Paternity Test Before Signing As the Father...?

[USMCHokie]

Of course.....?

 

I don't know how many women would have the balls to disclose this, especially if there's a possibility her guy would leave her and the child to fend for themselves if the kid is indeed not his.

 

Does that make the guy any less of a good person to leave his wife who had a child with another man...? Or is staying to support them the "gallant" and "honorable" thing to do...?

[dreamingoftigers]

Maybe I'm weird because I've been betrayed....

 

I have no problem offering to take a paternity test.

 

Why let someone worry? Even if it's completely unfounded, I know what anxiety can do to someone.

 

It would really depend on how I was asked otherwise, but it is offensive at the same time. Hmm......

 

When I was 8 months pregnant, we played a prank on my inlaws emailing them an attachment mentioning that our daughter had been born.

 

You can see our family's photo in my photo albums.

 

We sent them a picture of a black newborn. What fun.

 

Mother-in-Law actually had a sense of humour about that one.

[Emilia]

Ladies, would you be offended if your man insisted upon a paternity test for your newborn child before he would sign the birth certificate accepting responsibility as father of that child?

I don't know whether I'd be offended but I would be very sad

[Emilia]

I don't know how many women would have the balls to disclose this, especially if there's a possibility her guy would leave her and the child to fend for themselves if the kid is indeed not his.

Unless she loved the father of her child more than her husband.

Does that make the guy any less of a good person to leave his wife who had a child with another man...? Or is staying to support them the "gallant" and "honorable" thing to do...?

No of course not. If someone feels betrayed, they are free to act as they wish, the other person has to deal with the consequences.

[USMCHokie]

Do you think it'd be in the public interest to make it a part of the birth process at the hospital? That is, every baby gets tested...? Or is that not feasible...?

[Emilia]

Do you think it'd be in the public interest to make it a part of the birth process at the hospital? That is, every baby gets tested...? Or is that not feasible...?

I think not everyone cares about the truth as much as you do. There is definitely a big % of the population that would rather remain ignorant of the truth.

[dreamingoftigers]

Do you think it'd be in the public interest to make it a part of the birth process at the hospital? That is, every baby gets tested...? Or is that not feasible...?

 

I actually think that it would be better for everyone.

[dreamingoftigers]

I think not everyone cares about the truth as much as you do. There is definitely a big % of the population that would rather remain ignorant of the truth.

 

Didn't think of this.

 

I still think it would be important for the child to have an accurate family medical history.

[Emilia]

Didn't think of this.

 

I still think it would be important for the child to have an accurate family medical history.

The more I post on LS the more I think that many of us here see the world quite differently from others out there.

[USMCHokie]

I think not everyone cares about the truth as much as you do. There is definitely a big % of the population that would rather remain ignorant of the truth.

 

Perhaps there is also a lack of empathy from women. Allow me to explain. For women, barring medical intervention, they are almost assured that the child they bear is theirs; therefore they have no idea or understanding of the concept of having to raise someone else's child. Imagine for a second the possibility that a woman has a child, raises it, and then later on is told that the child was actually that of her husband's affair partner through some sort of twisted miraculous conception.

 

What if the child was taken away and given to the AP? Or perhaps the AP doesn't want the kid. Would you feel it fair that you are now responsible for raising the AP's child?

[dreamingoftigers]

Perhaps there is also a lack of empathy from women. Allow me to explain. For women, barring medical intervention, they are almost assured that the child they bear is theirs; therefore they have no idea or understanding of the concept of having to raise someone else's child. Imagine for a second the possibility that a woman has a child, raises it, and then later on is told that the child was actually that of her husband's affair partner through some sort of twisted miraculous conception.

 

What if the child was taken away and given to the AP? Or perhaps the AP doesn't want the kid. Would you feel it fair that you are now responsible for raising the AP's child?

 

I caught my husband's outside sexual activities right around the time of my daughter's birth. It was a time I was grateful to be female.

 

My child did not look much like me and if the genders had been reversed, I would have asked for a test.

 

If I wouldn't have spent three days in labour for the little brat () I would've wanted a maternity test.

[Emilia]

Perhaps there is also a lack of empathy from women. Allow me to explain.

You know that these statements don't offend me

For women, barring medical intervention, they are almost assured that the child they bear is theirs. Imagine for a second the possibility that a woman has a child, raises it, and then later on is told that the child was actually that of her husband's affair partner through some sort of twisted miraculous conception.

If you make the assumption that most people in their productive prime are in relationships most of their lifetime, the woman can also assume that her partner fathers children with other women. Therefore his philandering is just as likely as hers. Which means there is equal amount of lack of empathy on both sides since a man will often have his child raised by an unsuspecting father yet he gets precious about raising someone else's kid.

What if the child was taken away and given to the AP? Or perhaps the AP doesn't want the kid. Would you feel it fair that you are now responsible for raising the AP's child?

I think I would be generous enough not to blame the child for this. I don't know whether I would want to stay with my partner but I think I would want to make sure the child was looked after.

[USMCHokie]

You know that these statements don't offend me

 

My LS goal is now set. Offend Emilia.

