Do you STILL think your "looks" are holding you back? (for the Struggling Fellas)

[Star Gazer]

I wasn't neccessarily looking for a literal answer but thanks though.

 

My point is that it seems that everyone can find thier counter part but I can't.

 

Everyone? I haven't found mine...yet. Most of the people here are in the same boat.

[Xinreeki]

My bf treats we wonderfully, sends me flowers on special days, is always calm & supportive, is always kind & respectful, and I love him HUGELY

 

I know there are women out there who have grown up in highly abusive environments and who have become primed to expect abuse ... And yes, maybe they are subconsciously drawn to abusers. But abusees and abusers together only results in HIGHLY dysfunctional relationships, not based on love, but based on control, abuse and co-dependence.

[Xinreeki]

In addition to my previous post, I should mention that I have a lot going for me. I am getting a degree that will make me lots of money. I also have no criminal record, have traveled to different parts of the world, is more mature than most college students, and am the kind of guy who would not cheat on his girl. I also know other guys in my class who are similar to me. Yet girls don't go for these kinds of guys. They go for the guys with criminal records and drug users, and those guys are not great looking. I don't understand the problem with women, but I can see that they are not good at decision making.

 

My bf treats we wonderfully, sends me flowers on special days, is always calm & supportive, is always kind & respectful, and I love him HUGELY

 

I know there are women out there who have grown up in highly abusive environments and who have become primed to expect abuse ... And yes, maybe they are subconsciously drawn to abusers. But abusees and abusers together only results in HIGHLY dysfunctional relationships, not based on love, but based on control, abuse and co-dependence.

 

You don't really want to be the abuser in an abusive relationship do you?

 

Because if you do, that makes you a pretty scary guy... *hides in box*

 

Also, not all women are the same!!

 

Some women make bad decisions sure, same as some men make bad decisions... but we're not all the same!!

[ChessPieceFace]

One thing "holding me back" is that I find that entire story disgusting and shallow. I'm glad to be "held back."

[Treasa]

Just a note about stating your good points: Don't say that you're "going to" get a career that makes good money. You have no idea what's going to happen in the future. Base your good points on the here and now and what you've actually already accomplished.

[Sun Devil]

I am certain that I will get a good job. I am an engineering student and engineering majors have one of the lowest unemployment rates of any major

[Inexperienced85]

Do you STILL think your "looks" are holding you back?

 

No. And probably haven't thought so in a long time. But I know I'm not as mentally free or liberated as I apparently should be.

[BluEyeL]

As a woman, my take on this encounter was that the guy seemed non-threatening and fun. He was tiny and there were three of them so he couldn't cause any trouble. I don't think any of the women were thinking they'd want to have sex with him. If he had looked like Zach Galifianakis in Hangover, I am less sure they would have invited him to their room, perhaps suggesting they meet in the lobby later.

 

Still the basic idea of approaching women with a casual, friendly attitude and a plan for fun is usually a winning strategy. People in a strange town on vacation are less guarded.

 

I had the EXACT same idea when I read the story. I would go anywhere with a short and skinny vietnamese guy, because it wouldn't cross my mind to have sex with him and he would be non-threatening. So here. Really don't think the guy got laid.

[SJC2008]

Everyone? I haven't found mine...yet. Most of the people here are in the same boat.

 

Agreed but most people have had sex more than twice in their lives and courtships longer than a month and a half, my longest. It was a rebound too so it doesn't even count, it was more about her not being alone than liking me.

[StanMusial]

A few years ago my buddies and I were in a club in Ft. Lauderdale, FL. These two very good-looking girls walked by and he ran up between them and said "Wanna take a picture???" They laughed and hammed it up, he was basically in the middle of two very hot girls and they were hugging him and kissing his cheek. After they snapped a few shots they just walked off. We never saw them again LOL. A couple of weeks later he was showing someone else the pictures and they were like "Dang, you hooked up with them?" This guy is nothing special but the killer is he's bald. I've seen him get blown up many times by girls he was trying to date (who were leagues below the club babies).

 

The point is, if the intent of the story is to make you think some little Vietnamese dude cold approached some Brazilian hotties and had a chance in hell of more than a drunken make-out (if that), it is extremely misleading.

[charlietheginger]

Another thing to consider is this....

 

What kinda woman are you looking for?

A bar hopper chick thats drunk everynight after work

Or a good woman with her **** together own place

Pays her own bills steady employment.

 

If your a bar guy looking for a drunken *****

Then being a smooth talking good looking guy

With a few bucks in your pocket to cover a bar tab

Is all you need to bang some drunk skank.

 

If your a guy going after a stable successful woman

You better be successful or atleast have some initiative

In life if not she will see through your dooche bag ways

[StanMusial]

Another thing to consider is this....

 

What kinda woman are you looking for?

A bar hopper chick thats drunk everynight after work

Or a good woman with her **** together own place

Pays her own bills steady employment.

 

If your a bar guy looking for a drunken *****

Then being a smooth talking good looking guy

With a few bucks in your pocket to cover a bar tab

Is all you need to bang some drunk skank.

 

If your a guy going after a stable successful woman

You better be successful or atleast have some initiative

In life if not she will see through your dooche bag ways

 

The good ones are hard to find. You have to catch them early before they get mixed up with the dooche bags.

[charlietheginger]

The good ones are hard to find. You have to catch them early before they get mixed up with the dooche bags.

 

The really good ones are in school getting masters degrees and phds

They do home work on friday saturday nights work fulltime

 

When they finish school the become ceos,professors,doctors,lawyers

Run big companies...

