Omg... I went out with a bpd

[flitzanu]

Hi there

 

My name is Daniel and I am new here...

 

I found this site while researching Borderline Personality Disorder and read many threads of people who have gone through those terrible soul sucking relationships.

 

I would like to share my story as to why I came to the conclusion about BPD.

 

My story starts at a bar... I was standing there by myself at that stage and noticed this blonde walking my way.. I normally don't just talk to women right up front.. I say to her "Is your name Tania??" (I knew this as I had recognized her from facebook on a cousin's page)

 

She gave off the biggest smile and said "yes, how do you know?" I then explained who I was and how I was cousin with her housemate. Now... that was it and I thought we would part ways... uuumm... no! I log on facebook the next day to a 'FRIEND REQUEST' and 20 likes on my pictures. I felt flattered that this gorgeous female seemed so interested in me already. It was a great.

 

We get to talking on facebook nearly every night and she is SO SO SO interested about my life and details. I asked her if she had a bf and she gave me the whole "yeah...but it's dead relationship" It all starts so innocent and fun... then she shows her Promiscuous side. Talking about how sexual she is.. sending me photos of her in sexual ways... one photo was even her posing with her pornographic DvD's... (red flag)

She also wanted to know weird things up front.. who I was banking with? Insurance? Where I shop? (red flag) I found these questions very odd.. but I was still flattered that such a sexy woman was into me.

 

We started talking on the phone and have a fun 30 min conversation. After it ends I get a text 'you have a really sexy voice'. It was then my birthday and I had arranged to meet her out at a club with my friends... she told me to keep a spot in my bed for her. I end up meeting with her and going "too bad you have a b/f", she replies, "I'm single now" said it so casually... no remorse..NOTHING!

 

Anyway, I ended the night thinking nothing would be happening with this girl and I ended up going home alone. Soon as I get home I get a text message "would you like to go have dinner sometime?" Has this girl ever spent longer than 2 weeks being single? I doubt it... anyway, I was still blind at this stage. I said yes.

 

We end up becoming bf and gf..everything starts off SSSOOOO good.. she begins opening up to me about her past abusive bf's and how they ALL cheated on her.. I now don't believe these claims but at the time I was like "oh, damsel in distress.. I can save you"

 

I found out through my cousin that she at the time was taking 'morphine tablets... not for physical pain.. but for emotional pain. she wanted to feel "numb" I confront her about it and she says she will try to stop (she continued to use and confessed a month later to me)

 

I was falling in love with this victim and MY GOD... the sex was so amazing and out of this world. (She would cry after sex sometimes)

 

She would leave me love notes... flowers... spray her perfume in my room to remind me of her.. and boy, was I being idealized.

 

Fast forward a few months..

Then it comes to the date of her Mother's birthday.. She has an episode and I had to go pick her up and she was crying and didn't want to be alone (mummy issues)

Then I start hearing about her crazy childhood.. father alcoholic, mother had schizophrenia...molested by family friends. Started masturbating at age 9 *red flag*

 

Now starts the pushing and pulling routine... walking out on me... sending me texts "we will never work out" then to just invite me out for dinner the next night???? I was a sucker and got trapped in this recycled routine about 5 times. Then... the accusations starts.. she accused me of ****ing female friends.. female workmates... even my gay housemate:eek:

 

She would sleep over nearly every night but when it was time for a night a part.. I would get a text "THIS IS A ****ING JOKE, I THINK IT'S PATHETIC I CAN'T SPEND EVERY NIGHT WITH YOU" *red flag*

She decided to pop pills and cut her arms up and then beg me to come save her... sending me photos of what she did to herself. I ended p bandaging her and watching her all night. Oh my God...

 

 

I remember one night I made her dinner and it was all actually really good and I felt safe and secure for a change.. then the next night she accuses me of being at a bar (I was at home on the toilet) and calling me a cheater and starts making facebook statuses about CHEATING and MEAN ARE LIARS:confused:

 

 

I ended up tell her some personal issues of mine... what does she do? post it on facebook and HUMILIATE me.... I still end up forgiving her as I was addicted to her..I admit that! Anyway, the relationship just kept getting worse.. controlling me with how I dressed.. what I ate.. where we went.

When I would get a 2nd job at a bar for some extra cash.. she would say "WELL, I WILL JUST GO BACK TO BEING A STRIPPER" as to punish me!?

