There is someone else

[Buttercup]

I just started dating this guy about 2 months ago. Everything was going ssssooo wonderful. I can really be myself around him, I trust him, he is amazing! I know he is really into me too. The prob is that we are both busy and that is why I thought I had not seen him for 3 weeks. So I flat out asked him and he told me honestly that THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE! He thought it was over and that is why he didn't tell me. Apparently she wants him back, but he is unsure. I need to know what the *$&(#$ to do! I have played it cool and basically said he is a fool if he doesn't want to get to know me, I am a wonderful girl. He says he needs to step back and evaluate his feelings. He was sincerely honest with me and I know he genuinely cares for me. How do I know where I stand in his decision and what will help me win??

[Vikki]

Hello Buttercup (nice name by the way)

 

The someone else he is seeing again is his ex right? I assume that because you say 'apparently she wants him back'? You don't make that clear but I'll assume that it IS his ex.

 

Not much you can do here but let him step back and evaluate his feelings. He's a good guy in being so straight up and honest with you. Give him some credit for that, others would have continued to see you both, one oblivious to the other. Does his ex know about you?

 

You really have to leave this one up to him. Be there for him, go back to the beginning as far as seeing each other goes, I mean treat him with respect and freedom of choice, he's not yours yet. Don't pressure him, I've been there and done that, uggghhh, if only I could take it back, I let my emotions get the better of me.

 

Anyway the decision has to be his, you want him to be with you because he choose to. Treat him like a very good friend.

 

Warm Hugs to You

[Tony T]

Back off big time!!!

 

There is no point whatsoever in trying to do a hard sales job here. You say you trust him but how could this be so when he is seeing his ex behind your back...not the stuff of trust in my book, babe.

 

The guy is confused...but no matter how wonderful you are, you won't be able to compete with a previous relationship of long standing if it was fairly good. If it had been really bad, you would have seen him more often during the three weeks you didn't see him at all.

 

It's not playing it cool when you tell him he's a fool for not wanting to get to know you. It is playing it cool if you just back off and let him do his thing. You have no choice and I'm quite sure you don't want a relationship with a guy who is not over his ex. No sane person does.

 

You won't know where you stand in his decision for some time. The fact that he has spent some time with her behind your back tells me you really need to evaluate your involvement here. I don't care how wonderful your time has been together, it wasn't so great that he hasn't spent some serious time thinking about getting back with his ex.

 

Yes, I'm sure you're a wonderful lady in every way. But dating people who aren't over their ex is a dangerous game. Show him just how classy you can be by staying out of his life for a while, seeing other people, and going on with your own life.

 

Frankly, I think this guy is a rotten, scummy JERK for not telling you up front what was going on. Maybe the two of you were having a wonderful time of it...that's the way it normally is in the beginning of a relationship anyway. Maybe he was using you to get over this gal. But for him not to tell you what was going on is NOT the stuff of trust that you say you had with him.

 

Your chances of getting back with him are much much greater if you go on your merry way and let him catch up with you if he choses later on. It will also be far better on you psychologically than to stay up late each night wondering what he is doing with his ex.

 

If a girl did this to me, she would be history. I don't put up with this kind of stuff, though I would wish her well...and then forget her.

[Deejette]

Yes, there is not much you can do, except do everything in your power to forget about him. He has chosen this other girl over you. That means he really wasn't the right partner for you anyway. This hurts because we want who we want, but that doesn't guarantee that those feelings are returned.

 

He just disappeared on you without explanation and at least he was honest enough to tell you that there was someone else. It would have been better if he had told you that he was on the rebound up front. Then you would not have gotten your expectations up.

 

It is best to love someone who loves us but love cannot be forced. It is a mystery and it can be painful, but when the situation is totally right, it is a thing of miraculous beauty. If it were easy, the Loveshack would not exist and we would all take it for granted.

Back off big time!!! There is no point whatsoever in trying to do a hard sales job here. You say you trust him but how could this be so when he is seeing his ex behind your back...not the stuff of trust in my book, babe. The guy is confused...but no matter how wonderful you are, you won't be able to compete with a previous relationship of long standing if it was fairly good. If it had been really bad, you would have seen him more often during the three weeks you didn't see him at all. It's not playing it cool when you tell him he's a fool for not wanting to get to know you. It is playing it cool if you just back off and let him do his thing. You have no choice and I'm quite sure you don't want a relationship with a guy who is not over his ex. No sane person does.

 

You won't know where you stand in his decision for some time. The fact that he has spent some time with her behind your back tells me you really need to evaluate your involvement here. I don't care how wonderful your time has been together, it wasn't so great that he hasn't spent some serious time thinking about getting back with his ex.

 

Yes, I'm sure you're a wonderful lady in every way. But dating people who aren't over their ex is a dangerous game. Show him just how classy you can be by staying out of his life for a while, seeing other people, and going on with your own life. Frankly, I think this guy is a rotten, scummy JERK for not telling you up front what was going on. Maybe the two of you were having a wonderful time of it...that's the way it normally is in the beginning of a relationship anyway. Maybe he was using you to get over this gal. But for him not to tell you what was going on is NOT the stuff of trust that you say you had with him.

 

Your chances of getting back with him are much much greater if you go on your merry way and let him catch up with you if he choses later on. It will also be far better on you psychologically than to stay up late each night wondering what he is doing with his ex. If a girl did this to me, she would be history. I don't put up with this kind of stuff, though I would wish her well...and then forget her.