Boyfriend with son and ex-partner.

[Troubled Heart]

Well, I have a foreign boyfriend. We have a fine relationship, we are not commited to marriage or anything yet. But have beeen together for 9 months.

 

He has a 4 years old son from an ex-girlfriend/ex-partner.

 

I think it is just pure woman jealously or whatever you call it from me:

 

They will be here for a month over this Christmas season and new year, and will be living in his house which I goes every week.

 

He told me he needs to spend time with his son and to "create" a family atmosphere for him since he is still very young and don't know anything. This means I am suppose to "disappear" or he will not be able to contact me for a month.

 

I am really upset about it and didn't know what to do.

 

Or what should he be doing? Or should I just dump him?

 

I am trying to be a understanding woman here..but is it neccessary? Please help!

[Buttercup]

WWELL, it sounds to me like you are making a lot of assumptions. I think your best bet is to talk to him and be honest about how this makes you feel. Try to be positive in doing this. Did he actually tell you to "disappear" during this time or did you assume that? If he cares about you he will listen.

 

Well, I have a foreign boyfriend. We have a fine relationship, we are not commited to marriage or anything yet. But have beeen together for 9 months. He has a 4 years old son from an ex-girlfriend/ex-partner.

 

I think it is just pure woman jealously or whatever you call it from me: They will be here for a month over this Christmas season and new year, and will be living in his house which I goes every week. He told me he needs to spend time with his son and to "create" a family atmosphere for him since he is still very young and don't know anything. This means I am suppose to "disappear" or he will not be able to contact me for a month.

 

I am really upset about it and didn't know what to do. Or what should he be doing? Or should I just dump him? I am trying to be a understanding woman here..but is it neccessary? Please help!

[Tony T]

Everything sounds fairly OK except the part of him not contacting you for a month over the holidays. I wouldn't put up with that. If he loves and cares about you, the holidays are a time when he should be with you the most.

 

If he has no connection with this lady except the child, he should easily be able to slip away and see you. Obviously, this lady still has the hots for him and is using the kid as bait to suck him in. Or maybe he still has the hots for her. Being with this child is important and maybe he just doesn't want to make waives by leaving for periods of time to see you, even if he doesn't tell her where he's going.

 

It all stinks to me. You need to talk to him and ask him if big holidays are always going to be like this. I think the Christmas season is special for most couples and they look forward to spending this time together. If you are going to have to tolerate him not even speaking to you for a month every year because of this situation...if he can't introduce you to his son and ex partner...I would dump him in a heartbeat.

 

It hurts like hell to be alone for the holidays when you actually have someone. But when you know your guy is spending it with an ex girlfriend and mother of his child, that hurt multiplies 50 times.

 

You are going to have to be the one to decide here but my vote is to tell him if he can't spend a little time with you over the holidays, he can just disappear forever. The guy has no class, no consideration for your feelings or respect for his relationship with YOU.

 

I think not seeing you at all for a month during the Christmas holidays while spending time with his ex is way way way way out of line, kid or not.

[Deejette]

You are a part of his life too and he should treat you as such. He is showing you that other people are more important than your relationship. I understand that his son is very important, but he could include you in on entertaining and keeping company with his son.

 

I don't think it is very nice of him to exclude you. You may need to tell him that you don't want to be shut out like this. You can let him know that you are willing to be with his child with him.

 

Then everyone will be happier during the holidays.

Everything sounds fairly OK except the part of him not contacting you for a month over the holidays. I wouldn't put up with that. If he loves and cares about you, the holidays are a time when he should be with you the most. If he has no connection with this lady except the child, he should easily be able to slip away and see you. Obviously, this lady still has the hots for him and is using the kid as bait to suck him in. Or maybe he still has the hots for her. Being with this child is important and maybe he just doesn't want to make waives by leaving for periods of time to see you, even if he doesn't tell her where he's going. It all stinks to me. You need to talk to him and ask him if big holidays are always going to be like this. I think the Christmas season is special for most couples and they look forward to spending this time together. If you are going to have to tolerate him not even speaking to you for a month every year because of this situation...if he can't introduce you to his son and ex partner...I would dump him in a heartbeat. It hurts like hell to be alone for the holidays when you actually have someone. But when you know your guy is spending it with an ex girlfriend and mother of his child, that hurt multiplies 50 times. You are going to have to be the one to decide here but my vote is to tell him if he can't spend a little time with you over the holidays, he can just disappear forever. The guy has no class, no consideration for your feelings or respect for his relationship with YOU. I think not seeing you at all for a month during the Christmas holidays while spending time with his ex is way way way way out of line, kid or not.