 

I decided to go through her laptops (come on.. don't judge.. all this behavior was making me question who this person was) I found bookmakred pages of "online prescription stores for morphine, lesbian porn, asphyxiation and so on"

Now that I think about it.. she always went to the toilet after eating

 

Anyway, this story has gone long enough and I could say SO SO SO much more... but I will end with the final straw that broke the camels back.

 

Early May, she can't afford to pay the registration on her car... I lend her mine out of kindness on the condition she doesn't smoke in it and she drives me here and there. by this stage she was on anti-depressants and stopped having sex with me. (which affected me) She send me a text ' i know you are hating on me right now but I am on these meds for us... I still love you my feelings have not changed, with or without sex). She ends up coming over that night and we have a fight as she was so distant and I was merely just saying how upset I was... she walked out on me.

 

She then ignores me for 3 days while driving my car arount.. I had to get a cab to work and friends to take me around. I send her text "you are breaking my heart" ... no reply.

I decided I had enough and went and got my car at 2AM with my spare car key and left her belongings on her porch. THEN.. she decides to text back saying i was a jerk for doing that and so on... PLEASE!

 

I told her to come get her stuff but if she wished we could talk about it and have a respectful and proper goodbye... she throws me keys on the porch and leaves without saying a word. 20 mins later I was blocked/deleted on facebook, skype and viber. I sent her a text saying how I felt and my final words... no reply... I sent her a birthday card a few days later to be mature and show I cared... no response. I was cut out and treated like I NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER MATTERED. From what I can see... she aready has a new sucker.. He is in for a shock in a few months. I'm not upset it is over.... I'm upset that I fell for such a twisted human being!! Cold as Ice (was it even love for her??? or was I just the flavor at the time?)

 

i'm not sure that's BPD, that woman just sounds emotionally psychotic and unstable, mate.

[iouaname]

You aren't a monster per se whatsoever.

 

And to be frank I don't like it when a mental health disorder is villified. BPD is an easy target to demonize and often people on LS will claim that their ex-spouse/gf/bf has it when their posts reflect clearly otherwise.

 

Well that was my purpose for posting in the thread. I am relatively certain that I have it and have done a lot of research on it. I do plan to see someone about it. I thought this thread seemed to make all people with BPD out to seem like monsters who are only capable of mentally destroying someone else.

 

How old are you iouaname? There are a decent percentage that outgrow the BPD if they divorce the family patterns long enough. I believe that I would have eventually but thank God it was fast-tracked instead of eating up my 20s as well.

 

And does your FOO have a history of instability?

 

I am 22.

 

What is FOO? If that's my family, there are not many diagnosed although I suspect there are a few who have their issues. If it's pertaining to my ex, he was a deeply insecure man who sort of preyed upon the fact that I was emotional? He used to like to be the hero, swooping in to save me... until it became too much for him. The weird thing is, I never needed the saving before I met him.

 

Based on what I have read, though, there is a possibility that BPD can be caused by childhood sexual abuse. I believe that is where mine stems from, but I'm not certain.

[Emilia]

She's the BPD, that's her job.

[Emilia]

I'm sick of waking up at 5 am in the morning with her as the first thing on my mind!!

 

makes me want to put a gun to my head!!

Hello again OP

 

Here is a thread we had going for ages on BPD. You might find it useful. It gets a bit frightening in places but overall it's good I think

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/self-improvement-personal-well-being/380507-calling-all-those-bpd

[jabbzy64]

so I get an email today from youtube...

saying that she has subscribed to my youtube channel...

I login to youtube and it says I have 0 subscribers... prob accidentally hit subscribe or wanting to mess with my head.

[Emilia]

so I get an email today from youtube...

saying that she has subscribed to my youtube channel...

I login to youtube and it says I have 0 subscribers... prob accidentally hit subscribe or wanting to mess with my head.

You must shut her out. Block her email address, whatever. My ex did all sorts of things to get attention only for it to cause further conflict between us when he freaked out (inevitably). It will screw you up trying to make sense of it if you allow it.

[destroyed4sho]

This posting scared me....lol

 

dreamoftigers-

 

Your posting explains my thought process exactly when I am with someone....after they dont seem as "devoted" yes, I start to resent and even hate them. From your research, is this exclusive to BPDers or also in people that are sensitive??

 

Do you think I am a BPD? I have dated one, but he was on the extreme end....so comparing myself to him I never thought I could have that disorder.

