Is dating your step sister morally wrong?

[OneConfusedGuy]

so me and my step sister have been dating for almost 6 months as of the coming 29th. im 15 and shes 16. weve been getting really nervous about my mom and her dad finding out about whats going on for awhile now but weve decided to keep going anyways. weve been having sex around 3 months in. it more of just happened. we were watching a scary movie in the basement and started kissing then one thing lead to another. my mom and her dad started dating around 5 years ago and got married 4 years ago. my dad WAS friends with my stepdad so me and my stepsister seen eachother alot even before our parents got together. Around 2 months into mine and amber(my step sister) relationship, i told my real dad and stepmom because their amazingly xhill about most things. they both agreed that it was very likely to happen due to seeing eachother alot and they said that its fine and wished us the best of luck. my stepdad is very cruel and hateful to me because i look alot like my dad and act like him too. so telling him im dating his daughter right now probably isnt the best thing yet. i feel like if i got my mom alone she would also be okay with it. it seems as if she gives off clues that she knows and is okay with it which is very confusing. we like alot of the same things except for classic movies which i find kinda dumb but watch them with her anyways. my stepmom has taken us to the theatre together several times. i really do love this girl. idk how to go about getting my stepdad to come to an O.K. with it. hes very bullheaded unfortunately. so i need some feedback and what to do.and do you think what im doing is morally right compared to society? ive told several friends and family members about the situation and theyve all said that its perfectly ok and thats very common now a days. theyve also said that since its not blood related its not wrong. we started off as friends than slowly became best friends then started dating. shes really attractive and really loving and sweet which makes me want to be with her that much before its just her dads kind of a prick. sadly, i dont know how to confront him about this.

[Maleficent]

Nan it's not morally wrong since you don't have one parent in common. This probably happens a lot too.

 

Just one word of caution : if it doesn't work out between you two - you are stuck together.

Just sayin'

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I don't even know if "moral" is the right word.

 

 

It isn't genetically/scientifically wrong, and in your case that part is a black and white issue, given the lack of shared DNA.

 

However, had you and your step-sister begun living under the same roof from, say, age 3 and 4 (or thereabouts) and evolved to later have a serious/sexual relationship, that would probably do you both at least a little bit of harm, in terms of blurring the important lines between 'family/siblings' and romance.

 

Luckily, in most such cases, the way that your (guardians) would have treated you in such a familial setting would have inspired all but the most (troubled, perhaps) of humans to have any interest in a sexual relationship with such a person.

 

Now and again we read of long lost siblings who were separated very young, and who didn't know a thing about one another until one day when they and someone they're dating (put ancient stories together and figure out that they are in fact blood relatives).

 

We don't condemn such innocent people for being suddenly surprised that way!! (of course we discourage/outlaw(??) them from continuing to date {or at least 'mate'}).

 

My take on what you describe is that you are just about as random to your step-sister as might be the two aforementioned siblings, and thus you don't deserve scrutiny for being attracted to one another when hurled together under one roof while your collective hormones are raging.

 

A year or more ago, here at Loveshack there was a great thread written by a new-ish step-brother who was indeed dating and having sex with his new-ish step sister. You'd have to go back through hundreds of my posts, but I posted on that thread many times - it might be a good read for you.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Hey, it seems LoveShack has a search feature that actually works impressively.

 

Here, read the long story that evolves at this link:

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/familial/family/252533-my-step-sister-acting-weird

 

 

It starts out "my stepsister is acting weird"

 

 

and it evolves to where they are dating happily, as well as sexually active... (and like all great stories we never get to hear the ending)

 

 

It might please you to read such a story, because I sense that to be the ending you want to know.

 

 

Hope it helps.

[Hopeless80]

Personally, I do feel it's morally wrong.

 

I also feel at your ages (15 and 16) you're far to young to be having sex. What would happen if you got this girl pregnant? Think about that and how you'd explain to people that you're due to have a baby with your step sister. Certainly not an ideal situation. Since you are having sex though, definitely make sure it's safe sex. Even with all the protection in the world nothing is a guarantee.

