Do you STILL think your "looks" are holding you back? (for the Struggling Fellas)

[Treasa]

Fine, then keep yourself stuck.

 

I think you should put up or shut up. If you think homelessness is better than your current situation, then move out. Become homeless. Or do you not like to have your bluff called?

 

Be thankful someone in this world is providing you with the luxury of being able to post on a message board all day and not have to worry about disease, starvation, etc.

 

If you're that unhappy, seriously, leave. Then you don't have to do all those things that drive you nuts.

[SJC2008]

I don't buy the happiness argument at all. I'm a good natured guy and I'm light hearted, I joke around a lot and laugh a lot! That's never seemed to help me out.

 

As far has confidence goes, it can mean a million things but I don't like the way it's preached becuase it makes it seem like it's another word for cocky and I despise cocky. I've asked women out before IRL and have succeeded and failed. What if I was asking a woman out and seemed a little nervous? Not crazy nervous like knees clattering but obviously a little nervous? Do I not get any points for fighting through it and grabbing my sack and just doing it or does it have to be done with 100% zero fear?

[Treasa]

I don't buy the happiness argument at all. I'm a good natured guy and I'm light hearted, I joke around a lot and laugh a lot! That's never seemed to help me out.

 

 

I did that, too, for a LONG time. It's completely different from actually being happy and truly loving yourself for exactly who you are at that moment.

[ltjg45]

Fine, then keep yourself stuck.

 

I think you should put up or shut up. If you think homelessness is better than your current situation, then move out. Become homeless. Or do you not like to have your bluff called?

 

Be thankful someone in this world is providing you with the luxury of being able to post on a message board all day and not have to worry about disease, starvation, etc.

 

If you're that unhappy, seriously, leave. Then you don't have to do all those things that drive you nuts.

 

I will. I already told my mother that.

 

When it all comes crashing down, I will also enjoy my vengeance.

[Maleficent]

.....

 

How the hell can you make a payment plan when you got no income?

 

How many times do I have to say that I don't have a single dollar to my name?

 

I didn't know money magically appears in my pockets. The only way I get a dime is when I steal it.

 

Student loan?

[Xinreeki]

A person with even the most positive outlook Xinreeki would fold like a house of cards with your hypothetical unless they had zero investment in their potential SO

 

Unless they had 100% investment in themselves. I don't care how much I love someone. If they told me they no longer wanted me in their life, I might be sad or disappointed for a little while, but I wouldn't fold. There is too much about myself and my life to be happy about. Starting with the fact that I am alive.

 

This is the point though, you can't base you happiness on external things going brilliantly all the time...

 

Because external things all too frequently turn bad in one way or another..

 

Whereas if you are internally confident, and love yourself for who you are, other's shunning you will no longer have power over you, will no longer have the power to make you "fold like a house of cards".

[ltjg45]

Student loan?

 

Already got one.

 

Why do you think it's in default?

[Treasa]

Why not just move out? It's like telling someone you're going NC. Just do it.

 

Anyway, I agree with Imajerk17. Looks are not what are holding some of you back.

[Treasa]

But all internals are originally externally sourced and much of it externally sourced in childhood.

 

Perhaps for you. Not for me.

[Treasa]

No one is a special case. The importance of one's childhood in building them has been extensively documented.

 

Ok. My father abused and molested me, my parents divorced when I was two, my mom, who solely provided for me (my father didn't pay child support) got laid off from her job when I was six. We lived in pretty poor conditions for a long time. I still remember the WIC lines we had back then. My aunt/godmother was murdered when I was a child while she was nine months pregnant. Actually, 10 months. She was overdue when she was killed. No one was ever arrested.

 

Anyway, I love my life and I am extremely blessed and happy.

[SJC2008]

I did that, too, for a LONG time. It's completely different from actually being happy and truly loving yourself for exactly who you are at that moment.

 

Yes and no. There are plenty of women who hate themselves and have zero self esteem but are in relationship. I have friends who are in LTR's with total B's who run the show behind closed doors. Most people may not know but I know who's the boss lol.

 

I'd say yes in attracting a genuine, happy person you do have to accept yourself for the most part. TBS genuine people will realize that nobody is perfect and there will be some insecurity.

