Omg... I went out with a bpd

[dreamingoftigers]

Well that was my purpose for posting in the thread. I am relatively certain that I have it and have done a lot of research on it. I do plan to see someone about it. I thought this thread seemed to make all people with BPD out to seem like monsters who are only capable of mentally destroying someone else.

 

I am 22.

 

What is FOO? If that's my family, there are not many diagnosed although I suspect there are a few who have their issues. If it's pertaining to my ex, he was a deeply insecure man who sort of preyed upon the fact that I was emotional? He used to like to be the hero, swooping in to save me... until it became too much for him. The weird thing is, I never needed the saving before I met him.

 

Based on what I have read, though, there is a possibility that BPD can be caused by childhood sexual abuse. I believe that is where mine stems from, but I'm not certain.

 

22 is a ripe age to spot and diagnose BPD, get screened.

FOO is Family of Origin.

As for the "heroic" ex who couldn't "take it anymore" that tended to be my pattern when I was younger (pre-EMDR). As well as the insecurity. On top of that, when I was outside of a relationship, the BPD traits weren't as observable. It seems that BPD folk fly off the handle with intimacy and conversely isolation.

 

My personal theory, backed by some and not by others, is that having an unstable childhood leaves a person having anxiety and trauma when people get too far (isolation) or too near (intimacy). Since as a child they wanted someone around, but got scared when they got too close that they would be abused, harmed or abandoned again, it raised fear and shame.

 

Sexual abuse strongly correlates with BPD, most likely for this reason. Anxiety about being neglected and isolated and vulnerable/ conversely being afraid that getting too close to someone is going to be additionally traumatic.

 

Honestly, check it out. You have nothing to lose. And it is not the death sentence it was 15 years ago. By far. If it was, I guarantee that I wouldn't be here. And I am, I have not felt the emotional/suicidal flooding in eight years. Despite having extremely difficult circumstances and every relational trigger being hit.

 

BPD people are stronger then they know. But they need the trauma treated to get them out of "fight or flight" mode every time someone leaves or someone gets too emotionally close.

[dreamingoftigers]

It is also that it's a spectrum disorder, isn't it? ie we all possess a lot of the traits but not to a degree that it interferes with our emotional regulation.

 

Sigh.....

 

When I think of spectrum disorder, I think of my autistic siblings.

 

Yes, there is a degree to BPD for sure.

 

I did have self-harming behaviours and reactions BUT I was also lucky enough to have the awareness to see that something was wrong with me and not because I was some shi**y person.

 

But there still needs to be certain set criteria to be met to have the formal diagnosis.

 

I know that the current DSM movement is shaky at best right now, but the standard is still I believe 5 out of 8 (9?) traits to hit that classification.

 

Otherwise, many of the traits separately are easier to treat through some basic CBT and looking at it as a histrionic issue.

 

BPD requires a pretty tricky balance to treat in most sufferers.

[thefooloftheyear]

Love is truly blind

 

No, in most of these cases(im not necessarily talking about BPD), its the little head thinking for the big one..

 

TFY

[dreamingoftigers]

No, in most of these cases(im not necessarily talking about BPD), its the little head thinking for the big one..

 

TFY

 

There's been a lot in this thread alluding to BPD sexuality.

 

Where it's wonderful to know how great I am in bed, () it's also something that may require some explanation.

 

I found that sex for me was something I did with frequency and regularity because I enjoyed it and it "hyper-bonded" me to the person. Much like our BSs and WSs do post d-day.

 

A lot of them mention some shame after. I didn't find that so often. I remember one time with my first boyfriend thinking "how did I just do that?"

 

Now someone posted that we have sex like that to mess with the other person's judgment. It's hard to say. I didn't think so when I was full-blown BPD. I did know, however, that I felt most safely bonded and kind of "high" with sex.