 

Lastly, you said you really love this girl? I don't want to sound harsh, but at your age you can't possibly know what love is. You may think it's love, but really your lives are just beginning. Don't get tied up into something that could have some very negative effects on your future.

[hppr]

Not gonna read your wall of text. No, you shouldn't date your step sister. There are tons of other girls out there, **** get her to introduce you to one of her friends.

 

Blood or not she is family you idiot you don't date family.

[hppr]

so me and my step sister have been dating for almost 6 months as of the coming 29th. im 15 and shes 16. weve been getting really nervous about my mom and her dad finding out about whats going on for awhile now but weve decided to keep going anyways. weve been having sex around 3 months in.

 

Oh God please tell me you're trolling and this is some kind of joke.

[OneConfusedGuy]

I was reading that long 9 page thread on "StepKidKevin" before I made my thread and that's how I found this site. I've been reading everyone's thoughts and opinions an some are really helpful. I thank the people who are beig supportive and are giving encouragement to the subject, not just shooting it down. We're, well, she is afraid of other peoples ideas and what others might think. I usually blow off negative criticism because it no use to me. She's afraid of our future being awkward with our families socially and afraid of bein looked down upon for incest

[OneConfusedGuy]

And I'm kind of happy that "SincereOnlineGuy" found my thread and is posting on it because he seems to have some good knowledge on what to do. Ecspecially after finishing the other thread of "StepKidKevins".i want to know how their relationship is now though..?

[Hopeless80]

I was reading that long 9 page thread on "StepKidKevin" before I made my thread and that's how I found this site. I've been reading everyone's thoughts and opinions an some are really helpful. I thank the people who are beig supportive and are giving encouragement to the subject, not just shooting it down. We're, well, she is afraid of other peoples ideas and what others might think. I usually blow off negative criticism because it no use to me. She's afraid of our future being awkward with our families socially and afraid of bein looked down upon for incest

If you're only interested in hearing positive feedback, why bother asking for or opinions in the first place?

[Hopeless80]

Most people are having sex at that age. It is when sex is best.

It's especially the best when a 16 year old winds up pregnant. Babies having babies. Now that is just awesome!

[GorillaTheater]

Morality aside, it seems pretty dumb.

 

Like relationships with co-workers, multiplied by several orders of magnitude in terms of potential fallout.

[hppr]

I don't mean sex is 'wrong' at that age it's completely natural. And it's also natural to be attracted to your step sister. Attraction is a chemical/animal thing, you can't really help it per se. However acting on it like some kind of retarded monkey *IS* wrong. You do NOT date family, you do not **** family, this is basic stuff. I mean really WTF is going on down there? You live in some part of Arkansas where "nothin' spells lovin' like marryin' a cousin?"

 

This is what you need to do:

 

You need to STOP things before they get REALLY ****ed up. Tell her exactly what I said above about attraction, it's an animal thing and you let your hormones get the better of you. Your familial bond was mistaken for a romantic one and you got ahead of yourselves that's all. I'm not saying you did something BAD but this is the sort of thing that shouldn't be allowed to continue. You need to end it.

Edited June 4, 2013 by hppr

[Hopeless80]

Babies can't have babies. It is a biological impossibility.

Oh really? I had no idea.

[runningfar]

Babies can't have babies. It is a biological impossibility.

A 5 year old has had a baby before.

 

 

 

 

 

Op, yes. It's wrong.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Personally, I do feel it's morally wrong.

 

I also feel at your ages (15 and 16) you're far to young to be having sex. What would happen if you got this girl pregnant? Think about that and how you'd explain to people that you're due to have a baby with your step sister. Certainly not an ideal situation. Since you are having sex though, definitely make sure it's safe sex. Even with all the protection in the world nothing is a guarantee.

 

Lastly, you said you really love this girl? I don't want to sound harsh, but at your age you can't possibly know what love is. You may think it's love, but really your lives are just beginning. Don't get tied up into something that could have some very negative effects on your future.

