Just received this e-mail from my MM

[spice4life]

It's a simple letter from a man telling you that he's staying married and if you want to hang in then so be it. Its your own personal choice to stay or not. If you dont mind how the affair makes you feel about yourself then stay. No one is twisting your arm. Personally, I dont like accepting rules that go against who I am and that make me feel like Im settling for something that makes me feel bad about myself. But hey, to each his own.

 

Good luck on your journey.

[latergater]

Sorry about the english, I had to translate it (thanks google )

 

I do not wanna lose you, but since October you attack me constantly and while you only get love and understanding, all I get is demands and aggression, and it is really hard to live with it and look at myself in the mirror the same way.

 

 

SERIOUSLY??? SERIOUSLY? Cry me a RIVER! He is totally placing blame on YOU for having emotions and "attacking him constantly?" What? You're the person who is doing wrong and driving him away? Totally manipulative. I have never seen anything like it. What a jerk.

[jlola]

Sorry about the english, I had to translate it (thanks google )

 

I do not wanna lose you, but since October you attack me constantly and while you only get love and understanding, all I get is demands and aggression, and it is really hard to live with it and look at myself in the mirror the same way.

 

 

SERIOUSLY??? SERIOUSLY? Cry me a RIVER! He is totally placing blame on YOU for having emotions and "attacking him constantly?" What? You're the person who is doing wrong and driving him away? Totally manipulative. I have never seen anything like it. What a jerk.

 

Guys like that expect you NOT to have emotions. Or if you do, you damn well best control them because he is uncomfortable with it. He is the only one allowed emotions. He is the victim here,not you.

 

He will remind you what you YOU KNEW what you signed up for from the very beginning ,everytime you go against what he deems is

"proper behavior". Or anytime he feels you "demand" too much.

[jlola]

BTW, please do not think others are being harsh with you. They are seeing things from the outside and sometimes that is the clearest view.

 

You know what? I had once heard if you cannot tell your family or the closest ones to you the whole truth about your relationship, you know you are being treated unfairly.

 

In certain relationships, I used to hide the truth from family and dear friends because I knew they wold tell me to leave and I was not ready. So I kept "secrets". Unfortunately, it did me no good.

 

Be happy people here are willing to help you through their experience.

[underwater2010]

I am with the opposing camp. He is simply telling you where you stand in the grand scheme of things.

 

That is part of the problem of engaging in a relationship with a MM/MW. They have prior obligations and will fit you in where and if they can.

 

Take it or leave it, but do not expect more.

[findingnemo]

Sorry about the english, I had to translate it (thanks google )

 

I do not wanna lose you, but since October you attack me constantly and while you only get love and understanding, all I get is demands and aggression, and it is really hard to live with it and look at myself in the mirror the same way.

 

 

SERIOUSLY??? SERIOUSLY? Cry me a RIVER! He is totally placing blame on YOU for having emotions and "attacking him constantly?" What? You're the person who is doing wrong and driving him away? Totally manipulative. I have never seen anything like it. What a jerk.

 

She could be attacking him constantly. Not all APs are comfortable being APs and it reaches a point when all they seem to do is complain. They are unhappy and attempt to show the MP this. This happens especially when promises have been made and broken.

 

I think I believe him when he says he is fed up of the bickering. MM or not, he is human. What APs need to do is make a decision to stay or to go. This is an AFFAIR, not a regular R. As jlola pointed out, single men engage in this "bovine scatology"too:laugh:. So a single guy would have other reasons why he didn't/can't/won't give a girl what she wants. A MM will ALWAYS use his current M status to explain away his lack of commitment.

 

Manipulative or not is something we may not agree upon. But the message is clear either way. Blandina, he is saying you must stand the heat in order to stay in the kitchen. He places the onus on YOU to make the necessary changes. Changes which would benefit him entirely and force you to abandon all hope for a future on your terms.

