Am I crazy or is he just an "A" HOLE ?

[starburst76]

I broke off my engagement with my boyfriend of 6 years after I caught him cheating with a cowroker. It wasn't the first time but it was the last!!! Fast forward two years later. He asked for a second chance to show me he was ready for committment and that he wanted to be with me. I took things very slowly. We started learning to be friends again and after another year of dating, We re-committed to each other. We also have two children together.

 

So here we are two years later, discussing marriage and planning to move in together as a family. Yet he still refuses to add me on FB and is FB freinds with the woman he lived with while we were apart.

 

I told him I felt this was disrespectful and hurt my feelings. He refuses to add me or delete her or discuss how his actions impact our relationship. If I even try to bring up how his behavior impacts our relationship he will go days without speaking to me. Also he is 38. IMO too old for giving the silent treatment.

 

I feel like he's disrespectful, dismissive and emotionally immature. He says he won't add me because he wont allow me to make him do something he doesn't want to do.

 

He says It's just FB and not that serious. I said OK then if it's not that serious what's the porblem with adding me? I beleive he conducts himself on FB like a sinlge man. He says I am just on a power trip??? WTF I am seriously already at the point of just calling it quits. I guess I just wanted another perspective

to see if I'm missing something, being childish or losing my mind before I drop the axe.

[venusianx13]

I really hate to be the bearer of bad news, but he has proven to you that he will not change. Sure, it's "just fb", but he needs to be completely transparent about his life if he is wanting a future with you after what he did.

 

I do believe that people can change, but it does not sound like he has. My ex fiancé of 6 years cheated on me several times, and I always took him back, hanging onto the hope that he'd change (of course, he'd beg claim he would!) He never did. Staying in a relationship like this for so long perpetuated so much bitterness, emotional anguish and anxiety in me... it was self-inflicted torture. Every time I'd take him back and the signs would begin to show again that he was lying/hiding things, I'd confront him and he'd justify whatever was going on (as he'd always done) and I'd tuck it away in my heart and mind where it would continue to fester and erode away at what little trust I had left. My intuition was screaming at me, I knew, deep down, that something was wrong, but I ignored it.

 

Please don't do this to yourself. You see the signs, don't ignore them. Pay attention to what your intuition is telling you.

[umirano]

Red flag. Obviously.

[Ursa]

I broke off my engagement with my boyfriend of 6 years after I caught him cheating with a cowroker. It wasn't the first time but it was the last!!! Fast forward two years later. He asked for a second chance to show me he was ready for committment and that he wanted to be with me. I took things very slowly. We started learning to be friends again and after another year of dating, We re-committed to each other. We also have two children together.

 

So here we are two years later, discussing marriage and planning to move in together as a family. Yet he still refuses to add me on FB and is FB freinds with the woman he lived with while we were apart.

 

I told him I felt this was disrespectful and hurt my feelings. He refuses to add me or delete her or discuss how his actions impact our relationship. If I even try to bring up how his behavior impacts our relationship he will go days without speaking to me. Also he is 38. IMO too old for giving the silent treatment.

 

I feel like he's disrespectful, dismissive and emotionally immature. He says he won't add me because he wont allow me to make him do something he doesn't want to do.

He says It's just FB and not that serious. I said OK then if it's not that serious what's the porblem with adding me? I beleive he conducts himself on FB like a sinlge man. He says I am just on a power trip??? WTF I am seriously already at the point of just calling it quits. I guess I just wanted another perspective

to see if I'm missing something, being childish or losing my mind before I drop the axe.

 

You are asking him to do something to demonstrate that he is worthy of your trust, of letting yourself be vulnerable again, and he calls this a power trip. He refuses to compromise. He refuses transparency. This is how he demonstrates his commitment? This is how he treats the second chance he begged for? He gives you the silent treatment. You have two kids together already but say you were engaged so--perhaps I am reading this wrong, but I assume that marriage is important to you but he was dragging his feet about it. AND YOU HAVE ALREADY CAUGHT HIM CHEATING ON YOU MORE THAN ONCE!

 

Not to be harsh but I really can't believe you are even asking whether you should get rid of him or not. Yes, my god, YES. Show him the door and let him gaslight and leak his toxins all over some other poor woman. Seriously. Just reread what you wrote about this relationship.

 

I understand trying to salvage the relationship for your children--I am a parent too. But look at the lessons he has to teach your children: that it is alright to lie, to cheat, to refuse to communicate or compromise, that you can treat your partner like crap and gaslight them and insist that they treat you better than you treat them. Are these lessons you want your children to learn? I really hope you will not bring them back into a living arrangement with this man, for I can only see disaster for them down that road, and their family torn asunder yet again. If you don't cut him loose now, at least postpone moving back in with him for your children's sake--because you are not crazy, he is an *******.

Edited June 5, 2013 by Ursa