NLuvingMemoryRLJ&DJL Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 My stepson is turning three in two weeks and we only see him on the weekends and his mother told us lastweekend during drop-off that she hasnt been having him nap during the day and that she puts him to bed at eight o'clock at night, do you think that I sould confront her and tell her that he needs to nap? I mean he comes to us with out having a nap and hes a brat! and she is a bad mother comapred to what I would be I personally believe. HELP!!! On top of all that We need a new name for him to call me besides Hunney and not anything like mom or mommy...... Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 Just because you differ in opinions on nap times does not make you a better mother, or her a worse mother. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 Originally posted by NLuvingMemoryRLJ&DJL My stepson is turning three in two weeks and we only see him on the weekends and his mother told us lastweekend during drop-off that she hasnt been having him nap during the day and that she puts him to bed at eight o'clock at night, do you think that I sould confront her and tell her that he needs to nap? I mean he comes to us with out having a nap and hes a brat! and she is a bad mother comapred to what I would be I personally believe. HELP!!! On top of all that We need a new name for him to call me besides Hunney and not anything like mom or mommy...... MG! Well I can tell you that IF my EX's girlfriend even attempted to "confront" me and tell me what is best for MY child with the idea that she was a better mom than I am (especially being that YOU don't have any children of your own) then she had better stand the he** by! She ISN'T a bad Mom because she doesn't feel HER son needs a nap. Being that SHE is the one who takes care of this little guy ALL OF THE TIME not just on the weekends, she has probably found that he isn't sleeping as well at night or all the way through due to his afternoon nap.. my youngest is the same way. On finding a name to call you.. whats wrong with your first name? Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 I think first names are appropriate, I think "Hunney" is not, unless it's your given name. I, myself, will be a step-mom in 2 months. Although three may seem young to not have to take a nap, it's ultimately Mom's choice. If you DO approach this situation, please do so with extreme care. She will be on the defense. And don't tell her you think she's a crummy mom, it's not your place. Of course you think you're the better of the two; I've never seen anyone think anything different. When are you expecting to get married? How long have you been in this child's life? Why are you calling this child a BRAT? Do you have kids of your own? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NLuvingMemoryRLJ&DJL Posted October 7, 2004 Author Share Posted October 7, 2004 My stepson is not having trouble sleeping he has always slept 4 hours in the day and 10 at night..... he turns into a whinny baby when he dosent nap and she (just 2 weeks ago) missed a nap with us she flew off the handle.... My husband and i have been married for 9 months and I do have kids of my own and I have raised my sister since she was a child. My children my not be here with me but it dont mean they arent mine just cause they passed away. and ass for him calling me by my first name ...in my family that is considered disrespectful. My husband and I both agree on this. Im not saying his mother is a bad person just a bad mother....would any of you leave your kids with a babysitter who smokes pot in her house while hes there with him closed in????? you tell me. Would you let your kid run free in the parking lot? I dont think so....how do you lose your kid in the store and by the time you realise it hes on the total other end of the store???? and on the issue of confronting her...Its not like a confronttation.....Its more like a conversation. And how come alex can be using the tilet on a regular basis and not wearing diapers at all with us and with her his in diapers and tells her no and she says ok??? so merin2 I suggest you get the whole story before you critize me! Link to post Share on other sites
She's Come Undone Posted October 7, 2004 Share Posted October 7, 2004 Ok, ok, relax sweetie!! I will comment because I am a single mom, my child does have a step-mom, and he also was a "brat" without naps. He is now in kindergarten and no more naps, but he had taken them on and off through the week up until then. I GUARANTEE you did not mean brat as a negative term, more like just his personality. I completely understand, I have used that term to describe my son to others in reference to his missing naps. Apparently, only us mothers understand this. Just kidding! Next, I do not believe that his calling you by your name is disrespectful. Especially since your name already sounds like a term of endearment. I would not prefer for my child to call his stepmother anything other than her name, but it wouldn't kill me to know he called her something else. If it was close to mom, I would have a real issue, but I don't think that will happen. I can see how others could have taken your original post wrong, but as the mother to your story, I had a feeling you knew what you were talking about in reference to her being a good mother. KNOWing she is not the best role model for her child, and she flies off the handle, I would not stoke the fire by suggesting anything to her. Your job is to be the best step-mom you can be with your time. If you feel like a nap is appropriate, then give him a nap. In about a year he'll be done anyway! I'm sorry to hear about your own children, maybe you could share some time. Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted October 7, 2004 Share Posted October 7, 2004 I don't know what made me think you weren't already married? Anyway, yes, that is horrible that mom chooses to act that way. Has your husband spoken to her about her inappropriate behavior? Maybe leave it up to him...unless you're just up for a cat fight. The important thing with a child with two homes is CONSISTENCY. Make sure mom realizes that. You guys all need to be on the same page. And tell her to quit smoking pot around that child. Damn! Link to post Share on other sites
