bellasue Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I know this has been asked before.....but what was the impetus for the affair? I read in another thread that affairs can cause all sorts of trouble, but how do we all get in them in the first place? I can say that my xMM was my friend for many years before the affair started. I had a heart attack in September of last year. This freaked my friend out completely and totally. We started the physical affair in December. I think it had to do with a "life is short" mentality on both of our parts. NOT RIGHT I know, but I'm wondering what everyone else was looking for in their affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Clemenza Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 MW and I were colleagues for a few months, and got along very well. At a certain point, she expressed an attraction to me. I told her it would never happen because she was married. I did find her attractive, though I didn't tell her that. Over the course of the next 2-3 months, we got to know each other more and more. I realized I had never gotten along with anybody like that in my life, but I still kept it friendly. Then we went on a business trip, had dinner, and started the PA. There was an element of guilt on my end, but I obviously gave in to my emotions and continued the PA for 7 months until D-day. Link to post Share on other sites
zevahc Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 MW and I were colleagues for a few months, and got along very well. At a certain point, she expressed an attraction to me. I told her it would never happen because she was married. I did find her attractive, though I didn't tell her that. Over the course of the next 2-3 months, we got to know each other more and more. I realized I had never gotten along with anybody like that in my life, but I still kept it friendly. Then we went on a business trip, had dinner, and started the PA. There was an element of guilt on my end, but I obviously gave in to my emotions and continued the PA for 7 months until D-day. Clemenza...I know I've said this before already...but it's unreal how your story echoes my own....even to the exact tune of how it started...she expressed her feelings towards me...i told her it wouldn't happen because it was inappropriate and she was M...and then friendship progressed..until ultimately lines were crossed... I'm not suggesting that many affairs don't start out of friendship..it's just when i see what you write and the conversations you've had...they echo mine almost exactly... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I was a single Army Officer and met my MW at a gala fundraiser for Veterans in Dallas. We started the affair because she hated being married to her husband and I thought she was the hottest woman on the planet. Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I still think she is the hottest woman on the planet. Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 Started as an EA bc we were forced to work together alone and got along fabulously. After that...I'd just say Temporary Insanity, Love is Blind, got used to having each other to fulfill all emotional (and physical) needs and I guess we were starved for it. Link to post Share on other sites
secretlady76 Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 We were friends, socialised together. Both married. We just hit it off straight away. Always good conversation. We vaguley flirted with eachother for a while. A combination of drink and a moment alone started it off. Then it escalated (emotionally) very quickly. It was wonderful........then it imploded....ugly. Link to post Share on other sites
Summer Breeze Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 Had some common business groups and interests so met there. I knew some of his siblings who were also in the same groups so it was natural for us to be in the same circles at times. The pull was immediate and obvious. He pulled away about the time I thought he might cross some boundaries but about 6 months later he approached an A. No earth shattering events for either of us. We fell in love. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I did not fall into my A. I wanted it and made it happen. I fancied him. (Still do). Link to post Share on other sites
findingnemo Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 We fell in love. He had a fiance at the time but broke up with her. We had a R and he wanted to marry me but I wasn't ready yet. We broke up, his mother died, he freaked out and married his former fiance within 3 weeks. All this happened within 9 months post break up. Two years post break up, we met and immediately got into a PA. My reason was that I loved him. Link to post Share on other sites
Mycatsnuggles Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 We were both unconsciously looking for someone.. Something was missing in ou marriage. Passion yes but also comfort. We both just feel comfortable w each other there is a level of acceptance I have never received before. H always wants more from me. I can't do enough. He's very needy. It's always about him and what he wants. I can never ask for any support because its turned back at me and becomes him not getting enough of whatever I stated I needed. I don't ask any more. With MM it's always about me which has made me want to please him. Both happy marriages - which were lacking Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I had no reason... Many years in a dead marriage, I was in the infancy of a complicated D when I met her..I wasnt looking for anything...She was very aggressive and was the prmary pursuer..After two failed attempts, I finally gave in to her.. Basicallly, I was starving and she rolled out the Thanksgiving Dinner to end all..Never looked back... Lesson to be learned here is that no matter how virtuous one thinks they(or their married partner is), if there is something missing, there is going to be someone else willing to provide it...Dont ignore a problem and sweep it under the carpet..It will bite you in the ass every time... The experience changed me for life on many levels.. TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I was ending my marriage. We worked in a similar field and I knew him for awhile prior. We worked together on a project and really clicked on many levels. I just liked his personality, how he handled things, and how proactive he was. Chemistry built until it spilled over one night. And the rest is history. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 We had known each other for over 15 years. We started having regular contact as we were both serving on a worship team at church. At one point our family left that church for a period of three years and during that time xom would stop by my office from time to time or call or under the pretense of sending me business and we would have long conversations and he would try to talk me back into coming back to church there. Eventually we did. Started working together again on the worship team very closely. Our families got close - went to dinner together, vacationed together, church together, but he and I worked very closely as co-worship leaders and we always had this hidden attraction for each other, unspoken. I guess we thought we could manage it. We did talk about or marriages, families, etc., but at the time there was never any putting down of the other spouses really. I don't think initially there was any talk of ever leaving our spouses. Anyway, conversations grew more and more intense to where we eventually expressed our mutual attraction for each other and then it took off from there. From the time the words were spoken it was exactly two months before we consummated it. It grew out of a deep bond and we did fall in love. I don't know what he thinks now (or what he has been programmed to think - lol) but deep inside he knows what it is (was). We were best friends and told each other everything. In fact, recently my husband has been dealing with a medical issue that may be a life threatening thing and he doesnt want anyone to know right now so i have been silent. But guess who the the first person I wanted to run to tell was? Xom. Old habits die hard even after almost four years. