Horrible playground mums.

[lissa90]

I'm 22 and my daughter is 5 (6 in sept). I'm the introvert type so I find it difficult to talk to some of the more..."loud" mums. I prefer to just wait for my kid and not have to engage in idle chit chat. Add that to the fact I'm 22, covered in tatts and on the alternative side I don't really fit in.

 

Anyway, my daughter was invited to another girls party, the mum approached me and asked if she would be attending. I said yes. Cool, all sorted.

 

The day of the party comes and I get a phone call, mum has been taken to hospital I have to make a 2 hour trip to look after my sister and thus my daughter misses the party.

 

Fast forward to today and as I'm walking to the school, the mum approaches to me and proceeds to have a go, saying I was rude for not texting her, that I cost her money and she would of invited someone else. I said I was sorry, tried to explain what happened (to which she said she didn't believe) and I offered to pay. Then she said she had spoken to the other mums about me.

I felt like a naughty little school kid and just wanted to cry.

 

Just wanted to know if I was in the wrong..I really don't feel like I was but she made me feel like I had killed her dog or something. :[

[will1988]

Some people are just catty in general. I would avoid these types of people. Maybe take your child to another park, or play with other kids at the park.

[juicygirl]

Sound like a bunch of crazy people if you ask me. I wouldn't have offered to pay for jack, I actually might have told her where to go. Who does she think she is? Queen of the playground. Sometimes you invite people to kids parties and not everyone can make it, no big deal. They probably only invited you so they could dig around in your life as you don't really talk to them and they wanted to "Figure you out".

 

Bunch of nosy people that probably do silly things like talk about how their kid is 1 and already reading and writing, nonsense mums.

[Maleficent]

You were definitely not in the wrong.

 

However, for the sake of your daughter, you will have to let this go and try to fix it otherwise your daughter won't have much friends.

 

But she didn't believe you when you said your mom was sick??

 

Wow. what a B.

[lissa90]

How should I fix it? I am tempted to give her a text but in all honestly I just want to keep to myself and get on with it. But I do worry it may impact on my daughter.

[clia]

I disagree with the other posts. I think you were in the wrong. Why? Because you told her your daughter would be at the party, and then you didn't show up. While your explanation for not showing up is valid, you really should have sent the mom a quick text to say you had an emergency come up with your mother and couldn't make it. Or even texted or called her at a later point to explain why you didn't show up. It was just really rude, in my opinion.

[will1988]

@ Clia

 

So having to rush to the hospital to see a sick/hurt family member is less important than keeping a play date?

 

bonkers.

[clia]

@ Clia

 

So having to rush to the hospital to see a sick/hurt family member is less important than keeping a play date?

 

bonkers.

 

I'm not saying that at all. I said she had a valid reason to miss. My issue is that she couldn't take 10 seconds to text the woman to tell her she wasn't going to show up -- not even after her emergency was over. It's rude.

[will1988]

I'm not saying that at all. I said she had a valid reason to miss. My issue is that she couldn't take 10 seconds to text the woman to tell her she wasn't going to show up -- not even after her emergency was over. It's rude.

 

Sometimes in emergencies we don't think of the lesser things going on in our lives, especially lesser things that involve people with think lesser of. She did not have to justify her lack of communication to this woman, especially since the woman doesn't even like her. This woman had no right to demand anything from the OP IMO.

[lissa90]

I didn't have her number saved into my phone (its only on the invite) and we did not return home until yesterday.

As will said, they didn't come into my mind until a few days later and at that point in time I had no way of contacting her.

[lissa90]

Rosas - I know I can speak and I am not quiet as a mouse. But as I've said before I dislike the idle chit chat. I occasionally speak to two other mums because our kids are close and I want to be polite. I am by no means shy.

[Ryan_Talon]

My little brother is 23 and his eldest son is 6 - him and his missus used to say the other parents were dead clicky and down on them for being young - they never were that bothered cause they had there own friends but my brother wanted to coach the football team so he went on a charm offensive - my little brothers a charmer, always has been, always will be - he invited them all round for a BBQ, now they practically fall at his feet!

 

I would probably send a text to smooth it over (not because you were in the wrong, hell I wouldn't remember a party if my mum was sick!! Just for your daughters sake).

I wouldn't fall over my self to say sorry just lay out the facts:

"Im really sorry If I offended you by not letting you know about the party, it wasn't my intention to do so, I was worried about my mum and everything else went out the window. I hope we can move past this for [her kid] and [your kid]!

 

Dunno if that's right or wrong but that's what i'd do.

[Art_Critic]

I disagree with the other posts. I think you were in the wrong. Why? Because you told her your daughter would be at the party, and then you didn't show up. While your explanation for not showing up is valid, you really should have sent the mom a quick text to say you had an emergency come up with your mother and couldn't make it. Or even texted or called her at a later point to explain why you didn't show up. It was just really rude, in my opinion.

