Pierre Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 If unhappiness caused cheating then 100% of married couples would cheat. All marriages have ups and downs. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Spot on!!!!! Agree with all of this and Miss B. Lots of men in different cultures feel "entitled". And how about the "all men do it" "men will be men" excuse. Isn't that why Pat Robertson got in trouble for the other day. I have heard men in my culture who are not yet married talk about having a mistress one day. And to blame a spouse for your unhappiness is to be a coward. Many unhappy people around. Life is hard and nothing is perfect. My bf doesn't fit any of these. Not even a little bit. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 If unhappiness caused cheating then 100% of married couples would cheat. All marriages have ups and downs. I would be on my thousandth pool boy if marital unhappiness was the sole cause of cheating! Every day would be a D-day! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
busdriver Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 MM here. I told my xOW I couldn't leave a "happy" marriage. She cut me off the minute I displayed ambivalence. I respect her for that, and I regret it all now. So I am "happily" married now, insofar as that means it beats the available alternatives. I am "happy" to be still married to my W. I am "happy" that she forgave me. I am "happy" about all of this, since I cannot be with my OW. If I had been just a little bit more honest, I might have been capital-H Happy. But I am a coward, and so I am just "happy" (where happy means content and secure.) I think of my OW every day. I imagine the life we could have made if I had just stood up for myself, for us. She is the wise one. She knew it all along, I am a coward. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 MM here. I told my xOW I couldn't leave a "happy" marriage. She cut me off the minute I displayed ambivalence. I respect her for that, and I regret it all now. So I am "happily" married now, insofar as that means it beats the available alternatives. I am "happy" to be still married to my W. I am "happy" that she forgave me. I am "happy" about all of this, since I cannot be with my OW. If I had been just a little bit more honest, I might have been capital-H Happy. But I am a coward, and so I am just "happy" (where happy means content and secure.) I think of my OW every day. I imagine the life we could have made if I had just stood up for myself, for us. She is the wise one. She knew it all along, I am a coward. My ex used the "I am a coward" to get out of marrying me six weeks before the wedding and not telling me that he moved to another city. Face those issues. Life's too effing short for everyone involved. Not fair to everyone (esp. your wife) as well. Get help 7 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 We could go Around and around and aRound Another time about this but the truth is, it's impossible for a third party to know if a marriage is happy. ...or even both parties in it. If I had a ha'penny for every dumped spouse I've encountered who bleated, "I had no idea s/he was so unhappy!" when the unhappy spouse skips off into the sunset either gloriously alone, or with someone else, I'd be rich as Standard Oil. It seems to me that in many, f not most, Ms, one person's needs get met to a far greater extent than the other's, and so to the satisfied partner, the M looks and feels good, strong, happy - but they are impervious to the true costs of that happiness to the other partner. This is not just in Ms that feature infidelity, IME, although clearly the ground is well prepared for infidelity in those situations. Link to post Share on other sites
Calcmag Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 [quote=Kittypaw;4944955 Can a MM truly be happily married but obviously need to spend time with an OW? How do those two concepts co-exist? It's not so much as 'needing to spend time' with an OW. It's 'wanting sexual variety' that drives them. Spending time with the OW is not the goal at all it's merely the means to get the sex. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 ...or even both parties in it. If I had a ha'penny for every dumped spouse I've encountered who bleated, "I had no idea s/he was so unhappy!" when the unhappy spouse skips off into the sunset either gloriously alone, or with someone else, I'd be rich as Standard Oil. It seems to me that in many, f not most, Ms, one person's needs get met to a far greater extent than the other's, and so to the satisfied partner, the M looks and feels good, strong, happy - but they are impervious to the true costs of that happiness to the other partner. This is not just in Ms that feature infidelity, IME, although clearly the ground is well prepared for infidelity in those situations. Well, I'm glad I know just how miserable my husband and I have been. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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