[spiderowl]

Translated:

 

"I put a lot of thought on what I was going to write, because I know well that misplaced words can bring misunderstandings and I don't want that...

I know that the difficult contact in the last 2 weeks may have seemed to you like I had no interest in you, but that's not true at all ... you know that when I travel contact gets harder, but now I returned things are back on track."

 

I haven't been in contact with you and I know you don't like that, but my travel/schedule comes first.

 

"First I will respond to the statement that you can only talk when I want, when I'm available and not when you want to ... this is not true, because you know you can call my cell phone anytime and that nothing prevents you to call here home to talk ... of course it would be less informal since I don't have much privacy here. However, the situation never stopped you from calling me when you really wanted or needed to."

 

Of course you can call me, but we can't have a proper conversation because I am married, I live with my wife, and you are the second woman in my life.

 

"Regarding claims that I leave you in the dark, that I don't talk dates or concrete plans ... Well I remember what happened when I told you everything, when I promised deadlines, when I shared my plans with you. By failing to do the right thing in the promised timeframe you know what happened. You turned everything I said against me, everything!"

 

You say I won't make plans with you, but I did. I let you down and you got cross with me for that so I won't make plans now. I trust you will put up with that.

 

"A lot has changed in October, as many truths were said and a lot has happened. But I say once again that things had to happen the way I chose, in my own timeframe, and not the way you wanted ... "

 

It all had to be done on my terms and I reiterate this as you clearly didn't get it.

 

"I understand that this is hard for you to cope with, but couldn't be any other way. One indisputable fact is that I left my job and my intention was really to stay with you, if it didn't work out in october as I had promised, another time will surely come, but wanting dates and timeframes at this point is not reasonable. I am getting back on my feet and if it means little to you, to me it means independence, to again have money in my pocket is very important, after all it was my money that brought me close to you and not the grace of others"

 

I did leave my job like I said I would. This might have been coincidence anyway, but at least I did that. I want to get back on my feet and to have money in my pocket again. Why I can't work with you to make things work, if that's what I really want, is hard to fathom.

 

"Wanting everything to be resolved in a month is an immediacy that will result in nothing, and will certainly bury our intentions. I know it is hard to understand, but it's true."

 

It's not going to happen in a month, whatever you want.

 

"I know my feelings for you, know what I feel and what I think and I know how hard it is for you all this, but you always knew it would never be easy, always knew that we live in different worlds... when you came on this trip you knew all the risks and now you can not dump everything on me as you've been doing."

 

You knew what you were getting into. I didn't promise anything. None of this is my fault.

 

"I tell you one thing ... I normally would have walked away from you, because I am the type of man who does not like this kind of relationship, punctuated by arguments and accusations. Like I said a long time ago I am a simple person and like simple relationships. The thing is I love you so much that I think that one day when we're together when the arguments we'll cease, but I know well that when we get together there will always be reasons, actions and words that will bring us misunderstandings ... I do not understand this thing of wanting to dissect everything I say and find out if something is hiding behind. I really do not understand this thing of wanting to analyze everything in me and everything I say as if I were your patient."

 

I would normally have walked away by now because I don't need the hassle, but there's still something in it for me. I do think about when we will be together but I foresee other arguments anyway. I don't like the way you want to analyse what I'm doing or why you have a need to do this. I have no real understanding of your feelings.

 

"I do not wanna lose you, but since October you attack me constantly and while you only get love and understanding, all I get is demands and aggression, and it is really hard to live with it and look at myself in the mirror the same way."

 

I am really sweet to you and you just pick on me. It's bothering me now. I don't want to lose you but I will have to now.

 

"You may not get this letter, but if you do try to understand and let's not make of it one more reason to fight, one more reason for disagreements."

 

For some reason, I cannot ensure you get this letter (?). If you do get it, don't blame me for sending it. In fact, don't blame me for any of it. You've been difficult throughout but it's all getting too much and this is me opting out.

Edited June 6, 2013 by spiderowl