Will he come around?

[lishadenise]

So I've been seeing this guy for two months. When we first met, I made it clear to him I was just looking for an FWB, not a relationship (I was overwhelmed with other stuff going on in my life). He seemed like he wanted a relationship but was ok with FWB. We actually slept together on our second date.

 

Now I'm ready for a relationship and he's not. We had a heated discussion last night and he said he's not ready for a relationship because he's been hurt twice by women who have been sleeping with someone else when he thought they were exclusive. He also doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone that's gone for months at a time (I live elsewhere for work and/or school sometimes). He says that if we started developing feelings for eachother, things would change and he really likes the way things are now-- we hang out and talk about pretty much anything and sleep with each other.

 

I'm now a few hundred miles from him for the next 2.5 months. He says he doesn't want to sleep with anyone else and was pretty upset when I questioned why we'd be exclusive but not in a relationship. He obviously doesn't like the idea of me sleeping with anyone else but said he didn't want me to feel like I was in prison, he wants me to be free to do whatever I want.

 

I would be exclusive with him if I thought he was being honest when he said he wouldn't sleep with anyone else and I thought it would turn into a relationship, but I don't know. My ex also is very controlling and doesn't want me to sleep with anyone else but he sees other people so I'm weary of this kind of arrangement

 

I need the male perspective here. Can this turn into a relationship? I feel like men know early on whether they could see themselves in a relationship with a girl and if he's already made this up in his mind, I don't want to wait around for something that won't happen. I'm ok with continuing with FWB but don't want to be exclusive if he's going to be seeing other people while I'm away.

[KatZee]

You can't change anything. He's going to have to want that change for himself. He was honest and he said that he doesn't want a serious relationship and doesn't want to be with someone who's LD for months on end.

 

Don't stick with him hoping to change his mind, b/c this rarely, IF EVER works.

[bafflio]

I think it is admirable he is willing to be exclusive for you while not forcing you to do the same. That means he likes you but he is afraid because he cannot trust you yet. You should understand it's much more difficult to let someone be without strings. I think he has feelings for you - if you come back from your trip and tell him that you remained exclusive, then he will probably be happy to enter into a relationship with you.

[lishadenise]

He did in fact come around. He called me to tell me that he missed me and only though about me, that he didn't want to be with anyone else and didn't want to share me with anyone else. So now we're working on our relationship, but taking things slow. If my plans come together as I won't have to travel much over the next couple of years.