I think it all happened to quickly, but can I get her back?

[smith851]

Around 2 months ago I was set-up on a blind date by a mate with one of his gf's friends. We hit it off instantly, we exchanged emails for about a week and then decided to go on our proper first date. The date was amazing, we got on so well and ended up missing the last train to get home and had to walk around searching for hotel in the early hours of the morning, which added to the excitement. We eventually found a hotel and had some sun without having full sex. The night was fantastic, the best date I had ever had.

 

The next evening I went to lock my front door and noticed a card had been delivered through my letter box. I opened it and it was from her saying thank you and that she had the most amazing night.

 

We continued to see each other about once or twice a week and she invited me to meet her parents. We had some more amazing nights out and my friend commented how into each other we were.

 

She had been single for 18 months and very anti-relationships, but we agreed to give become bf/gf after about 5 weeks of meeting each other. Everything conintued to go very well and we were now seeing each other 3/4 times a week and our nights out were still going so well. We would also email each other 2/3 times a day and would send text messages to each other quite a few times a week.

 

She was always super keen to see me and all over me, we spent many nights in bed together all day just cuddling and kissing and it was always so hard to see each other leave.

 

However one thing that was not going so well was the sex as she had some sexual problems and problems with her pills etc and this meant we had never had full intercourse. This was frustrating for both of us but we were still both really keen.

 

Then all of a sudden after she stayed round one Saturday night i started getting some negative vibes. She didn't seem so affectionate in the morning and I just sensed something was not right. I didn't say anything that night in case I was jumping to the wrong conclusions.

 

The following week the emails dropped off and so did the text messages. I didn't see her until the Thursday, when we arranged to go out with some work colleagues. She still seemed a little off, but I was still unsure as she maybe didn't want to seem to affectionate in front of her work friends.

 

The next time I saw her was Sunday and went to the movies and then for a meal, again I was getting negative vibes and when she left for the night she just gave me a short and sweet peck on the lips and said good bye. That was the moment I thought something was definately wrong. I thought about it for a bit and then decided to send her a quick text message saying that she had been distant tonight and all week and asking why. She replied saying she was having doubts, I therefore suggested meeting up the next night to discuss.

 

The following night she came round and we talked it over. She said that basically she woke up the previous Sunday next to me and felt differently. This I found very strange as we were so into each other the prior few times we saw each other and she agreed and didn't understand what had changed. She said she didn't feel we had that spark, which I again couldn't see as just a few days prior we couldn't leave each other alone, again she agreed but couldn't explain. I said is it because we hadn't had sex yet and she thought that hasn't helped, but we the thing was that we couldn't do it because of her problems.

 

She also said that everything had happened so fast and we we were sort of pushed together by our friends. What I just couldn't understand was how we went from being so into each other, to wanting to split in just a matter of days. She is a very busy person and has alot of work commitments and social commitments and metioned that also, but why the sudden change.

 

The problem I am having is that I don't think she's given me a fair chance, her sexual problems should be sorted soon and we can then have sex, I thought that might help with the spark that was missing.

 

She suggested having a break, but I said no as it seemed like a backward step. Therefore she couldn't bring herself to say that she didn't want to be with me, so I had to say it for her. She said she wanted to stay friends but I said I can't do the friends thing. The split was very ammicable though and we were still both joking at the end of it.

 

We actually only broke up 2 nights ago and I am really missing her, I think she's the first person I have loved although I didn't say it to her as I think she is scared of the whole commitment thing. I think she really likes me and my friend who set me up originally has spoke to his gf who is one of her best friends and she has said that she thinks she might end up regretting the split, but she's really confused. My friend was shocked too as he thought we were perfect for each other and had seen what we were like together and how into each other we seemed.

 

I am worried I have blown my chances as I said no to a break and no to staying as friends. There is a chance we may see each other out in the future, but i'm guessing it won't be often if at all.

 

I really don't know what my next step should be, should I:

 

a) play it cool and wait for her to contact me

b) send a friendly email/text just so I am showing we can still be friends

c) go back and suggest doing the seeing each other again thing

 

What I don't want though is to be seen as soft so if we got back together I would be playing by her rules all the time.