 

 

 

(sigh) To the quote above, the step-sister part is barely even significant. This guy wrote here from a point in the present, and he is trying to know the optimum path forward from this point. To tell him generic things about his being "too young to have sex", and asking "what would happen if you got this girl pregnant?", telling him it is "not an ideal situation", along with "at your age you can't possibly know what love is"... is not addressing the core issue.

 

The fact is, that since they are not blood relatives, there would be no magnified genetic concerns relating to any child they might have. The central reason that (what in other situations would be called 'incest') is illegal, is for those genetic fears/concerns.

 

I have all of the regard in the world for teenagers newly thrust into a scenario where they are caused by their parents to know relaxed and intimate familiarity with one another, and who, perhaps in part as a result of that, innocently evolved to take romantic interest in one another.

 

Perhaps a core reason why most of us don't report vast social success by age 15 is that we're scared sh*tless at that age!! We're too afraid of ourselves to know how to get near to somebody else who is afraid of themselves.

 

When tossed by fate into a situation where suddenly we're made/expected to use the same bathroom, sit at the same dinner table, and fight over the same TV and computer, many of the barriers are removed for us.

 

Now indeed there might be some (other) cute girl in the yearbook, who might be every male student's fantasy, but few really know her, and the scores of people lined-up and wanting to, render her an unlikely cause/prospect/alternative.

 

Contrast that to being made to be so close to a living, breathing female soul (who you did NOT grow up with) that you've already been caused to know that the bathroom smells like (peaches and gummy bears) upon her exit. You already know that she gets moody and sad at times, and that she lives through each such episode, sometimes being better off in the end. You already know her homework habits, and even some of her most significant flaws (courtesy of her loud parent)... and you're really surprised to be so comfortable in her midst.

 

Most of us, from more traditional families, don't have a clue what those forces/factors are like, so we need to do a more detailed job at putting ourselves in his shoes before we condemn him with such blanket statements.

 

Furthermore, they are 3 months into a sexual relationship, and they've already told one set of adults.

 

Not only that, but upon closer review the two had known one another as non-step-siblings from just about the time that they might have been discovering the opposite sex.

 

I think we should consider carefully just where the OP is in the present before heaping-on all of the needless admonishments he could probably get from a standard sex-ed textbook.

 

I know most would prefer the idea that we could go back to the first part of high school and choose the lucky fellow student to be thrust into our daily/nightly home life as a new step-sibling, but it seems pretty clear that anybody that fortunate might not have been able to withstand the teenage impulses in the air either.

 

 

If suddenly Kevin Arnold's father had left the family, and Winnie Cooper's dad had taken romantic interest and soon married Mrs. Arnold, thrusting Kevin and Winnie into step-sibling roles, is it right to think that Kevin should have immediately purged every thought/observation about what a total babe Winnie Cooper was???

 

 

I can't even imagine the tension which would have been created by such an evolutionary path... and I say that merely as a potential viewer. For Kevin and Winnie, it would have been overwhelming!

[tbf]

Morality aside, it seems pretty dumb.

 

Like relationships with co-workers, multiplied by several orders of magnitude in terms of potential fallout.

Pretty much.

 

As far as this being a morality problem, only if you're in some way coercing your step sister. Other than that, it's as GT has stated. Potential for so much unnecessary drama that can divide families.

[O'Malley]

This is someone that you have a familial relationship with, even if you are not blood relations. There is the feelings of your families to consider - they will likely have negative reactions to it. The fallout of your relationship (as it's unlikely that you will stay together into adulthood) can have long term effects on your interactions with each other. Holidays and family events might become something that you both dread.

 

It also doesn't sound like you have comprehended the awkwardness of bringing a new boyfriend or girlfriend around each other, even years after the fact, having to socialize, or the very credible possibility that any new partners (or a future spouse) will discover that you two previously had a relationship. You both should question (as your stepsister seems to be doing) if all the potential for future discomfort is really worth it.

[Hopeless80]

(sigh) To the quote above, the step-sister part is barely even significant. This guy wrote here from a point in the present, and he is trying to know the optimum path forward from this point. To tell him generic things about his being "too young to have sex", and asking "what would happen if you got this girl pregnant?", telling him it is "not an ideal situation", along with "at your age you can't possibly know what love is"... is not addressing the core issue.