 

I agree

 

I would also add that if the emergency didn't lend itself to time for texting then an apology text as soon as she could have was in order.

 

An RSVP is an RSVP, that is why people use them and do a head count as it costs money to invite someone to a kids B-day party.

 

How to fix it.. I think the OP has already tried to fix it, she offered to pay.

If the woman who gave the B-day party can't go with that and accept the OP's apology then the OP should just live life and move on.

It's a lesson learned is all....

[Art_Critic]

I didn't have her number saved into my phone (its only on the invite) and we did not return home until yesterday.

As will said, they didn't come into my mind until a few days later and at that point in time I had no way of contacting her.

 

If you didn't have any way to contact her then there is nothing you could have done.

Like I said lesson learned... it was rude to not go after you said you would go but you didn't have a choice but to not go.. it wasn't like you went swimming instead and if you didn't have a contact number then I think everyone in your shoes would have done what you did.

If she won't accept your apology then it isn't your worry anymore..

[Maleficent]

I agree

 

I would also add that if the emergency didn't lend itself to time for texting then an apology text as soon as she could have was in order.

 

An RSVP is an RSVP, that is why people use them and do a head count as it costs money to invite someone to a kids B-day party.

 

How to fix it.. I think the OP has already tried to fix it, she offered to pay.

If the woman who gave the B-day party can't go with that and accept the OP's apology then the OP should just live life and move on.

It's a lesson learned is all....

 

...what kind of birthday parties are you having so missing one adult and one child costs so much?

 

If it was a regular thing - ok sure it's rude. But once with a reason like this?

Seriously...

[lissa90]

Thanks for the reply guys, I appreciate it!

 

I'm just going to leave things as they are. I apologised which she didn't take and offered to pay but again she didn't take.

 

I'm really curious as to what was said about me amongst some of the other mums and I was tempted to ask, but as they say..Ignorance is Bliss.

 

I just hope it doesn't have any repercussions on my child, if it does then I guess I'll have to talk to the mum again and find a way to smooth things out.

[Taramere]

I'm 22 and my daughter is 5 (6 in sept). I'm the introvert type so I find it difficult to talk to some of the more..."loud" mums. I prefer to just wait for my kid and not have to engage in idle chit chat. Add that to the fact I'm 22, covered in tatts and on the alternative side I don't really fit in.

 

Anyway, my daughter was invited to another girls party, the mum approached me and asked if she would be attending. I said yes. Cool, all sorted.

 

The day of the party comes and I get a phone call, mum has been taken to hospital I have to make a 2 hour trip to look after my sister and thus my daughter misses the party.

 

Fast forward to today and as I'm walking to the school, the mum approaches to me and proceeds to have a go, saying I was rude for not texting her, that I cost her money and she would of invited someone else. I said I was sorry, tried to explain what happened (to which she said she didn't believe) and I offered to pay. Then she said she had spoken to the other mums about me.

I felt like a naughty little school kid and just wanted to cry.

 

Just wanted to know if I was in the wrong..I really don't feel like I was but she made me feel like I had killed her dog or something. :[

 

I agree with others that it would have been considerate to text the other mum. However, I don't think much of her behaviour in telling you that she had spoken to the other mums about you. I can understand that was upsetting - and I don't think the lapse in etiquette/consideration on your part merited what sounds suspiciously close to a bullying response on her part.

 

Let's give her the benefit of the doubt for a moment though. Let's imagine that she was angry enough to vent about you to the other mums, and then - being a generally decent sort of person - felt guilty about talking about you behind your back. That could explain why she raised that "I spoke to the other mums about you".

 

A sort of defensive explanation. For the purposes of smoothing over the waters, I would be inclined to interpret it in that way. Take some deep breaths, try to get yourself into a calm state and then when you're feeling better try to place yourself in her shoes and imagine that she's a generally nice person who got angry. I think once you do that, it'll be easier for you to send her the kind of text that she's likely to appreciate. But a note of caution - avoid saying anything like "I'm sure you are a normally nice lady who got angry". Any text you send is best restricted to an unqualified apology for the inconvenience rather than any comment on her personally.

 

In my experience, any sort of explanation proferred with an apology tends to result in the apology being treated as a qualified one. I know it's unfair, and I know that feeling of "but I had a genuine excuse/reason - I need the opportunity to state my case". Nonetheless, sometimes it's better just to play the game and give the person the unqualified apology they want. No excuses, no defensiveness (and in fact, qualifying an apology with excuses or defensiveness can make you look weaker - especially to somebody of a bullying disposition - which is exactly what you want to avoid here).

 

Hopefully she'll respond by giving you an opportunity to provide an explanation if she's had a chance to calm down. People don't tend to handle things well in the heat of anger, and she's probably no exception.

