Omg... I went out with a bpd

[jabbzy64]

Hi there

 

My name is Daniel and I am new here...

 

I found this site while researching Borderline Personality Disorder and read many threads of people who have gone through those terrible soul sucking relationships.

 

I would like to share my story as to why I came to the conclusion about BPD.

 

My story starts at a bar... I was standing there by myself at that stage and noticed this blonde walking my way.. I normally don't just talk to women right up front.. I say to her "Is your name Tania??" (I knew this as I had recognized her from facebook on a cousin's page)

 

She gave off the biggest smile and said "yes, how do you know?" I then explained who I was and how I was cousin with her housemate. Now... that was it and I thought we would part ways... uuumm... no! I log on facebook the next day to a 'FRIEND REQUEST' and 20 likes on my pictures. I felt flattered that this gorgeous female seemed so interested in me already. It was a great.

 

We get to talking on facebook nearly every night and she is SO SO SO interested about my life and details. I asked her if she had a bf and she gave me the whole "yeah...but it's dead relationship" It all starts so innocent and fun... then she shows her Promiscuous side. Talking about how sexual she is.. sending me photos of her in sexual ways... one photo was even her posing with her pornographic DvD's... (red flag)

She also wanted to know weird things up front.. who I was banking with? Insurance? Where I shop? (red flag) I found these questions very odd.. but I was still flattered that such a sexy woman was into me.

 

We started talking on the phone and have a fun 30 min conversation. After it ends I get a text 'you have a really sexy voice'. It was then my birthday and I had arranged to meet her out at a club with my friends... she told me to keep a spot in my bed for her. I end up meeting with her and going "too bad you have a b/f", she replies, "I'm single now" said it so casually... no remorse..NOTHING!

 

Anyway, I ended the night thinking nothing would be happening with this girl and I ended up going home alone. Soon as I get home I get a text message "would you like to go have dinner sometime?" Has this girl ever spent longer than 2 weeks being single? I doubt it... anyway, I was still blind at this stage. I said yes.

 

We end up becoming bf and gf..everything starts off SSSOOOO good.. she begins opening up to me about her past abusive bf's and how they ALL cheated on her.. I now don't believe these claims but at the time I was like "oh, damsel in distress.. I can save you"

 

I found out through my cousin that she at the time was taking 'morphine tablets... not for physical pain.. but for emotional pain. she wanted to feel "numb" I confront her about it and she says she will try to stop (she continued to use and confessed a month later to me)

 

I was falling in love with this victim and MY GOD... the sex was so amazing and out of this world. (She would cry after sex sometimes)

 

She would leave me love notes... flowers... spray her perfume in my room to remind me of her.. and boy, was I being idealized.

 

Fast forward a few months..

Then it comes to the date of her Mother's birthday.. She has an episode and I had to go pick her up and she was crying and didn't want to be alone (mummy issues)

Then I start hearing about her crazy childhood.. father alcoholic, mother had schizophrenia...molested by family friends. Started masturbating at age 9 *red flag*

 

Now starts the pushing and pulling routine... walking out on me... sending me texts "we will never work out" then to just invite me out for dinner the next night???? I was a sucker and got trapped in this recycled routine about 5 times. Then... the accusations starts.. she accused me of ****ing female friends.. female workmates... even my gay housemate:eek:

 

She would sleep over nearly every night but when it was time for a night a part.. I would get a text "THIS IS A ****ING JOKE, I THINK IT'S PATHETIC I CAN'T SPEND EVERY NIGHT WITH YOU" *red flag*

She decided to pop pills and cut her arms up and then beg me to come save her... sending me photos of what she did to herself. I ended p bandaging her and watching her all night. Oh my God...

 

 

I remember one night I made her dinner and it was all actually really good and I felt safe and secure for a change.. then the next night she accuses me of being at a bar (I was at home on the toilet) and calling me a cheater and starts making facebook statuses about CHEATING and MEAN ARE LIARS:confused:

 

 

I ended up tell her some personal issues of mine... what does she do? post it on facebook and HUMILIATE me.... I still end up forgiving her as I was addicted to her..I admit that! Anyway, the relationship just kept getting worse.. controlling me with how I dressed.. what I ate.. where we went.

When I would get a 2nd job at a bar for some extra cash.. she would say "WELL, I WILL JUST GO BACK TO BEING A STRIPPER" as to punish me!?

