He always masterbates, never touches me & I am pregnant

[gracebaby]

Help me please I am going insane.

 

I am almost 26 my boyfriend is 27 so we are young enough for a sex drive you would think. The thing is he will masterbate whenever he can and HE NEVER TOUCHES ME ANYMORE.

 

I catch him almost everynight very late masterbating to porn on his computer which is in our bedroom. I cant stand it because he never touches me anymore I dont think it would be such a big deal if he still showed desire for me.

 

He doesn't know that I know he is doing it every night because the fighting about is not worth it anymore we used to fight about this too.

 

I honestly do not remember the last time he touched me for real I mean even in bed it is like we have a line drawn on the bed that we can't cross.

 

I am a bit more emotional about this now because I am 3 months pregnant with his kid and I am thinking this will never end. He did tell me that I am not making him all hot and stuff or turning him on because of my tummy but I can't control my body I am carrying his baby for christ sake.

 

This was an issue before we got pregnant to that he would jerk off all the time but at least we seemed to have sex then where now we just dont. He will have sex with me only after I bitch and complain but then the sex is like I dont know just someting I want to do to be touched I need to be touched you know because the sex sucks he makes no effort, no foreplay and never has he done oral he wont but he thinks I should do it for him and I said no way buddy it is a two way street I will do it again once you start doing it for me. Is that wrong?

 

I am so miserbale with a baby on the way I have no idea what to do? I am always thinking about leaving and wanting to be with someone else or for sure cheat on him. i feel no love and effection and he will not support me emotionally I feel so alone and the masterbating issue is putting me over the edge.

 

Can you all please offer some advice I am so confused and with all these extra hormones in my body I dont know what normal thinking it like anymore???

[jmargel]

That seems pretty cruel for him to say those things to you. How long has this been going on? Have you two ever been to counseling? Do you two do other things outside the home together? Most men use porn as a 'release'. But if he is withholding other affection from you, then that is a sign that something is very wrong. Read my link in my signature, especially since you said you two have been arguring quite a bit. You two have a loss of good communication and both in defense mode. Read what I wrote in that link and write back.

[gracebaby]

No we have never seen anyone for this and I am not sure that the relationship is even worth it to be honest. I am just feeling very miserable and feel as though even if I wanted to see someone he would not participate.

 

We have been together just under 2 years and he said to me recently "it is not all hot and exciting like it used to be because we are not knew anymore we are building a relationship now". Well after 2 years I think it is very OK to still want each other it is to soon for his method of thought I think?

 

This has been going on for pretty much the entire relationship but it to the point now I cant take it anymore because he never touches me anymore expect when I beg him to and then he says I am always on his balls and needy. I just cant take it now because of the fact he has quit touching me and all of the above where before I at least had that. He wont cuddle, shower together nothing I am just a huge inconveinance to him.

 

 

I cant approach him on this because I have tried recently and I get nothing good back only we are building a relationship and crap like that but he doesn't want to have me talkt o him he hates it honestly he does he complains about it to me. I get no support from him at all

[Adunaphel]

I cant approach him on this because I have tried recently and I get nothing good back only we are building a relationship

 

He is not acting like he is building a relationship.....he is acting quite the opposite!

 

I got mad at him while reading your post...what an insensitive selfish jerk!!!

 

Did he start acting like that when you got pregnant?

Were you planning to have a child together, or it 'just happened' and you decided to keep it(him)?

 

I am asking because a friend of mine got pregnant and her boyfriend started to act a bit like your boyfriend is doing now because he was scared as hell, he didn't want to have a child, let alone marrying her. They relationship was not very good when she accidentally got pregnant.

 

If he really wanted to have a child, perhaps this is just a transitory thing.

Is he a controlling kind of person?

Some men start to treat their pregnant gf/wifes badly because they no longer feel in control....like they are 'jealous'of the pregnancy.

Also, some guys are scared by the changes in their gf's body. It is not like thay find their body ugly...they find it...well, intimidating.

Or they have this idea that a woman cannot be a mother and a lover at the same time.

 

Is there any way you could talk your bf into going to counselling?

Counselling might help him realize that he is actually harming your relationship....he won't listen to you but perhaps he might listen to a third (professional)part.

