A long tale of my deceit. I need a serious slap

[Ps33]

Hi, im new to this forum but I browse a lot. Im writing to not only get advice but to get this off my chest as no one in the world knows what an absolute fool I am. Im weak, shallow and quite disgusting. This is complete brutal honesty.

 

Where to start... god this hard.

 

I had been with my girlfriend for 7 years, we lived at my parents house for 6 of those and had just got our own place. I was a couple of years into a really decent career and had never strayed. I love/d (you decide) my girlfriend dearly. She's a better person than me and a fantastic lady.

 

A married woman started at work and after a few months ended up working with me once or twice. She told her life story, shed separated from her husband over 12 months ago after finding him cheating but had two small children to him. Anyway we exchanged numbers as was normal and the texts started... it got flirty and I was really flattered. A work night out came about and we were chatting. I played it very cool and somewhat too cool as after moving pubs I found out she snogged some lad in-between. He was with a girl an basically said it shouldnt have happened. I was abit disappointed. she text me and I jokingly said I thought she liked me! She said she did and would give me a snog next time. I laughed it off but sure enough the texts got more an more flirty.

 

I then went on a stag do and ask one of the lads what he thought about her. He told me he'd shagged her a few times and she was abit of a fruit loop in his words. I confronted her and she phoned him up and went mad. He was laughing his head off and I saw shed text him thanks and that she really liked me ect. He was with someone and I later found out off her he'd rang to swear his undying love to her but she apparently binned him off that night.

 

She talked me round and came on to me several times at work and on other nights out. I resisted. I said I couldnt cheat... eventually Id had enough and I slept with her. My girlfriend is not very forthcoming when it comes to sex. Shes open to most things and good in bed but initiating sex and making me feel lusted after was never there. This girl was different and seemed to want me really badly. She confessed her dying love for me constantly.

 

We had an affair and after a few months, I found her talking to the lad shed slept with, I confronted her to which she said she was not interested in him anymore but if I wanted a say I needed to show her shes more than a bit on the side. I told her id broke up from my girlfriend and wanted to be more serious with her. It was a lie.

 

We continued to see each (telling nothing to no-one, much to her dislike) and eventually we started arguing over her past liaisons with work colleagues. People would say horrible things about her, not knowing I was seeing her and I lapped it up. It caused arguments big time. I was jealous even though I was cheating! Meanwhile still with my girlfriend, although never sleeping with as was not hard to achieve as I did all the work in that area.

 

But my affair was obsessed with me big time. She honestly talked like she adored me. Sex was explosive and very raunchy. She made me feel amazing. Wanted marriage, kids the lot with me...but i resisted and fed her lines and excuses

 

The affair was tough and we split. A week later she text me to tell me she was trying again with her husband.. it lasted a week before she was texting me again. We got back together but a month later we were arguing again.

 

I split with my affair and said some really nasty things to her. I was upset. I wouldnt speak to her. two days later I went to her flat, she told me her mum was there and she would speak to me in the morning. I persisted and found her husband was there. We got into a fight and I left.

 

I met up with him the next morning and he said shed asked to help sell her car and they spent the day together. Apparently everytime she fell out with me, she text him but they never got it on but on that night he had nipped back to their old house to fetch some porn. She told she had some new stuff (I did her a cd). He said they'd kissed but he never found the porn and then I ruined the party. She was devastated when we both turned up at the flat to confront her. She told him coldly she loved me but when I ****ed her off, she would contact him when she was bored and lonely. It was awful. texts were flying everywhere after that and he told shed told him I was better in bed (why do we ask, as men!) and she loved me. I even believed her when she said she just wanted to show him the porn to make him jealous of the stuff shes into with me.. fool.

 

I got really upset by all this and thought id come to my senses an tried to be more forthcoming with my girlfriend. I asked her for a baby... it took two times of having sex in her ovulating week to establish wed been successful... I was made up but also disgusted in myself for still replying to texts from the other woman.