 

I decided to go through her laptops (come on.. don't judge.. all this behavior was making me question who this person was) I found bookmakred pages of "online prescription stores for morphine, lesbian porn, asphyxiation and so on"

Now that I think about it.. she always went to the toilet after eating

 

Anyway, this story has gone long enough and I could say SO SO SO much more... but I will end with the final straw that broke the camels back.

 

Early May, she can't afford to pay the registration on her car... I lend her mine out of kindness on the condition she doesn't smoke in it and she drives me here and there. by this stage she was on anti-depressants and stopped having sex with me. (which affected me) She send me a text ' i know you are hating on me right now but I am on these meds for us... I still love you my feelings have not changed, with or without sex). She ends up coming over that night and we have a fight as she was so distant and I was merely just saying how upset I was... she walked out on me.

 

She then ignores me for 3 days while driving my car arount.. I had to get a cab to work and friends to take me around. I send her text "you are breaking my heart" ... no reply.

I decided I had enough and went and got my car at 2AM with my spare car key and left her belongings on her porch. THEN.. she decides to text back saying i was a jerk for doing that and so on... PLEASE!

 

I told her to come get her stuff but if she wished we could talk about it and have a respectful and proper goodbye... she throws me keys on the porch and leaves without saying a word. 20 mins later I was blocked/deleted on facebook, skype and viber. I sent her a text saying how I felt and my final words... no reply... I sent her a birthday card a few days later to be mature and show I cared... no response. I was cut out and treated like I NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER MATTERED. From what I can see... she aready has a new sucker.. He is in for a shock in a few months. I'm not upset it is over.... I'm upset that I fell for such a twisted human being!! Cold as Ice (was it even love for her??? or was I just the flavor at the time?)

[lovelifexx]

Wow.....I don't think someone like that is capable of being in love. Congratulations on being free of her. Don't spend another minute trying to figure her out; it's impossible.

[jabbzy64]

Yeah... it really did cut like a knife and I am now scared to even look another woman in the eye. I should have been not so blind to the red flags. constantly claiming to feel empty... the prescription abuse.. the idealizing/devaluation of me.

 

I'll heal slowly... she, however... will always be empty.

[lost.girl]

WHOA!! Dude you are so lucky she is gone! She sounds like she is just a very ill person (mentally, drug addicted etc) Don't know if she is capable of love as it seems she doesn't love herself much. Sorry you got your feelings hurt over her but wow walk away. No, run!

[jabbzy64]

How a Borderline Personality Disorder Love Relationship Evolves - Roger Melton, M.A.

 

 

more like.. how it DEVOLVES!

[BrokenHeartedSavior]

Daniel,

 

Welcome to post BPD HELL!!!!

 

I spent EIGHT YEARS with the exact same woman. Damaged me beyond simple repair.

 

You MUST REALIZE that she DOES NOT represent most women!!

 

Guys like you and me got caught in a very ugly trap!

 

NOT all women are like this. You have no idea how the former EIGHT YEARS of my life has been due to my ex.

 

Know what's good? YOU GOT OUT ALIVE, AND INTACT!

[CelticGibson]

Do not for one second think this is over. She may have blocked you for now but these creatures have a way of reappearing when you least expect them. If I were you, I would ALSO block her just she doesn't have a way back to charm you when this devaluing phase is done....

 

Be careful...

[jabbzy64]

Daniel,

 

Welcome to post BPD HELL!!!!

 

I spent EIGHT YEARS with the exact same woman. Damaged me beyond simple repair.

 

You MUST REALIZE that she DOES NOT represent most women!!

 

Guys like you and me got caught in a very ugly trap!

 

NOT all women are like this. You have no idea how the former EIGHT YEARS of my life has been due to my ex.

 

Know what's good? YOU GOT OUT ALIVE, AND INTACT!

 

 

Eight years??

 

Wow.... my 8 months are nothing to that timeframe.. still emotionally exhausting none the less.

[jabbzy64]

I've already had many episodes of that.. she would normally text me and call me a prick and to **** off...

 

This time I've been completely shut off.

Isn't it normal for them to split you black? you become dead to them?

[CelticGibson]

It's normal for them to split, yes but it works both ways. She may split you white again. The possibility is just as real as her devaluing you. There is no logic. It happens and you can't make sense of it since you think she hates you so much now. Beware, they can turn on a dime and come back as if nothing has happened. Crazy is crazy...

[jabbzy64]

Oh... I forgot to mention..

 

Within a week of knowing me she dropped the "LOVE" line...

AND..... I was on her 'NEXT OF KIN' emergency details within 2 weeks?!?!?!?!

[CelticGibson]

May I direct you to this treasure trove of advice on this topic?

