oannamarie Posted October 7, 2004 Share Posted October 7, 2004 Update on my previous posts, I was married, left my abusive, druggy husband, went back to him after several weeks in which I met a guy that I became good friends with and kissed a couple of times (no sexual relationship), am now trying to work things out with my husband because I thought it was the right thing to do for our children. I mean if he realy does change it would be the best for them. I still have strong feelings for this friend and I stopped talking to him for the past two weeks when I went back to my husband. Yesterday he called me to see how I was doing and everything with him came back. I see him on the way to work and we talked and ended up kissing and him telling me he is not giving up so quickly on me. I realy dont want to be with my husband but I feel if I leave and he does change for the better that would be taking away from my kids happiness and I feel quilty for doing that because I put my feelings first. I want to do what is best for them but I cant change the way I feel about this new guy. I am so confused right now I dont know what to do. Should i leave or stay? I also do not believe in cheating and do not want to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 7, 2004 Share Posted October 7, 2004 If your husband is an abusive, drug-ridden pig, then the BEST thing to do for your kids is to get them the hell away. Why is it that people think an unhealthy marriage is healthier for kids than no marriage at all? Get out, and find happiness with your new friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oannamarie Posted October 7, 2004 Author Share Posted October 7, 2004 He has not been abusive for several months and has been off the drugs since I left. He is realy trying hard to be a husband because he doesnt want to loose me. This is why it is hard to leave otherwise it would be an easy decision. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHeart Posted October 7, 2004 Share Posted October 7, 2004 I am in the same situation as you are! What I am learning is it don't matter what man you end up with, as time goes by issues arise in any relationship you are in. If you love your husband , stay with him and work thru the hard times . He must really love you if he is trying to make a change for you. You have to be supportive to help him get better or he will lose his confidence. Does this new man know you are trying to work out your family? If he does, he should respect you and your family and stop contacting you, otherwise your going to be on a roller coaster ride and you won't be able to give your husband 100 percent. If your husband continues to abuse you, get out! By giving your husband a second chance you will be able to move on easier if it don't work the second time around. It will help lift all the guilt that you carry and you will know you tried and did the best thing for your kids. You don't want your kids to grow up thinking its ok to abuse someone.. Good luck to you!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author oannamarie Posted October 7, 2004 Author Share Posted October 7, 2004 This new guy does know that I am trying to work it out with my husband. I dont love my husband. I think that me and this other guy may love each other. I have know this guy for about two years but never realy hung out with him until recently. It does feel like I am on a roller coaster and I dont know what to do. What have you decided to do Blue Heart? Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHeart Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 I was abused by my ex husband which caused alot of anger and resentment between us. I felt I didn't love him anymore so we went on with the divorce rather quickly due to all the anger. As time passed by I started dating and met a wonderful man, hooked up with him! Everything was great at first , but over time I started realizing some things I did not know about myself . I found I was still very much in love with my ex husband and it was causing alot of fights between me and the new guy. So I broke it off with the new guy. I am now starting over again with my ex husband, it is working out great! He is better than ever. Communication is much better. The guilt and pain I carried is now gone. I am happier than ever to have my family put back together again. I was separated from my ex for over 2 years and was married to him for 15 years. He didn't know what he had til I was gone and had to learn the hard way. IMO its easier to work out your marriage than to go thru all the emotional heartache with Divorce. Only if he stops abusing you.. If you continue to see the new guy you will be on a roller coaster ride! Give yourself time to heal first before entering a new relationship cause if you don't , you and the new guy will never work out!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author oannamarie Posted October 11, 2004 Author Share Posted October 11, 2004 THanks for the advice. I did realize this and am now with my husband and only him. I am lucky it didnt take him long to realize what he has and he is making a great effort to change. Link to post Share on other sites
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