He doesnt know what he wants

[littlelaxer]

ok so heres my story.... Ive been dating this one guy for about a year (well two weeks till a year) and about a week ago he says "i dont know what i want, im not ready for a long term relationship." Which i dont understand becuase of the year with us. Anyways, i just dont know what to do. I want to know if anyone has had any experience with this. I care about him so much. I just want to know if maybe he needs space or something silly like that. I am giving it to him. I dont call him, because i told him that i wasnt going to call him. I want to know if guys go through this and maybe with his friends being all single he feels like he should too. In no way was i a controllng GF, if he wanted to go out with his buddies and party i didnt care and he knows it I understand hes only 20 and im 19 but i really felt we had something. Im just hurt and i miss him. So if anyone has any thing that they could say to help me out i would totally appreciate it. I just want him back, i know i deserve someone who wouldnt leave me, but it is hard. So do you think he will come back after some time apart??

[Starnette83]

Girl, I understand you completely!!

 

Right now you don't know what to do with ure bf, you thought things were perfect between u to and all of a sudden he begins to question ure relationship and wanting some time out...

 

My bf did this to me and i reacted hurt and emotional and it got me nowhere!!

 

Why do guys do this?? Well the thing is that MEN are unliek us woman, they want to see what else is out there basically, they dont want to be tied down, he sees all his friends single so he thinks his friends are having more fun then him cuz they get to be with many girls, this makes him feel like tho he does care and does love u, it doesnt help that he is also curious about other girls and the single life...basically he thinks the grass is greener on the other side...

 

Girl ure doing really good with the no contact, the more u keep this no contact, the more i think he might begin to miss u, and maybe if he does date other girls, he'll see they are unlike you and make him realize how special u r and why he was with u for a long time..but one advice i have to give you because i got it but didnt listen was that when he does come back, cuz he most likely will, dont take him back so easily!!!

 

I know this is very hard!! cuz u will be so happy he called and wants to take u out that u will most likely wanna kiss him that same day and put all the crap behind, but if u forgive him so easy and let him kiss u so easy he will be curioyus again and u will be back thru this one more time til u get it right...

 

so for now dont call him, dont email, instead take care of YOURSELF....exercise, eat right, read motivation books, fun books, watch movies, basically keep ure mind distracted...

 

when he does call..cuz he will..

Act normal, dont show mad, sad, or anything..just act indifferent kinda like "Oh hey wussup?"

bascailly act casual.kinda like the way u would talk to a friend who hasnt called u in a long time...

 

Anyways when he tried to get u back...dont give in, make him try for you..take u to eat, buy u something, make u feel special, and make him realize what hes doing....

 

YOU GOTTA BE IN CONTROL!!!

 

and if u guys do get back keep up with the no calling, let him call you, make him CHASE You in other words, sometimes guys who are with girls for a long time miss the thrill of the chase, and thats why they want OUT....

 

my best advice also is read the book WHY men love bitches, by sherry argov, helped me lots!!

 

BE STRONG, i know you can!!!

 

Guys suck

[Splatty]

hy do guys do this?? Well the thing is that MEN are unliek us woman, they want to see what else is out there basically, they dont want to be tied down, he sees all his friends single so he thinks his friends are having more fun then him cuz they get to be with many girls, this makes him feel like tho he does care and does love u, it doesnt help that he is also curious about other girls and the single life...basically he thinks the grass is greener on the other side...

 

 

 

This statement is total bull****. My exgf pulled the same thing, it's not just guys. Plus I read almost every post written and there is just as many girls as guys who can't commit and who want "space".

 

Just thought I would vent that jerks are jerks......... some guys and some girls.

Just like there are some really great girls and guys.

[beautiful]

Littlelaxer............I just went through similar stuff with my bf. We just spend this past weekend together and everything was great. He could not have been more loving.

 

2 days later he calls me and we talk like we always do and out of the blue he says to me. "I don't know if you are the one meant for me", " how do I know you the one?"

 

I almost fainted. I asked him "what's wrong"? So he replies" I just don't know".

Than he says..." Just forget about it" I just wanted to get this of my chest and now I have, everything is OK".

 

After we hung up I was in total shock. I felt like someone just hit me in the head and of course I was upset!

 

So he calls me back at 11 (he went to one of his buddies house for a bbq) and he says " I just need a little space to sort it all out". So I plain asked him is there someone else? he says no. He would never see anyone else being with me and he doesen't want to ever hurt me. TO LATE! How in the world am I not going to feel hurt by him talking stuff like that?

 

Than he says " Well there is an old friend that he has known for some time (a girl). He says we have been talking lately. She knows about you(me). I said OK! He said " I think about her and we talked about doing stuff together" I don't think is is fair that I am thinking about her and being with you. I need some time to sort all of this out".

 

There you have it!

 

Now I told him this.................I told him that I understand and that if he wants space he can have it. I was very loving to him and understanding. I told him that my life will go on and that I will keep the door open. I left it at that!

 

I was totally shocked because I did not have a clue!

 

He is a great guy in the sense that he openly talked to me about his feelings. He has a right to them and he has a right to be free to choose who he wants to be with. Sure it hurts me but what can I do?