 

GettinBetter.com's Articles

 

You might find it enlightening to say the least..

[Calvin's wagon]

Hi!

 

Welcome to LS, and I'm sorry you went through this. But don't beat yourself up too much, it was an important learning experience in life on what kind of girls to avoid/break up immediately.

 

Also, like others have said, it's great that you've stopped it after 8 months instead of letting her do this to you for longer.

 

Btw, I would recommend you getting tested for STDs, because who knows what she did before/during the time with you. Don't want to scare you, but better safe than sorry...

 

And I hope you won't let her back into your life if she'll try to manipulate you into slowly getting back together.

 

Two last things:

1. Why do you think you were willing to put up with everything for so long? You mentioned "oh, damsel in distress.. I can save you" - this reminded me of myself and my ex gf! I strongly suggest you start working on yourself to find out what kind of issues you have that have led you to all of this (ignoring red flags, wanting to "save" her, the knight on white horse syndrome, I think you also might have self-esteem issues etc.).

 

Among other things I'd recommend reading books called "No more mr. Nice guy" by Robert Glover and "Toxic parents" by Susan Forward. Both are available online for free in PDF, if you google them.

 

2. Why were you a willing participant in her cheating on her BF? Why were you willing to talk to her about sexual stuff, get sexual pictures from her etc. while she was still in a relationship (even though a "dead" one), agreeing to meet with her after she had told you "to keep a spot in my bed for her", while still having a boyfriend?

 

I'm sorry, but your willing participation in all this is a bad sign. I hope just of inexperience (and that this will help you learn to avoid not-single women), but it might be a sign of something more.

 

I don't wish to be to critical, it's just that you remind me of myself in the past, and I wish someone had told me sooner that I should start looking at myself, if I stuck around in toxic relationships for so long etc.

 

Best wishes, hope to hear from you soon

[starlet86]

Not everyone with BPD is like that though. It sounds like you just met a bitch. Some people with mental health problems will also use their illness as a way of justifying unacceptable behaviour and in doing so tar everyone with the same brush.

 

I have bi-polar disorder and it seems like quite the opposite happens to me. I am usually the one trying to hold up my once supposedly stable partner, they are the ones who start with the games and I am the one who seems to deal with the crazy behaviour afterwards. I am no angel and at times I do slip and will scream "don't speak to me ever again" but trust me I am only screaming this if they've done something to piss me off.

 

Just goes to show that not everyone with a mental health problem is a life sucking creature and not everyone who doesn't have one is strong and stable and sane. Lust/love makes us do crazy things. It is an emotion that has drove people to sacrifice everything and gain nothing. It's even driven people to kill. Love is crazy, because it makes you crazy.

[jabbzy64]

Hi!

 

Welcome to LS, and I'm sorry you went through this. But don't beat yourself up too much, it was an important learning experience in life on what kind of girls to avoid/break up immediately.

 

Also, like others have said, it's great that you've stopped it after 8 months instead of letting her do this to you for longer.

 

Btw, I would recommend you getting tested for STDs, because who knows what she did before/during the time with you. Don't want to scare you, but better safe than sorry...

 

And I hope you won't let her back into your life if she'll try to manipulate you into slowly getting back together.

 

Two last things:

1. Why do you think you were willing to put up with everything for so long? You mentioned "oh, damsel in distress.. I can save you" - this reminded me of myself and my ex gf! I strongly suggest you start working on yourself to find out what kind of issues you have that have led you to all of this (ignoring red flags, wanting to "save" her, the knight on white horse syndrome, I think you also might have self-esteem issues etc.).

 

Among other things I'd recommend reading books called "No more mr. Nice guy" by Robert Glover and "Toxic parents" by Susan Forward. Both are available online for free in PDF, if you google them.

 

2. Why were you a willing participant in her cheating on her BF? Why were you willing to talk to her about sexual stuff, get sexual pictures from her etc. while she was still in a relationship (even though a "dead" one), agreeing to meet with her after she had told you "to keep a spot in my bed for her", while still having a boyfriend?

 

I'm sorry, but your willing participation in all this is a bad sign. I hope just of inexperience (and that this will help you learn to avoid not-single women), but it might be a sign of something more.

 

I don't wish to be to critical, it's just that you remind me of myself in the past, and I wish someone had told me sooner that I should start looking at myself, if I stuck around in toxic relationships for so long etc.