 

I also know that I "wanted to be wanted" to arouse passion and even neediness in another person for me because that gives a ton of validation to a BPD who fears a lot of abandonment. Have I "used" sex? I'm honestly not sure because I haven't had sex as an active BPD when I didn't want it. I've typically wanted sex for my own sake or to preserve the relationship (but even in the preservation mode, I found as an active BPD that my arousal was hair-trigger so of course I wanted it anyway). In fact, part of the reason I married my husband is I thought he could almost keep up with me. I remember him shocked that I gave him four bjs one day and still expected intercourse after.

 

I do remember finding it very strange and even somewhat upsetting when a partner would refuse sex. Especially if they refused sex after fighting. To mr I thought "what in the Hell? It's SEX!"

 

And whereas I took a domestic violence 14-week program and found out that "make-up sex" is apparently an uncomfortable, awful thing for 9/10 women.....(victims and abusers, it was really weird being in a room with women who beat up their boyfriends and thought that they were entitled to. ) I had no idea that women would have a problem with it!

 

In hindsight, an argument would push my mate back just far enough from getting too close in but then I would feel aroused etc after an emotional release like that and want to have sex. Now if the guy had been with me for a bit, he's just been skewered by me and sex very well was a no-go in those situations. Which would cause me to be explosive all over again because I felt like he was rejecting/abandoning me after I put the offer/olive branch out.

 

I can see how abusive and confusing that is now. But I'm post-treatment and no longer 23.

 

It's hard to see sex and even many of the behaviours I did have as "manipulations" because many of them were "this is how I am supposed to act in a relationship OR this is how far my emotional state has overflowed."

 

Empathy was a hard thing for me with an actual person in front of me because I could understand how someone would be hurt or scared by a partner cutting themselves or what have you, but I couldn't understand how "my partner" would be so upset because "they" had "pushed me to it." And "they knew what I was going through/what I meant/how empty I felt without them."

 

So everything seemed justified, even logical.

I honestly, bottom-of-my-heart don't remember a whole lot of conscious, "well I'll just mess with his mind and go hot/cold until he breaks."

I remember a lot of "how could he leave me blowing in the wind like this? Doesn't he know that I could kill myself? Doesn't he care after all that we were? I'm mean, this happened the last six times! Am I not pretty enough? Are my breasts not large enough? Is there someone else? Why does no one ever truly love me half as much as I do them? Why don't they fight to keep me like I do them? There must be something wrong with me. But if there was something wrong with me, why did they sleep with me so much? I'm so angry! They must've been using me!"

 

And it really goes round and round that quick. That's why you get a gf blowing up your phone and then sobbing that she wants you to come back and the threats of "you better not come back around here!" Followed by, "can't we talk about this, we've been together for so long now, through so much and I love you. I know I'm a little much to handle sometimes......"

 

(Good God it's weird to look back on. I'm glad I remember it, but man, I can really see some damage I've done.)

 

An earmarked of BPD is the two hemispheres in the PFC don't communicate with each other in balance. (EMDR really helped form those "communication pathways.") So, emotionally your brain oscillates from a super-high Pollyanna-ish euphoria to the deepest darkest sadness and fear. Within very short time periods. About enough to have a cluster of thoughts on the left and then the right. Because of this there is a constant background of stress and arousal because we really aren't designed to have that much grief that often. It keeps our adrenaline up and us in a very primal state for an extended period of time. Honestly, think of an animal in the wild. Hyper-vigilant, survival mode, mating, hunting, running scared etc. and it cannot be reasoned with.

 

Those are the kind of stresses having a split frontal focus gives.

(Intelligence notwithstanding).

[dreamingoftigers]

I hope that makes sense. TBH, it's hard going back into wherever those memories are stored because it's almost so foreign to me now it's like a film or book I read. Like another lifetime even. Treatment affected my mood regulation so drastically that I have to consciously delve back to articulate where my head was at.