 

 

Yeah, it's kind of like we "test the waters to see where we're at."

 

Plus to be completely honest, relationships are very painful for us.

 

At first everything seems amazing in all aspects, then we discover that you aren't as "devoted" to us as we are to you. Because NOBODY could be. And we take it as personal abandonment.

 

Then, in order to secure the relationship, we show you how much we hurt over you so that you feel loved by us (that you mean so much to us) and then we escalate it until you respond. Meanwhile, we actually resent having to go to these extremes but you are being so cold and you give us attention when we go off of the rails. So it becomes a pattern.

 

Meanwhile we can't actually see that we are completely tormenting the person that we care about.

 

We actually feel that that person doesn't see us hurting or doesn't care that we are. So we feel that we have been duped into loving someone that we would take our own lives for and that they look down on us and wouldn't give us the time of day. Since we are so single-focused, we figure that we will never find another love. So you are literally in control of our hopes and dreams. And every time you go away from us, it is a threat to take away our very hopes and dreams.

 

And then we hate you for that.

 

So, anyhow......you can see just how messed up that is.

 

Man, it was kind of difficult even delving back into those memories.

 

But I can honestly tell you that she can't see the hurt she's caused you. But she can see the amplified version of hurt you've caused her. Simply by being a normal human being and having boundaries that you set in place.

[Emilia]

This posting scared me....lol

 

dreamoftigers-

 

Your posting explains my thought process exactly when I am with someone....after they dont seem as "devoted" yes, I start to resent and even hate them. From your research, is this exclusive to BPDers or also in people that are sensitive??

 

Do you think I am a BPD? I have dated one, but he was on the extreme end....so comparing myself to him I never thought I could have that disorder.

You could be a codependent. This is very common for excessive caretakers (which is what codependents are).

[jabbzy64]

one of the last times I saw my ex she asked me if we were in a codependent relationship.

[Emilia]

one of the last times I saw my ex she asked me if we were in a codependent relationship.

Yes. You attract them because you have codependent tendencies. This is the thing you have to fix in you. I had to fix it in me.

 

Do you know what it means?

[jabbzy64]

when u make the relationship more inportant than yourself??

[jabbzy64]

ive read that codependents attract bpd people

[Emilia]

when u make the relationship more inportant than yourself??

When you make the other person more important than yourself, keep yourself pre-occupied with their needs and try to control them by excessive caretaking.

 

What are you parents like? Are they together or are they divorced?

[jabbzy64]

divorced but get along fine.

[Emilia]

divorced but get along fine.

The patterns you pick up as a child affect the way you develop your adult relationships. One is your abandonment issues. When you come from a divorced family, you usually have abandonment issues. I do for example, so does my sister.

[destroyed4sho]

You could be a codependent. This is very common for excessive caretakers (which is what codependents are).

 

Do you mean that codependents have this thought process too?

[Coping Vortex]

Hi there

 

My name is Daniel and I am new here...

 

I found this site while researching Borderline Personality Disorder and read many threads of people who have gone through those terrible soul sucking relationships.

 

I would like to share my story as to why I came to the conclusion about BPD.

 

My story starts at a bar... I was standing there by myself at that stage and noticed this blonde walking my way.. I normally don't just talk to women right up front.. I say to her "Is your name Tania??" (I knew this as I had recognized her from facebook on a cousin's page)

 

She gave off the biggest smile and said "yes, how do you know?" I then explained who I was and how I was cousin with her housemate. Now... that was it and I thought we would part ways... uuumm... no! I log on facebook the next day to a 'FRIEND REQUEST' and 20 likes on my pictures. I felt flattered that this gorgeous female seemed so interested in me already. It was a great.

 

We get to talking on facebook nearly every night and she is SO SO SO interested about my life and details. I asked her if she had a bf and she gave me the whole "yeah...but it's dead relationship" It all starts so innocent and fun... then she shows her Promiscuous side. Talking about how sexual she is.. sending me photos of her in sexual ways... one photo was even her posing with her pornographic DvD's... (red flag)

She also wanted to know weird things up front.. who I was banking with? Insurance? Where I shop? (red flag) I found these questions very odd.. but I was still flattered that such a sexy woman was into me.

 

We started talking on the phone and have a fun 30 min conversation. After it ends I get a text 'you have a really sexy voice'. It was then my birthday and I had arranged to meet her out at a club with my friends... she told me to keep a spot in my bed for her. I end up meeting with her and going "too bad you have a b/f", she replies, "I'm single now" said it so casually... no remorse..NOTHING!