Edited June 4, 2013 by Taramere

[todreaminblue]

I'm 22 and my daughter is 5 (6 in sept). I'm the introvert type so I find it difficult to talk to some of the more..."loud" mums. I prefer to just wait for my kid and not have to engage in idle chit chat. Add that to the fact I'm 22, covered in tatts and on the alternative side I don't really fit in.

 

Anyway, my daughter was invited to another girls party, the mum approached me and asked if she would be attending. I said yes. Cool, all sorted.

 

The day of the party comes and I get a phone call, mum has been taken to hospital I have to make a 2 hour trip to look after my sister and thus my daughter misses the party.

 

Fast forward to today and as I'm walking to the school, the mum approaches to me and proceeds to have a go, saying I was rude for not texting her, that I cost her money and she would of invited someone else. I said I was sorry, tried to explain what happened (to which she said she didn't believe) and I offered to pay. Then she said she had spoken to the other mums about me.

I felt like a naughty little school kid and just wanted to cry.

 

Just wanted to know if I was in the wrong..I really don't feel like I was but she made me feel like I had killed her dog or something. :[

 

 

never really been into school yard mum friendships......i dont like cattiness......and because i am the quiet one.....i notice when they start in on other mums or looking other mothers up and down on approach..yuck..........turns me off joining a conversation...and i exit stage left as fast as i can.......i would pick up my kids and avoid groups of women...you didnt do anything wrong....and i hope your mum feels better now...as another poster said not every child turns up to birthday parties.....she was actually quite out of line to treat you the way she did in my opinion.......dont hold anything close to your heart concerning this woman...widen your smile...and let your kids see how graceful you can be ...they in turn ....will embrace the way you handle sticky situations and rude people...hugs....deb

[Eve]

I would agree that a call would have been best but I would be more concerned about the approach of the mother and the likelihood that her child may be off a similar temperament.

 

Hopefully this will all blow over but be careful.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[juicygirl]

Seriously that lady needs to get over it.

You met her in the park/playground right, it's not like she's a long time friend. You wasn't rude at all your family member was sick who cares about her dumb party. How much does cake, balloons and jelly cost?

Maybe she was annoyed because she had loads of no show,but with her attitude I'm not surprise.

[pink_sugar]

I agree

 

I would also add that if the emergency didn't lend itself to time for texting then an apology text as soon as she could have was in order.

 

An RSVP is an RSVP, that is why people use them and do a head count as it costs money to invite someone to a kids B-day party.

 

How to fix it.. I think the OP has already tried to fix it, she offered to pay.

If the woman who gave the B-day party can't go with that and accept the OP's apology then the OP should just live life and move on.

It's a lesson learned is all....

 

I also agree. While it's not a huge commitment, apologizing as soon as you can that you cannot attend is reasonable. Next time before you agree to come, make sure you exchange phone numbers. This is also useful in case you get lost or need directions or etc. I remember when we got married, I had a few relatives decide not to attend last minute and it costed us a pretty penny. The other mom sounds like she was being childish though. I can understand her being a bit annoyed, but she handled it wrong.

[lissa90]

Rosas, I was only explaining the situation further, if I caused offence, I didn't mean to.

 

Thankyou for the replies guys, I appreciate it. I should of texted her with an apology. When she confronted me I apologised profusely and offered her payment. I can empathise with her situation -hence the apology albeit late - so surely she could of empathised with my situation instead of telling me I was rude and that she didn't believe me.

 

If the roles were reversed I like to think I'd of been understanding to her plight despite my initial annoyance.

Or if I couldn't be understanding, I'd like to think I have a little more decorum than to start an argument on the school run and gossip with the other mothers behind her back.

[Nyla]

You were wrong not to give notification of why you did not appear, but she was wrong to attack you in public and slander you to others.

 

This woman is clearly immature with too much time on her hands.

 

Offer to give her the money, apologize and perhaps express your disappointment with the way she handled the situation. Catty bitches really hate being diplomatically called out as immature and hateful. It is reason I have only three very close female friends.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

...what kind of birthday parties are you having so missing one adult and one child costs so much?

 

If it was a regular thing - ok sure it's rude. But once with a reason like this?

Seriously...

 

Ummm birthday parties happen every year and are a big deal so yes her just not showing up or calling could have cost that lady a lot of money... Even if it was like 1.50 that it cost her so what? A phone call is free, I think it's a little rude to downgrade this mom because she throws good parties for her kid.

[pink_sugar]

Ummm birthday parties happen every year and are a big deal so yes her just not showing up or calling could have cost that lady a lot of money... Even if it was like 1.50 that it cost her so what? A phone call is free, I think it's a little rude to downgrade this mom because she throws good parties for her kid.

 

I doubt it cost her more than a few bucks unless this was a lavish catered affair. Now if it were a wedding, yeah, those do cost big bucks per person.