 

And it is very hard to articulate to begin with, especially to someone who doesn't have the same context. If you haven't been emotionally and stress-wise "flooded" on a regular basis it's hard to see BPD-actions as anything other than selfish/manipulated/self-serving and sadistic in many cases BUT most often you can see a BPD person being rather post as well as intentional. It's somewhat of a conundrum. (Try living it:p)

 

To be honest, I'd rather have many dark days with a more balanced brain than a day of living with a completely unbalanced/unregulated brain that is rarely calm

ever again. And I have been able to compare the two side-by-side.

 

If you've ever had a real, solid adrenal rush, living with BPD is much like that everyday and is very easily triggered. BUT if you've had it all of your life, you can't tell the difference and often can't even fugues out what the big fuss is about.

[thefooloftheyear]

There's been a lot in this thread alluding to BPD sexuality.

 

Where it's wonderful to know how great I am in bed, () it's also something that may require some explanation.

 

I found that sex for me was something I did with frequency and regularity because I enjoyed it and it "hyper-bonded" me to the person. Much like our BSs and WSs do post d-day.

 

A lot of them mention some shame after. I didn't find that so often. I remember one time with my first boyfriend thinking "how did I just do that?"

 

Now someone posted that we have sex like that to mess with the other person's judgment. It's hard to say. I didn't think so when I was full-blown BPD. I did know, however, that I felt most safely bonded and kind of "high" with sex.

 

I also know that I "wanted to be wanted" to arouse passion and even neediness in another person for me because that gives a ton of validation to a BPD who fears a lot of abandonment. Have I "used" sex? I'm honestly not sure because I haven't had sex as an active BPD when I didn't want it. I've typically wanted sex for my own sake or to preserve the relationship (but even in the preservation mode, I found as an active BPD that my arousal was hair-trigger so of course I wanted it anyway). In fact, part of the reason I married my husband is I thought he could almost keep up with me. I remember him shocked that I gave him four bjs one day and still expected intercourse after.

 

I do remember finding it very strange and even somewhat upsetting when a partner would refuse sex. Especially if they refused sex after fighting. To mr I thought "what in the Hell? It's SEX!"

 

And whereas I took a domestic violence 14-week program and found out that "make-up sex" is apparently an uncomfortable, awful thing for 9/10 women.....(victims and abusers, it was really weird being in a room with women who beat up their boyfriends and thought that they were entitled to. ) I had no idea that women would have a problem with it!

 

In hindsight, an argument would push my mate back just far enough from getting too close in but then I would feel aroused etc after an emotional release like that and want to have sex. Now if the guy had been with me for a bit, he's just been skewered by me and sex very well was a no-go in those situations. Which would cause me to be explosive all over again because I felt like he was rejecting/abandoning me after I put the offer/olive branch out.

 

I can see how abusive and confusing that is now. But I'm post-treatment and no longer 23.

 

It's hard to see sex and even many of the behaviours I did have as "manipulations" because many of them were "this is how I am supposed to act in a relationship OR this is how far my emotional state has overflowed."

 

Empathy was a hard thing for me with an actual person in front of me because I could understand how someone would be hurt or scared by a partner cutting themselves or what have you, but I couldn't understand how "my partner" would be so upset because "they" had "pushed me to it." And "they knew what I was going through/what I meant/how empty I felt without them."

 

So everything seemed justified, even logical.

I honestly, bottom-of-my-heart don't remember a whole lot of conscious, "well I'll just mess with his mind and go hot/cold until he breaks."

I remember a lot of "how could he leave me blowing in the wind like this? Doesn't he know that I could kill myself? Doesn't he care after all that we were? I'm mean, this happened the last six times! Am I not pretty enough? Are my breasts not large enough? Is there someone else? Why does no one ever truly love me half as much as I do them? Why don't they fight to keep me like I do them? There must be something wrong with me. But if there was something wrong with me, why did they sleep with me so much? I'm so angry! They must've been using me!"

 

And it really goes round and round that quick. That's why you get a gf blowing up your phone and then sobbing that she wants you to come back and the threats of "you better not come back around here!" Followed by, "can't we talk about this, we've been together for so long now, through so much and I love you. I know I'm a little much to handle sometimes......"