 

So, I went round an told her thinking Id show her... it was a c**ts trick and she was gutted. I felt bad and lied... said we had sex once when I was really upset at finding her husband there and I wanted to be with her. She stuck around. Came to terms with it and I made her promises that I would not go back to my girlfriend and we would share responsibility of my daughter. Them months were hard for her and me an mostly my girlfriend who had suspicions but never confirmed. Baby came and it was the most wonderful day of my life.. I knew I could never leave her side.

 

Meanwhile, feeling terrible I lied further an strung my affair along. Told several lies about not being able to trust her (major trust issue with her, hows that for twisted).

 

12 months later I left my affair and found out after two days shed gone on a dating website and met a guy for drink but binned him off after not liking him (I saw the emails and kinda believed her). I was really upset by it weirdly.

 

I then asked my girlfriend to marry me.... anyone been sick yet cos I am trash.

 

The other woman wanted to carry on the affair (her thinking we together but with me having different obstacles) and 4 months later we split for two weeks. I contacted her after finding out shed met a guy.. shed not but had been on a dating website an was speaking to several. She told me she liked one. I told her in anger I still loved my girlfriend who shed always had an issue with an especially as she was the mother of my child and I also told her that for 18months I had a close friendship with girlfriend (who was my ex to her) but never crossed the line.

 

A week later I saw a photo of my affair kissing a guy on facebook. I confronted her and she said she was gutted I had been lying to her for 18months (she only knew the half of it) and couldn't get back with me. We got chatting an invited me round for sex. She told me shed been seeing this guy and liked him, She'd slept with him several times but he couldn't excite her like I did. She made several unprovoked references to him not being as good in bed and that she still loved me but he was kind to her and I just break her heart. She said all her family hate because she's been the other woman and Ive took the piss (again, they only know the half of it).

 

So, why am I gutted beyond belief? Pride? Ego? Shame? I love my girlfriend but its not the same sexually. Its like we are best friends not lovers. Ive tried in the past week to spice up our sex life and it really seems to work and she's responding fantastically but Im heartbroken about my ex. Why!!! I ****ed about with her life. I pushed her constant love away for so long. She claims to still love me but says we cannot have sex again as she likes this lad and wants to be faithful. I said I want to be with her (I wouldn't leave my girlfriend and daughter so I don't know why I said it) and she text her family she was meeting me for a coffee. They responded badly and she said it was too hard and too much had happened.

 

Im so sorry for my actions and I know Im feeling sorry for myself but I do feel hurt and guilty. Im the worst kind of person and I really dont want to be. My dad was cheat and left us to rot and I swore id never be like him but I am and that kills me. Id like help and Id like to fix my relationship with now fiancé. I just dont know how to get my affair out of my head...

 

Sorry for the long text... for those that read it all, I thank you sincerely .

[whichwayisup]

You cannot fix your R with your fiancee until you tell her the truth. No way should you marry her and fix this without telling her what you did. This affair you've been having (and it IS toxic!!) can start up again at any given time because you're weak towards this MW. She's manipulative and using you as much as you are/were using her. For fun and sex, it's obsessive and addictive behaviour, this goes both ways.

 

Anyway, the kindest thing you can do for yourself now? Get checked for STD's and come clean to your fiancee. She has to know what you've done.

 

As for MW, it'll all stop when you stop playing the game. Stop getting sucked in, think with the head on top of your shoulders.

[Ps33]

You cannot fix your R with your fiancee until you tell her the truth. No way should you marry her and fix this without telling her what you did. This affair you've been having (and it IS toxic!!) can start up again at any given time because you're weak towards this MW. She's manipulative and using you as much as you are/were using her. For fun and sex, it's obsessive and addictive behaviour, this goes both ways.

 

Anyway, the kindest thing you can do for yourself now? Get checked for STD's and come clean to your fiancee. She has to know what you've done.

 

As for MW, it'll all stop when you stop playing the game. Stop getting sucked in, think with the head on top of your shoulders.

