choptoxicity Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I know I'm going to get a lot of flak for this but I don't know what else to do. I'm 20 and have been in a one year relationship with my high school boyfriend up until now. We both finished school last December and I have been working part time in retail since February. I get along well with my colleagues but recently this guy, A, has been on my mind a lot. I don't know if he's flirting or just being friendly but I definitely have a little bit of a crush on him. He's 25. It started two months ago, where he would be playful around me and a little touchy, as in constantly brushing past my arms, holding onto my shoulders,and playing with my hair. He's asked for my number and we text quite often, where he would always ask me out on his days out and offer to pick me up if I had no transport. He's helped me out of a work situation in a big way, and on the days when I am working, he'd always come around to my section and talk. When I got a new watch, he held my hand up to see it and kept it there until I moved my hand away. He's always sitting next to me when he has the chance as well as always positioning himself to be behind me or beside me. He knows I have a boyfriend and always asks if we are okay. He's invited me on road trips with him and told me that as long as I was working there, he wouldn't resign as he'd always want to be there to accompany me. Hes always asking me for supper after work, and he'd normally text me every two days. He's charming, good looking and the kicker? He has a girlfriend. She's been to the store a few times before all this started and they've pictures on Facebook. However, he's never once mentioned her to me and has even told me he's single right now because nobody wants him. They are still together though, as he's brought her out for dinner, according to my colleague friend. I feel really bad falling for him as I do still have feelings for my bf but I don't know how to end this mess. I've tried ignoring A but he just comes on stronger. What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
jolie_baby Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 From the title of your thread I thought your issue was the crush on the co-worker, but the details seem to tell that you seem to be unsure about your co-worker's behavior, too. The response is two folds (will try to make it short and hopefully clear): (1) My gut feeling says he is a player. And this is not solely based on the information you give but more of his pattern of behavior that you describe, which I have experienced and used to tolerate a bit more when I was younger. I have seen this and it normally just playing with no genuine interest (but I may be wrong as well). (2) Are you interested in the guy or not? you do not seem to mention any issues you have with your boyfriend which could mean you have a good relationship. And honestly crushes happen even when you are deeply in love with your SO, and it means nothing and usually disappear as quickly as they appeared. At least I have had it once My suggestion is, ask him about his girlfriend, in a friendly talk, just ask him direct questions and see what his answers are. A good sign would be that he is honest and direct in his answers. But if you feel any hint of manipulation or going around direct answers then I would just run away from the guy, whether he means friendship or love. Keep in mind that you have a job which normally - I assume- is a priority in this whole situation. So think twice before taking any step forward with this guy, because if he was a player and you fell for it you may end up hating to go to work or quitting because you may see him there or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 This guy that you have a crush on is a douche rocket. Why do you think that he's asking you if everything is okay between you and your boyfriend? Because if you ever said to him that you two had this HUGE fight, he would "up his game" and really lay it on THICK while you are sad, hurt and vulnerable! To be that shoulder to cry on while he has other motives in mind. You really can't see this? If you don't believe me, then find out for yourself. Try an experiment. The next time he asks how you and your boyfriend are doing say this: "Oh my God! Really awesome! My boyfriend surprised me with a dozen roses, but he REALLY surprised me when he told me that we're going away for a romantic weekend at a B&B at (wherever). I'm SOOO excited!" I bet his demeanor for that day will change. The dude doesn't care about you or your relationship or even his own girlfriend! He just wants to get in your pants. I'm really surprised you don't see this...... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I feel really bad falling for him This is questionable, because if you felt bad enough, you would stop falling for his sleazy charm. This "man" is doing nothing more than trying to seduce you and add you to the notches in his belt. You may like the attention, but it's all a game to see if he can get you in bed. That's his ultimate goal...Know how I know?...I'm a guy and that is what guys like him do. Once they have conquered their conquest, they will go brag to their friends about the new strange they are getting and how they are doing it right under her boyfriend's nose. Don't be naive..he's playing you. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I feel really bad falling for him as I do still have feelings for my bf but I don't know how to end this mess. I've tried ignoring A but he just comes on stronger. What do I do? Rather than ignoring him, be cool and professional. Don't flirt, giggle, or initiate contact. Keep responses short and cool. Talk about your bf a lot. I agree with everyone else that the guy is a douche. He's got a gf, but he's telling you he is single. He knows you have a bf, but he's pursuing you anyway. He has major issues with boundaries and respect. Also remember that since you only know him as a work friend, there are a lot of blanks in what you know. It is natural to fill in those blanks with what you HOPE is true. So in your head, he's a great kisser, is romantic, is sexy, and attends to your every need. But that isn't reality. In reality, he's a guy who tells attractive female coworkers that he is single when you aren't around. Your crush is on a fantasy. Your bf, flaws and all, is reality. Focus on reality. Link to post Share on other sites
Author choptoxicity Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 Prior to this, I've been in a few relationships but this is my first encounter with a player. I think sub consciously on some level I do know that he is treating this like a game but whenever he speaks to me, all rational thought flies out of the window. I'm hoping this is just a crush I can get over with as I do feel very uncomfortable in this position. I do not want to hurt anyone - especially my boyfriend, but I don't know how to deflect this guy's attention without making it obvious. Right now, this guy is the complete opposite of my boyfriend, both in personality and looks. After reading your comments, yes, I agree that he actually comes off sounding like a douchebag and he doesn't respect his gf at all if he can do this behind her back. But how do I make this crush go away? Every time my demeanor towards him changes in the least, he just comes on stronger. So far, theres been very little sexual undertone but I still do not know his true intentions. Link to post Share on other sites
jolie_baby Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Prior to this, I've been in a few relationships but this is my first encounter with a player. I think sub consciously on some level I do know that he is treating this like a game but whenever he speaks to me, all rational thought flies out of the window. I'm hoping this is just a crush I can get over with as I do feel very uncomfortable in this position. I do not want to hurt anyone - especially my boyfriend, but I don't know how to deflect this guy's attention without making it obvious. Right now, this guy is the complete opposite of my boyfriend, both in personality and looks. After reading your comments, yes, I agree that he actually comes off sounding like a douchebag and he doesn't respect his gf at all if he can do this behind her back. But how do I make this crush go away? Every time my demeanor towards him changes in the least, he just comes on stronger. So far, theres been very little sexual undertone but I still do not know his true intentions. Try talking about your boyfriend, or about his girlfriend... and sustain the conversation for few minutes and see... Link to post Share on other sites
Sav Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Despite popular beliefs, there is no "the one". Even if you break up with your boyf and get together with this guy, down the road maybe one two years later, you will encounter another "crush" and it will be the same problem again. It's normal to have crushes even when we are attached. It's how everybody is programmed. You can feel attracted to more than one man. But the problem is how you tackle this feeling of yours. If you indeed love your boyf, then stop the flirting and just maintain a professional relationship. It takes two hands to clap. If you dont want it, there's nth he can do about it Link to post Share on other sites
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