Do you STILL think your "looks" are holding you back? (for the Struggling Fellas)

[Xinreeki]

Except positivity is still externally sourced first and if you don't have an external source your internals remain the same.

 

Not true. You might not see it yet, but you have the power to change your thinking.

 

Don't believe me... just stop now, and tell yourself -

 

"You are awesome just the way you are, and it doesn't matter what anyone else says"...

 

...then keep telling yourself that again and again and again.. or however long it takes... until you truly believe it.

 

Yes changing your thinking isn't always easy. But it can be done. You have the power!

 

And what's even better is if you change your internal thinking, then it will begin to show on the outside too, which will have the side effect of making you more attractive to others, and ultimately, has the potential to positively influence your external environment around you as well.

 

Surely its worth the effort, its worth acknowledging the chance that it might work... What have you got to lose? Even if it doesn't work, you STILL win, because you start developing your internal self confidence, your internal self love, your internal self appreciation, your internal happiness.. and that can never be a bad thing.

Edited June 5, 2013 by Xinreeki

[somedude81]

No, it's the straight truth. I have never met men IRL like the ones that make up the majority of LS. It's why I've never believed LS to be a true representation of the population.

 

But of course that's easily explained. People come to LS at first when they're struggling, so there's naturally going to be less happy/fulfilled people here. We're all looking for love, we are all on the same search. But different people have different causes of their troubles, although I'd gather that at the end of the day, it all comes down to some level of insecurity. Sometimes that insecurity is more negative (manifesting in bitterness) and other times it is actually more positive (which you see in the folks who are seeking personal growth instead of blame shifting).

If you only "meet" bitter men on LS and not on real life, I think you're arriving at the incorrect conclusion that only men on LS are bitter.

 

The correct conclusion, is that men in real life are hiding their bitterness.

 

You obviously know that I have a lot of bitterness in me, but if we met in real life, and you didn't know that I was somedude81, you wouldn't have a clue that I had an ounce of bitterness or negativity in me.

[Maleficent]

You hasn't given me one.

 

I already mentioned multiple times that I have a default school loan.

 

I can't pay on it via a payment plan because I have no money unless I steal it.

 

So tell me how I will get myself back in college with no job and a default school loan requiring some form of attention?

 

you could start by contacting the University's financial service or scholarship and financial aid section.

join the military

get a job start saving up

etc

 

That's my last piece of advice.

[ltjg45]

you could start by contacting the University's financial service or scholarship and financial aid section.

 

Unless they are lying to me, they have told me there is no way around my default school loan.

 

I have to get that out of default before I can go back to college.

 

So that is out of the question.

 

join the military

 

I'm not in such a physical shape to actually handle military duty anymore. It would be nice though. Also, since I'm 26, it's basically too late due to my age.

 

get a job start saving up

 

Already been trying to get a job for the past 5 years. Still doing so now. I'm not getting my hopes up though.

 

That's my last piece of advice.

 

It's fine. I already know I failed in many ways. I'm just on my last legs now.

[Maleficent]

Oh get off the cross we need the wood.

[Xinreeki]

If you only "meet" bitter men on LS and not on real life, I think you're arriving at the incorrect conclusion that only men on LS are bitter.

 

The correct conclusion, is that men in real life are hiding their bitterness.

 

You obviously know that I have a lot of bitterness in me, but if we met in real life, and you didn't know that I was somedude81, you wouldn't have a clue that I had an ounce of bitterness or negativity in me.

 

Surely you admit though, that the bitterness and negativity you are harboring.. are not helping you to become happy with who you are, are not helping you to cope when external situations turn bad?

 

Are not helping you to open up to, and trust others (when they give you reason to trust them of course)?

 

Because being able to cope when things go bad, being able to open up to your partner and being able to trust them, are all important when it comes to keeping a long term relationship strong and healthy.

 

I think over time you can build your self confidence

 

But if its based on external success only, then it'll be all too vulnerable, all too susceptible to crumbling when the relationship wobbles, or in the worse case scenario.. all too susceptible to disintegrating if the relationship collapses...

[ltjg45]

Oh get off the cross we need the wood.

 

If you think what I said is a bunch of BS, then so be it.

 

I know my limitations and what I'm capable of. There is no point trying if I know I will fail.

[somedude81]

Surely you admit though, that the bitterness and negativity you are harboring.. are not helping you to become happy with who you are, are not helping you to cope when external situations turn bad?

Of course my bitterness isn't helping. I never said it was. I hate being bitter and angry. And I've tried therapy and medication to get rid of it.

 

Though what I'm saying, is that my bitterness isn't noticeable to people. I also know to avoid certain conversation topics so that I don't let something slip out.

 

Are not helping you to open up to, and trust others (when they give you reason to trust them of course)?

Trust is a different issue, and that's mainly because I've been burned several times.

