Do you STILL think your "looks" are holding you back? (for the Struggling Fellas)

[PJKino]

 

 

No. The only bitter and negative men I ever encounter are on LS.

 

That's false its just that here is the only place guys can vent.. in the outside world men are not allowed to be insecure at all..

 

Im sure theyres guys you met who have some of these thoughts we have they just dont say it because for a man its social suicide..

 

Contrary to what you and other ladies here think us "bitter" guys dont play the bitter victim role 24 hours a day we just use this place to vent and try to find answers because we cant anywhere else..

 

I use SD as an example he was posting the same negative stuff he has for years here up until he met this new women.. his outlook didnt magically change prior to meeting her he simply finally met a women who was physically attracted to him and/ or not as shallow as the other women he hit on he didnt become a different person overnight..

[Star Gazer]

I use SD as an example he was posting the same negative stuff he has for years here up until he met the women.. his outlook didnt maigcally change prior to meeting her he simply finally met a women who was physically attracted to him and/ or not as shallow as the other women he hit on he didnt become a different person overnight..

 

I have no doubt that he presents himself to her in a very upbeat, positive, happy way, and not the way he reacted when his car was towed. The former is very attractive. The former is why he's on Date #3 and about to get laid.

 

So yeah, you proved my point. Attitude is what attracts most women, not simply looks.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I saw a guy at a charity meeting last night who I hadn't seen in person in a year. Aesthetically, he's one of the ugliest people I've ever known. He's literally a cross between David Letterman and Lurch from Goonies.

 

But he always has a pretty girlfriend. Always. And I was reminded of why when he got up in front of the room to make an announcement. He's charming and confident, and above all else, he's happy with himself and makes others feel good too. Not one ounce of bitterness with that guy.

 

Huh? Didn't you just read what I wrote above, about the hideous guy in my social circle? And ugly guys I work with? Huh?

 

Just to be fair. You may be turned off by negativity. And I agree, I am definitely negative. And working on it. But I'm turned off by your attitude and some of the statements you made in this thread. You throw around the word ugly to describe VERY MANY of the men you know. Like it's a fact of life. I can't think of any of my female friends that are ugly. Not a single one. I have ones that are overweight, but they are not ugly or even unattractive per se. Especially if I like them. If I met you in real life, I don't care if you looked like Angelina Jolie. I would automatically not be attracted to you if you started saying that kind of stuff about the guys you knew.

 

Don't get me wrong. I don't it makes you a horrible person or anything, but it may turn off the one guy you really want. Just as negativity turns off some women, it also makes sense that being so coarse and brash with judging people's appearance will turn off some men. You have to be able to take criticism if you dish it. Of course, if you have no problems with dating whatsoever, then ignore my statement.

[PJKino]

I have no doubt that he presents himself to her in a very upbeat, positive, happy way, and not the way he reacted when his car was towed. The former is very attractive. The former is why he's on Date #3 and about to get laid.

 

So yeah, you proved my point. Attitude is what attracts most women, not simply looks.

 

Of course you know for a fact every women he ever hit on he gave off a negative vibe and this girl he was happy and "confident" thats why she said yes:rolleyes:

 

You cant get anymore cliche on LS

[Star Gazer]

Just to be fair. You may be turned off by negativity. And I agree, I am definitely negative. And working on it. But I'm turned off by your attitude and some of the statements you made in this thread. You throw around the word ugly to describe VERY MANY of the men you know. Like it's a fact of life.

 

Um, because it is. I work with and know a lot of conventionally unattractive people... who are AMAZING people who I LOVE to be around, and who have no trouble with women (either dating or married).

 

I would automatically not be attracted to you if you started saying that kind of stuff about the guys you knew.

 

...

 

Don't get me wrong. I don't it makes you a horrible person or anything, but it may turn off the one guy you really want. Just as negativity turns off some women, it also makes sense that being so coarse and brash with judging people's appearance will turn off some men.

 

WTF? Do you think I go around IRL telling people they're ugly? Or talking about it? Gawd no. Who does that??!! I was using a guy as an example, in THIS THREAD about whether looks are holding you guys back, to show you that NO, conventionally unattractive/ugly people have plenty of success in relationships.

 

But I guess you guys are able to "vent and be bitter here on LS and not IRL," but I'm not allowed to say "plenty of ugly guys exist and they still get laid."

 

 

I think some of you have bigger problems than bitterness or believed unattractiveness.

[PJKino]

 

 

WTF? Do you think I go around IRL telling people they're ugly? Or talking about it? Gawd no. Who does that??!! nships.

 

 

 

.