 

Any advice please guys/girls would be appreciated as I really miss her and want to find out the person I really am as I don't thing she's given me enough of a chance.

 

I am 27 she is 22 and we have known each other for 9 weeks now, bf/gf for 3 weeks.

[Ilovehertodeath]

Dude, I know what Im going to tell you isnt going to sink into that thick brain of yours but I gotta tell you how it IS. I know you love her a lot and would do anything for her but SHE on the other hand isnt "Feeling YOU". You see, when it comes to relationship/love stuff, girls think with their FEELINGS. Males think with LOGIC. Does that make sense to you? When a girl is attractted to someone she cant control herself because her FEELINGS have taken over. From reading your post I can tell you for SURE she LIKES another dude. Im sorry you came out empty handed but thats life for you(cant always get what you want). To tell you the truth she used you to her advantage. You she got what she wanted from you and went home happy. You gave her an EGO BOOST...thats all she was after. I know you are going to say that im being bitter towards women but im NOT. IM TELLING YOU HOW THIS **** REALLY WORKS. IF you think you can convience her to change her mind somehow to fall in love with you...well buddy....im sorry to say but you are S.O.L. She has to FEEL you! Somehow you have to push that FEELINGS button inside her and let me tell you....its not easy. You would have a better chance of winning the lotto. If I were in your shoes I would avoid this GIRL..trust me...you DO NOT WANT TO DEAL WITH HER.AVIOD HER..you are doing nothing more but feeding her with your attention. If you do somehow convience her to hook up with you.... IT WONT LAST VERY LONG. MOVE ON!!! THERE ARE BETTER GIRLS OUT THERE WAITING IN LINE FOR YOU. GO GET THEM!

[tokyo]

You shouldn´t leave the idea of being too soft out, because I don´t think she´s doing it for fun. You described her as a pretty nice person, so I assume when she is hesitating she is doing it, because she has problems. I would suggest you send her a message and ask her if she would like to talk with you about the relationship. Ask her nicely, don´t push her, if she rejects, stay nice, the last thing is also very important. I hate it when a guy gets angry after a turn down, that´s a good way to turn someone off.

[Weird]

hehehe iloverhertodeath whips out the badass advice on here. some of it may be extreme but most of it seems on point. From my observation woen do seem to look at guys/relationships as ego boosters and don't really give a fug how the guy will feel. Basically, women as a whole are mega selfish and love the attention. How else does one explain a woman is mroe interested the less attention you show her. Go avoid an ex and act lie she doesn't matter toy ou and BAM, she will want to be with you again.

[Ilovehertodeath]

AMEN TO THAT WIERD. I didnt pay any attention to my EX and BOOM SHE CAME KNOCKING ON MY DOOR! She got what she wanted from me...attention. All day she was telling me that she missed me and wanted to try again. We had sex and then she told me that she still has feelings for the other dude shes seeing and wants to see how things go between them. She said shes "confused".

 

 

"Feelings" are pulling that poor girl left and right.

[ntovrhm]

There are both men and women like the you guys are describing, and both men and women who are not. These broad generalizations really get old. And taking it from the perspective that men don't jerk around women sometimes really pisses me off. Thats all, goodbye.

 

Sorry not answering to the original post.

[Weird]

every relationship i have seen go to crap in the last couple years has involved a good guy and a woman who either can't deal with the relationship and the other stuff in her life (so she puts an end to the relationship because she doesnt know how to time manage) or, she thinks there is something beter out there for her and she realizes there isn't. In each case the girl comes back to the guy trying to get back together. A lot of the time though the girl does this but doesn't just say it in a direct manner and continues to try and play some game with the guy instead of just say "I screwed up and want you back. Can we try it out again?"

 

This is like 6-8 different relationships, mine included. All it does is enforce my belief that women are crazy and are selfish and make irrational decisions. I respect the women who aren't like this but they are few and far between in today's society.

 

Oh and you can read up all the stories here from guys that have/are going through the same thing (basically every relationship seems the same) with their women and it again, only reinforces this opinion.

[ntovrhm]

Weird: Sorry you feel that way. Maybe I'm a little older, but from my perspective, I have a lot of male friends as well and female ones, its pretty even on those sides for whose "craziness" make the relationship go down the toilet.

