What are you addicted to?

October 7, 2004

I was making a list of things to do and I also looked at my last list of things to do (you know, short term,medium term an long term). Well, it is always half the things that I put down that are done.

Then I was thinking what else am I doing that's ... well... not according to how I want to live my life ('cause there is a pretty big difference between how I want to live it and how I am actually living it).

So there it goes.

Things I am addicted to:

No.1. - coffee. I just love it. It may pass one day or twoor three without it, I simply couldn't give it up. Tried even the decoffeine coffee. Sucked. there's nothing like the real thing. And if I drink it when I'm not tired, I turn into the nervous, relly excited sometimes really pissed off beast.

No.2 - chocolate. I don't eat it every day. I don't eat it every week. But I just CAN'T give it up.

No.3 - reading for my own pleasure. That's a terrible thing. I mean, yeah, I read, but only litterature. I seem to have the hardest of times to convince myself to read for school (unless it's subject that I particularly enjoy).

No.4 - stay on the internet too long. The same problem as before. I sometimes check out sites with news, but mainly... it's loveshack!

No.5 - stay on msn with my bf waaaaay too long. We don't see eachother that often. I know I could use that time, those hourse in a more productive way. But then, I could simply give up other useless things I do during the day tobecome more productive. Anyway, just a thought.

No.6 - hair style products. I am a compulsive buyer. Right now I keep it under controll, but it's crazy what I do to myself. First of all, each 5 months or so I change the look. I either try a different tone of color, a different hairstyle, and I end up buying tones of products for hair care. Thanks Lord my hair is quite healthy. And.... at times I get so sick and tire of everything that I don't use anything. Because if I use all the mouse, the masks, the sticky stuff that I buy, I'd have to wash it like every other day. And I have long hair, a lot of it as a matter of fact and I get so bored to just do it so often. So I spend money, I have the products and... I don't use it. Or very rarely.

No.7 - the same with body care products. I don't have the patience to put every day after I shower the 3 body lotions etc etc. It will simply go away tomorrow, know what I mean? Why oh why do I buy it?

No.8 - buying ear rings. I don't buy earings all that often. I buy it because I need it. BEcause.... I loose it all the time. It drives me crazy ! And please know that I am very picky about MY ear rings.

No.9 - I quit diets. I have only once in my life gone through with one, it was a total life change, lost more that 15 pounds (not like I needed it, I simply was very curious how it was to be really skinny). I have a normal weight but, as most people, I could use some pounds off. I cannot make a schedule and respect it. That's why I try to vary swimming with jogging with some aerobics. But diets.... Iam addicted to starting new stuff and quitting. soI simply decided to cutt off greasy stuff an eat healthy. I love veggies, I hate fruits. But then it is the number 2 problem, plus, I don't always feel like exercising.

I guess it all makes me a slave of my own inconsistencies and I shall die being a hedonist. This year I have promised myself to change. God, it is an effort beyond belief, I am way too free to have to put up with a shedule on my free time. And I feel that this is blocking my personal development.

I simply cannot convince myself to change. I do whatever I want, when I want it, if I want it. Thanks Lord I am bright enough not to have totally screwed up my life, I have a good metabolism and some very understanding