 

I will get checked but I dunno if I can hurt my fiancee like that. I must do it though your right. Im just scared of losing her and not being by my childs side. the other woman is no longer married by the way and although I shouldn't, I feel gutted its over. Im not convinced I even loved her but then I think I must do. Or was it addiction like you say. I am just put out now she's got a new man. My head is spinning but your right again.. I need to take control of this situation. Thank you for your reply and thanks for being to the point, I don't wanna be this person anymore. With all my heart I don't.

[Ps33]

That is really messed up.

 

My advice is come clean with your g/f or end it with her. You have absolutely no business at all marrying her without her knowing who she is really with. Please don't marry this girl, please don't do that to her.

 

Get yourself into therapy, you really need professional help. I don't think what you need can be offered by lay people on a forum. Seems you are addressing your childhood issues with your dad is a really f'd up way.

 

I'll give you kudo's for coming here and posting about it, that means you want better for yourself.

 

Call up a mental health professional today, don't put it off. Print off what you've wrote here and let them read it.

 

wow. I mean I cannot disagree with anything you say but to read it was hard. I wouldnt have the slightest idea how to go about that but Im sure something through work could point me in the right direction. Please, no one be misled, I am disgusted an ashamed of myself. Even for feeling now like Ive been wronged by the other woman. I feel lost in the truest sense of the word. Thank you so much for your reply

[Ps33]

Ps, you are misguided in feeling wronged by this other woman, you had evidence of what kind of person she was but still you went on with it. People who want healthy relationships don't involve themselves with that kind of drama. Maybe you want to self destruct and you found her an ideal candidate to help you do it?

The people who YOU have done serious wrong to are your gf and yourself.

 

You know I definitely get the sense that you do feel lost and ashamed and I genuinely feel bad for you because I believe you are sincere about wanting help and wanting to be better. It's good that you feel those things because that means you are not a sociopath. Shame and guilt is not always a bad thing, it shows us that we have a conscious and that we know we have done something wrong. The key is to use it constructively.

 

Now..........please consult a professional, you have a child on the way, do it for this baby and yourself and your g/f. Also.......you do need to come clean to your g/f, you really do. She should have the full information needed to make a choice to be with you or not. It's the right thing to do. Discuss it with with your counselor if you need to first, but please, you can't be all well and hide it. It will eat you up inside.

 

Again, thank you for your reply. These are really opening my eyes. I'd have you believe I'm a relatively clever guy but I do think there's something emotionally wrong with me. I will look to speak to someone an I will then approach my girlfriend. Maybe if she knows I'm serious about getting help it may help her understand a little although, no two ways about it, she is no mug an will leave me though. But I need to give her the choice. Now, sociopath is something I think I misunderstood so I looked it up. I'm sorry but guilt an shame aside I'm one aren't I. That is terrifying. I wanna be a good man, I'm 33yrs old and up to 30 I know I was one. It's not all this girls fault, I'm more to blame because I knew what she was like an I played a game. Wanting to be the better person, wanting to make her be a better person but I was just riding a train to hell. The only time in last 3 years I've been able to be impartial an truly honest about myself is on this forum. That's a problem. It feels so good to express myself but your all right, I need to do this in my life.

[waterwoman]

Oh dear

 

Your poor gf.

 

You had unprotected sex with someone who was having sex with multiple other partners and then impregnated your gf. Dodgy. Get checked and keep your fingers crossed.

 

I agree you need therapy. And when you are clearer in your head tell your gf. She needs the truth to make a decision. But beleive me you haven't a hope with her unless you give up OW completely and permanently and weed her out of your HEAD!!!

[Ps33]

The most disturbing thing about this whole thing was that you tricked your gf into having a baby with you. I don't think she would have ever agreed to that if she had any idea of the kind of person you really are. I don't know why on earth you thought bringing a child into this jerry springer show was a good idea.

