SuzySuperB Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 Hello Everyone; I am in need of some help! I have been married for only 2 years and I think my marriage is falling apart! My husband left me for a week and then he came back and now I don't know if I want him back. My husband has some severe health problems and I think he may be depressed, he has gone to counselling a few times and knows there are problems. He refuses to go to a marriage counsellor and try that. I know he had a past relationship with very similar problems and he refused counselling as well. I guess it all started when I refused to let him control me, but now I think I have let him completly take over. He has become very jealous about friends of ours and has accused me of having an affair with him, with an old boyfriend and with some guy that parks his truck near my work (I don't even know who it is). I don't know how to handle it anymore, he is making me miserable and scared to talk to anyone. Since he has come homeI haven't even called any of my friends, I don't want to rock the boat I guess. Our living situation has changed drastically in the last 2 months, my grandfather passed away and we are now living with and caring for my grandmother (somethng my husband suggested). Now I think it's too much for him to deal with and it isn't even an option for me to leave. I have discussed this with him and he says that it has nothing to do with it and that it's my fault everything has happened. I have made him become jealous becasue I flirt too much with men, and that has hurt him so much. When I think about it I don't think I flirt, I think I am just being friendly and happy but maybe I am a "Whore" and a flirt. When he left me he called me a Whore and all my friends (3) whores. This whole thing has really got me thinking about how I am and if I do "act" wrong, in fact it has me questioning my whole life. I am at a point where I just don't know about anything. I don't know if this is what marriage is supposed to be like and if I hve caused all these bad feelings for him or if he is just that way. I just want to feel good again, my whole life is in uproar. I can't concentrate on anything, I am never really happy and I am trying to be this person that he thinks I should be and now it's all come to a head and needs to be dealt with and I just don't know what to do. Can I count on him to change his jealous suspicous ways or do I have to change my friendly ways to help him? What do you do when you completely feel lost? I have never felt this way and I am very scared and confused and anxious. Any advice or similar situations would help! Thanks for listening! SuzySuperB Link to post Share on other sites
Just Visiting Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 It sounds like your husband has an emotional/mental disorder. Even a friendly "Hello" to someone of the opposite sex sets him off. That's not good. The only way I see him getting past this is through some good professional help. You are not doing anything wrong. Don't shut yourself off from life. Rather than wondering if he will change, how about you change? Meaning.....seek help. See if your husband is serious about getting your lives back on track. Counselling, discussions, etc. Anything to try and make it work. If your husband refuses then you are going to have to "rock the boat". There is only so much you can do for him, he will have to do the actual work as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SuzySuperB Posted October 8, 2004 Author Share Posted October 8, 2004 Hi thanks for your kind words. I have been talking with a counsellor and I have been figuring a lot of things out about myself and I have learned that I have a lot of changing to do myself. I allowed for things to get this bad. I allowed my husband to make the rules and set the boundries and I didn't even realize I was giving him total control of my life, I am taking it back because If I don't I will be left as a shell of a person and I am so much more than that. My husband is an emotional mess, and I did'nt make him that way no matter what he tells me, I have been doing some reading and I seriously suspect he has some sort of paranoid personality disorder. I don't know\, all I know is he won't let me go to see his counsellor with him and he doesn't want to go to a marriage counselor with me. So I am making changes for the good for myself and I have decided that it's up to him to help himself, It's beyond me to help him with the issues he has. Thanks for your reply. Suzy Link to post Share on other sites
Just Visiting Posted October 8, 2004 Share Posted October 8, 2004 You're welcome. I wish you all the best. Be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SuzySuperB Posted October 8, 2004 Author Share Posted October 8, 2004 Storms only make a trees roots grow deeper. It's amazing how you can come to a realization in what only seems like a split second. Thanks for listening. Suzy Link to post Share on other sites
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