 

Running after him is never an option for me because he will get scared and run and maybe this could ruin a chance for us to have a future. (If I chose to have one with him)

 

When a guy wants to "explore" to see what else is out there.....LET HIM GO WITH LOVE! Live your life and do the best you can to not loose it with him, meaning stalking after him, wanting to talk, wanting to manipulate him back etc etc etc. YES we have all done this at least once before we learned IT DOES NOT WORK!

 

He wrote me an e-mail saying to me that he thanks me for understanding and to give him the freedom to do what HE FEELS he has to do now. He is hurting because he knows he hurt me with this and that he will be in touch and he wished me luck.

 

So that sounds to me like he said goodbye. Yes that hurts me BUT THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO but go on with my life.

 

I wrote him back saying that I do not want him to feel hurt or any guilt. I want him to be joyful and happy and get out there and do what he has to do and that I am just fine!

 

I see it this way, when a man says he needs some space, it is usually because as women we are to available. Men feel smothered. They think to much and wonder, is she the one for me or am I missing something that is out there?. "Why men love Bitches" is a fantastic book! Every woman should own it and read it and follow it.

 

Let him go out there and see what is there. If you treated him good and the relationship was good he will remember this and there can be a second chance.

 

I feel like this, if a man is really into me, there is NOTHING that will keep him from me! Get the book "HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU".

 

AWESOME BOOK!

 

Now, of course I am sad and hurt. I had a rough couple of nights because I do miss him. This morning I got up and I said a prayer in faith, put a smile on my pretty face and here I am feeling so much better.

 

The most important thing you can do is to truly take care of yourself now. Eat right, exercise, do lots of fun things and pamper yourself.

 

That is what I am doing. I do not know what the outcome will be with me and him, however, my life must go on.

 

We all feel the same pain, however, it is what we do with it that is important. Under no circumstances should anyone walk around looking all beat up. Make yourself pretty, put a smile on your face, stand up tall and go on out there.

 

There are so many wonderful guys and girls out there looking to be found. Sure we hear this all the time it is an old cliche however it is true.

 

I think the worst part is the waiting...................don't wait! Sincerely be busy! It is very true that if something is meant to be , it will be! If you have a HP, use that to keep your faith in yourself and life as well as others.

 

We all go through stuff in life.

 

One more thing, it DOES NOT MATTER what a guy has been through in past relationships, THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! If he wants space, LET HIM GO WITH LOVE! A man/woman that truly wants to be with you DOES NOT NEED SPACE!

 

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! IT IS THEM! You are OK, you are wonderful and loving. You deserve so much more than someone telling you " I NEED SPACE".

 

To all women and men out there going through the same feelings and pains right now......please pick yourself up and have faith in you and in your HP. You are not alone in this. Life is great and things will get better I promise you!

[beautiful]

Littlelaxer.......one more thing...................Men do know what they want! Most of the time when they tell you that they don't know what they want...................the sad truth is..............they do not know if they want "IT" with YOU!

 

That is a hard pill to swallow however it is the very truth.

 

Think about this for a moment please..............Do you want a man in your life that is not sure if he wants YOU? I don't think so sweetie!

 

How wonderful it is when a man truly wants YOU! Please keep this in mind and take some strength from this because there is nothing worse in the world than being with a man and you this uneasy feeling in your tummy that "something just feels wrong" and you can't pin point it but you know it is there like a lingering fear.

 

I do believe that a man can be at a point in his life where he is unsure about life and that indeed he feels overwhelmed. I do believe that it is than he could need some space to sort it out, as long as there are no other girls involved. Women need their space as well.

 

I definitely say no contact is great. Maybe an occasional letting him know that the door is still open and giving him positive encouragement without pressure or talking about the relationship or if he is ready to come back. Give him space and live your life.

 

If he does not return to you , than you did not want him in the first place because why be with a guy that you constantly have to be afraid of loosing or wondering when he needs space again!

 

I agree that when a man wants to come back, be very careful with this. No games! You must be sure that HE worked out his issues and that he is sincere with you because if he's not, he will do the same thing to you again in the future because he knows how you feel about him and that you always be available no matter what.

 

Either way, you are worth being totally loved. I wish you the very best and be strong. We all have to be so strong.

[littlelaxer]

Thank you all soo much for your help............

 

I guess ill just keep doing what im doing. Im not waiting around for him to call, yeah maybe deep down i am but i gotta be strong u know!!

 

He calls me every now and then to see whats up with me and i act fine. i dont cry to him telling him that i miss him, or all that. I act as if my life contiuned on just fine after he left. but he knows that i still care about him a lot. i think if he calls to textes like today i think im just not gonna answer or text back. Kinda make him wonder what im doing for a change other then me always wondering about him!

 

I think i am in that anger stage though, u know what i mean?? like when i talked to him yesterday i was kind of annoyed and i think thats a good thing. Although when i dont talk to him all i want him to do is call.

 

Its very odd becuase things with us were fine, and i know it is not about another girl. But i guess hes got to do his thing. but when he comes around to missing me and wanting me back (ok i like to think that ok! ) i might not be there and then maybe he will know how it feels to get your heart broken.......

 

Thanks so much, and if u have any other insite let me know please!!