Omg... I went out with a bpd

[dreamingoftigers]

I found the gaps between each 'popping up' longer and longer. I think Downtown observed the same.

 

Yeah, it's kind of like we "test the waters to see where we're at."

 

Plus to be completely honest, relationships are very painful for us.

 

At first everything seems amazing in all aspects, then we discover that you aren't as "devoted" to us as we are to you. Because NOBODY could be. And we take it as personal abandonment.

 

Then, in order to secure the relationship, we show you how much we hurt over you so that you feel loved by us (that you mean so much to us) and then we escalate it until you respond. Meanwhile, we actually resent having to go to these extremes but you are being so cold and you give us attention when we go off of the rails. So it becomes a pattern.

 

Meanwhile we can't actually see that we are completely tormenting the person that we care about.

 

We actually feel that that person doesn't see us hurting or doesn't care that we are. So we feel that we have been duped into loving someone that we would take our own lives for and that they look down on us and wouldn't give us the time of day. Since we are so single-focused, we figure that we will never find another love. So you are literally in control of our hopes and dreams. And every time you go away from us, it is a threat to take away our very hopes and dreams.

 

And then we hate you for that.

 

So, anyhow......you can see just how messed up that is.

 

Man, it was kind of difficult even delving back into those memories.

 

But I can honestly tell you that she can't see the hurt she's caused you. But she can see the amplified version of hurt you've caused her. Simply by being a normal human being and having boundaries that you set in place.

[Emilia]

Meanwhile we can't actually see that we are completely tormenting the person that we care about.

 

We actually feel that that person doesn't see us hurting or doesn't care that we are. So we feel that we have been duped into loving someone that we would take our own lives for and that they look down on us and wouldn't give us the time of day. Since we are so single-focused, we figure that we will never find another love. So you are literally in control of our hopes and dreams. And every time you go away from us, it is a threat to take away our very hopes and dreams.

 

And then we hate you for that.

Yes I remember opting for one night out without my ex and going to the gym instead and for a curry after with my friends. He didn't talk to me for 24 hours because he in fact would cut short his gym sessions just to see me even though I didn't ask for that. I'd never ask someone to give something up for me yet he expected me to do just that - but not in a nasty way. He moved to live close to me which I liked but he put so much pressure on the whole thing that it became unsustainable. I simply could not provide the amount of attention he wanted and he would withdraw from time to time anyway which was extremely hurtful. So he made sacrifices I didn't ask for and expected the same from me at a level I simply could not provide.

But I can honestly tell you that she can't see the hurt she's caused you. But she can see the amplified version of hurt you've caused her. Simply by being a normal human being and having boundaries that you set in place.

This is why it would never ever work OP. You can't live up to her expectations and she would just shut you out anyway when it got too much for her.

[dreamingoftigers]

Yes I remember opting for one night out without my ex and going to the gym instead and for a curry after with my friends. He didn't talk to me for 24 hours because he in fact would cut short his gym sessions just to see me even though I didn't ask for that. I'd never ask someone to give something up for me yet he expected me to do just that - but not in a nasty way. He moved to live close to me which I liked but he put so much pressure on the whole thing that it became unsustainable. I simply could not provide the amount of attention he wanted and he would withdraw from time to time anyway which was extremely hurtful. So he made sacrifices I didn't ask for and expected the same from me at a level I simply could not provide.

 

This is why it would never ever work OP. You can't live up to her expectations and she would just shut you out anyway when it got too much for her.

 

But truth be told, if you made more sacrifices than him, he would feel powerless in the relationship and that creates a whole other set of push-backs and "you're too clingy."

 

It's a no-win scenario.

 

Having a relationship with a very unbalanced brain isn't fun for either participant.

[jabbzy64]

Yes I remember opting for one night out without my ex and going to the gym instead and for a curry after with my friends. He didn't talk to me for 24 hours because he in fact would cut short his gym sessions just to see me even though I didn't ask for that. I'd never ask someone to give something up for me yet he expected me to do just that - but not in a nasty way. He moved to live close to me which I liked but he put so much pressure on the whole thing that it became unsustainable. I simply could not provide the amount of attention he wanted and he would withdraw from time to time anyway which was extremely hurtful. So he made sacrifices I didn't ask for and expected the same from me at a level I simply could not provide.

 

This is why it would never ever work OP. You can't live up to her expectations and she would just shut you out anyway when it got too much for her.

 

The gym things just made me remember another instance...

 

I decided to go to the Gym one night... when she found out that was the case instead of me spending the night with her...I got a pretty big guilt trip over it.. I would say "I love you" and 70% of the time would be responded with "YEAH YEAH"

[dreamingoftigers]

The gym things just made me remember another instance...

 

I decided to go to the Gym one night... when she found out that was the case instead of me spending the night with her...I got a pretty big guilt trip over it.. I would say "I love you" and 70% of the time would be responded with "YEAH YEAH"

 

She doesn't believe it because "why would you love someone as screwed up as me."