 

ilovehertodeath: Thanks for the idea, I will do that for your posts. You're just a little to bitter and one-sided for my tastes. Sorry your old girl hurt you but you admitted you were an a**h*** to her, and you continue to spew out all this venom against women (not necessarily so bad in this post, but I've noticed some of your others here and there.) Just don't see how you will be happy with a woman. Maybe you should think about playing for the other team if woman are so bad.

 

smith851: I would just back off. I don't know if she is jerking you around, but just try and let it go and move on. If she comes back interested in something again, see how you feel. Maybe by then you can be friends, but it won't be good for you to chase her. I don't think that's going to work. If she does contact you, then you just have to make sure she isn't the type to give you the run around. If she is, then run away, if she isn't, maybe something could work in the long run. But do live your life, and try to meet other people.

[Ilovehertodeath]

hahaha, funny guy. Have a nice day

[Lonestar]

I'm a woman, and I somewhat agree with Weird and ilovehertodeath, although it's a "little" extreme from my point of view. Still, if that's how they feel, that's how they feel. Maybe it's because of the particular breed of women they're attracted to or have been involved with in the past. Women do play a lot of emotional games with the men that are nice to them in their relationships (not all women, ok?, but many do). It's like they feel they're pushovers, but they respect the guys that keep them in their place. I'm not talking about guys that treat their women like sh**. That's unacceptable, but more along the lines of letting her know who wears the pants. It make a woman feel very female, and that feeling is addicting.

 

A woman will want what she can't have, and if most guys here would apply the NC rule to their exes, they'd find 80% of them would come running back to find out why they're not getting attention anymore. I do believe that this also applies to a lot of men, although men are basically more direct and don't play emotional games, but there are still plenty of guys who will freak if you cut off all attention to them, the same way women will.

 

Weird, can you kinda see now that this is basically what I was talking about in that other thread where we disagreed on playing games. I was trying to get that poster to see that his ex was playing serious mind games, and how to deal with that. A women using her feelings would give advice along the lines of not playing games, being straight up and truthful, sit her down and have a chat crap. I know that most women will run for the hills when their ex starts chasing them around and can't or won't put her in her place either by getting the frig away from her for good (NC) or picking up the ball and showing her how to play her own game the right way.

[blackendangel13]

smith851:

I am going to have to agree with the boys here. Stay the hell away from this chick. She has made it obvious that

 

A) she isnt ready for a mature relationship

b) she isn't into you

c) she isn't going to change her mind.

 

As hard as it is, let her go. You have only known her a relatively short time and continuing to be friends with her and seeing her is setting you up for a big fall. I can not stress this one enough though, do not have sex with her!!! I read your post where you thought that might help her see what she liked about you again. This will only hurt you! She will blow it off as sex and you will be more attached. Let her go and find someone who values you for you. You should not have to change yourself to make her like you and if you did she most likely wouldn't like those changes anyway. As hard as it is and as much as we wish we could, you can not make someone love you.

 

Ilovehertodeath:

 

Belive it or not my ex did the exact same thing to me. He ran away and followed his feelings and tried to make me chase him and give him attention to feed his ego. Gave him the big f-u. Guess I am an exception to the rule

[Lonestar]

My X did the same thing to me too. He walked out because he didn't feel the same anymore, etc. etc. BS, and then strung me along with the hope of getting back together when he had no intentions of it at the time. Unfortunately, unlike you, I took the bait, gave him the pining attention he wanted, and lost my dignity in the process. Never again.

[Weird]

note that I am not saying ALL women are what I described...just the majority seemed to be. Could be an age thing as these relationships are with people in their 20s...maybe these women (or a higher % of women) grow up and quit being crazy when they hit 30. Also note I haven't always thought this way...I used to think differently and that most women weren't selfish but the more I see it first hand, the more I think they are. I have mad respect for the women who have their **** together and actually care about how their guys (or just others in general) feel.

 

You two ladies seem to be in the minority class of ladies who don't act this way. Good job.

 

Oh and BTW I don't like the guys who act like dicks and treat thier ladies like crap or the "playas" that are out there. They make me embarrassed to be a guy.