mizundastud Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 (edited) My child's father has really weird behavior and I need advice on how to deal with this situation. Our relationship has been rocky from the beginning but its seems that he just becomes more difficult as time goes by. We were split before my daughter was born but after her birth he was somewhat involved in her life. When she was one year we moved out of state and he sent me money every few months. I was hesitant to put him on child support so I tried to work things out with him over the next year. Because I still wasn't getting any results I went to the courts. After a couple of months I got a letter saying I wasn't going to receive anything because he was unable to give anything...which I know is a untrue. When I use to call him for money and he wouldn't give any atleast he answered his phone. After I got the letter from the courts I called him one time because my child wanted to talk to him. I didnt make any mention of the courts decision because at the end of the day my child is getting taken care of and Im sick of being mad about the situation. So atleast he was answering the phone to speak to my child. Now it seems he's not even answering the phone anymore. And I honestly wouldn't care if my child wasn't asking me to speak to him. It seems to me that when he realizes one thing isnt bothering me it makes him go to the next extreme. I need help to understanding this behavior and how to deal because I cant seem to wrap my head around this childishness. Edited June 5, 2013 by mizundastud Link to post Share on other sites
Author mizundastud Posted June 5, 2013 Author Share Posted June 5, 2013 (edited) What I meant by somewhat involved is coming to see her maybe twice a month and bringing pampers every now and then. That is not being an active father. I had better opportunities to provide for us else where so thats what I did because it was obvious I couldnt depend on him. Also before I left I let him know and was willing to set up visitation anyway he wanted to the point where I pay for it. So I doubt that was the issue, he was being a piece of sh#t before I left and if that wasnt the case I may have stayed. Edited June 5, 2013 by mizundastud 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 I don't know where you live but in Texas they make the father pay child support even if he is in jail or not working, it adds up as if he were making at least minimum wage! And, they can charge interest on it, and put him in jail. What state are you in? Be glad he is out of your (and the child's) life if he is abusive or disinterested. His loss. Maybe he will eventually come around and act right. Maybe not. But regardless, the child support should be accruing. Seek the advice of a good child support attorney! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mizundastud Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 Thanks I think seeking the advice of an attorney is my best bet. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 (edited) How about just starting by contacting your local Child Support agency? What state are you in? Here in Texas, it's the Office of the Attorney General. And, there are local agencies in most major cities. You can start by reading up on the websites. I know a little about Child Support in Pennsylvania, and Texas. Where do you live (city/state), and where does he live ( city /state). Keep personal feelings out of it. This money is for the support and well being of your kids. It's THEIR money, to help raise them, and to help them have a better chance at succeeding in life. I don't care how nice/not nice he is or what he has promised or done in the past. The kids deserve financial support, and it's the law. But, before you look for an attorney (expensive), let's see what we can learn from the free resources on the web. Might be enough to get this rolling without paying an attorney to do what you could do yourself! Edited June 6, 2013 by Forever Learning Link to post Share on other sites
Author mizundastud Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 (edited) He is in PA. Edited June 6, 2013 by mizundastud Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 (edited) Now it seems he's not even answering the phone anymore. And I honestly wouldn't care if my child wasn't asking me to speak to him. It seems to me that when he realizes one thing isnt bothering me it makes him go to the next extreme. I need help to understanding this behavior and how to deal because I cant seem to wrap my head around this childishness. I have to apologize, it seems I did not read your initial post carefully enough. You have gone to the courts, ok that's great. But surely there is more that can be done. I wouldn't settle for the answer that you won't receive anything because he can't pay anything. I have an anecdote for you. My co-worker is at a child support hearing RIGHT NOW, for her children, and they are in their LATE 20's! The courts and child support people just got around to rounding up their dead beat father and making him pay for back support, that has been due for over 25 years. So take heart, it may get paid eventually, but you do need to really, really learn all you can and educate yourself about the child support laws in your area. Now, about what you said above, about why he goes to extremes. He likely has a personality disorder. I was married to a Psychopath/Narcissistic Personality Disorder man for 16 years who did the same crap (still does, we have 2 kids and are divorced now). Read all you can over in the abuse section, here on Love Shack, to learn about Personality Disorders. And, Google "Personality Disorders", and/or "Cluster B Personality Disorders", and begin your journey into learning about these mental disorders. Here is another great website you need to check out, it's my personal FAVORITE: www.lisaescott.com I think you will really like it, it's a great website / forum with mainly women writing in, who have gone through very similar things to what you are experiencing. Here's another website with a good article: How to Spot a Narcissist | World of Psychology Last one: Personality disorders - MayoClinic.com Hopefully this will offer some insight into your child's father's behavior. Edited June 6, 2013 by Forever Learning 1 Link to post Share on other sites
happywithlife Posted June 26, 2013 Share Posted June 26, 2013 Forever Learning - I would love to hear how you deal with an ex with whom you have kids and that person has a personality disorder! My ex-husband and kids' father has a PD and am at my wit's end! Tried to send you a private message but couldn't figure out how to! Link to post Share on other sites
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