Been depressed for a year since graduating

[lemondrops11]

hey

 

 

i'm posting on here but don't see how this will help.

 

 

i've been depressed almost every day for a year now and I can't see how it's going to change anytime soon . Last year, I was at university having what i think will be the best years of my life. I'd wake up everyday pinching myself at my wonderful, wonderful life, I was in love with my ex- bf, loved my course, loved the freedom of uni life, loved my housemates. I genuinely woke up with a smile and energy for life 95% of the time. Fast forward June 2012 to now & I can barely remember the last time I laughed

 

 

I broke up with my ex just before graduating (won't go into reasons, was my choice, still had feelings), moved back with my parents to London where I don't really click with my 'home friends'.

 

 

For 5 months I moped around depressed at leaving uni and missing my ex, job hunting. Then I got a temp job in retail then did an unpaid internship with a charity for 3 months which was quite intense. I've been in a new job for 6 weeks. I get up and 7 and get home at about 7. My work life involves being in front of a screen most of the day doing research reports. I feel trapped in my own brain & like I can't leave because i've finally got a job I can 'settle' into after a year of random stuff. I feel so miserable & like I have no one to talk to. I feel embarrassed that I've been quitely depressed for so long now when people think of me as an inspiring positive energy. I hate how little free time I have.

 

 

 

I hate working for someone else, stuck in an office so so much. I wish I could be self-employed. I've been reading loads of entrepreneur books to try and come up with an idea but I almost give up. The only thing keeping me sane is that I'm saving to go travelling for a few months next year (maybe to run away as well as for a change tbh).

 

 

I feel so bitterly lonely and trapped in this lifestyle. I just want to be free . The only time I feel a bit chirpier is on the weekends or when I have a day off but then the momentum breaks as soon as it's Monday again. I don't know what to do to change my life as I feel I'll feel trapped in any job I do working set hours . I feel empty most of the time and guilty at the same time for being so self-analytical since people have worse issues than me and real problems. I just wish this ongoing hopelessness/lonliness would vanish soon.

 

 

 

I don't know what to do about it

[ChessPieceFace]

Sorry that no one has responded yet with any encouragement. What I say might not be very encouraging but at least in shared misery there is solidarity.

 

People aren't meant to be stuck in front of machines all day and basically treated like machines. Modern society kills the human spirit. The world is a mess, but when I look at who to blame, ultimately it's the fault of the nature of the human race -- to be cowardly and easily controllable by the few ultra-rich people who own everything and everyone, such that we (the slaves) work 3 months of the year to pay our government to kill people overseas, and who knows how many other months of the year to finance the corrupt global banking system in the form of unending inflation, currency devaluation and fraudulent debt.

 

You can't fix the world.

 

You could improve your own situation in life though. Maybe you have to have a job to survive, and still have to hand over unfair amounts to the corrupt system of corporate and government enslavement, but even so, you're not COMPLETELY a slave -- no one is forcing you to stay at the job you're at now. You can always keep looking for something else. I can't guarantee you'll find your dream job but at least you'll find more variety. Sounds like you're ready for a big change. Also, no one is forcing you to be materialistic. The less money you squander on things you don't need, the less you have to earn. I still don't understand people who work 60+ hours a week and have no time to LIVE. I'd rather have a modest life and actually have free time and enjoy life before my hair is white.

 

Right now I'm stuck in a rut the size of my entire life; I hate my job, I have no social life, I scrape by (barely) but in the end, no one can change it but me. I'm often paralyzed by fear and that has kept me from really living life - fear of failure, of rejection, of the unknown, of change. People expected great things of me and I've let them all down, including all my parents and grandparents who are now gone and will never see me succeed; nevertheless, all I can do is try. My mom will never see me succeed and be happy, but she sacrificed so much to give me opportunities and I have to honor her memory by at least trying, as negative and hopeless as I often feel.

[daisybuchanan55]

You should PM me to talk about this. I went through the EXACT same thing. Extremely depressed and lost after finishing college (university).

 

I floundered all over the place in random jobs, and like you, found myself stuck behind a computer hating life. In the back of my mind I knew my big dream was always to act but I figured that since I'd given up on that dream so long ago I was "past my prime" and hadn't pursued it early enough.

 

What a joke...I was 22 and just fresh out of college!

 

I found myself like you...waking up...going to work...coming home and just doing it all over again. I tried to improve my situation by going to the gym, taking up hobbies, hanging out as much as possible with people. It didn't work. Spending SO much time at a job I hated was really draining me. I missed how much fun school was, I missed being in class, hanging out with friends, feeling full of life and excited about each day. I felt like I'd never have as much fun as I did in college. I thought the best years of my life were behind me.

 

Eventually I got so fed up with my situation that I timidly started putting out feelers, researching how to get into acting. After awhile an opportunity came around, through a former professor, for me to audition for a television pilot. Amazingly I got it and my life changed.

 

My life is better now than it's ever been. I've met new friends (I never hang out with hs people) and going to work is a blast! I feel great about the direction my life is going in.

 

That being said, it took a few years (two) to get there.

 

Here's my advice...stop ignoring your passion, whatever it is. Even if your dream job seems impossible or out of reach you HAVE to go for it. You just have to! It will change everything. Your social life will improve, your energy level will improve, everything.

 

PM me, seriously. We can talk about this!

[pink_sugar]

The first year after college is critical. It's great you didn't spend all year unemployed or something. I know it can be difficult, but try to think positive and work at finding another job. I'm tired of my job as well....after nearly 2 years with no pay raise and no benefits. I graduate uni this weekend and I'll be looking for work like crazy!