 

Anyway, I ended the night thinking nothing would be happening with this girl and I ended up going home alone. Soon as I get home I get a text message "would you like to go have dinner sometime?" Has this girl ever spent longer than 2 weeks being single? I doubt it... anyway, I was still blind at this stage. I said yes.

 

We end up becoming bf and gf..everything starts off SSSOOOO good.. she begins opening up to me about her past abusive bf's and how they ALL cheated on her.. I now don't believe these claims but at the time I was like "oh, damsel in distress.. I can save you"

 

I found out through my cousin that she at the time was taking 'morphine tablets... not for physical pain.. but for emotional pain. she wanted to feel "numb" I confront her about it and she says she will try to stop (she continued to use and confessed a month later to me)

 

I was falling in love with this victim and MY GOD... the sex was so amazing and out of this world. (She would cry after sex sometimes)

 

She would leave me love notes... flowers... spray her perfume in my room to remind me of her.. and boy, was I being idealized.

 

Fast forward a few months..

Then it comes to the date of her Mother's birthday.. She has an episode and I had to go pick her up and she was crying and didn't want to be alone (mummy issues)

Then I start hearing about her crazy childhood.. father alcoholic, mother had schizophrenia...molested by family friends. Started masturbating at age 9 *red flag*

 

Now starts the pushing and pulling routine... walking out on me... sending me texts "we will never work out" then to just invite me out for dinner the next night???? I was a sucker and got trapped in this recycled routine about 5 times. Then... the accusations starts.. she accused me of ****ing female friends.. female workmates... even my gay housemate:eek:

 

She would sleep over nearly every night but when it was time for a night a part.. I would get a text "THIS IS A ****ING JOKE, I THINK IT'S PATHETIC I CAN'T SPEND EVERY NIGHT WITH YOU" *red flag*

She decided to pop pills and cut her arms up and then beg me to come save her... sending me photos of what she did to herself. I ended p bandaging her and watching her all night. Oh my God...

 

 

I remember one night I made her dinner and it was all actually really good and I felt safe and secure for a change.. then the next night she accuses me of being at a bar (I was at home on the toilet) and calling me a cheater and starts making facebook statuses about CHEATING and MEAN ARE LIARS:confused:

 

 

I ended up tell her some personal issues of mine... what does she do? post it on facebook and HUMILIATE me.... I still end up forgiving her as I was addicted to her..I admit that! Anyway, the relationship just kept getting worse.. controlling me with how I dressed.. what I ate.. where we went.

When I would get a 2nd job at a bar for some extra cash.. she would say "WELL, I WILL JUST GO BACK TO BEING A STRIPPER" as to punish me!?

 

I decided to go through her laptops (come on.. don't judge.. all this behavior was making me question who this person was) I found bookmakred pages of "online prescription stores for morphine, lesbian porn, asphyxiation and so on"

Now that I think about it.. she always went to the toilet after eating

 

Anyway, this story has gone long enough and I could say SO SO SO much more... but I will end with the final straw that broke the camels back.

 

Early May, she can't afford to pay the registration on her car... I lend her mine out of kindness on the condition she doesn't smoke in it and she drives me here and there. by this stage she was on anti-depressants and stopped having sex with me. (which affected me) She send me a text ' i know you are hating on me right now but I am on these meds for us... I still love you my feelings have not changed, with or without sex). She ends up coming over that night and we have a fight as she was so distant and I was merely just saying how upset I was... she walked out on me.

 

She then ignores me for 3 days while driving my car arount.. I had to get a cab to work and friends to take me around. I send her text "you are breaking my heart" ... no reply.

I decided I had enough and went and got my car at 2AM with my spare car key and left her belongings on her porch. THEN.. she decides to text back saying i was a jerk for doing that and so on... PLEASE!

 

I told her to come get her stuff but if she wished we could talk about it and have a respectful and proper goodbye... she throws me keys on the porch and leaves without saying a word. 20 mins later I was blocked/deleted on facebook, skype and viber. I sent her a text saying how I felt and my final words... no reply... I sent her a birthday card a few days later to be mature and show I cared... no response. I was cut out and treated like I NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER MATTERED. From what I can see... she aready has a new sucker.. He is in for a shock in a few months. I'm not upset it is over.... I'm upset that I fell for such a twisted human being!! Cold as Ice (was it even love for her??? or was I just the flavor at the time?)

