, given that you are so into the 'truth' and honesty, then you owe it to your gf/wife to TELL her up front and ahead of time (before a pregnancy even happens) that you are going to get a paternity test for any children you may father. So that she will make an informed choice as to whether or not she wants to have babies with you, or even whether or not to have a relationship with you. That way, nobody loses.

 

It would be dishonesty of the worst kind to go through marriage, trying for a baby, pregnancy, labour... and THEN spring upon her the 'honey, let's get a paternity test' request.

[USMCHokie]

The concept of a relationship is based on the tripod of trust, respect and love. Communication is also important. Trip the tripod and you've got no foundation left.

 

True. Communication is important. So a man should communicate his values early on in a relationship to ensure that he also receives the trust, respect, and love from her. If a compromise can't be reached, then it's best to move on.

[USMCHokie]

However, given that you are so into the 'truth' and honesty, then you owe it to your gf/wife to TELL her up front and ahead of time (before a pregnancy even happens) that you are going to get a paternity test for any children you may father. So that she will make an informed choice as to whether or not she wants to have babies with you, or even whether or not to have a relationship with you. That way, nobody loses.

 

So is it fair to infer from this that those who are against paternity tests are not into 'truth and honesty'...?

 

It would be dishonesty of the worst kind to go through marriage, trying for a baby, pregnancy, labour... and THEN spring upon her the 'honey, let's get a paternity test' request.

 

How exactly would this be "dishonest"...?

[dreamingoftigers]

So is it fair to infer from this that those who are against paternity tests are not into 'truth and honesty'...?

 

 

How exactly would this be "dishonest"...?

 

It says to your spouse "I trust you enough to marry you, conceive with you and go through the whole pregnancy with you." But then you turn around and say, "Please take this swab, it may not be mine."

 

So whereas I think it is reasonable to want to know the paternity of a child for sure, I think it is a bad idea to push the issue or refuse to sign a BC without reasonable cause.

 

I do, however, agree with it being a standard thing.

 

IF it wasn't the damned government running it. Just because those records and DNA etc would be stored somewhere. They could very easily be used to discriminate, blackmail or target an individual.

 

Maybe if it became a cultural norm? A DNA-commitment-ceremony?

 

Or, and I generally condemn secrecy in a relationship, however: maybe the guy can order a kit and swab the kid and himself on the sly. Just get it done early on for the $70 or so that it costs.

[USMCHokie]

It says to your spouse "I trust you enough to marry you, conceive with you and go through the whole pregnancy with you." But then you turn around and say, "Please take this swab, it may not be mine."

 

Ok, so the dishonesty lies in the man's trust in the wife?

 

But under this arrangement, a man has no recourse against a spouse who turns out to not be trustworthy. How many cheating spouses, even just here on LS, would come out to their spouse, "oh hey husband, I'm having sex with this other guy, I hope you don't mind. And if we have a kid, I'm not sure it will be yours, as I'm raw-dogging him too. Love ya!"

 

It would be a very aggressive assumption to think that cheating spouses will always come out and tell their spouse that they are cheating and that the kid might not be theirs. Unless the kid comes out looking significantly different from what they'd expect, I would think that the cheating wife would likely try to fly under the radar and treat the kid as legitimate.

 

It just seems a little too unrealistic...

 

Or, and I generally condemn secrecy in a relationship, however: maybe the guy can order a kit and swab the kid and himself on the sly. Just get it done early on for the $70 or so that it costs.

This is an interesting one...but it still doesn't get around you signing the birth certificate as the father...especially if you're married and sign the thing, any subsequent tests usually won't hold any weight in courts...you're stuck... Edited June 3, 2013 by USMCHokie

[Els]

So is it fair to infer from this that those who are against paternity tests are not into 'truth and honesty'...?

 

You're attempting to twist my words around.

 

 

 

How exactly would this be "dishonest"...?

 

It's dishonest because she's going to CARRY YOUR BABY with no inkling of what your intentions are.

 

If you are so convinced that your plan is logical, correct, and good, why are you so against letting a prospective partner know beforehand?

[Roadkill007]

I wouldn't ask if I had no reason to believe the child wasn't mine. Although that's really just saying that I trust my judgement more than anything.

 

I understand the apprehension though. I think there were some studies that suggest that many women will always claim that their kid is also the father's, even if they themselves weren't sure. The study also suggested that it may have been a leftover from evolutionary adaptations, as a lot of males have been and are very aggressive and violent towards children that aren't their own, and who represent some sort of "threat" to their position.