 

Most men who struggle are either shy and or awkward or punching out of their league. I'm pretty much over my shyness but the awkwardness is still there. I'm not awkward in a weird way, I'm funny and can be the life of the party but my anxiety is so bad it makes me tense at times and being nervous/tense is women off. I going to try to make some lifestyle changes to help it, I refuse to take medication.

[Xinreeki]

But all internals are originally externally sourced and much of it externally sourced in childhood.

 

Maybe, originally, but the good news is you can change your internals.

 

You can change your internal thoughts by thinking different things, thinking more positive things.

[clia]

I wouldn't even remember that number. It's far too many.

 

McDonald's web site shows 43 (give or take, I counted quickly) job opportunities for "Crew" members at various Jacksonville locations. Burger King's web site shows 27 job opportunities for "Team Members" at various Jacksonville locations. Walgreens' web site shows 25 locations to apply for "Service Clerks" in Jacksonville.

 

Have you already applied for all of these positions? If not, start there. Then do the same for Wendy's, Arby's, KFC, Taco Bell, and every other fast food restaurant in Jacksonville. Then do the same at every CVS, Walmart, Home Depot, Target, Kmart, Menard's, Costco, Sam's Club, Jewel-Osco, Kohls, Meijer, Chili's, TGI Fridays, Outback, Big Boy, La Quinta, Wyndham, Marriott, Omni, Sheraton, and every other retail store, restaurant, hotel, drug store, gas station, or liquor store in the entire city. For many of these, you can even apply online, so you don't even have to leave your house.

 

At least that's what I would do if I was desperate for a job. And if none of that panned out, I would go through the entire process again in two months. I would be shocked if you couldn't find a job if you did the above.

[ltjg45]

McDonald's web site shows 43 (give or take, I counted quickly) job opportunities for "Crew" members at various Jacksonville locations. Burger King's web site shows 27 job opportunities for "Team Members" at various Jacksonville locations. Walgreens' web site shows 25 locations to apply for "Service Clerks" in Jacksonville.

 

Have you already applied for all of these positions? If not, start there. Then do the same for Wendy's, Arby's, KFC, Taco Bell, and every other fast food restaurant in Jacksonville. Then do the same at every CVS, Walmart, Home Depot, Target, Kmart, Menard's, Costco, Sam's Club, Jewel-Osco, Kohls, Meijer, Chili's, TGI Fridays, Outback, Big Boy, La Quinta, Wyndham, Marriott, Omni, Sheraton, and every other retail store, restaurant, hotel, drug store, gas station, or liquor store in the entire city. For many of these, you can even apply online, so you don't even have to leave your house.

 

At least that's what I would do if I was desperate for a job. And if none of that panned out, I would go through the entire process again in two months. I would be shocked if you couldn't find a job if you did the above.

 

I will do just that.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if I come back here 4 months later and actually post failing results.

 

It's all I can expect at this point: just failure. I would be lucky if I even see success but I will do it anyway.

[Treasa]

Oh, but wait, there's more! I dropped out of college at 19 without even finishing a semester. Eight years ago I finally got my degree. Graduated with honors even with three Fs on my transcripts. No one paid for my college. I worked throughout college.

 

I once weighed 270 pounds (I am 5'2"), and I lost 120 pounds solely on my own and went from not even being able to walk a block to running a half-marathon and achieving quite a bit in martial arts and weapons. When I was heavy, even when I would go out on walks as exercise, total strangers would shout things at me or moo at me while driving by in their cars.

 

I've been cheated on and dumped (well, cheated on once, but dumped several times), and I've done my share as well.

 

I've overcome nearly debilitating depression and anxiety. At one point I didn't leave the house a single time for five months. Now I train and talk to huge groups of people and can walk up to anyone and start chatting.

 

I paid off $33,000 in credit card debt.

 

Hmmm...did I mention that I love my life and that I am very blessed and grateful?

 

Also, people who are not happy trying to tell me that I'm wrong about how to be happy....just make me laugh.

Edited June 5, 2013 by Treasa

[clia]

I will do just that.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if I come back here 4 months later and actually post failing results.

 

It's all I can expect at this point: just failure. I would be lucky if I even see success but I will do it anyway.

 

Ugh...please don't have that attitude. Things can only get better for you. I mean, seriously -- you are at the bottom. But you won't get a job unless you try. All you need is for one company to hire you for one position. If there are thousands of positions available, your odds are pretty good, especially in high turnover fields like fast food. And then you keep trying because they turn over those applications.