 

Its a vibe you give off we can inherently tell just like you with positive or negative guys:lmao:

[Star Gazer]

You cant get anymore cliche on LS

 

Explain.

 

Does he believe himself to be unattractive, and that it's his looks that have held him back, nothing more? As is the subject matter of this thread?

[jma500]

lmao. Yes. there are a lot that can change that.

Again, like I said «cry,cry,cry, moan, moan, moan, not my fault, I can't do anything about it, poor me, evil tall guy who get all the women and I don't»

 

What are you twelve years old?

Why should i work at something that is handed to others as a reward for being great looking? I learned this lesson in my mid to late teens and confirmed it in my twenties. You see i had a great looking friend then. He did nothing and had women throwing themselves at him while they ignored me. This lesson still resounds today. I have never forgotten it and i am 44.

[Star Gazer]

Its a vibe you give off we can inherently tell just like you with positive or negative guys:lmao:

 

?? "just like [me] with positive or negative guys"? What do you mean?

 

If you truly think that because I said I know an ugly guy who always has a pretty girlfriend (said to clearly give an example that unattractive men can and do have success with women) means that I give off a vibe that I go around telling people they're ugly... then you need to reevaluate your emotional IQ and people skills.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Um, because it is. I work with and know a lot of conventionally unattractive people... who are AMAZING people who I LOVE to be around, and who have no trouble with women (either dating or married).

 

WTF? Do you think I go around IRL telling people they're ugly? Or talking about it? Gawd no. Who does that??!! I was using a guy as an example, in THIS THREAD about whether looks are holding you guys back, to show you that NO, conventionally unattractive/ugly people have plenty of success in relationships.

 

But I guess you guys are able to "vent and be bitter here on LS and not IRL," but I'm not allowed to say "plenty of ugly guys exist and they still get laid."

 

 

I think some of you have bigger problems than bitterness or believed unattractiveness.

 

As stubborn as the negative men. Pride prevents human beings from wanting to change.

 

I'm being honest with you just as you are being honest with me. Your attitude sticks out to me. It always has. I don't see that attitude in say XXOO or Treasa or Phoe for instance.

 

Please don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to tell you you're horrible or anything. I'm just giving you constructive criticism just as you are giving it to me. If you truly believe that our online persona comes through in real life, then you may have something to improve if you wish as do I.

 

Take it for what it's worth.

[PJKino]

Explain.

 

Does he believe himself to be unattractive, and that it's his looks that have held him back, nothing more? As is the subject matter of this thread?

 

He said himself last night if he were taller and better looking he wouldnt go through all the rejections he did to finally get one yes..

 

As i said its pretty naive to think looks had nothing to do with it and sd within minutes changed his whole outlook on life and thats why this girl was magically drawn to him..The evidence isnt there for that theory when he was posting the same negative stuff he always has up to getting a date with this new girl...

 

He simply found a women physically attracted to him or one who doesnt value looks as much as the past ones he hit on...

[Star Gazer]

The cross you created would be like if I said a mix between Brad Pitt and a harlequin baby. It is rhetorical nonsense that doesn't give the reader any idea of what you mean by unattractive and leaves one more confused than when one started as to your opinion.

 

Honestly? Does it matter? You're trying to define what's attractive? That's subjective to the person. I think it's pretty obvious that I was trying to give an example of a person who most women would not find aesthetically attractive. That's all you need to know. Most women would find him aesthetically unattractive, and yet, because of his personality, he does very well with the ladies. He's just one example I know of, of many. I am not alone in this.

 

Point being: It's not looks that holds you back. The manner in which you and others are nitpicking this point, and putting ME down for providing you with an example of how your alleged unattractive brethren has been successful with women (aka, "You too can find love!") just goes to show that your problem has nothing to do with what you look like. It's almost like... you don't want to be happy. You just want to whine.

 

Good day, sir!

[Maleficent]

What are you twelve years old?

Why should i work at something that is handed to others as a reward for being great looking? I learned this lesson in my mid to late teens and confirmed it in my twenties. You see i had a great looking friend then. He did nothing and had women throwing themselves at him while they ignored me. This lesson still resounds today. I have never forgotten it and i am 44.

 

There you go. prove my point.

 

There is no reasoning with the men on this forum - you tell me I am acting like a child?

Children cry when they don't get what they want and sit there with their arms crossed and complaining others have it and they don't.

[USMCHokie]

As i said its pretty naive to think looks had nothing to do with it and sd within minutes changed his whole outlook on life and thats why this girl was magically drawn to him..The evidence isnt there for that theory when he was posting the same negative stuff he always has up to getting a date with this new girl...