 

If you make the assumption that most people in their productive prime are in relationships most of their lifetime, the woman can also assume that her partner fathers children with other women. Therefore his philandering is just as likely as hers. Which means there is equal amount of lack of empathy on both sides since a man will often have his child raised by an unsuspecting father yet he gets precious about raising someone else's kid.

 

Of course, I agree that there are lots of men who shirk their obligations of raising their own offspring, often to bed other women and produce more kids. Luckily, if the father is identified, the law does a pretty good job of ensuring that the child is supported by that father.

 

I think I would be generous enough not to blame the child for this. I don't know whether I would want to stay with my partner but I think I would want to make sure the child was looked after.

 

Ok, even if a guy is valiant enough to stay, do you think he has the right to know that he's taking care of a child not of his own, or is it ok to hide that truth from him? Is the act of bringing a child into this world so sacred that a man should know if the child is not his?

[Emilia]

My LS goal is now set. Offend Emilia.

* grabs popcorn, pulls out a chair *

Ok, even if a guy is valiant enough to stay, do you think he has the right to know that he's taking care of a child not of his own, or is it ok to hide that truth from him? Is the act of bringing a child into this world so sacred that a man should know if the child is not his?

He has the right but I suppose my point throughout this thread is that some people really don't want to know. You know how many couples stay together because at least one party chooses to stay ignorant?

 

Maybe I can explain this better if I ask a question: do you think every man should be made to face the issue even if he doesn't want to? ie should paternity test be compulsory?

[sweetkiwi]

let me share with you a little story hokie. my biological father is some dude I've never met. nor do I plan on it. my REAL father married my mother knowing she was pregnant with another man's baby. he loves me more than any person on earth and has literally been through hell to keep me safe.

 

that said, I wouldn't be offended if it was a casual relationship (meaning not exclusive). if it was a boyfriend he'd be yelled at and dumped. unless I had cheated, then I suppose I'd be curious as to the paternity as well. if it was within a marriage I would be devastated and I can't imagine the relationship would survive.

 

everyone, parents and children, has a right to know who biologically created them. I barely know my biological father's name.

[xxoo]

In reality, when there has been question of paternity, I've known a couple of men to simply claim the baby during pregnancy. That's their kid.

 

For a man who wants to be a father, it might not matter as much as you think.

[xxoo]

For a million reasons, including paternity, it is horrible to sneak around and cheat. Of course a person should disclose if they've been sleeping with others. It is up to the couple if they care about the paternity issue.

[USMCHokie]

In reality, when there has been question of paternity, I've known a couple of men to simply claim the baby during pregnancy. That's their kid.

 

I guess I can't quite empathize with this...I would personally judge the man as a supplicant with weak character. But that's just my opinion. And I'm known to be selfish.

 

For a man who wants to be a father, it might not matter as much as you think.

 

As ridiculous as this sounds, is it as good as kidnapping another person's kid and calling him your own?

 

I guess if I was to raise a kid, I'd want that pride of bringing my own kid into the world...not someone else's. I can accept that there will be difference of opinion. Some men may not care about that.

[xxoo]

Interesting that you perspective is that the man would be of weak character. IMO, the decision to put the child first (sometimes there are other siblings to consider, as well) takes strong character.

 

What do you think of couples who adopt?

[xxoo]

Adoption isn't the same as natural birth. I'm not trying to knock it. I'm just pointing out the realities should be recognized.

 

Have you adopted?

 

Some people who've experienced both would argue otherwise.

[USMCHokie]

Interesting that you perspective is that the man would be of weak character. IMO, the decision to put the child first (sometimes there are other siblings to consider, as well) takes strong character.

 

What do you think of couples who adopt?

 

I have a feeling that couples who adopt are making a concession since one or both of them cannot naturally conceive their own children. So perhaps a man is showing character in staying with the woman and sacrificing his ability to have his own kids for her.

 

I don't know anyone who would pay adoption fees to adopt rather than to have their own kids. Unless the couple was ugly and didn't want to have ugly kids...

[xxoo]

I have a feeling that couples who adopt are making a concession since one or both of them cannot naturally conceive their own children. So perhaps a man is showing character in staying with the woman and sacrificing his ability to have his own kids for her.

 

I don't know anyone who would pay adoption fees to adopt rather than to have their own kids. Unless the couple was ugly and didn't want to have ugly kids...

 

I've known couples with biological children (and ability to have more) take in foster children and adopt them because that is what their hearts drive them to do.

 

I think there is a level of love between parent and child (bio or adopted) that a non-parent can't fully understand. My husband and I have personally felt desire to adopt on occasion (with certain kids we've known in bad situations), and we make gorgeous babies!

[William]

Let's steer the thread back to paternity tests and their related effects upon relationships. Thanks.

[Els]

Do you think it'd be in the public interest to make it a part of the birth process at the hospital? That is, every baby gets tested...? Or is that not feasible...?

 

It sounds like a good idea - assuming some very rich benefactor is paying for all those tests. If you ever make a fortune, you could establish the Hokie fund for that. Otherwise, given the economic state your country is currently in, probably not too wise...

[xxoo]

From what I've observed, paternity tests are irrelevant to men who already love a child. It may effect how he feels about the child's mother, but doesn't necessarily change desire to be the dad to this non-hypothetical child he's held, fed, loved, and thought of as his own.