1 week to go

[Daisybell]

I've never been on anything like this before but I guess I just really need to talk!

 

I have been with my partner with nearly 3 years now and whilst things haven't always been all sunshine and lollipops we love each other with all of our hearts.

 

I met him when he had been separated from his wife for 7 months. There is quite a big age gap between us, he is 43 and I am 25. His wife was not happy weight he age gap between us and she also had decided she wanted to try again with him but he had lost all feelings for her and had not been happy for some time. He left because they had a big argument one night and she kicked him out and he never went back.

Ever since she found out we were together she has caused a lot of stress and problems. She got another mobile phone and started texting him some pretty vile messages calling him a child snatcher and asking him if I was even legal to be in a relationship with. Then she found out my mobile number ( to this day we don't know how) and started sending me some nasty texts messages. We got the police involved and for a while she left us alone. At the start of this year I started receiving letters in the post containing similar context to the texts. This stopped after a few months but then he received some too.

She has stopped him from seeing his daughter and claims she hates him and doesn't want to see him which he has found hard and he says that as much as he would like to see her he can't force her.

He got made redundant last year and had to take a lower paid job. Since he left he has been paying the mortgage and a joint loan they both had together and he also contributes towards a few bills such as the Internet and whenever she needs money for their daughter he hands it to her. He told her that he could no longer afford to keep paying as much as he does as he doesn't have a life anymore and can barely afford to feed himself. She made it very clear she would not be selling the house and also gave up one of her two jobs in order for him to keep paying her.

This has been really tough on both of us as a couple, we can't afford to have nice holidays or treat each other because he can't cannot afford it. I lost my job in April and I'm finding it really hard t find another and find myself becoming really down.

 

In March he came home from a week away with the territorial army. I am used to him going away on tours for short periods of time however I was not prepared for what he had to tell me. He had been offered a job by a friend working in management. It was a significant salary increase for him so he took the job. It's nearly 5 and a half hours away from me. I immediately became very angry and upset when he told me he had accepted the job. I believe he has only accepted it so he can keep his wife happy by continuing to pay for the house and their loan. He keeps telling me he is doing it so we can have a new start and final enjoy being with each other without having the pressures of having no money to do anything. I told him its not about the money as long as I had him nothing else matters.

 

So he leaves next Sunday and I'm not going with him. He has asked me that she he is settled and has a place of his own will I move to be with him.

 

I feel so lost and sad at the moment. All my friends and family are here and he is used to moving around because of being in the army and I'm not. I find myself feeling like I'm falling not a black hole the closer it gets to him leaving and I can't stop crying.

 

My friends are being great and whether this is me being selfish or not I just feel like he's leaving me at a really awful time....if I had a job and could keep mailed busy I think I wouldn't be taking this so badly but I just feel so sad and keep we seeing do long distance actually work?!

[FitChick]

At your age you should be dating to have fun, not drama. You were his transitional woman, the one who got him out of his marriage. He could control you because you were younger and inexperienced. I fear that when he is away, he will wake up and realize he has to get on with his new life. You are a reminder of his old life which he wants to forget. Look at this as an opportunity for a new start.

[justwhoiam]

Daisybell, do you really love him?

 

Your life won't be easy, he's going to strive financially for quite some time, because of his situation. He'll need to make time for his daughter. If her ex wife doesn't allow him to see his daughter, he should pay some lawyer to get his rights back. You'll need to be a devoted wife (or partner), if you want to make it work. It looks like he's doing his part as wisely as he can.

 

He'll be making more money and trying to get his life back. You can start thinking to have a family with him. He surely chose you, to share his life with.

 

So now it depends on you.

 

You can make new friends, you can keep your old friends too. You can keep in touch and see them now and then. I'm not sure if you and his family live in the same town. If it is so, he'll have to go back there often to see his daughter, so you can spend some time with your friends regularly.

 

You need to make an important choice regarding your future life.

 

At present, you'd have to face some time in a LDR. I assume that would mean 6 to 8 months. I don't think he'd need more than that to find the right place so you can join him. It's not a very long time. And if you are really committed to one another, it can work. Just keep in touch daily. And look forward to the day when you're going to be together again.