Keeping opposite-sex friendships platonic

[edgecrusher96]

I am a girl studying in a very male dominated field, and expect to work in a career full of males (like 90% male) once I graduate. As a result of this, I constantly have to deal with guys in the course of both study and work.

 

Now, a bit about me. I am an ambitious, independent person who doesn't find the prospect of being in a relationship appealing at all, because I like my sense of freedom and privacy, and don't see the point in putting myself in a position to get hurt, and also I'm young and have plenty of time ahead of me. I'm not prepared to make major sacrifices and compromises for someone else in the name of a relationship which in all probability won't even last, so I'm like 'It's my way or the highway'. I also like my sense of personal space so I don't like people touching me, I don't need physical affection. I see letting people touch me as a loss of control, intrusive and an invasion of my space. In short, I'd like to enjoy the single life for as long as I can.

 

Because I am constantly surrounded by guys due to my educational and career path, I want to know how to keep my interactions with them friendly and platonic. The last thing I want is for all the guys to hit on me. From past experience, when I have started dating guy friends, the friendship is adversely affected when we break up. I probably have it better than many people who hate their exes with a passion, but the friendships are strained and we can never be as close as we used to be before we went out because of our history together. So from here on in I just want to be friends with guys, I don't want to screw my friendships up again by going out with my male friends. I want to concentrate on study, work and friendships at the moment and don't want any major emotional commitments.

 

From past experience, here are some conclusions I've arrived at with respect to keeping things within the boundaries of friendship:

 

-Don't spend too much alone time together

-Don't let guys shout me meals, drinks or entertainment, in other words go Dutch and pay my own way

-Don't accept date-like actions from guys such as opening doors for me or giving me chocolates, flowers etc

-Don't let guys give me lifts too often or over long distances

-Don't flirt

-Don't be afraid to burp, fart, swear, drink etc and be one of the guys - as most guys obviously want a real, feminine woman for a girlfriend

-Don't glam up and wear revealing clothes as guys are very visually stimulated

-Don't touch guys AT ALL (except for a handshake, as this is expected in professional relationships) because the merest brush of a female hand can get testosterone levels bubbling over

-Don't talk about emotional stuff or personal problems with guys

 

So can anyone please give me advice for keeping my socializing with guys out of the romantic zone? If a guy has feelings for me and I don't reciprocate them, is the friendship doomed forever? I still want to socialize with guys as friends but don't want to be romantically involved or go out with them at all! I'm very serious about wanting to stay single and fending off romantic/sexual attention. For example, I don't wear open-toed shoes anymore because I've heard that many guys have a foot fetish. I have a cropped haircut because surveys have shown that long hair on women gets a lot more male attention. I've even stopped wearing sleeveless tops around guys because I read somewhere that the armpits are a major source of pheromones.

 

So any guidelines on how to maintain a platonic opposite sex friendship?

[SoleMate]

Your rules are actually rather extreme. I agree with not letting them treat you any differently than they would a platonic male friend - for instance, they should not treat you to meals and drinks unless that is the male-male custom on your set - but to restrict your hairstyle and footwear choices is just too far, IMO. I don't feel that sleeveless tops are right for work/academic setting, however, no matter how casual - just for "off" time.

 

I am also a woman, fairly attractive some tell me, in a male-dominated field (manufacturing and engineering). 90% of my friends are men, and frankly, I have NEVER had a problem keeping it platonic. Just know where your own boundaries are, and make sure everyone else does too - in a nice, unspoken way.

 

Also...please don't sacrifice a relationship permanently. Just find your fellow in some other department - like maybe Literature?

[whichwayisup]

I worked with just men for 12 years in my previous job. I know exactly what you are talking about.

It is difficult cuz there will ALWAYS be some who will be trying to 'work their stuff' on ya.

 

As long as the respect is there, boundries not to cross, things should be okay.

 

I found it easier to just let things go, not react...But I also knew how to push back if I had to. Only once I had to and the situation was resolved pretty quickly after that.

 

Remember these guys are pretty simple to figure out (some of them will be anyways lol) so always keep your humour, even when dealing with those ego's as well.

 

Good luck!