Thatgirltish Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 I did it today, I told him goodbye. I told him I could not be the mistress any longer. My anger, frustration and general pistivity wouldn't even allow me to feel anything for him. I feel grief for the lost years, I hurt because I know that I love him. I felt like his inability to do right by her or by me had created this shell of a man in front of me. I felt an incredible relief that I was strong enough to do it but I know the high will wear off and I will need support and encouragement and a swift kick in the bum as needed to maintain my resolve. My story is weird I started out as the only girl. I admit at the time to being terrified of being in a relationship as I had just gotten out of a very abusive one and felt that I had things to accomplish solo and I needed time to heal. We dated, we had s3x and it was good. I didn't need anything else. I think he wanted to get married but I shot it down before the plane even left the hanger. He met the woman who would eventually become his wife and they moved in together, we remained friends and we stopped being intimate. Then they married, within 8 weeks of them marrying he and I became intimate again and have been ever since. I was tired of hiding, I was tired of not having Holidays and family functions. I want something more and I could not settle anymore. I love him but I love me more. He claims he needs time to get his affairs in order to be with me. I do not believe him. I just need to be free. Am I wrong for feeling a profound sadness but at the same time this wonderful sense of freedom. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Am I wrong Yes. It looks like you made several bad decisions. Were you having sex with this man because you had nothing better, or because you loved him and were in love with him? If it was the former, you might find someone else soon. If it's the latter, ask yourself why you rejected him as a husband. Maybe you were not made for a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
koifish66 Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 I think you did wonderfully! Congratulations on being so strong and ending that relationship, and here's for your new future. I hope you have a bright one. Praying for you! Link to post Share on other sites
findingnemo Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 I did it today, I told him goodbye. I told him I could not be the mistress any longer. My anger, frustration and general pistivity wouldn't even allow me to feel anything for him. I feel grief for the lost years, I hurt because I know that I love him. I felt like his inability to do right by her or by me had created this shell of a man in front of me. I felt an incredible relief that I was strong enough to do it but I know the high will wear off and I will need support and encouragement and a swift kick in the bum as needed to maintain my resolve. My story is weird I started out as the only girl. I admit at the time to being terrified of being in a relationship as I had just gotten out of a very abusive one and felt that I had things to accomplish solo and I needed time to heal. We dated, we had s3x and it was good. I didn't need anything else. I think he wanted to get married but I shot it down before the plane even left the hanger. He met the woman who would eventually become his wife and they moved in together, we remained friends and we stopped being intimate. Then they married, within 8 weeks of them marrying he and I became intimate again and have been ever since. I was tired of hiding, I was tired of not having Holidays and family functions. I want something more and I could not settle anymore. I love him but I love me more. He claims he needs time to get his affairs in order to be with me. I do not believe him. I just need to be free. Am I wrong for feeling a profound sadness but at the same time this wonderful sense of freedom. Congratulations for getting out of an A!!! Your story is similar to mine in that we had a R before and I wasn't ready for M. Fast forward a couple of years and we were back together in an A. I firmly believe that there is nothing wrong with loving someone but it is what you do about it counts. The sadness is from the loss of the person you love but the feeling of freedom comes from knowing that there will be no more lies, no more secrets and no more hiding. It is not easy especially in coming days when you may feel that you need him to be there for you. But if you keep thinking about your goal, then it will get easier with time. Do not make the mistake of thinking that if you still love him you should settle for what you had. It wasn't making you happy and it will not start doing so. If he wants to, let him make the changes he needs to make and then come to you free of any legal ties. Congratulations again! Link to post Share on other sites
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