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I've loved him for years. I was divorced and he said his marriage was failing, that his wife wanted a divorce. One thing led to the next. He misled me to believe we had a future together. The affair was about love on my end...on his end? Not sure...I think now he probably just wanted to re-live some of the excitement we had back when we were a couple many years ago, and then return to the security of his wife and son. Link to post Share on other sites
ScarlettKaren Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I feel like the female component to Zevahc and Clemenza (except I'm married as well). My MM and I were colleagues (not in the same office but frequently together) and became close friends. I'm not sure who expressed interest in who first. But we both at some point tumbled across the boundaries slowly. I think I journaled that we fell into trouble together. It is really an accurate description of the process. The EA and eventually PA lasted nearly 3 years (PA about 1.5) Looking back I can say that I loved him nearly all of that time, even if we waited until the last 6 months to say the words. Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 Because I was/am an empty soul who set myself up for the worst experience I could have ever suffered through. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 Because I was/am an empty soul who set myself up for the worst experience I could have ever suffered through. Wow - that is probably one of the most honest answers I have ever read. It's also something I believe my xomm could have written and actually it's something that is very true on my end as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Summer Breeze Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 Because I was/am an empty soul who set myself up for the worst experience I could have ever suffered through. I love your posts. I haven't seen many people so fully in touch with what they went through and are still going through. You are one of a kind and I hope you keep posting here for a long time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tinker683 Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 When I first met her, she didn't let me know that she was actually engaged. We hit it extremely well, she was the first woman I could talk too for literally hours at a time and not get bored. It wasn't until I tried to kiss her that she told me she was engaged. She then quickly told about how she wasn't happy and how she was going to leave but just couldn't for financial reason and blah blah blah. Well, we decided to just be friends but the attraction between the two of us was undeniable. We'd hang out and go dancing together, and the hugs started to get longer and when we'd go dancing, the body-contact got closer and more intimate... We first kissed when my roommate, who was a good friend, was moving out. Her and I weren't terribly close but she was extremely enjoyable company and I was sad to see her leave. My ex came over to comfort me, one thing lead to another.... I'd love to give you some sort of moral justification but the truth is that I was selfish. She was a beautiful, intelligent woman that I could really talk too, who had a lot of shared interest with me, who was with a guy that I felt (and still feel to this day) didn't appreciate her. I felt like if I didn't explore this, I'd always regret and wonder 'what if?' Did that make what I did right? HELL NO. But that was my thinking at the time. In retrospect, while the relationship ended horribly...I don't regret it. I loved her, I still love her very much, and as much as she hurt me, I'm glad she was in my life. But...I'm never doing this again. I learned first had just how toxic and awful these sorts of relationships are, and I want no part of them ever again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
who_am_i Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I was hurt and foolishly thought that a relationship with someone who was emotionally unavailable would keep me from being hurt again....we all know how that worked out -__- 2 Link to post Share on other sites
UntoTheBreach3 Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 (edited) We were partners at work and best friends for around 6 years. Her husband jokingly called me her work husband and my girlfriend was jealous of her. She was married, I was in a 7 year relationship, both of us had one child. She came out with her feelings towards me, we both decided to be together, she left her husband, I left my girlfriend. We are very much in love and happy and planning on marriage in the next year. And having a child of our own...And the story continues to this day... Edited June 6, 2013 by UntoTheBreach3 forgot something 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 (edited) When we first started talking I didn't know he was in a relationship, so initially, I just approached it like the flirting/talking you do with any romantic interest. Later I realized the truth, but it was long distance, so I told myself we would never do anything. It was an EA for a while before it became a PA. I didn't go in knowing for a fact what the situation was, but I stayed because I liked him/liked the attention and felt "safe" in that it wasn't "so bad" because he was't in fact married and we were LD and wouldn't "really" do anything anyway. That didn't quite work. Edited June 6, 2013 by MissBee Link to post Share on other sites
missy268 Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 Friends at work, who just grew closer, and one saturday afternoon in august 2011, he came over for a coffee after he had finished work and we ended up in bed We were so confused after, he left, and went to a friends, and i took a very long hot shower. He came back later on that night and we just sat on my sofa holding hands. He said to me "I love you, i'll leave her" He did, but then he missed her, wouldn't come clean about us, wouldn't go public about us, and then went back to his ex 3 months later. They have split up, again, when they did he came back to me, and used me for what he could , then she moved out of their flat, and i haven't seen him since! Link to post Share on other sites
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 I don't know if what I did was even an "affair" it was just sexting... But he made me feel special and pretty and important and I liked that he would pick me over his fiancée Link to post Share on other sites
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