 

Best wishes, hope to hear from you soon

 

It's funny that you mention the std thing.... i did do during last month of being with her and i came back with chlamydia... she swears to God that she was clean... but to test her I lied and said I had thrust... she then pretended that I gave her thrush (it isn't usually trasnmitted)

 

 

Also... the day I was going to get my results.. she left me a note saying how she is sorry she couldn't live up to the relationship and she put her blood, sweat and tears into it. Is it highly possible that she cheated and got an STD and decided to blame me for it? cause thats what she did.

[jabbzy64]

Yes I have acknowledged that I have self esteem issues and so on...

I guess I loved it when I was on the pedestal and wanted to go back to that each time..

I know I was only prolonging my pain.

[Emilia]

Yes I have acknowledged that I have self esteem issues and so on...

I guess I loved it when I was on the pedestal and wanted to go back to that each time..

I know I was only prolonging my pain.

You need to break the addiction. Next time you will recognise the signs early and walk away. Good luck

[starlet86]

Would you respond though if she did contact you? I am trying to do NC with an ex starting as of today (you can read my post for the details) I know I am going to be torn if he contacts me, although I see no good from replying to him.

[dreamingoftigers]

I was diagnosed with BPD in my early 20s. I have also been treated for it.

 

Usually when I see these BPD threads pop up it's someone with a broken heart who can't figure out why someone who seemed so into them lost interest and dropped them.

 

Usually I say that they can't diagnose BPD via dating them etc and it needs to meet a certain criteria etc etc. etc.

 

But yeah, if everything presented is accurate: you got a live one.

 

You couldn't have done much about it. Really couldn't have.

 

She sounds like me back in the day, but I wasn't quite so....lewd and I didn't cheat. But I had other issues. The pushing/pulling and attempting sounds very familiar.

 

How long since she dropped contact with you?

 

If it's been more than a week, don't count on a contact for awhile. She may pop up a few months from now, but it will be "friendly" not bf/gf stuff.

 

But you should send her packing.

[Emilia]

How long since she dropped contact with you?

 

If it's been more than a week, don't count on a contact for awhile. She may pop up a few months from now, but it will be "friendly" not bf/gf stuff.

 

But you should send her packing.

I found the gaps between each 'popping up' longer and longer. I think Downtown observed the same.

[jabbzy64]

May 18th was the last time she ever spoke to me.

I didn't get any kind of closure.... just a "thanks for lending me the car, I appreciate it"

 

I remember once she said to me "If I ever do something bad to you again you need to walk away... it will be very hard but you are a good guy and don't need a gf with a mental disorder"

[Emilia]

May 18th was the last time she ever spoke to me.

I didn't get any kind of closure.... just a "thanks for lending me the car, I appreciate it"

 

I remember once she said to me "If I ever do something bad to you again you need to walk away... it will be very hard but you are a good guy and don't need a gf with a mental disorder"

It is extremely hard when someone cuts you off without an explanation when you had spent building a connection together, having amazing sex, the other person adoring you.

 

BUT this is what's in store for you for years to come if you allow her to get back into your life when she gets in touch again. She probably did have strong feelings for you but it will never ever go beyond this stage because she is unable to process emotions in any other way.

[jabbzy64]

It is extremely hard when someone cuts you off without an explanation when you had spent building a connection together, having amazing sex, the other person adoring you.

 

BUT this is what's in store for you for years to come if you allow her to get back into your life when she gets in touch again. She probably did have strong feelings for you but it will never ever go beyond this stage because she is unable to process emotions in any other way.

 

 

Yeah... one of her last notes said "I will, have and will always love you"

what i wanted to hear was "I DO LOVE YOU"...

 

I think she knew she was messed up... and she admitted early in the relationship to self sabotaging relationships. *another red flag*

 

I think she loved me the best way and the only way she has known love...

as messed up as it was.

 

In the mean time I am going to concentrate on healing myself and am kinda glad I went through all this... I never knew of this type of thing before.

 

Now I know the signs! :laugh:

[Emilia]

In the mean time I am going to concentrate on healing myself and am kinda glad I went through all this... I never knew of this type of thing before.

 

Now I know the signs! :laugh:

Yeah strangely enough I'm kind of glad too. Certainly don't regret it and I think of my ex mainly with fondness. You grow a lot as a person when you experience this kind of thing, you sort of need to investigate in you what it is that makes you get hooked on a girl like this.

 

If you read Downtown's posts in the Breaking Up, Abuse and Self-Improvement sections they are very informative, just like dreamingoftigers's are. You can always post here

[thefooloftheyear]

You are fortunate....

 

I lived through the same crap for a year. and a half..Some of the storylines were different, but the end result is the same..

 

TFY