 

Wow, like Deja Vu!!! I lived this too with a BPD. Mine even had more erratic behavior. The crazy good sex pulls you in I have to admit but everything else gets really weird when dating a BPD. I'm glad I found an article that explained to me what was going on. Your story is amazingly similar.

 

Brought back memories.

[destroyed4sho]

Wow, like Deja Vu!!! I lived this too with a BPD. Mine even had more erratic behavior. The crazy good sex pulls you in I have to admit but everything else gets really weird when dating a BPD. I'm glad I found an article that explained to me what was going on. Your story is amazingly similar.

 

Brought back memories.

 

Yes, those of us that have dated a BPDer know that jabbz post is pretty classic description of BPD behavior.

[Coping Vortex]

Yes, those of us that have dated a BPDer know that jabbz post is pretty classic description of BPD behavior.

 

Man it was some of the weirdest stuff I ever saw and I have seen a lot. LOL!!

 

I don't know it was her cutting her wrists on front of me, or her banging a cabinet door against her head over and over, or the time I went to her house and she had pulled out all of her eyelashes. Or maybe it was her preoccupation with her cats like there were people. Or maybe the bulimea. Or the the hand fulls of Atavan she would down, or the time she ended up in the emergency room after taking pills, or her stalking me from time to time that shocked me the most. Just to name a few of the things I saw.

 

Hard to say.

[destroyed4sho]

Man it was some of the weirdest stuff I ever saw and I have seen a lot. LOL!!

 

I don't know it was her cutting her wrists on front of me, or her banging a cabinet door against her head over and over, or the time I went to her house and she had pulled out all of her eyelashes. Or maybe it was her preoccupation with her cats like there were people. Or maybe the bulimea. Or the the hand fulls of Atavan she would down, or the time she ended up in the emergency room after taking pills, or her stalking me from time to time that shocked me the most. Just to name a few of the things I saw.

 

Hard to say.

 

The cutting, downing pills and self-harm is pretty classic behavior...mine did all of those things and wanted me to know about it. It is their way of wanting you to know they are hurt.

[Emilia]

Do you mean that codependents have this thought process too?

For codependents the resentment comes from their putting others' needs and wants before their own, all the 'sacrifices' they make for the others that they feel goes unappreciated. This is what excessive caretaking is: 'helping' another adult coping with alcoholism for example or BPD. While it seems like a genuine gesture, it is in fact a form of control.

 

This book is very good I think: Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself: Amazon.co.uk: Melody Beattie: Books

[bluegreen]

Love is truly blind

[dreamingoftigers]

This posting scared me....lol

 

dreamoftigers-

 

Your posting explains my thought process exactly when I am with someone....after they dont seem as "devoted" yes, I start to resent and even hate them. From your research, is this exclusive to BPDers or also in people that are sensitive??

 

Do you think I am a BPD? I have dated one, but he was on the extreme end....so comparing myself to him I never thought I could have that disorder.

 

I would guess that it isn't exclusive to BPDers at all. In fact the feelings may even be 110% normal BUT how quickly they oscillate may not be (I don't know your frequency). As well, it tends to be the responses that make up the disorder.

 

Also, I really am not a psychiatrist. Really not. If you think that you might be a decent book to pick up is Sometimes I Act Crazy and see if it resonates with you.

 

At one point my husband was worried about himself being BPD just because of some of the traits, but you need to fit more than 2 or 3 criteria to be considered BPD.

 

Honestly, if you are deeply concerned, get screened. I still go through bouts of resent and so forth, that's natural. What isn't natural is blowing up into high-level rages over it and thinking that it's fine.

 

But I will say this: My gut says that you aren't. Something about the way and how you are asking. But remember, my gut isn't a psychiatrist. Hell, my gut isn't even a psychologist. In fact, it does pretty well with catching my husband or kid up to something, other than that, it's good for storing cake.

 

There are plenty of people who have BPD and co-dependent traits that they might need to work on.

[Emilia]

Love is truly blind

In fact it lets you find your kind of crazy

[Emilia]

At one point my husband was worried about himself being BPD just because of some of the traits, but you need to fit more than 2 or 3 criteria to be considered BPD.

It is also that it's a spectrum disorder, isn't it? ie we all possess a lot of the traits but not to a degree that it interferes with our emotional regulation.