 

The fact is, that since they are not blood relatives, there would be no magnified genetic concerns relating to any child they might have. The central reason that (what in other situations would be called 'incest') is illegal, is for those genetic fears/concerns.

 

I have all of the regard in the world for teenagers newly thrust into a scenario where they are caused by their parents to know relaxed and intimate familiarity with one another, and who, perhaps in part as a result of that, innocently evolved to take romantic interest in one another.

 

Perhaps a core reason why most of us don't report vast social success by age 15 is that we're scared sh*tless at that age!! We're too afraid of ourselves to know how to get near to somebody else who is afraid of themselves.

 

When tossed by fate into a situation where suddenly we're made/expected to use the same bathroom, sit at the same dinner table, and fight over the same TV and computer, many of the barriers are removed for us.

 

Now indeed there might be some (other) cute girl in the yearbook, who might be every male student's fantasy, but few really know her, and the scores of people lined-up and wanting to, render her an unlikely cause/prospect/alternative.

 

Contrast that to being made to be so close to a living, breathing female soul (who you did NOT grow up with) that you've already been caused to know that the bathroom smells like (peaches and gummy bears) upon her exit. You already know that she gets moody and sad at times, and that she lives through each such episode, sometimes being better off in the end. You already know her homework habits, and even some of her most significant flaws (courtesy of her loud parent)... and you're really surprised to be so comfortable in her midst.

 

Most of us, from more traditional families, don't have a clue what those forces/factors are like, so we need to do a more detailed job at putting ourselves in his shoes before we condemn him with such blanket statements.

 

Furthermore, they are 3 months into a sexual relationship, and they've already told one set of adults.

 

Not only that, but upon closer review the two had known one another as non-step-siblings from just about the time that they might have been discovering the opposite sex.

 

I think we should consider carefully just where the OP is in the present before heaping-on all of the needless admonishments he could probably get from a standard sex-ed textbook.

 

I know most would prefer the idea that we could go back to the first part of high school and choose the lucky fellow student to be thrust into our daily/nightly home life as a new step-sibling, but it seems pretty clear that anybody that fortunate might not have been able to withstand the teenage impulses in the air either.

 

 

If suddenly Kevin Arnold's father had left the family, and Winnie Cooper's dad had taken romantic interest and soon married Mrs. Arnold, thrusting Kevin and Winnie into step-sibling roles, is it right to think that Kevin should have immediately purged every thought/observation about what a total babe Winnie Cooper was???

 

 

I can't even imagine the tension which would have been created by such an evolutionary path... and I say that merely as a potential viewer. For Kevin and Winnie, it would have been overwhelming!

*sigh* back at you.

 

Apparently I'm just not as smart as you are since I failed to give this lengthy response on "addressing the core issue".

 

All I know is that 15 & 16 IS too young to be engaging in sex. Yes, I know KIDS are curious and I know it happens, BUT they ARE KIDS. He's hesitant in telling his step dad that he's in a relationship with his daughter as it is. How much more difficult would it be to reveal he also got her pregnant? Is it definitely going to come to that? No, I'm not saying that, BUT as long as they're having sex protected or not it is a possibility. If he's scared now, imagine how much worst it will be. Kids at this age seem to think they're invincible and that it won't happen to them, but it does happen.

 

I'm probably in the minority here, but I personally do not take sex as lightly as many here appear to do. Nor do I take KIDS bringing babies into this world lightly.

[PinkSapphire]

I would say it is NOT morally wrong, and at your age with raging hormones on both your sides, this is almost impossible to not fall into.

 

However, like another poster said, for the same reason you don't (or shouldn't) date coworkers, the potential for awkward is huge! And at your age, this isn't going to workout. Heck, at my age (26), my relationships have not worked out. Both of you will do a lot of growing and changing over the years.

 

Of course, after dating each other you will have a very large amount of pain and awkward to grow through; you also might have a forever awkward BOND from being each others' firsts (?) that will never go away. It will definitely result in awkward tension at all family gatherings and events.