 

I agree with LG, in that you need serious professional help. All the lies and deceit, the cheating, the obsession. It's not normal or healthy. That kind of behavior doesn't just go away on it's own, there is something broken that needs to be fixed. Start by coming clean to your fiance so that she can be tested. Your OW sounds a bit cheap and trashy and who knows what you and your fiance have been exposed to. There are some STD's that men can carry but show no symptoms, like HPV, so even if you don't have anything it still doesn't mean your fiance is safe. She needs to be told so she can take care of herself. And she has a right to make decisions about her own life. You need to let her decide if she wants to stay with a cheater and liar. You have no right to take her choices away from her by continuing to deceive her. You can claim that you feel bad and ashamed all you want to, but it's just a bunch of empty words if you're not willing to come clean and set things right.

 

I understand and I will make this right. It says said earlier about eating me inside and I don't want this to continue. I will speak to both women today and server ties with the other woman completely. I changed my mobile via O2 online last night and I will do this. No more lies.

[fllygirl]

If you hide your affair now and your girlfriend will find out about it after a wedding, instead of going through a break up you will be dealing with a messy divorce.

Be honest and let her know now so she can make a choice one way or another.

[Ps33]

Oh dear

 

Your poor gf.

 

You had unprotected sex with someone who was having sex with multiple other partners and then impregnated your gf. Dodgy. Get checked and keep your fingers crossed.

 

I agree you need therapy. And when you are clearer in your head tell your gf. She needs the truth to make a decision. But beleive me you haven't a hope with her unless you give up OW completely and permanently and weed her out of your HEAD!!!

 

God you are all strangers but your words cut me like you wouldnt believe. I need it. I have spoke with the OW and cemented the end. She was angry and sad but ended up pitying me which is brutal but Im getting stronger with the criticism. I know ive messed up this element of my life completely and that hurts but I will do right by everyone. I wont do this anymore. It ends. In 4 hours my gf will be home and although im dreading it, I'm gonna tell her everything and beg for forgiveness that I know I won't get or deserve. But I should hurt, I need to, I need to feel my shame. A comment earlier stated Im not quite a sociopath but I think I am and I need to change that and I want to. I really do.

[findingnemo]

Hi Ps33,

 

I am in agreement with the other posters. Just wanted to tell you to please tell your gf today. This is a really messed up situation. More so because you seem hooked to the OW in a seriously unhealthy manner. Personally, I think you need to leave them both. Your gf because she will be gutted and may never recover properly from the betrayal, the lies, the manipulation to have a baby, etc.

 

She will realize that by encouraging her to have a baby, you were basically tying her to you. I'm not optimistic at all that she can get over that one. As for the OW, she is real mess herself. How can you be attracted to a woman who is clearly a "free-for-all" type, a bus into which all and sundry can get into? Surely you can see how ending up with her will be disastrous for you. She may not be all bad, but the bad parts are on the extreme side.

 

Tell your gf and break this destructive cycle you're in. It is your only chance at a peaceful future.

[Ps33]

Hi again. Ive told her everything. I expressed my shame and failures as a person. To say she was angry and upset would be the understatement of the century. It was the hardest hours of my life so far. Im now at my mums, who will not speak to me either. Im NOT looking for sympathy, I'm updating as so many of you helped me do what I should have done a long time ago. She wasnt as upset about our daughter as I thought she might be. She said she's the most beautiful thing to come out of this mess. She also said it would take more than counselling (I've spoke to work to get this underway btw)before she would let me see our daughter again because I'm not the role model she wants around her. I cannot argue this. Im not going into how bad I feel because I couldnt do it justice an the last thing I want is people thinking I'm looking for sympathy. Im not, I think lower of myself than anyone could say and I know I deserve ever ounce of it. Anyway, thanks for the advice. Its been helpful. Im going to try an rebuild myself before I can attempt to build a future (hopefully with fiancé one day if Im lucky).

