MayStone1990 Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Hi guys, This is my first post here so please bare with me Basically i've been with my boyfriend for 3 months now. We've known each other for a long time but I was in a long term relationship until January and he was always just a friend until that finished. Things had been going really well and I was the happiest i'd been in a long time, we both click really well and we have a pretty easy going, comfortable kind of relationship - I trusted him entirely despite a few of my friends (who are his friends too) warning me to be careful. This morning he was getting ready for work, my phone was dead so I lifted his phone to send my brother a message to see if he would be able to pick me up. There were texts from this girl from yesterday morning on his phone, the first line of which was "i'm really sorry, I didn't know you had a girlfriend", curiosity got the better of me and I had a look at them (I know, stupid :/ ) Turns out that he was drinking on Sat night (in his flat might I add) after work because one of the guys he works with was leaving, I thought it was just a few guys from work but apparently I was wrong. This girl had been there and had obviously made a move on him and he turned her down...BUT he had sent her a message the next morning saying that if he was single she would be exactly the kind of girl he would go for and it was as well she hadn't come back into his room because he "probably would have crumbled"...now I know he was still drunk at this stage cause he sent me a message telling me he loved me around the same time...wtf!? I'm really pissed off but we can't talk til later when he's home from work, I don't know if i'm over reacting or if i'm being weak thinking that..?? He must have given her his number in the first place and if I can't trust him to drink in his house with our friends without nearly cheating can I really trust him at all?? If you have sat and read through all this, thank you so much..I don't want to over react but I'm hurting pretty badly about this Any help would be greatly appreciated xx Link to post Share on other sites
Pisces13 Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 I wouldn't say that is cheating, but it definitely raises a red flag... I guess you can take some comfort from the fact he didn't actually do anything with her, but he shouldn't really have put himself in that situation to begin with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Virgobtch1 Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 The fact that he even gave her his number would raise my suspicions.Why exchange digits if you dont want to keep in touch with said hot chick? I def would say something to him,find out why he felt it was ok to give her his number in the 1st place. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kash1 Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 I'd agree with the other repliers. Hate to say it and to come out with something positive to make you feel better. I had a similar quandary earlier this month and posted on here. Really I posted because I wanted someone to give me a reason to stick with my boyfriend. The fact you've posted on here, like myself, shows you don't trust him. You deserve much better. He sounds like a loser. My problem was the same- accept he text his ex...just don't waste your time on him. Cut your losses and make the decision, it will feel better knowing you've made the decision to end it. Plus I'd say if he cares that much for you he will fight to make you change your mind. That's what I'm hoping happens with my situation...but either way I know I have been the bigger person. Good luck, I hope it works out however you want it to and that you are happy whatever the result. K X Link to post Share on other sites
jolie_baby Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Hi guys, This is my first post here so please bare with me Basically i've been with my boyfriend for 3 months now. We've known each other for a long time but I was in a long term relationship until January and he was always just a friend until that finished. Things had been going really well and I was the happiest i'd been in a long time, we both click really well and we have a pretty easy going, comfortable kind of relationship - I trusted him entirely despite a few of my friends (who are his friends too) warning me to be careful. This morning he was getting ready for work, my phone was dead so I lifted his phone to send my brother a message to see if he would be able to pick me up. There were texts from this girl from yesterday morning on his phone, the first line of which was "i'm really sorry, I didn't know you had a girlfriend", curiosity got the better of me and I had a look at them (I know, stupid :/ ) Turns out that he was drinking on Sat night (in his flat might I add) after work because one of the guys he works with was leaving, I thought it was just a few guys from work but apparently I was wrong. This girl had been there and had obviously made a move on him and he turned her down...BUT he had sent her a message the next morning saying that if he was single she would be exactly the kind of girl he would go for and it was as well she hadn't come back into his room because he "probably would have crumbled"...now I know he was still drunk at this stage cause he sent me a message telling me he loved me around the same time...wtf!? I'm really pissed off but we can't talk til later when he's home from work, I don't know if i'm over reacting or if i'm being weak thinking that..?? He must have given her his number in the first place and if I can't trust him to drink in his house with our friends without nearly cheating can I really trust him at all?? If you have sat and read through all this, thank you so much..I don't want to over react but I'm hurting pretty badly about this Any help would be greatly appreciated xx He told her he had a girlfriend. If you feel bad about it I would talk about it with him... But I wouldn't say it's a red flag... Good luck 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 I agree, he didn't cheat. When she expressed interest, what did he do? He immediately inform her that HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND! Slam on the brakes, don't not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. So, not cheating in my book. As far as the other text that he sent? Well....if he's young, then I kinda understand that he didn't handle it correctly. I speculate that when she apologized, he probably felt bad about embarassing her and bruising her ego. So, he gave her a little ego boost. Not that he was going to act on it, especially now that she knows he has a girlfriend. Did he handle it wrong? Yeah...kinda. Is it a "breakupable" offense? I don't think so. You need to talk to him and go over boundaries of what's appropriate and what isn't. Admittedly, guy's are stupid. We depend on girls to keep us acting right. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
melodicintention Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 Sorry but that was a douchy thing for him to do. NEVER writing ANYTHING down that you don't want to go before a judge or on the NY Times. That includes texting. I don't know why people insist on incriminating themselves like this consistently. I'm sure he has better sense than that. No reason to give this girl his number. He's considering something or he wouldnt have connected with her AT ALL IMO. I agree with Chi townD. You should talk this one over. He may not realize his behavior looks very suspcious. Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 red flag for sure Link to post Share on other sites
Annapol Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 Yeah, sounds like he's leaving his options open...a bit creepy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 He resisted temptation, let her down easy, and called you after to say he loved you - because he does. I don't think I'd punish this guy for doing the right thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lamaga Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 To me it seems as if he is not a hundred percent sure you are the one for him. He is leaving the back door open, otherwise he would have just told her to back off, instead he told her that she is the kind of girl he is into... Yes, he does have a conscience. That's why he told her he has a girlfriend. That's why he texted you he loved you - because he felt guilty having shown interest in someone else. He's strong enough to not cheat but not strong enough to tell her to back off COMPLETELY... Mhhh.. How old are you guys? He's haven't figured himself out yet. I'd say talk to him about it, but don't make a scene. Be sensible. Ask him what it is he wants from this relationship and if he sees this as a longterm thing. He's faithful but he's just a boy after all and you never know if he's strong enough to... not one day slip, perhaps in the near future? Link to post Share on other sites
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