 

(Good God it's weird to look back on. I'm glad I remember it, but man, I can really see some damage I've done.)

 

An earmarked of BPD is the two hemispheres in the PFC don't communicate with each other in balance. (EMDR really helped form those "communication pathways.") So, emotionally your brain oscillates from a super-high Pollyanna-ish euphoria to the deepest darkest sadness and fear. Within very short time periods. About enough to have a cluster of thoughts on the left and then the right. Because of this there is a constant background of stress and arousal because we really aren't designed to have that much grief that often. It keeps our adrenaline up and us in a very primal state for an extended period of time. Honestly, think of an animal in the wild. Hyper-vigilant, survival mode, mating, hunting, running scared etc. and it cannot be reasoned with.

 

Those are the kind of stresses having a split frontal focus gives.

(Intelligence notwithstanding).

 

Interesting...Thanks for your insight...

 

See the part I bolded...This was life on a daily basis..I couldnt for the life of me figure it out...It was maddening..I thought I was losing my mind..

 

I can only speak of my own experience..I have been around some time and I am no rookie when it comes to experience with women, this last one was quite unique..

 

While I like to think I am one sexy ass mofo..(kiddin of course)..This one spoke VERY sexually explicit, on even the very first contact...Then proceeded to invite me to her house alone on the first "date"..I didnt do it, but frankly I could have gotten the whole deal within an hour of first physical contact..I even remarked that "you must really trust me"..

 

There is a world more to the story, but Ill spare it..Looking back on it, yes, loose boundaries certainly apply....

 

TFY

Edited June 4, 2013 by thefooloftheyear

[Emilia]

So everything seemed justified, even logical.

I honestly, bottom-of-my-heart don't remember a whole lot of conscious, "well I'll just mess with his mind and go hot/cold until he breaks."

I remember a lot of "how could he leave me blowing in the wind like this? Doesn't he know that I could kill myself? Doesn't he care after all that we were? I'm mean, this happened the last six times! Am I not pretty enough? Are my breasts not large enough? Is there someone else? Why does no one ever truly love me half as much as I do them? Why don't they fight to keep me like I do them? There must be something wrong with me. But if there was something wrong with me, why did they sleep with me so much? I'm so angry! They must've been using me!"

Yeah I remember things like this. My ex definitely used sex - especially in the beginning - for bonding and merging. It became intimate very quickly but I can see now that it was something else in a way. He freaked out after sex a lot and he did tell me once that he felt used. I was like 'WTF'?

 

So when last time he got in touch and asked for sex (during Easter I think) and I told him I felt like I was a sexual abuser so for that reason alone the answer is no, he got very very angry

[dreamingoftigers]

Interesting...Thanks for your insight...

 

I can only speak of my own experience..I have been around some time and I am no rookie when it comes to experience with women, this last one was quite unique..

 

While I like to think I am one sexy ass mofo..(kiddin of course)..This one spoke VERY sexually explicit, on even the very first contact...Then proceeded to invite me to her house alone on the first "date"..I didnt do it, but frankly I could have gotten the whole deal within an hour of first physical contact..I even remarked that "you must really trust me"..

 

There is a world more to the story, but Ill spare it..Looking back on it, yes, loose boundaries certainly apply....

 

TFY

 

Is this a euphemism?

 

As well, I do recall a lot of "wanting to extremely please a guy" or make it very very easy on him up front. Because often I'd hear complaints like "women don't approach me, women think I'm a loser, I had to practically beg for sex etc."

 

I would just think, "I can totally be that awesome girl and I like sex!"

It was something that I viewed as "apart from emotions" but then it would emotionally trap me sometimes. And I was emotionally unregulated to begin with so......not a great thing.

 

Looking back on it some more, sometimes the guy would get hooked avd I wouldn't for whatever reason. That was the WORST. Ugh. So awful because I could totally empathize with it.