 

OR "if you loved me then you would have folded my socks this way instead of that."

 

I highly suspect that my BPD traits come from my father's side of the family. (Because they are effing nuts!). It turns out that if someone moves his shoes or if my mother makes the bed a certain way that it means "she's rejecting him and doesn't want him to come to bed." Erm.... yeah.... well now she doesn't!

[Emilia]

The gym things just made me remember another instance...

 

I decided to go to the Gym one night... when she found out that was the case instead of me spending the night with her...I got a pretty big guilt trip over it.. I would say "I love you" and 70% of the time would be responded with "YEAH YEAH"

It's just frikken impossible. There would be always something

[thefooloftheyear]

Yeah, it's kind of like we "test the waters to see where we're at."

 

Plus to be completely honest, relationships are very painful for us.

 

At first everything seems amazing in all aspects, then we discover that you aren't as "devoted" to us as we are to you. Because NOBODY could be. And we take it as personal abandonment.

 

Then, in order to secure the relationship, we show you how much we hurt over you so that you feel loved by us (that you mean so much to us) and then we escalate it until you respond. Meanwhile, we actually resent having to go to these extremes but you are being so cold and you give us attention when we go off of the rails. So it becomes a pattern.

 

Meanwhile we can't actually see that we are completely tormenting the person that we care about.

 

We actually feel that that person doesn't see us hurting or doesn't care that we are. So we feel that we have been duped into loving someone that we would take our own lives for and that they look down on us and wouldn't give us the time of day. Since we are so single-focused, we figure that we will never find another love. So you are literally in control of our hopes and dreams. And every time you go away from us, it is a threat to take away our very hopes and dreams.

 

And then we hate you for that.

 

So, anyhow......you can see just how messed up that is.

 

Man, it was kind of difficult even delving back into those memories.

 

But I can honestly tell you that she can't see the hurt she's caused you. But she can see the amplified version of hurt you've caused her. Simply by being a normal human being and having boundaries that you set in place.

 

 

I get the chills reading this...Unbelievable..And here I thought she was "one of a kind"....

 

If you dont mind..I might PM you...I am still suffering from a bit of PTSD over this...But thankfully I am getting better..

 

TFY

[jabbzy64]

Also everytime I would put a show or movie on... she would think it was directed at her?

 

She walked out halfway during "play misty for me" a movie about a deranged female obsessed over a guy..

 

almost walked half way through "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" because the female reminded her of herself..

 

even if we watched 'spongebob' (yes i like it, lol) and the episode was about spongebob having a bad smell... she goes "ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THAT I SMELL!?"

[Emilia]

I get the chills reading this...Unbelievable..And here I thought she was "one of a kind"....

 

If you dont mind..I might PM you...I am still suffering from a bit of PTSD over this...But thankfully I am getting better..

 

TFY

Nope, quite a few of them around in fact but you have to be a certain kind of person to attract them. That's the bad news

[thefooloftheyear]

Nope, quite a few of them around in fact but you have to be a certain kind of person to attract them. That's the bad news

 

 

Wow...

 

From what I have read women in this scenario use their sexuality to eff up a mans logical thinking...Id say that was the case...

 

Either way. And Ill borrow a phrase that another poster on LS once said(and IIRC she was a female)...

 

"Dont stick your dick in crazy"

 

Wise advice,,,

 

TFY

[thefooloftheyear]

Also everytime I would put a show or movie on... she would think it was directed at her?

 

She walked out halfway during "play misty for me" a movie about a deranged female obsessed over a guy..

 

almost walked half way through "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" because the female reminded her of herself..

 

even if we watched 'spongebob' (yes i like it, lol) and the episode was about spongebob having a bad smell... she goes "ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THAT I SMELL!?"

 

Hey jabzy

 

Did you ever get a call on your cell at 3 AM (only to see that there were 18 missed calls in succession right before that) then after you spend a bleary eyed hour settling her down, she calls you the next day and apologizes for it??

 

What the hell was I thinking!

 

TFY

[Emilia]

"Dont stick your dick in crazy"

 

Wise advice,,,

 

TFY

Yep, that was amaysngrace. She is a smart lady. Listen to her

[jabbzy64]

Hey jabzy

 

Did you ever get a call on your cell at 3 AM (only to see that there were 18 missed calls in succession right before that) then after you spend a bleary eyed hour settling her down, she calls you the next day and apologizes for it??

 

What the hell was I thinking!

 

TFY

 

 

hhhmmm..... I would receive many missed calls...

now that i think of it.. i got a lot of prank calls at work when I started seeing her??

 

She was so paranoid of facebook that I had to delete my account for months... saying how she hates facebook so much...

 

well well.. she is on it again.. she cant hate it that much! Guess it's the tool she uses to seduce men online.