 

I hope you don't think I'm giving you a hard time. I just would like to see you find a job, and know that finding a job can be a huge job in itself. But putting that work in will be worth it if it gets you out of your situation.

[ltjg45]

Ugh...please don't have that attitude. Things can only get better for you. I mean, seriously -- you are at the bottom. But you won't get a job unless you try. All you need is for one company to hire you for one position. If there are thousands of positions available, your odds are pretty good, especially in high turnover fields like fast food. And then you keep trying because they turn over those applications.

 

I hope you don't think I'm giving you a hard time. I just would like to see you find a job, and know that finding a job can be a huge job in itself. But putting that work in will be worth it if it gets you out of your situation.

 

I know that you aren't giving me a hard time. For what it is worth, you are showing me too much mercy.

 

Any other female would take advantage of this.

 

I'm just going to do it and let the rest of them decide. However, as I said before, I can't expect success at this point when my entire life is a bunch of failure.

 

If it can go wrong, it did go wrong.

 

I'm already 26. How much longer do I have to wait before I see any form of good news? Even then, is it worth waiting? By then, anyone internally that I have left will be gone.

[SJC2008]

Oh, but wait, there's more! I dropped out of college at 19 without even finishing a semester. Eight years ago I finally got my degree. Graduated with honors even with three Fs on my transcripts. No one paid for my college. I worked throughout college.

 

I once weighed 270 pounds (I am 5'2"), and I lost 120 pounds solely on my own and went from not even being able to walk a block to running a half-marathon and achieving quite a bit in martial arts and weapons. When I was heavy, even when I would go out on walks as exercise, total strangers would shout things at me or moo at me while driving by in their cars.

 

I've been cheated on and dumped (well, cheated on once, but dumped several times), and I've done my share as well.

 

I've overcome nearly debilitating depression and anxiety. At one point I didn't leave the house a single time for five months. Now I train and talk to huge groups of people and can walk up to anyone and start chatting.

 

I paid off $33,000 in credit card debt.

 

Hmmm...did I mention that I love my life and that I am very blessed and grateful?

 

Also, people who are not happy trying to tell me that I'm wrong about how to be happy....just make me laugh.

 

I'm close to getting my degree and hope I can get a teaching position (our education budget is not so good right now). I want to be a teacher becasue I know I'll like it and be good at it but it would also help me with my social anxiety by being in front of a class. I'll get used to it sooner or later!

[Treasa]

I'm close to getting my degree and hope I can get a teaching position (our education budget is not so good right now). I want to be a teacher becasue I know I'll like it and be good at it but it would also help me with my social anxiety by being in front of a class. I'll get used to it sooner or later!

 

You will!! My first time I was TERRIFIED, and now I'm so relaxed that I've almost fell asleep while teaching classes if I'm really tired.

[Treasa]

Might explain why you don't want to date or be in a relationship.

 

No, I've chosen to not be in one because there's nothing one could offer me that I can't give myself.

 

Sorry, but I'm all out of ****s to give about your random diagnoses of my life.

 

Also, in earlier post, *fallen, not fell.

[Revolver]

I too noticed the change in his tone when he first posted about having a date.

 

Success brings confidence

[Treasa]

They can give you their love.

 

I give myself that. Name one thing they can give me that I can't give myself.

[Maleficent]

Already got one.

 

Why do you think it's in default?

 

Look - there are many ways you can have money for education. We're trying to give you options and you are shooting them down one after the other.

 

You are either ****ing with us or don't really want to continue your education. Either way I think I've wasted enough of my study breaks trying to better the life of a stranger.

[Treasa]

You can't give yourself another's love. The love another gives is unique to them.

 

Also why do you demand to be given? Dating and relationships are about love and love is about more than getting.

 

I'm not demanding anything. I love a lot of people, and a lot of people love me. Yes, all their loves are unique, because they are unique. I am very much loved, not only by others, but by myself.

[ltjg45]

Look - there are many ways you can have money for education. We're trying to give you options and you are shooting them down one after the other.

 

You are either ****ing with us or don't really want to continue your education. Either way I think I've wasted enough of my study breaks trying to better the life of a stranger.

 

You hasn't given me one.

 

I already mentioned multiple times that I have a default school loan.

 

I can't pay on it via a payment plan because I have no money unless I steal it.

 

So tell me how I will get myself back in college with no job and a default school loan requiring some form of attention?