 

As well, as a BPDer, it's like you can't see the whole other person. You know that they mean a lot to you, but of you think of that "animal surviving" analogy, you can envision a wolf or something protecting his mate but that doesn't mean that he understands hers etc.

[thefooloftheyear]

Is this a euphemism?

 

As well, I do recall a lot of "wanting to extremely please a guy" or make it very very easy on him up front. Because often I'd hear complaints like "women don't approach me, women think I'm a loser, I had to practically beg for sex etc."

 

I would just think, "I can totally be that awesome girl and I like sex!"

It was something that I viewed as "apart from emotions" but then it would emotionally trap me sometimes. And I was emotionally unregulated to begin with so......not a great thing.

 

Looking back on it some more, sometimes the guy would get hooked avd I wouldn't for whatever reason. That was the WORST. Ugh. So awful because I could totally empathize with it.

 

As well, as a BPDer, it's like you can't see the whole other person. You know that they mean a lot to you, but of you think of that "animal surviving" analogy, you can envision a wolf or something protecting his mate but that doesn't mean that he understands hers etc.

 

Thats well said...

 

Not sure if you are a parent, and I dont want to veer far off track..But I have never seen someone as "un-motherly" as she was...It was actually very sad...What is your experience there? I know not all cases are the same..

 

TFY

[jabbzy64]

wow.. that just reminded me how my ex would feel emptu and daid sometimes she needed to have sex with me to feel connected. also if I was horny and she wasnt she would say "fine.. get on top snd fo your thing"... also if she couldnt have sex due to being sick or something she would be like "I might aswell leave since I have no use for you"...

 

 

also if I ever wasnt feeling like sex.... the guilt trips... omg.

[Treasa]

I only read the first post. Yikes. She sounds like how I used to be, only worse.

 

Normally I'm cautious about people diagnosing others, but you said several things that convince me that she is, indeed, BPD. What cinched it was the cutting. I went to my psychiatrist a couple of years ago (first time I met her) and, after having read several books about BPD, told her that that was what I thought I had.

 

She asked me if I engaged in any kind of self-harm. I said no, and based on that and some other things, she disagreed and said I don't have BPD. I agree with her now that I'm out of that haze. I just had some physical health issues and some malfunctioning serotonin issues, which have been corrected.

 

I'm really glad you got away from her.

[dreamingoftigers]

wow.. that just reminded me how my ex would feel emptu and daid sometimes she needed to have sex with me to feel connected. also if I was horny and she wasnt she would say "fine.. get on top snd fo your thing"... also if she couldnt have sex due to being sick or something she would be like "I might aswell leave since I have no use for you"...

 

 

also if I ever wasnt feeling like sex.... the guilt trips... omg.

 

Not that I "like" that she had this attitude about sex. Just validating your experience.

[jabbzy64]

Guys and Girls...

 

I feel so drained and from this relationship..

 

It really is like getting over a drug addiciton. I nearly dream of her every night.

 

I have just joined a church group and they have been very nice and supportive so I am trying to def improve things for myself.

 

I am also moving house soon as I don't want to be a place that contains so many memories.

Will she ever feel guilt for what she did to me? Or is it easy for somebody like her to just be like "oh well... i'll get another dude":confused:

[flitzanu]

Guys and Girls...

 

I feel so drained and from this relationship..

 

It really is like getting over a drug addiciton. I nearly dream of her every night.

 

I have just joined a church group and they have been very nice and supportive so I am trying to def improve things for myself.

 

I am also moving house soon as I don't want to be a place that contains so many memories.

Will she ever feel guilt for what she did to me? Or is it easy for somebody like her to just be like "oh well... i'll get another dude":confused:

 

she may feel guilt at this very moment, but she's never going to admit it. don't let that be the reason keeping you awake at night.

[dreamingoftigers]

Guys and Girls...

 

I feel so drained and from this relationship..

 

It really is like getting over a drug addiciton. I nearly dream of her every night.

 

I have just joined a church group and they have been very nice and supportive so I am trying to def improve things for myself.