[CelticGibson]

Online is their playground. Why? Because they can get all the attention they crave without any commitments. It's like a kid in a candy store for them.

[starlet86]

Dreamingoftigers, is there a way I can message you on this? Could use some advice with regards to BPD if you wouldn't mind. Or do you have an Email?

[marqueemoon4]

BPD? Maybe. Shows a lot of the traits for sure. Most likely she's just messed up, toxic and has a ton of unresolved issues. Be glad you're free of her.. and have learned some valuable lessons.

[Calvin's wagon]

Starlet86, I think you have to have a certain amount of posts before you can use the "private message" function. I think usually around 50.

 

Best wishes to all

[jabbzy64]

Yes I am glad the drama is over ..

 

The way she could just rmotionally cut herself off really hurt...

 

guess that's what happens when you try to have a functional relationship with a dysfunctional person.

[Chi townD]

Dude, you got the clap and the joked with her about it being thrush? You do realize you traded in one STD for a killer one don't you?

 

Thrush in adults is very uncommon unless you're on prolong use of antibiotics. The other instance of thrush being present in an adult is a symptom of HIV.

 

I would joke with that one dude.

[starlet86]

Thrush is very common in pregnant women... ask her if she's pregnant whilst you are it?

[BrokenHeartedSavior]

Eight years??

 

Wow.... my 8 months are nothing to that timeframe.. still emotionally exhausting none the less.

 

 

Yes indeed Sir,

 

EIGHT YEARS! And it's destroyed me as a human and a man! You're lucky to have escaped when you did!

 

I had children involved, lived with her, and had ZERO idea of what BPD was.

 

Pure agony, pure hell. I couldn't do anything right in her eyes. I thought I was losing my mind.

 

Pure insanity. And yes, she's a classic case- I just didn't know any better.

 

I repaired EVERYTHING in HER house, my kids were treated like trash- as was I. She never had to call a repairman for ANYTHING- I did it all.

 

I worked nights (still do- it pays more) yet I'd come home after 12 hours at work, wash dishes, do laundry, cook, clean. Only to be given the middle finger and be told "YOU'RE JUST A TENANT, YOU NEVER DID A THING AROUND HERE!!"

 

(mind you- I paid most of the rent, paid for 7 cell phones, energy bill, kids lunch money, etc....)

 

Yes indeed Sir, you got out with your a** intact!!

[jabbzy64]

I'm sick of waking up at 5 am in the morning with her as the first thing on my mind!!

 

makes me want to put a gun to my head!!

[dreamingoftigers]

I'm sick of waking up at 5 am in the morning with her as the first thing on my mind!!

 

makes me want to put a gun to my head!!

 

 

She's the BPD, that's her job.

 

Give yourself a few more months to regain your bearings.

 

look up boundaries etc. for the meantime.

[iouaname]

I believe that I may have BPD. I don't think I'm a monster, though. I never cheated on my ex and I would have done anything for him, but I've read things about people with BPD having extreme emotional responses and being prone to self-harm and suicidal feelings/tendencies.

[dreamingoftigers]

I believe that I may have BPD. I don't think I'm a monster, though. I never cheated on my ex and I would have done anything for him, but I've read things about people with BPD having extreme emotional responses and being prone to self-harm and suicidal feelings/tendencies.

 

You aren't a monster per se whatsoever.

 

And to be frank I don't like it when a mental health disorder is villified. BPD is an easy target to demonize and often people on LS will claim that their ex-spouse/gf/bf has it when their posts reflect clearly otherwise.

 

On a different "Bash the BPD thread" one girl went on and on about having a BPD-NPD boyfriend. () The two conditions are extremely rarely co-morbid. Plus she went into such strange territory that the patterns practically screamed to me that SHE was BPD.

 

Just the same as the Narcisscism threads tend to bring out the narcissists that feel that they are the victim to families full of narcissists.

 

If you suspect you have BPD, get screened. Life is so much better and different if you get something like EMDR therapy. You don't lose the ability to love others, but it ceases being twinned with pain. And it seems hard to believe when you are in a BPD state, but the two are separate and need not go together at all. You do not need to suffer for love. Nor are you unworthy of it. You just can't feel and perceive that yet. And yes, someone unbroken wants you. You just need to get well and recover.

 

And this girl that the thread is about is further down the spectrum than I was, for sure. And BPD is spectral. Some have it so back that they are completely non-functional. Others just seem moody until cutting or other self-destructive behaviours appear.

 

I never cheated on a bf either.

 

But I did have lots of freak-out reactions. And I was hospitalized 3 times before the age of 23.

 

How old are you iouaname? There are a decent percentage that outgrow the BPD if they divorce the family patterns long enough. I believe that I would have eventually but thank God it was fast-tracked instead of eating up my 20s as well.

 

And does your FOO have a history of instability?