bellasue Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 I heard a song on the radio this afternoon that flooded me with such a pleasant memory of my friend today. I actually giggled recalling it......which to me is a positive sign. But now, sitting here thinking about it (again) I am feeling sad (again). What do you do when you fall over triggers? How do you pick up and move forward still? Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 Triggers are everywhere. For me there are always around me (because I still live in the home where the xom spent a lot of time ), music is huge, I drive by spots we walked, ate, went to church, it's a daily thing for me and there isn't anything I can do about it unless I force my husband to sell his business, we uproot our last child and flee the community. With his parents aging this is impossible right now. So what I have decided is i have to make new and better memories that surround these places. It's hard, for damn sure, but it gets better. Yes at times a memory will completely flood my mind but I have gotten to the point that I let it go so far, then I smile and pocket it and move on. I will not allow him to control me that way anymore. It does get better but it takes a very long time. Step by step, day by day, week by week, month by month, etc. Keep walking forward - it does get better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
findingnemo Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 The biggest trigger, or what I would call, the key trigger is still being in love with the other person. I believe that because when I was younger and broke up with a bf, I actually hated the music, spots, etc, anything that was associated with him. It happens that relationships come to an end and the people involved can move on without triggers. But if there were many good times, triggers are inevitable. It doesn't change the fact that it needed to end but it sure makes it harder. For music, I still don't know how to stop reacting. I have found though that given time, it hurts less and less. Favorite spots? That's easier. Create new memories as lilmiss suggested. Basically train your brain to associate the places with new things. Bella, have you mourned the loss of OM or did you attempt to suppress your feelings? I can see from your other thread that you have a tremendous burden and you are trying to stay afloat for your family. If you keep suppressing your true feelings, I know from experience that dealing with triggers will be harder. They will seem to come out of nowhere. Perhaps you should get IC. You need someone to talk to IRL openly and who can guide and help you through this. Link to post Share on other sites
sybo24 Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 After 4 weeks nc I am finding that there are so many things that trigger memories. Mostly are songs in the car but the fact that ex MM did so many jobs around the house for me is hard. He built a fireplace in my lounge Built a whole new ensuite. We even went and picked out dinning room furniture together with talk of him sitting round it this Christmas. I am finding it easier. I try to keep thinking that these things he did are good things and were done out of love for me. He bought me a magimix for my birthday that I cant bare to look at and is in the garage. Lots of memories of a happy time, soon I will be able to remember them Link to post Share on other sites
Clemenza Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 The biggest trigger is seeing xMW at the office. Ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
ScarlettKaren Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 I walked out of my old office building today (was there for work) and flashed to the number of times he pulled up out front and we would grab coffee together. It almost brought me to my knees and it certainly left me breathless. I'm 8 weeks out; 9 tomorrow and I can smile at a few things that I know are coming. It is the ones that catch me off guard that hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 Seeing xmw every day at our kids' school.....trigger Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 I heard a song on the radio this afternoon that flooded me with such a pleasant memory of my friend today. I actually giggled recalling it......which to me is a positive sign. But now, sitting here thinking about it (again) I am feeling sad (again). What do you do when you fall over triggers? How do you pick up and move forward still? triggers are reflections of what once was.....it doesnt have a foot in reality.......thats how i deal with triggers.....i see them as learned memory good or bad.......i allow myself to feel wistful or nostalgic.......angry or sad.....or hurt.......and i realize i dont have to exist on a trigger......and i let them fade away and think of something new...i want to do or see so i redirect adn they fade out as they should...deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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