 

Because being able to cope when things go bad, being able to open up to your partner and being able to trust them, are all important when it comes to keeping a long term relationship strong and healthy.

I really have no idea. I simply do not have any relationship experience whatsoever.

 

I think over time you can build your self confidence

 

But if its based on external success only, then it'll be all too vulnerable, all too susceptible to crumbling when the relationship wobbles, or in the worse case scenario.. all too susceptible to disintegrating if the relationship collapses...

We shall see.

[Xinreeki]

If you think what I said is a bunch of BS, then so be it.

 

I know my limitations and what I'm capable of. There is no point trying if I know I will fail.

 

How do you know with such certainty that you will fail?

 

You can really predict the future that accurately?

[Star Gazer]

Already got one.

 

Why do you think it's in default?

 

Why didn't you apply for deferrment and then forbearance?

[Pompeii]

This is stupid. I've seen how girls act when they are around aesthetic guys. If you aren't aesthetic, it doesn't matter. Girls go nuts over guys who have strong facial aesthetics and strong body aesthetics, the former is more important than the latter. If you have both, then you can easily clean up.

[Star Gazer]

I don't buy the happiness argument at all. I'm a good natured guy and I'm light hearted, I joke around a lot and laugh a lot! That's never seemed to help me out.

 

No one ever said happiness alone is the ticket; but negativity will never get you (general you) anywhere.

[ltjg45]

How do you know with such certainty that you will fail?

 

You can really predict the future that accurately?

 

If my past has any merit, my future doesn't look so bright.

 

It's no different with dating. If women that I desire doesn't look at me and I got issues like finding work and finding my own place, why would I approach the female thinking I got something to offer when I'm already got 2 strikes against me (lack of work, staying with parents) despite I may be attractive enough to her?

 

It's like I should actually put effort into failing just to see the slight chance of success. That's my biggest concern. Another big decision going wrong will keep me down for good. I can't afford to screw up another risk.

 

Why didn't you apply for deferrment and then forbearance?

 

I never heard of it before?

 

I don't even know what those 2 words even means. I will have to look both up on the Internet.

[Xinreeki]

 

Though what I'm saying, is that my bitterness isn't noticeable to people. I also know to avoid certain conversation topics so that I don't let something slip out.

 

The more you focus away from your bitterness / negativity... and towards more positive / happy things, the more your internal confidence will grow hopefully.

 

External success can help, but you really need to foster some internal self-appreciation too, to try and deliberately seek out the positive in things and in yourself. That way you can build yourself a safety net... which you can use to help you protect your ego if things wobble or turn bad.

[Sun Devil]

I still worry that my height of 5 feet is the main reason why I keep getting rejected. I see guys with rotten personalities get girls. One of my high school classmates who dropped out is a guy with a criminal record, has no job, and sits around and smokes weed. Yet he still gets a girl. He is not especially good looking either. The only thing is he is around 6 feet tall

[Xinreeki]

 

If my past has any merit, my future doesn't look so bright.

 

It's no different with dating. If women that I desire doesn't look at me and I got issues like finding work and finding my own place, why would I approach the female thinking I got something to offer when I'm already got 2 strikes against me (lack of work, staying with parents) despite I may be attractive enough to her?

 

It's like I should actually put effort into failing just to see the slight chance of success. That's my biggest concern. Another big decision going wrong will keep me down for good. I can't afford to screw up another risk.

 

But everything in life involves some form of risk. Walking down the street, you risk getting run over, or mugged.

 

So if you were mugged once, you would never risk leaving the house again? You'd live in fear?

 

Again I present the Yoda argument to avoid that trap -

 

"Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering. "

[SJC2008]

No one ever said happiness alone is the ticket; but negativity will never get you (general you) anywhere.

 

I see what you're saying but what I see in the real world tells me other wise. A former boss of mine is the epitomie of a bitch on wheels and she never has a problem meeting men. She even left her husband for her boss and is living with him now. A former roommate of mine is a loudmouth alcholic and has a live in gf. He came home one night and beat the stuffing out of his punching bag and then went outside and layed down on the lawn screaming. Do you see what I'm getting at? Why can these crazy men and women meet their counterpart but I can't meet mine? They have things wrong with them but why are my wrongs women repellent?

[clia]

If my past has any merit, my future doesn't look so bright.

 

It's no different with dating. If women that I desire doesn't look at me and I got issues like finding work and finding my own place, why would I approach the female thinking I got something to offer when I'm already got 2 strikes against me (lack of work, staying with parents) despite I may be attractive enough to her?

 

It's like I should actually put effort into failing just to see the slight chance of success. That's my biggest concern. Another big decision going wrong will keep me down for good. I can't afford to screw up another risk.

 

I never heard of it before?

 

I don't even know what those 2 words even means. I will have to look both up on the Internet.