 

So for those reasons I would say step away, though it seems the damage is already done. In that case, ride it out and deal with the pain, I recommend therapy when that happens. YOu will need the help.

 

THe fact that you are posting on a site asking for help and feeling a conflict in your gut is your answer. You already know it's wrong, your hormones are just fighting that, and the easier thing is to continue.

I am sorry for you, as this is quite the difficult situation. Good luck navigating the break-up, whether sooner or later.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

He's hesitant in telling his step dad that he's in a relationship with his daughter as it is.

 

 

The implication that the kid would walk up to the girl's father and comfortably say: "hey, pops, I'm getting it on with your daughter" were the man not his own step-father is not lost on me here.

 

 

Furthermore, he already told his own biological father, so this isn't a case of his being unwilling to tell any familiar adults.

 

 

(and to the poster PinkSapphire - I give you credit for at least addressing the reality that is front of this person, about it being such a challenge not to be drawn-into such a relationship, such as is described. However, I would gently suggest that he is posting on (this anonymous, online web) site because he wants a chance at discussing the subject without compromising himself or anyone near to him).

 

This doesn't automatically entail his knowing he is wrong. He just doesn't want to add ridicule to all of the other feelings he is knowing.

 

I mean, c'mon, when you're old enough to have had that first talk about the birds and the bees, and then a living, breathing, new-to-your-family girl moves into your household, it is a big deal.

 

You haven't been looking at her baby photos your whole life, you were never made to share bath time with her merely because you're the same age. You don't share grandma's fair skin and prominent chin, etc. etc, etc. Come to think of it, you don't share grandma at all!!!.

 

This guy has every right to have been affected as he has... and while it is fair of you who merely say that "it isn't a good idea"... it also makes sense that the best time for that suggestion was years ago.

 

Cut the well-intended young man some slack.

[Hopeless80]

The implication that the kid would walk up to the girl's father and comfortably say: "hey, pops, I'm getting it on with your daughter" were the man not his own step-father is not lost on me here.

 

 

Furthermore, he already told his own biological father, so this isn't a case of his being unwilling to tell any familiar adults.

 

 

(and to the poster PinkSapphire - I give you credit for at least addressing the reality that is front of this person, about it being such a challenge not to be drawn-into such a relationship, such as is described. However, I would gently suggest that he is posting on (this anonymous, online web) site because he wants a chance at discussing the subject without compromising himself or anyone near to him).

 

This doesn't automatically entail his knowing he is wrong. He just doesn't want to add ridicule to all of the other feelings he is knowing.

 

I mean, c'mon, when you're old enough to have had that first talk about the birds and the bees, and then a living, breathing, new-to-your-family girl moves into your household, it is a big deal.

 

You haven't been looking at her baby photos your whole life, you were never made to share bath time with her merely because you're the same age. You don't share grandma's fair skin and prominent chin, etc. etc, etc. Come to think of it, you don't share grandma at all!!!.

 

This guy has every right to have been affected as he has... and while it is fair of you who merely say that "it isn't a good idea"... it also makes sense that the best time for that suggestion was years ago.

 

Cut the well-intended young man some slack.

You know what everyone says about having an opinion. Everyone's got one... You can feel your way about this, I feel my way about it and we'll both go on with our lives.

[Ursa]

It's not as immoral as it could possibly be, I suppose. After all you are not blood related, nor were you raised together since infancy. And yet: you are family, which is not solely defined by blood. And you know perfectly well that this is outside of the boundaries of what the parents involved, namely your mother and stepfather, would be comfortable with. You are carrying on a sexual affair with a family member under your parents roof and behind their backs while still allowing them to pay for that roof over your head--yes, that is immoral.

 

Also, because this is not an episode of The Wonder Years, it's not just immoral--it's pretty stupid. Your stepsister and yourself are seriously unlikely to be destined for eternal 80s rom-com bliss, and far more likely to end up screwing up family dynamics and holidays for everybody, including your future spouses, for decades to come.