[whichwayisup]

Hi again. Ive told her everything. I expressed my shame and failures as a person. To say she was angry and upset would be the understatement of the century. It was the hardest hours of my life so far. Im now at my mums, who will not speak to me either. Im NOT looking for sympathy, I'm updating as so many of you helped me do what I should have done a long time ago. She wasnt as upset about our daughter as I thought she might be. She said she's the most beautiful thing to come out of this mess. She also said it would take more than counselling (I've spoke to work to get this underway btw)before she would let me see our daughter again because I'm not the role model she wants around her. I cannot argue this. Im not going into how bad I feel because I couldnt do it justice an the last thing I want is people thinking I'm looking for sympathy. Im not, I think lower of myself than anyone could say and I know I deserve ever ounce of it. Anyway, thanks for the advice. Its been helpful. Im going to try an rebuild myself before I can attempt to build a future (hopefully with fiancé one day if Im lucky).

 

LG is right, it takes courage to confess. Many don't and deny/lie if busted so kudos to you for having the backbone to own it and admit to her.

 

You both have time on your side. You'll always be a part of each others lives because of your child together. Doesn't mean as husband and wife, or boyfriend/girlfriend, but for sure always as co parents. Do work on yourself, fix 'you' and do counseling so you can be the man you're meant to be.

 

People here will be tough on you, give you reality checks that you need to hear and swift kicks in the butt because they want to help you. Ignore any rude or out right mean posts.

[findingnemo]

Amazing. You seem like the kind of person who does what he has set out to do. That was a really courageous and honorable thing you did. It will break your heart to lose your fiance, I'm sure. But there is still hope since you confessed. And there is definitely the chance to live an honest life from now on.

 

Stay on LS and get support. Sometimes you'll have things to say that you can't share with people IRL. This is the place to do it.

[waterwoman]

Well done! That must have been very painful x

[BetrayedH]

I also commend you for ending things with your OW and for coming clean with your fiance. You are on a path to an honest and authentic life. As has been said, you don't need to be defined by your affair. Keep making one right decision after another and you won't be defined by your mistakes but by the way you respond to them.

 

Statistically, by disclosing your affair you have doubled your chances of reconciling with your betrayed fiance. And most women (about 90%) do make the attempt.

 

I recommend you get the book, How To Help My Spouse Heal from My Affair by Linda McDonald. It's a quick and easy read but will help get your head into the right mindset.

 

Also, read this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/365269-things-every-wayward-spouse-needs-know

 

And keep reading and posting. Keep making one decision after another of which you can be proud and before you know it, you will be proud again.

[Praying4Peace]

You should be proud of yourself. You may have messed up big time but you are taking very courageous steps now.

 

I know your GF is very upset right now, but i would try to somehow gently explain to her that your daughter's need for two parents should be separated from this mess and she should be allowed to see you. You are not a threat to her and its not fair to punish using children.

 

Have you thought about getting IC?

[spiderowl]

You just want to keep both women within your orbit. As soon as they start to drift away and show signs of interest in someone other than you, you are back on their case again. You only want what you can't have. A friend once told me (and I think it was a wonderful insight) that some men always want a back-up woman. I think she was right.

[Ps33]

Hey all, just an update. Feels a bit pretentious updating people I don't know but I feel I owe you a lot.

 

I had my daughter today and although I was grateful to get time with her so soon, it broke my heart to drop her off. So much harder than I thought it would be.

 

Had many many chats with my ex over the past couple of days but I've answered as much as truthful as I can recall. A lot of the answers were surprising for me to say and hear out loud because I just feel if id spoken sooner to someone I could have knocked into shape. Anyway that's in the past and can't be changed. Ive had no contact whatsoever with the other woman. Truth? I've thought about her a few times and felt a bit upset knowing she was with another man (Im hoping to rid myself of this male ego thing cos its not out of love I think it!) but Im feeling better about it every day. My thoughts to my ex are never far away however and the constant feeling of shame, love, sadness occupies my mind far more than the OW.

 

When I dropped my daughter off with my ex today, she was asking alot if I was still gonna get some help, she seemed surprised I am. Its not much but it gave me a little more incentive. I've been running the past couple of days and It clears my head loads. Id recommend. Anyway, thanks again for all your advice

[strongnrelaxed]

I wish I had gotten here earlier. I hope you now know that you should not cheat. It is far easier for all involved to break things off if you feel that you must stray. No judgments, this is just an observation.