 

I get the impression that you've never been given any guidance at all. Honestly, the fact that you haven't found an entry level job in five years absolutely screams that you don't know how to go about finding a job. Is there any sort of free career counseling or mentoring in your city that is offered anywhere? You might look into that -- you could really use a mentor.

 

I've told you what I would do if I needed an entry level job fast. There are also 20 something Starbucks locations in Jacksonville where you can apply online to be a "barista." No experience necessary. So, now I have advised you of nearly 100 possible jobs for you in Jacksonville, all of which you are qualified to do, and all of which you can apply for online. Beyond that there are hundreds of other jobs in Jacksonville that you can apply for online, as I mentioned in my previous post. Apply everywhere. You can also try the Employ Florida web site. There are probably loads of other web site also. A job is not going to come to you, as you've learned.

[ltjg45]

But everything in life involves some form of risk. Walking down the street, you risk getting run over, or mugged.

 

So if you were mugged once, you would never risk leaving the house again? You'd live in fear?

 

Again I present the Yoda argument to avoid that trap -

 

"Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering. "

 

If I was taking a risk with just only one thing going wrong, I'm crafty enough to lower the blow if it were to happen.

 

But taking a risk where 3 different things can go against me (no home, no job, lack of physical attraction)? I can't overcome all of that every time I approach a female. If I get called out for any of those reasons, I'm doomed.

[Sun Devil]

In addition to my previous post, I should mention that I have a lot going for me. I am getting a degree that will make me lots of money. I also have no criminal record, have traveled to different parts of the world, is more mature than most college students, and am the kind of guy who would not cheat on his girl. I also know other guys in my class who are similar to me. Yet girls don't go for these kinds of guys. They go for the guys with criminal records and drug users, and those guys are not great looking. I don't understand the problem with women, but I can see that they are not good at decision making.

[Xinreeki]

If I was taking a risk with just only one thing going wrong, I'm crafty enough to lower the blow if it were to happen.

 

But taking a risk where 3 different things can go against me (no home, no job, lack of physical attraction)? I can't overcome all of that every time I approach a female. If I get called out for any of those reasons, I'm doomed.

 

Only if you let yourself be doomed!

 

You need to stop caring what other people think about you so much.. You are better than that! You are awesome inside and out!!

 

You are awesome inside and out, and it doesn't matter what anyone else says. No-one can take that awesomeness away from you! No-one!! It is yours to keep, and it will ALWAYS be yours to keep, as long as you wish to keep it! As long as you fight to keep thinking it!

[Star Gazer]

I see what you're saying but what I see in the real world tells me other wise. A former boss of mine is the epitomie of a bitch on wheels and she never has a problem meeting men. She even left her husband for her boss and is living with him now. A former roommate of mine is a loudmouth alcholic and has a live in gf. He came home one night and beat the stuffing out of his punching bag and then went outside and layed down on the lawn screaming. Do you see what I'm getting at? Why can these crazy men and women meet their counterpart but I can't meet mine? They have things wrong with them but why are my wrongs women repellent?

 

Well, I don't think one's work personality really translates into their love life. I am hard as nails at work - which is sometimes interpreted as bitchy (that should be no surprise! ) - and yet, I'm a huge softie for people I care about and if I were to characterize my behavior in most of my romantic relationships, it would be akin to a doormat. The same treatment I would never stand for from a colleague, I'd tolerate over and over again from an SO. So, there's that.

 

As for the dude, he sounds like he's got some abusive and violent tendencies, and there are unfortunately women who are drawn to abusers given their own background.

[Star Gazer]

I never heard of it before?

 

I don't even know what those 2 words even means. I will have to look both up on the Internet.

 

This tells me you made absolutely no effort to even communicate with your lender/servicer to make payment arrangements, and instead just... let it go. You didn't even BOTHER in inquire into your options!

Edited June 5, 2013 by Star Gazer

[SJC2008]

Well, I don't think one's work personality really translates into their love life. I am hard as nails at work - which is sometimes interpreted as bitchy (that should be no surprise! ) - and yet, I'm a huge softie for people I care about and if I were to characterize my behavior in most of my romantic relationships, it would be akin to a doormat. The same treatment I would never stand for from a colleague, I'd tolerate over and over again from an SO. So, there's that.

 

As for the dude, he sounds like he's got some abusive and violent tendencies, and there are unfortunately women who are drawn to abusers given their own background.

 

I wasn't neccessarily looking for a literal answer but thanks though.

 

My point is that it seems that everyone can find thier counter part but I can't. Sure there are abusees for the abusers and passive guys for the controllers but are there not women who are like me in that they're pretty balanced an "normal" just have a little anxiety? I guess not.

[Sun Devil]

SJC2008, I am in the exact situation you are in. I see plenty of troubled guys get girls, I have seen prisoners in jail get girlfriends, yet guys like me cannot. I am starting to believe women like to be abused subconsciously, which is why being a jerk supposedly works. Have you tried treating women like crap?