 

I am also moving house soon as I don't want to be a place that contains so many memories.

Will she ever feel guilt for what she did to me? Or is it easy for somebody like her to just be like "oh well... i'll get another dude":confused:

 

Depends on how aware she becomes.

 

Just know this: her life is not a picnic right now. She feels entirely dependent on outside validation and it's never enough. She's walking through life: gaining hope, being hooked into believing that "this one will do it, this one will stay," feeling abandoned when the guy goes to get a burger from A&W, Wondering if he really loves her because she likes Wendy's better, emotionally skewering the dude to the point where he oscillates between running and coming back hitting her abandonment trigger like a woodpecker on meth, and then being turned out again to feel empty and devoid and wanting to die.

 

Erm. She might get help some day and think, "man I screwed over Al, and Joe, and jabbzy, and they didn't deserve that. Wow. That sucks, I am never going to do that again."

 

She cared, I'm sure, but it was in her own sick way. And she can't do any better than that right now.

 

Maybe if you believe in Heaven, we'll all get a touch of enlightenment one day and meet like we're at a conference to apologize to one another. That's all I got. Sorry man.

[marqueemoon4]

Woodpeckers on meth are no laughing matter. They need help

[jabbzy64]

It all just takes time.

 

I might feel crap right now... but she will constantly be a miserable human being if she continues her lifestyle and treatment of people.

[dreamingoftigers]

It all just takes time.

 

I might feel crap right now... but she will constantly be a miserable human being if she continues her lifestyle and treatment of people.

 

Well, yeah, that's a given.

[Emilia]

It all just takes time.

 

I might feel crap right now... but she will constantly be a miserable human being if she continues her lifestyle and treatment of people.

As we know, it's not your job to fix her

[Mack05]

As we know, it's not your job to fix her

 

It's your job to fix you. Emotionally healthy people don't dance with emotionally unhealthy people. Which means there are issues on your end as well. You REALLY need to address those. I think people who dated a BPDer can relate to your story. I know many sceptics will say we are not professionals, but when you dated a BDPer you just know it. The stories are always so similar. You just find yourself nodding along to them.

 

Take it from a guy who tried in vain to open his ex's mind. It is an enormous waste of your time. Not only that when a BPDer is being 'exposed' or threatened they bite back hard. Some people are broke and you can't fix them. You need to accept that fact, let this go and focus on yourself. What will happen to her, will happen to her. She is no longer your concern. You need to ensure your own happiness.

 

If your focus is all on her you will attract another unhealthy partner in the future and the cycle begins again. I speak from experience mate..You will NEVER understand her behaviours so quit trying.

[Emilia]

It's your job to fix you. Emotionally healthy people don't dance with emotionally unhealthy people. Which means there are issues on your end as well. You REALLY need to address those. I think people who dated a BPDer can relate to your story. I know many sceptics will say we are not professionals, but when you dated a BDPer you just know it. The stories are always so similar. You just find yourself nodding along to them.

 

Take it from a guy who tried in vain to open his ex's mind. It is an enormous waste of your time. Not only that when a BPDer is being 'exposed' or threatened they bite back hard. Some people are broke and you can't fix them. You need to accept that fact, let this go and focus on yourself. What will happen to her, will happen to her. She is no longer your concern. You need to ensure your own happiness.

 

If your focus is all on her you will attract another unhealthy partner in the future and the cycle begins again. I speak from experience mate..You will NEVER understand her behaviours so quit trying.

 

Very well articulated, my thoughts exactly.

 

Nice to see you Mack. You saw 'bpd' and you thought it had your name all over it?

[dreamingoftigers]

It's your job to fix you. Emotionally healthy people don't dance with emotionally unhealthy people. Which means there are issues on your end as well. You REALLY need to address those. I think people who dated a BPDer can relate to your story. I know many sceptics will say we are not professionals, but when you dated a BDPer you just know it. The stories are always so similar. You just find yourself nodding along to them.

