Best friends and brothers

[Picasso1937]

I am in a very very horribly odd situation I never expected to be in. Just over a year ago me and my best friend of two years at the time made the common mistake of trying to date. Something that ended horribly just two weeks ago. There where a lot of problems and arguing and we both need time apart to real mole things over but there are other problems that are arising. Prior to dating I had become incredibly close to his whole family, especially his older brother. He always felt that his brother was 'stealing' his friends so he was always a bit possessive and hesitant of his brother and my friendship... They are also both very sexual, his brother incredibly so, I had seen him naked before I even knew his name and he often strips naked and does sexual things with no shame at all. After a while, shortly before we started dating my ex decided I had to end a traditional friendship with his brother after his brother did something that went way too far and he walked in on it. It ended up with me and his brother never really talking or being together unless he was there, which we both didn't like because it killed the great friendship we shared- and it just got worse when we started dating and my ex thought his brother should be just that, my boyfriends brother not a friend. Now though that we broke up his brother has really been there for me through this whole break up, even more than he has been for his brother. The thing is though, he's not just helping me, he's shamelessly flirting with me. I really don't know what to do, he really wants to hook up, and he's an amazing guy in every way, I would be lying if I said he wasn't attractive, and so mentally engaging. Bit I seriously (think) I just want the friendship back. Not this rush of making up for all of the sexual things he wanted but couldn't do because I was dating his brother. Not to mention I still love my ex, I know we could never function in a relationship properly, but I would never want to go out and hurt him by doing something like that. I really need advice on how to approach this situation I'm switching majors and colleges and will be going to the same school as his brother come fall, so I need to know what I'm doing before than. Thanks.

[ForeverHopeful1]

This relationship wont work either. I will tell you why.

 

You think it is appropriate to be in a room with a "friend" who strips naked. Naked. HELLO!?!? You did read that before you typed it, right???

 

This is NOT normal behaviour. Your ex was right to try to keep you two away from one another and his brother didnt look at you like a friend. Wake up. He obviously saw something between you that was there. Still there. Seriously.

 

Would you be ok with your sister doing the same thing to your boyfriend and then calling themselves "friends?" You would reel her in too and make sure she was never around your BF alone. WHY? Because you cant trust her because she takes her clothes off for your boyfriend while youre not around.

 

I wouldnt be able to trust you as far as I could throw you. I cant believe justifying this behaviour. You think it is appropriate to be around a friend who is "sexual" in this nature. RED FLAG! You are upset that your BF wouldnt let you guys be around one another (probably because you would have slept together - exactly what youre contemplating now.) See, you guys break up and youre here on LS telling us about all the reasons you would like to hook up with him now. Rarely are women who date in the family again, welcome into the family, again. Its not a running joke to ditch the BF but keep the inlaws after moving onto a brother. Dont expect anyone to welcome you with open arms if you date him and do that to his brother. Dont be that girl.

[CC12]

I think you should hold off on rebuilding a friendship with his brother for a long while. It's just too soon. Everyone needs time to get over the apparent blow up that just happened two weeks ago. Take some time for yourself to process the breakup.

 

Also, just so you know, it's pretty scummy that his brother is flirting heavily with you right now. He's not being very respectful of his brother or you. A respectful person doesn't just swoop in two weeks after a breakup and start flirting and trying to hook up with a possibly vulnerable person. I don't think he's acting in your best interests, only his own. He's not your friend.

[Try]

He always felt that his brother was 'stealing' his friends so he was always a bit possessive and hesitant of his brother and my friendship... They are also both very sexual, his brother incredibly so, I had seen him naked before I even knew his name and he often strips naked and does sexual things with no shame at all. After a while, shortly before we started dating my ex decided I had to end a traditional friendship with his brother after his brother did something that went way too far and he walked in on it. It ended up with me and his brother never really talking or being together unless he was there, which we both didn't like because it killed the great friendship we shared- and it just got worse when we started dating and my ex thought his brother should be just that, my boyfriends brother not a friend.

Your ex's brother does not want to be just your friend. Your ex's brother is a jerk that has been shamelessly trying to have sex with you from the day you first met him. He enjoys taking from his brother because he is on a power trip where he enjoys humiliating his brother. There is no good reason that you should ever have seen him naked; my wife has never seen any of my brothers naked, nor have their wife's or girlfriends ever seen me naked. Letting you see him naked, and you being OK with it, is very disrespectful to your ex. Dump your ex's brother from your life. He is a bad person that is using you to help him feel superior to his brother. If the ex's brother will do this to his own brother, he has the ability to hurt you when his ego demands it.

 

BTW, if your ex's brother "often strips naked and does sexual things with no shame" in front of you as an accepted norm, what exactly did the brother do "that went way too far and he walked in on it"?