silenoz Posted October 7, 2004 Share Posted October 7, 2004 My gf broke up with me last May... I keep sending these posts about this girl. I'm a 22 yr old student, I was with this girl for nearly 2 years. I kept trying to get her back. Again I tried to get her back and again got hurt. All through the summer I tried to patch things up with her but she wouldn't take me back. Then several weeks after the split, she had kissed several guys. This hurt me immensely, but I still wouldn't give up. Then she told me we had no future together and that I should move on. I was hurt again. Eventually I just left it at that. I went on holiday, met another girl, got on really well, had a bit of fun, nothing too heavy. After that I kept in touch with this girl and started to forget about my ex. It was then that she started to text me, saying how she still loved me and that I was the only one who could make her happy. I said that I still wanted her but she decided that it still wasn't going to work because she was going away to a different country for a year for college. It was only when she got there that started sending emails, ringing and texting saying that she really loved me and wanted me back. I, of course said I would take the risk and accept her, because I still had feelings for her. That was over a week ago, and things seemed to be looking up. But I knew there was something she wasn't telling me. So I tried to find out... Turns out she slept with two guys before she decided I was the only one for her. BAM! hurt again. But she keeps apologising saying they meant nothing. But of course it means something to me. I really want her and she says that she has changed, I kinda believe her because I've never seen her so sure about anything. But I don't know what to do, I want her back so badly but I don't know if it's worth it. I've only ever slept with her and have never considered anyone else. I know that I love her but I think she went too far for forgiveness; I told her at the start of the summer that if she decided to sleep with someone else then it was over forever... yet she did and now she wants me back. Should I finally just give up? I think it will just hurt me more if I do, I love her so much despite everything she did to hurt me. I'm just worried that I'll fall for her completely again and then it'll hurt me so much to think of her having slept with other guys. On top of everything I think I know who she slept with and I know I'm going to meet them again, they're friends of friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted October 7, 2004 Share Posted October 7, 2004 Well I don't know what the reason(s) she gave for the break up to begin with... However, IF the two of you were indeed broke up when she became intimate with someone else then regardless of you telling her IF she did the two of you were done for good.. the fact is, you had already broke up when you told her this.. and at that point.. IMHO what she did or whom she did it with was no longer your business.. Is it possible that she broke things off to begin with because she wanted to date other people.. have other experiences? It isn't up to you or I or anyone else for that matter to decide that her having sex with two other people is right or wrong.. she did what she felt was right for her at that time. So with that said.. IF you really feel that you cannot get past the fact that she was intimate with other people when the two of you had been broke up and you really feel in your heart this is a deal breaker.. then you've already answered your own question. Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovehertodeath Posted October 7, 2004 Share Posted October 7, 2004 NOOO, thats just WRONG what she did to you. She has no respect for HERSELF(sleeping with several man) and she has no respect for YOU. Tell her to call you when she GROWS UP. ...STUPID GIRL. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted October 7, 2004 Share Posted October 7, 2004 Originally posted by Ilovehertodeath NOOO, thats just WRONG what she did to you. She has no respect for HERSELF(sleeping with several man) and she has no respect for YOU. Tell her to call you when she GROWS UP. ...STUPID GIRL. How did she do that TO HIM? They were NOT together when she was with someone else. It is unrealistic to think that when you break up that means the other person owes you fidelity still. How do you know she has NO respect for herself? That is a pretty big assumtion based soley because she made a decision to be intimate with someone else... Does she have respect for the orginal poster.. again I think it's a big assumption to say she doesn't based on what he's said. Would you still feel this way, IF it had been HIM who had slept with other people? Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 7, 2004 Share Posted October 7, 2004 hehe, so you pressed to try and work things out and then got hurt too eh? Sucks. I did the same as you and got hurt by it. What I see with your situation is a common theme...girl jerks guy around when he is at his most vulnerable. Guy finally decides to "move on" and girl suddenly wants him back and starts to screw with his emotions. I obviously don't know what you should do as it is something you have to decide for yourself. What I do know is if I found my ex slept with someone else and then wanted to get back together with me I couldn't do it. Yeah, what she did after the breakup is her choice but it would bug the hell out of me knowing she screwed another guy and then suddenly wanted back with me. I just see it as semi-cheating except that she was free to do other dudes without feeling guilty of truly cheating on you. I mean, a person obviously still carries feelings if they say they want to get back together with an ex so to me, that would mean they had the person in mind when they were banging other people. You dont magically wake up one day and say "hey, I want to get back together with my ex" You carry the feelings all the while you aren't with them. Again, that is just how I see it and realize most probably don't. I personally would not take her back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author silenoz Posted October 8, 2004 Author Share Posted October 8, 2004 Originally posted by Merin2 Well I don't know what the reason(s) she gave for the break up to begin with... She broke up with me because she just wanted some space for a while, so did I. I suggested taking a break for a month but she wanted to be more free. I know it was her decision to do what she did, but I think she should have considered my feelings first. She just ignored everything I said to her and now everything is messed up for the both of us. I'm in so much pain over it, and she keeps ringing me and crying everytime she hears my voice. We're both so much in love but everything has been destroyed by her actions. I think it's true what you say though, if it had been me, it wouldn't be a question of respect for myself. But I know your answer would be different, you'd be saying that I'm not worth it and I shouldn't be taken back. Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovehertodeath Posted October 8, 2004 Share Posted October 8, 2004 Hate to break it to ya', but usually when somebody (typically a woman) says that they "need a break" or "space", it means..... You dont do it for me anymore/ I'm not attracted to you as much/ The relationship has gone stale/I want to bang another guy. The overall thinking in this is to just make HER feel LESS GUILTY of what SHE really IS. I could be all wrong, but usually it's one of the above mentioned. If I were you, I would sac up, look through the love (that has made you blind), and hope for a miricle ( if you REALLY want her back). Get busy with stuff you enjoy, things to take your mind off of her. Remember, She's gotta like you and if she wants a break, hounding her up and down isn't going to make her "fall for you"more. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted October 8, 2004 Share Posted October 8, 2004 Originally posted by silenoz Originally posted by Merin2 Well I don't know what the reason(s) she gave for the break up to begin with... She broke up with me because she just wanted some space for a while, so did I. I suggested taking a break for a month but she wanted to be more free. I know it was her decision to do what she did, but I think she should have considered my feelings first. She just ignored everything I said to her and now everything is messed up for the both of us. I'm in so much pain over it, and she keeps ringing me and crying everytime she hears my voice. We're both so much in love but everything has been destroyed by her actions. I think it's true what you say though, if it had been me, it wouldn't be a question of respect for myself. But I know your answer would be different, you'd be saying that I'm not worth it and I shouldn't be taken back. Actually you're wrong.. I WOULDN'T be saying that you were not worth a second chance and shouldn't be taken back. My opinion IS still the same regardless of gender.. If you really feel the relationship cannot be repaired because of what happened when the two of you were not together, then of course that is your choice and decision to make... Link to post Share on other sites
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