I'm a bad gf

[CelineD]

What I'm about to say sounds lame but this is my 3rd relationship and whenever my bf's is not around, I tend to distract myself by talking to someone else or flirting online, etc. It has nothing to do with low self-esteem nor family issues. I have wonderful parents and don't know of anyone that attempt to go off while in a relationship or marriage.

 

About two months ago, I've been talking to this guy (who at the same time is engaged) for some time. Most of the conversation was based on emotions and telling each other deep secrets. We were set to meet each other and go further. But I got a message from him saying how we shouldn't speak anyone and that he can't hurt his fiancee. There was another time where it was also the guy who stopped things too.

 

Technically I haven't cheated but I feel like crap because it wasn't me who stopped it but it was always because of either it something happened and it never goes further, I don't like the guy too much, not wanting to get caught, the guy stops it or my friend pulls me away (like the time I was dancing at a club with another guy and the conversation started to get deeper).

 

This has been happening on every single relationship, even with my first bf. My parents disliked my first because they still think that he took my v-card but what they don't know is it was me who initiated sex on the 2nd month (I literally got on top of him) and the main reason hasn't purely out of love but curiosity and getting turned on. After dating him for about 7 months, I got bored, my eyes started wondering about what it's like being with someone else but I dumped him.

 

I don't really know what's wrong with me. It's like in my mind if an opportunity show up, I wonder ''What it would be like'' but something always happens and it never goes further. Is it my age? I'm 23 years old.

[CelineD]

Even when I was a virgin, I wasn't exactly the innocent, next door girl. I already had that flirting nature and wondering eyes thing. I don't really have any deep feelings for my first and wasn't affected when breaking up.

 

Thing is sometimes I do feel guilty for acting like that but it's like these urges that seem hard to control. If I were to cheat, it would be for no good reason but probably selfishness and curiosity; in other words cheat to cheat. I'm trying to stop but don't know what's causing this and again it's not self-esteem nor daddy issues like some people tend to claim. I have never suffer from depression and have a 3.4 college GPA.

 

Is there a way that these urges can stop?

[USMCHokie]

Is there a way that these urges can stop?

 

Date better looking men.

[CelineD]

Date better looking men.

My bf is good looking but I keep get turned on by new opportunities. I'm wondering if I happen to be a nympho? Those urges were there even when I was still a virgin.

[USMCHokie]

My bf is good looking but I keep get turned on by new opportunities. I'm wondering if I happen to be a nympho? Those urges were there even when I was still a virgin.

 

It has nothing to do with being a nympho. You just crave attention and value yourself based on the attention you get from others. This is why you feel like you have high self-esteem. As long as your get attention from men, then you'll feel great about yourself; and this is why you will always seek attention from as many men as possible, because it's the source of your self-worth and value. It's how you manage to keep your tank full.

[CelineD]

It has nothing to do with being a nympho. You just crave attention and value yourself based on the attention you get from others. This is why you feel like you have high self-esteem. As long as your get attention from men, then you'll feel great about yourself; and this is why you will always seek attention from as many men as possible, because it's the source of your self-worth and value. It's how you manage to keep your tank full.

Will this ever get out of my system? I feel my sexual urges is worst than a guy's. My past exes were shocked when I still wanted sex and they were already tired. And they were guys with sex drives too.

[BeholdtheMan]

You're not ready for a long term relationship. If you'd like to experience sex with a variety of men while you're young (nothing to be ashamed about), I think you should do the considerate thing: tell your current boyfriend about your state of mind, ask for an open relationship. If he's not down for that, just move on. Enjoy single life.

 

I honestly think you'd be happier as a single lady exploring her options. There's no point in stringing your bf along if he's all serious and you want to explore. Nothing wrong with casual relationships, just practice safe sex.

[strongnrelaxed]

Sex drive is more complex that most people know or want to admit. There is nothing wrong with you and you are not a nympho. You just do not belong in an honest committed relationship. It sounds like serial monogamy is your best fit.

 

Perhaps in a few years your body and brain will change and you will settle down a bit. But keep in mind that this sort of craving comes and goes - forever.

 

Oxytocin and vasopressin receptors in our brains have a lot to do with monogamy. Check that out. It might shed some light on your situation.

[Chi townD]

Personally, I think you need to seek indivdual counseling to see why you behave the way that you do. You need to get a handle on this or else you're going to hurt the people that you love most in life for excitement and a cheap thrill. Is it worth it?

[umirano]

Idk about hormones or seeing a therapist. Doesn't really matter. As long as you have the urge to hit on other guys or getting them excited for you you aren't a good GF, correct. Does your BF deserve to be hurt by you? Probably not. So do what above poster recommended. Ask for an open RS or leave your BF if he can't do that. Just be honest with yourself, and the ones you claim to care about.