 

If you decide that the relationship is worth trying to save it, I wish you the best of luck.

You can't save a relationship alone though, he has to do his part - and he has quite a lot to do!!!!!

 

I really hope he'll stop acting this way, get back to his senses and start treating you well.

[gracebaby]

Our pregnancy was an accident oddly enough a very short time before we found out about the baby was asking him if we should or would ever have a baby and he made the comment to me "i dont think I want to because what if the baby/kid has freckles like you"? That hurt me so bad I can't even explain and then he swore up and down he did not mean it the way it came out etc. he just worries if the kid has freckles like me it will get teased....poor excuse and then yeah we found out about the pregnancy and NO he was not happy in fact upset over the thought that this kid would suck him dry financially and I have 2 other kids that are not his so I was not the happiest in the world either but I look at as everything happens for a reason and this was mean to happen for me. I could not be mad.

 

He will not talk to anyone with me I am on my own, I am thinking of leaving him though and moving back home or just telling him I am done we can finish our lease and we will be in seperate bedrooms but then I worry he will take the oppurtunity and enjoy and go be with someone new and I could not emotionally handle that but he has done that in the past...I am lost!

[Adunaphel]

Any chances he thinks you skipped birth control on purpose to get pregnant?

 

I am sorry you are in such a situation, him not even wanting to talk to a counselor.

 

Absolutely find a lawyer, to get child support.

[gracebaby]

No he could not be mad about that because we were not using any form of protection and we both knew the risks.

 

I have no idea how to explain my situation and I dont know if I should write him and tell him how miserable I am or that I want to leave I just cant live like this.

[jmargel]

Write him a letter, let him know how serious this is. In this letter tell him, this isn't a 'bitch' session about him, but what your concerns are. Just because the puppy-dog love has worn off, doesn't mean he needs to treat you like this. Every relationship goes from that stage and onto the next. You can make a relationship fun & envigorating, but for that to happen but spouses need to participate.

 

Please check out my link in my signature, it may help you. Has he cheated on you before?

[loveregardless]

I don't meant to sound really negative...but I'm with Adun...he pissed ME off. "what is the baby has frecles like you?" you have got to be kidding me.

you need out and you need to take your baby and protect it from a man whos affections will be limited by the babys features! what a selfish, sad pathetic human being. he doesn't deserve yuo or your baby.

[gracebaby]

Cheat? Well I dont know if that is what I can rightfully call it although I would like to.

 

We had a breif seperation after I kicked him out for bringing one of his female friends whom I liked into my home and flirting with her asking her to cook for him with her shirt off, I was pissed so I threw him out that night at 4am.

 

Then he started seeing her but lied to me when I would ask him and meanwhile he was sleeping with both of us as I thought he and I were trying to get back together etc. he was screwing us both and then I found out and he said he would stop then one night I drove by her house after he said he would stop and he was there he spent the night although he said he knew I would not be happy he was drunk and had to crash but didn't do anything with her which I think is a lie.

 

So is that cheating? It is dishonest I know that.

 

Do you think I should just end our relationship in my letter and tell him we need to have seperate rooms or what? He is going to complain that I am needing to talk or release my feelings he is so unsupportive it drives me nuts...

[Adunaphel]

If trying to sit him down and explain the situation to him in words would be pointless - I have an idea he will refuse to listen- or too difficult for you, writing him a letter is a good idea.

Jmargel's suggestions about what to write seem very good to me.

 

If you write to him you have nothing to lose.....instead, perhaps he'll realize how serious you are and he'll realize he is really risking to lose you.

 

Edited after reading your last post.

So he is a liar and a cheater - I don't know if this is technically cheating but it doesn't matter....this guy is a form of vermin.

Even if he will change his mind and try to win your love back, don't fall for it-you don't want rubbish like this man in your life. You deserve to be happy, your child deserves to be happy and with this guy you'll only be miserable.

Write to him if you want, but get the hell away from him. And again-get a lawyer as soon as possible in case he tries to 'disappear' not to pay for child support.

[jmargel]

You have to decide if you want to be with him, no one else here can make that decision for you. Possibly you are afraid to be by yourself with two kids and pregant. That's very understandable. However, would it be that much more worse than where you are at now?