 

I must also respectfully disagree with everyone who suggested you tell her. Your future girlfriends are 50/50 likely to cheat on you (same for men and women) and she will most definitely NOT tell you. This is why women are smarter than men. They actually joke about this.

 

Never, ever tell when you have done something like this if you want to keep the relationship alive.

 

Now you know.

[whichwayisup]

When I dropped my daughter off with my ex today, she was asking alot if I was still gonna get some help, she seemed surprised I am. Its not much but it gave me a little more incentive. I've been running the past couple of days and It clears my head loads. Id recommend. Anyway, thanks again for all your advice

 

Do counseling for yourself. To be a better man, a better father and a better co parent with the mother of your child. Maybe if she sees the changes you've made and aren't pushing to get back together with her, she sees your first priority is your daughter and working on you, in time, she'll give you a second chance to become a family unit as one again.

 

As for the exOW, who cares. Really... You're not "in love" with her, sure you liked and maybe even cared about her, became emotionally attached, and had hot sex, but that ain't love! If she is seeing other guys, so be it. Don't lose any sleep over it and don't let your ego get deflated. Whatever you do, don't contact her in a weak moment. Get busy and see your daughter or call her when/if you're feeling like breaking contact.

[Pierre]

Hey all, just an update. Feels a bit pretentious updating people I don't know but I feel I owe you a lot.

 

I had my daughter today and although I was grateful to get time with her so soon, it broke my heart to drop her off. So much harder than I thought it would be.

 

Had many many chats with my ex over the past couple of days but I've answered as much as truthful as I can recall. A lot of the answers were surprising for me to say and hear out loud because I just feel if id spoken sooner to someone I could have knocked into shape. Anyway that's in the past and can't be changed. Ive had no contact whatsoever with the other woman. Truth? I've thought about her a few times and felt a bit upset knowing she was with another man (Im hoping to rid myself of this male ego thing cos its not out of love I think it!) but Im feeling better about it every day. My thoughts to my ex are never far away however and the constant feeling of shame, love, sadness occupies my mind far more than the OW.

 

When I dropped my daughter off with my ex today, she was asking alot if I was still gonna get some help, she seemed surprised I am. Its not much but it gave me a little more incentive. I've been running the past couple of days and It clears my head loads. Id recommend. Anyway, thanks again for all your advice

 

Dude:

 

You are human and all of us make mistakes.

 

Your longing for OW is normal. In affairs the cheating spouse often has love for the OW. It would be normal to feel love for her because she met your emotional needs. Some folks fall for whomever meets their needs. But, this type of love is not that healthy and it is often more like an addiction. If you did not need attention and validation you would have never gone for the OW.

 

In any event you seem to be a great guy with good insight.

 

I have to add that your posts probably help other OWs in the board that do not understand the dynamic of couples. They assume most cheating men are in the marriage of hell and simply want out. Many refuse to believe the cheating married man lies to them. You told OW what she wanted to hear. We all do that. I hope your posts help the newbie OWs,

[Ps33]

I wish I had gotten here earlier. I hope you now know that you should not cheat. It is far easier for all involved to break things off if you feel that you must stray. No judgments, this is just an observation.

 

I must also respectfully disagree with everyone who suggested you tell her. Your future girlfriends are 50/50 likely to cheat on you (same for men and women) and she will most definitely NOT tell you. This is why women are smarter than men. They actually joke about this.

 

Never, ever tell when you have done something like this if you want to keep the relationship alive.

 

Now you know.

 

Thanks for your advice and I get it but for me it was best I told her. For my own piece of mind. That might be a little selfish also but less so that lying to her I feel. This will not apply to everyone and I respect that. Thanks again

[Ps33]

Do counseling for yourself. To be a better man, a better father and a better co parent with the mother of your child. Maybe if she sees the changes you've made and aren't pushing to get back together with her, she sees your first priority is your daughter and working on you, in time, she'll give you a second chance to become a family unit as one again.