 

They dont get cuaght up in the dating game drama or bs

They know for themselves if they dont have the looks to

Get a hot man they just make alot of money and have boytoys

Young men at their beckon....

[somedude81]

Deferrment and forebearance allow you to avoid default in the first place. The only way out of default is via a payment plan set up by a sympathetic lender.

 

What I'm confused and concerned about is how you even got to default in the first place. Once you saw you couldn't pay, you literally sat on your hands?

 

Student loan lenders/servicers do NOT want their borrowers to go into default because it's more expensive for them. Had you reached out to them or even gone online to look at your account, the options would have been right there: deferrment and forebearance allow you to postpone payments entirely. You also had the option of changing up your payment plan to make the payments you can afford based on your income.

 

In short, you screwed yourself by not being diligent or looking for alternatives. You just threw your hands in the air and said, "I can't pay."

 

This carries over into other areas of your life. You've given up.

Thanks Gazer. This made me realize that my loans would be due soon so I asked my carrier about deferment.

[apple OR orange]

my looks are a small part holding me back, its the whole of me, i know my place on the planet and its not inside a woman (all the evidence ive had).

 

cant argue with nature so i spend my time and money on other things i can have.

[USMCHokie]

My bf treats we wonderfully, sends me flowers on special days, is always calm & supportive, is always kind & respectful, and I love him HUGELY

 

Uh, this is all externally sourced validation...

[charlietheginger]

my looks are a small part holding me back, its the whole of me, i know my place on the planet and its not inside a woman (all the evidence ive had).

 

cant argue with nature so i spend my time and money on other things i can have.

 

Nothing wrong with that.....

Love yourself imo you have to love yourself

 

Not everyone mates or needs to mate

Many people all walks of life chose to be on their own

[jma500]

Another thing to consider is this....

 

What kinda woman are you looking for?

A bar hopper chick thats drunk everynight after work

Or a good woman with her **** together own place

Pays her own bills steady employment.

 

If your a bar guy looking for a drunken *****

Then being a smooth talking good looking guy

With a few bucks in your pocket to cover a bar tab

Is all you need to bang some drunk skank.

 

If your a guy going after a stable successful woman

You better be successful or atleast have some initiative

In life if not she will see through your dooche bag ways

 

My only ambition is to be the best photo artist i can be in both digital and film. If a woman expects me to be ambitious in terms of money and/or status she is s--t out of luck. $30000 to $40000 per year is enough for me. If this isn't good enough for women. Too bad.

[Star Gazer]

Uh, this is all externally sourced validation...

 

No, it's not. That's the behavior of a relationship partner.

[USMCHokie]

No, it's not. That's the behavior of a relationship partner.

 

It is when received by her. Positive feedback from an external source that reflects her desirability to others.

[Star Gazer]

It is when received by her. Positive feedback from an external source that reflects her desirability to others.

 

No, it's feedback that she's desired and cared for by one person, her SO.

 

"External validation" is when you rely upon others to feel good about yourself, when but-for that feedback, you feel unloveable/worthless. That's not what she was talking about, AT ALL.

[charlietheginger]

My only ambition is to be the best photo artist i can be in both digital and film. If a woman expects me to be ambitious in terms of money and/or status she is s--t out of luck. $30000 to $40000 per year is enough for me. If this isn't good enough for women. Too bad.

 

Do what you love brutha......

You can live ok on 30 40k imo.

 

It involves cooking your own meals a lot

Not caring about what brand clothes you wear

Not owning the latest greats car or truck.

 

Its eazy to do i live my life alone im pretty happy with

My business but much like you money is not that great

just like being a school teacher or firefighter.

 

some tips to save money

 

3 eggs in a pan glass of oj and a slice of toast

make a sándwich for lunch

Make your own dinner say chicken pan fried and a veggie

You can live on 5 7 dollars a day provided you cook and prepare

You own food.

 

Clothes

stick with neutral colors

Black , navy blue , grey ,white shirts

Pants blue jeans , black dress and tan pants.

Wearing a nuetral clothing wardrobe with help you

Avoid having to get ride of out of style clothes

Avoid big fancy names printed on clothes

.

 

Car

Keep it clean and new looking

If you cant afford a new car spend $500 have the old

One panted and washed.

 

living

Keep your place picked up and tightie.

 

Lots of women over look your income if you

Look presentable .

Dressed clean simple

Clean car not embarrassed to be seen in

And crashing at your place not having to step

Over clothes or piles of junk....

 

Being in a lower.income bracket does not mean

You have to be lower class. It simply means you

Do the best with what you got

[USMCHokie]

"External validation" is when you rely upon others to feel good about yourself, when but-for that feedback, you feel unloveable/worthless. That's not what she was talking about, AT ALL.

 

I guess we're working with different definitions. I define it much more broadly to encompass any feedback you receive from an external source. External validation is a key component of everyone's life, especially during childhood, and it greatly affects your personal development and the way you turn out as an adult.

 

But meh.

[SJC2008]

I guess we're working with different definitions. I define it much more broadly to encompass any feedback you receive from an external source. External validation is a key component of everyone's life, especially during childhood, and it greatly affects your personal development and the way you turn out as an adult.

 

But meh.

 

Why do you think that most attractive people are so confident? I agree with a lot of your takes. Confidence is not "chicken and egg" IMO.

[somedude81]

I swear that if girls responded positively to me between 13 and 20 I would have turned out to be a very different person and probably would have lived a much happier life.

 

I can't even begin to imagine how my life would be different now if I had girlfriends growing up.