Author NLuvingMemoryRLJ&DJL Posted October 7, 2004 Author Share Posted October 7, 2004 [color=indigo] Well we have tried to get on the samepage and she wont some of the time and others she will, I know that we are the same way(my husband and myself) sometimes too. and as for him calling me katie ... we dont feel that it is appropiate but we dont want him to not be able to call his girlfriend honney in the future, and we deffinatly dont want to have him call me anything in the way of mom or mommy or anything like that. shes comeundone if you would like me to share with you my loss and stuff like that email me at onehotmomma4rll@hotmail.com k? thanks you guys for your support and opinions.... and i just pray that in this next court case we get 50/50 coustody like we originaly tried for and shes not the one smoking pot its her mom and her mother is the one who watches him, and for heavens sake shes pregnant!!!! lucky b@%*$! [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
alicia24 Posted October 7, 2004 Share Posted October 7, 2004 Just browsing I have no advice since i am not a mom. I just wanted to say that I am sorry about the loss of your children Thats aweful Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted October 7, 2004 Share Posted October 7, 2004 Maybe it's the kid that does not want to nap and I think it would be cruel to make him nap. She must have her reasons and if you do not have him all the time then I don't see how it's that big of a deal. If by bratty you mean hi runs around and makes noise, news-flash, all kids are like that. If anything it should be the dad that tells her something if it really bothers him. You can't tell her how to raise her child! Not making him nap does not make her a bad mother. It's never good to say things like "compare to how I would be" because that little comment can come and bite you in the a** in the future. You really can't say that until you have children of your own. As for him calling you something else, I think your name would be the most appropriate thing. Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted October 7, 2004 Share Posted October 7, 2004 I'm sorry for your loss. I am a first time mom myself, my daughter will be 2 this month. I have found that she is not old enought to determine if she needs a nap or not, and when I say nap time, it's nap time! Setting rules and routines creates safety and security feeling within the child. They may act like that don't want to take a nap or do what you say, but if you let them get away with everything that is not creating security for them. I think it would be respectful if you was to ask his mother what she would feel comfortable her son calling you, and take it into consideration at least. At least then hopefully the tensions will ease up as you have shown her some respect (not that you have to, just creates peace) and all should be fine. Good Luck ~Supermom Link to post Share on other sites
Haunani Posted October 8, 2004 Share Posted October 8, 2004 why can't he nap when he's at your house with your rules. Kids love routine, and if you're consistent about it, he will know that when he comes to your house, it's nap time, then play. In Hawaii - everyone is *Aunty* or *Uncle* so and so........if you are uncomfortable with using the first name. ..... just a thot. Aunty or Uncle is a little more respectful, and everyone regardless of whether or not we are actually related are still called that. And all others *cuz* I'm truly sorry for your loss. Link to post Share on other sites
BA Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 WOW ! I can not see why the word Brat is so offensive. This is a word to describe a behavior and if it is earned, then it is earned. After all " perception is reality ". I feel that there are good kids and there are bad kids, which are sometimes called Brats. I don't think that all the bashing was necessary for the questions she asked. I personally feel that there are brats and to be honest, who wants to be around a bratty kid.... I don't. I also have a problem being around Mom's who under estimate their children. They can learn to be well behaved and it is not to much to ask of them. I also believe it is selfish to not spend the time on correcting your child and making sure that they are not socially challenged. I like to watch people's response when I show up with T. I do this because you can see if they are happy to see him or not. I also know when he is being bratty and it is MY responsibility to fix it... Come on, if there is a kid that is always a brat.... no-one looks forward to that child coming. Back to the subject... How about calling you Mia.. Mia mean's mine.. ( I think ) You two can have a little Inside understanding that you are his... you are his step-mom and you are really glad he is in your life... It sounds like a name, not Mom... and it has something really neat behind it. I understand what you are saying, it is hard to see a child make even adults not want to be around them. It is your home he is coming to, he has to respect that. Mom has to respect that as well. Your Home... Your Rules . Link to post Share on other sites
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