 

I too noticed the change in his tone when he first posted about having a date.

[Star Gazer]

As stubborn as the negative men. Pride prevents human beings from wanting to change.

 

What are you suggesting that I change? Exactly?

 

To stop going around telling people they're ugly? I can't change that because I don't do it to begin with. I provided an example in a relevant thread on the internet, nothing more. Take THAT for what it's worth. Digest what *I* had to say instead of continuing to blame shift and point fingers.

 

Inward focus, it will do you wonders.

[USMCHokie]

There you go. prove my point.

 

I have to agree with you on this. It's one thing to identify a shortcoming (pun intended) or disadvantage when it comes to physical appearance and put forth effort to improve it or make up for it, but it's another to identify it and not do anything about it.

 

I certainly don't advocate the latter.

[ThaWholigan]

This thread is so predictable I can't even laugh at this kinda stuff anymore. I did say at the beginning of the thread that this would happen. Precisely why I try not to post in these threads anymore.

[PJKino]

I too noticed the change in his tone when he first posted about having a date.

 

Yup and i cant blame him because finally getting a yes will give you confidence because it makes you think "wait there are girls out there who find me attractive maybe this isnt as impossible as i think" but before you get that one yes it seems like you are trying to split the f'in atom trying to attract women and that its never gonna happen..

 

As i said its not as if sd right up until he met the new girl started posting with a different attitude or anything it was the same sad negative person it was the results that got him confidence and he got results because he found a women who was physically attracted to him and/or isnt that shallow..

[Star Gazer]

Without some concrete examples of how you gauge physical attractiveness, the men you are finding unattractive could be a catch for all I know and you are simply the odd woman out who doesn't get what these other women see in him physically.

 

I already gave an example. :shrug: I'm not going to continue to repeat it, lordy knows that your buddy will just shriek more about how I've got such a negative attitude, all this talk about unattractive people, in a thread about looks.

[Emilia]

This thread is so predictable I can't even laugh at this kinda stuff anymore. I did say at the beginning of the thread that this would happen. Precisely why I try not to post in these threads anymore.

Not very successfully, treacle

[jma500]

There you go. prove my point.

 

There is no reasoning with the men on this forum - you tell me I am acting like a child?

Children cry when they don't get what they want and sit there with their arms crossed and complaining others have it and they don't.

 

I proved nothing. I have had more women friends then guy friends. If i was a whiner or childlike this wouldn't have happened. None of your quote above applies to me.

[Star Gazer]

I have to agree with you on this. It's one thing to identify a shortcoming (pun intended) or disadvantage when it comes to physical appearance and put forth effort to improve it or make up for it, but it's another to identify it and not do anything about it.

 

I certainly don't advocate the latter.

 

And this dovetails with my long-winded post.

 

If you think you've got a "flaw" (face, height, weight, etc.) that distracts women, why not focus on building up those qualities within your control that *attracts* women?

 

When you're both 70 and at a little formica breakfast table in your senior living condo in southern Florida reading the paper and talking about your Bridge game last night and whether to go to Bingo tonight, and when you should go on vacay to visit the grandkids, what you look like isn't going to matter. Women intuitively know this. We want to be attracted to you, yes, but for women, attraction is based on a hell of a lot more than what you look like.

 

Develop those breakfast table qualities, guys.

[JuneJulySeptember]

What are you suggesting that I change? Exactly?

 

To stop going around telling people they're ugly? I can't change that because I don't do it to begin with. I provided an example in a relevant thread on the internet, nothing more. Take THAT for what it's worth. Digest what *I* had to say instead of continuing to blame shift and point fingers.

 

Inward focus, it will do you wonders.

 

Well. You threw the word 'hideous' out so freely to describe someone you know and respect as a person on a high level. Uh. Not good. If I heard you say that about a guy we mutually knew, I'd automatically form an opinion of you. That's a practical suggestion. If you had used 'conventionally unattractive', better. But you are not the only woman here with that attitude. An example of a poster who doesn't have it is Phoe. Male posters here LOVE her.

 

And you're exactly right. "Focusing on other people's problems is just a way to avoid your own."

 

I accept my negativity.

[Star Gazer]

Well. You threw the word 'hideous' out so freely to describe someone you know and respect as a person on a high level. Uh. Not good. If I heard you say that about a guy we mutually knew, I'd automatically form an opinion of you. That's a practical suggestion. If you had used 'conventionally unattractive', better.

 

You're making practical suggestions for behaviors I don't engage in, that you merely assumed I did. So, it's irrelevant to me.

[ThaWholigan]

Not very successfully, treacle

Yes, sadly