 

From the last post, I would consider that cheating. He sounds pretty selfish and immature. Thing is, only he can find out and fix the things about himself. Nothing you do or say will get him to 'wake' up. He'll probably live a very lonely life in the end since he doesn't know what it takes to have a commited relationship.

 

Write out in the letter what you feel, whether it's a Goodbye letter, or a letter giving an ultamatium at least you'll be able to get out what you've been feeling. If he decides not to read it, then you know where you truly stand. You are only given one life in this world, and you won't get any bonus points in heaven by trying to devote your life to someone who won't give 100% back.

[YellowLioness]

Grace, he's making you feel bad. What happens if your baby, girl or boy, has freckles, and he teases his own kids?

 

Do you really want him in your child's life as a role model?

 

I sure wouldn't. If I had a little girl, I'd want her to see in my relationship with her father what a woman shoudl be treated like. I'd want her to see love, kindness, affection, and friendship. If I had a little boy, I'd want him to learn from his father how to treat a woman, and how to be a gentleman, kind, yet strong.

 

Your "boyfriend" doesn't have these qualities. Do you want your son or daughter to grow up thinking that your boyfriend's behavior is just how things are?

 

Surely not!

 

It's hard to leave a man when you love him, even if he is bad to you. But, you can't always think about yourself. You're having a baby now, so try to think of what's best for the baby, not what's easiest.

 

I think you should leave him, and go back home to your mom and family until you get on your feet. That way, he'll have plenty of people raising him/ her.

[MJTig]

Your boyfriend sounds very cruel, immature and stuck in the idea that women should be perfect and hot and willing 24/7 (probably only made worse by looking at porn). I also believe porn is fine unless they are neglecting you in favor of it. Once reliaty sets in he doesn't want to be a part of it anymore. Now, he may grow out of it, but there are 50 year olds with the same outlook.

Only kind of affection in his mind seems to be sex... and I know men have a different perspective but pushing you away because your body is carrying his child and isn't porn star quality is just wrong.

 

You do what makes you feel worthwhile, and that includes getting out. He doesn't get it, and I don't know that he will.. if its not hot enough for him after 2 years - its definitely not going to be hot enough after a child and a few years down the road.

 

None of this is your fault. He has 50% of the responsibility for you being pregnant and he seriously cannot expect that your tummy wil remain flat and tight and then just pop out a child and then never change. Its your choice in the end but I honestly don't see it getting better.

 

Men like that give the rest of them a bad name. GRRRRRR

 

EDIT: after reading more, I more convinced that he is dirty scum that you would better off without... doesn;t want kids because they might have your freckles? If he didn't like your freckles why did he start a relationship with you? he is a manipulative a**h*** that deserves no more than a kick in the ass and a smack across the head.

 

None of this is because you are unloveable, unattractive, or undesirable... it is because he doesn't have a freakin foot in reality or an clue what any of those words really mean. *hug*

[flavius]

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. Everybody has an opinion (lots of replies posted) but I urge you not to listen to any of them. Face it, Hon, none of us knows the whole story or anything even remotely close to the whole situation. I know you're lonely and confused, but there is nothing anyone out here can contribute but our sympathy. Don't look for support for your anger at the jerk, that isn't what you need.

 

We truly cannot know whether your husband is a major prick by nature, or if he's just temporarily freaking out over the baby (it happens.) Look, the first time my wife was pregnant it seemed creepy having sex, like "but there's somebody in there..."). Next time around it was different.

 

Your man may be a real loser, but a first pregnancy is a bad occasion for you to be arriving at this new opinion. Be patient fo now, don't run out and get yourself laid, okay?

 

Here's a freebie for you: Three tips for breaking your man's porn habits. First, undrstand that porn is mainly an STRESS ESCAPE for men. Second, without changing what he is doing, you might change EVERYTHING by making it Something You are Doing Together. Climb out of bed, sit down beside him, and watch the show. Just making it "non-secret" changes everything. Third, the Hitachi Magic Wand is a great thing to have in your bedroom. Masturbation together beats the heck out of resentment and isolation.

 

If this guy really is just a worthless piece of crap (there are some of us out there) you'll know what to do. For now try to take it easy. God loves you, you're still just a sexy thing in transition, and freckles are cute.