 

Take it from a guy who tried in vain to open his ex's mind. It is an enormous waste of your time. Not only that when a BPDer is being 'exposed' or threatened they bite back hard. Some people are broke and you can't fix them. You need to accept that fact, let this go and focus on yourself. What will happen to her, will happen to her. She is no longer your concern. You need to ensure your own happiness.

 

If your focus is all on her you will attract another unhealthy partner in the future and the cycle begins again. I speak from experience mate..You will NEVER understand her behaviours so quit trying.

 

There have been a few that really were off of the mark.

 

There was one not long ago that really reeked of ASPD and/or some kind of sociopathic traits. Not BPD.

 

And there have been some classic NPD type traits.

 

And then there have just been addicts who go off of the rails who otherwise wouldn't be acting deranged. For instance, my husband during his meltdown would've possessed all of the traits at one point. But he is NOT BPD. He has been evaluated (actually twice now, once for personal, once to regain custody of our daughter). He is patently NOT. But he was very unstable for quite some time. Addiction is one of those things that actually masks an underlying diagnosis. That's why people like Dr. Drew say to treat the addiction first before proceeding. No point in trying DBT on a sociopath......

 

And honestly, sometimes people just got dumped. And they need a "reason."

 

And there have even been some OPs that project BPD on the people that left them. Blatantly. I tend not to trust the stories from the daters, but this guy just seems so broken from it, and very unabashedly honest about his role and feelings in the matter. I agree with him. I would say 90% she would be diagnosed with BPD if the information is accurate. But only because I have been there myself. And this is the only thread I haven't hesitated on.

 

There's someone on here that I strongly suspect of having the traits, but I won't divulge too much in case she reads the thread. (Watch half of LS think I am talking about them, but not the intended person. :lmao:) But mostly, I would refrain from calling "BPD!" out too much.

 

Even BPD in and of itself is an umbrella term now where there are certain clusters of traits that make up other disorders BUT are treated vastly differently.

 

Frankly, I have a little trouble trusting the intuition (in general, not in specific) of those who claim to have gotten involved with BPD-folk. Not that they aren't right a decent percentage of the time. But most of it seems to be an emotionally-based argument without an actual review of the traits. And certainly not an objective one. Plus, before-hand they didn't have the sense to get away from the person. Didn't see what was "wrong" if there even was anything.

 

My mother has her Bachelor's in Psych. She tried to "fix" my Dad for years. Ridiculous. You can't accurately diagnose and "!ix" someone you are dating/married to. That crosses so many lines and really you can't know 100% just what they are showing you. People have known each other 20+ years and get shell-shocked by the things they learn about family, spouses and friends.

 

Diagnosing someone is best left to the people who have significant experience doing so. And even THEY often have their diagnosis overturned. Honestly, the only people I trust 95+% are those that have a consistent track record 10+ years and/or the Amen Brain Clinic SPECT scans.

[Mack05]

Dreamoft good post. Especially the end. I actually think it really doesnt matter if an ex has bpd, cpd, efg, xyz. As long as u recognise that a) they are bat sh$§t crazy and b) so is the person (most of us) who put up with the fruit loop behaviour and ignored the warnings..

 

And for what cause he or she is hot and good in bed!?I see your opinion in that there is no point in labelling. Even if some are right about their exs. They key thing is to put the steps in place so that this never happens to you again.

 

Be Dr Phil to you own life, not to someone elses

Edited June 5, 2013 by Mack05

[jabbzy64]

By the way...

 

I came to the conclusion of BPD back in february.. not just recently.

 

I just thought I could fix her.

 

Wrong Wrong Wrong

[dreamingoftigers]

By the way...

 

I came to the conclusion of BPD back in february.. not just recently.

 

I just thought I could fix her.

 

Wrong Wrong Wrong

 

My husband thought that he could fix me.

 

So did my ex before him.

 

Kinda harsh actually.

 

But then again, I thought I could fix my husband too when the time came.

 

We all should've been fixed.