I can't trust other women around my boyfriend.

[Twitch Zargos]

It's not that I can't trust him to behave himself. But I don't want other women anywhere near him or even looking at him too long.

 

It started a few years ago. We had been dating off and on through elementary school, and the last time, we were in tenth grade. He was all set and ready to have sex, but I wasn't. (Typical teenaged boy..) But I always had this feeling that if I didn't give it up, he'd find someone else.. And that's what I thought he did one day when I was sent a candid photo of him and some other girl by a friend of ours. I dumped him on the spot. But I had jumped to conclusions, and refused to listen to his side of the story. It just so happened that I was also moving a few states away at the time anyway, so we didn't talk for two years.

 

In those two years, he was pretty loose with who he had sex with, racking up quite a list of exes. When I came back to my hometown, we started talking again, and eventually began to date. We're happily in love, blah blah blah..

 

Recently, a lot of women from his past have been running into him at his work, and though he tells me about it, and doesn't believe it's a big deal, I find myself growing increasingly jealous. 'He is mine, not yours' was pretty much my entire thought pattern. One of his more serious exes is actually still friends with some of his friends, and hangs out with them quite often. In fact, today she came by his parents' house, where we live until we can move into our new apartment, reportedly to say hello to his mother. I ended up getting so irritated, that I began hitting things, and even shattered a stone ring I was wearing.

 

Inside, it honestly feels like I'm turning into a lioness whenever the thought of some other woman coming around my boyfriend comes into my head. And unlike most trust complaints, it has nothing to do with him behaving himself. He hates cheaters with a passion, and has very often told me that I am the best girl he's ever been with. But that doesn't mean other girls can't come up to him and try to sway his opinion.

 

It's starting to cause some issues.. I wouldn't say I'm a violent person, but since these girls have been coming around, I am unable to curb my aggression. And I haven't even been face to face with them yet! And since he still wants to maintain a small bit of friendship with some of these girls, I can't exactly go and attack them and push them out of my life..

 

I need to find out how to let go of some of this jealousy, any ideas?

[todreaminblue]

Anger management classes........when you feel jealous or insecure have you thought to your.....i should stop now...i am damaging my relationship......try and be positive about your boyfriend...he has shown no reason fro you not to trust him...you said that you were happily in love....that isnt really true though is it..you arent that happy........you can be happy though and relax when you let go of the jealousy.......your relationship cant survive jealousy rages......talk to a professional ......even anger management classes...and have faith in yoru boyfriend....be open and honest....dont rage.....dotn be jealous...deb

[therhythm]

I always wonder how people think that jealousy help them to don't get cheated on... actually it may help them to get cheated instead as someone may think that since he/she is already paying for something they have not done they may as well do it!

You either trust in a person or you don't, if you don't then you are not fit for a relationship with that person and if you do and that person cheats on you is totally not your fault but the cheaters fault and there is nothing you could have done about it.

How to stop being jealous? just chill out, relax, you are a rational person so just rationalize that what you are feeling is wrong and that you are doing this to yourself.

Therapy is definitely very recommended as jealousy is always linked to a big self esteem issue. Did you know that most of very jealous people cheat at least once in their life?

[TaserTag]

Yeah, I would look into some anger management help and therapy if you're able (maybe even just reading some self help books to get perspective if you can't afford to see a therapist). Getting so uncontrollably angry that you hit and break things is a serious problem, especially when you're living in your boyfriend's parents' home. Nothing about being out of control is attractive or endearing to most people. Your behavior, left unchecked, is most likely going to wind up embarrassing and pushing away your boyfriend.

 

As long as your boyfriend isn't crossing any lines, you should just try to be proud/flattered when you notice other people checking him out, because he's choosing to be with you. It might take time to really develop that trust, but you can't be picking a fight with yourself in the meantime.

[jphcbpa]

A certain amount of jealousy is acceptable, imo. It means you care. Past that means you are acting in fear. Fear of loss. Fear of losing something that you think belongs to you. Let go and work on what you are really afraid of. Fear of abandonment issues, insecurity issues? I suggest lots of writing, talking with a therapist, meetings (slaa, anger management, alanon ect.)

[GorillaTheater]

A certain amount of jealousy is acceptable, imo. It means you care. Past that means you are acting in fear. Fear of loss. Fear of losing something that you think belongs to you. Let go and work on what you are really afraid of. Fear of abandonment issues, insecurity issues?

 

Good stuff.

 

I'd add that your jealousy has reached a pretty irrational level, and that it's ultimately self-defeating and to a point, self-fullfilling. Eventually he's going to have enough of it.

[PutARingOnIt]

Insecure....