 

As for the exOW, who cares. Really... You're not "in love" with her, sure you liked and maybe even cared about her, became emotionally attached, and had hot sex, but that ain't love! If she is seeing other guys, so be it. Don't lose any sleep over it and don't let your ego get deflated. Whatever you do, don't contact her in a weak moment. Get busy and see your daughter or call her when/if you're feeling like breaking contact.

 

Cheers for your comments but theres been a minor incident. Ive been really busy today (weather has been lovely in uk for a change) so this evening I went for a run and then set about watching tv. I have just checked my emails for the first time and I have one from the exOW sent almost 12 hours ago...

 

it says along the lines of... Hi, Hope your ok. I know when we last spoke you said you were doing right by everyone and I hope that goes ok. I hope you decided to go see someone like you said cos I think it'll help you.. ending with. Reply if you want to, I wont be upset if you dont. I just wanted to let you know really you havent left my thoughts. take care.x

 

I felt and feel sick. Im going to be honest as I have all the way through guys, I wish she had never contacted me for the rest of life. I wish that because I want all temptation to disappear. Thats shallow isnt it. I should be stronger I know and Im not saying I would give in, I dont want to but I dont want to be in the situation!!! Thoughts going through my head are... wonder if shes left him, nah their relationship is too early to have issues, wonder if she wants to see me, I ****ing hope not, maybe she is genuinely concerned, I wish she wasnt and I dont need sympathy from her. I've not replied... does anyone think I should to tell her to leave it alone now or should I ignore? thanks guys

[whichwayisup]

Cheers for your comments but theres been a minor incident. Ive been really busy today (weather has been lovely in uk for a change) so this evening I went for a run and then set about watching tv. I have just checked my emails for the first time and I have one from the exOW sent almost 12 hours ago...

You're very welcome.

 

Yuck that she emailed you...

 

it says along the lines of... Hi, Hope your ok. I know when we last spoke you said you were doing right by everyone and I hope that goes ok. I hope you decided to go see someone like you said cos I think it'll help you.. ending with. Reply if you want to, I wont be upset if you dont. I just wanted to let you know really you havent left my thoughts. take care.x

I wouldn't reply. She isn't expecting you to - Though she IS going to be upset that you don't reply. She knows it's over and for her sake and yours, don't reply back. Do block her and/or change your email address completely. Just easier so you won't be tempted or feel bad/sad if she emails again.

I felt and feel sick. Im going to be honest as I have all the way through guys, I wish she had never contacted me for the rest of life. I wish that because I want all temptation to disappear. Thats shallow isnt it. I should be stronger I know and Im not saying I would give in, I dont want to but I dont want to be in the situation!!! Thoughts going through my head are... wonder if shes left him, nah their relationship is too early to have issues, wonder if she wants to see me, I ****ing hope not, maybe she is genuinely concerned, I wish she wasnt and I dont need sympathy from her. I've not replied... does anyone think I should to tell her to leave it alone now or should I ignore? thanks guys

DO NOT REPLY! Change your email address so you won't see her name anymore or hear from her again (see above)..

 

Silence says more! She knows why you won't reply. Affair is over. PERIOD so stay in NC mode.

[Ps33]

Tell her that it's over, short and to the point and that you will not be speaking to her anymore and you would appreciate it if she would respect that and not to be contacting you again.

 

Then block her, or change email addys, whatever you have to do. You know she isn't any good for you.........let it be OVER.

 

great advice from WWIU but I went with LG. I told her to respect my decision, that id set things straight in my life and I don't appreciate her contacting me. I said if she ever cared she will respect this. I got a reply saying she is glad i am happy and that she feels silly for contacting me now but just cares still. I have not replied to this one and had no further. I said all in the first one. I hope that sorts that. I think she wanted to just stick the knife in maybe. I dont need her pity, i need her to disappear.