confused Posted December 17, 2000 Share Posted December 17, 2000 Ok first of all I am 17 years old and my boyfriend is 16 years old and I know you're going to tell me that there are a lot of guys out there but I need some advice. Well my boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago out of the blue, and I had no idea it was coming. Our relationship was perfect, maybe too perfect but we were very very close and we shared a lot together. He told me so many times that his love grew and grew each day for me and that he would always love me. He would always thank me for being with him and we just had a great relationship. But then suddenly without me or anyone else noticing it he told me he couldnt handle this relationship. I work with him and at first I wanted to try and find out why he did this but he told me that it was his feelings and he couldn't help them, and I tried to pursue what happened all of a sudden and he said he didn't expect this ever to happen and his feelings changed in one week. I can see how someone's feelings for a person can fade over a month or so but whats up with the whole one week thing?...especially if he really loved me? He did everything for me and he treated me so well and he gave me so much and I will always love him...but now its been 2 weeks and hes kind of changing the little things like he the week after he drank a lot and he changed his hair style and what he drinks at lunch...i know those sound small but they are big to me bc its not like him? and its not like him to do this. His friends tell me that he will come to his senses because I was the most important thing in his life. I try to avoid talking to him about the relationship because I know I'm just pushing him away. We are friends but we dont really talk. We only talk if I go and see him but then he doesn't give me eye contact..he doesn't avoid me but he also doesnt make an effort. He seems distant, confused but then again he seems happy and I dont know what is an act and what isnt. I just dont get how someone can love someone as much as they did and just throw them away just like that. I think he's trying to work something out within himself but it hurts me bc I gave him my heart and soul and he took it and gave back his but then destroyed mine. He told me a few days ago that his feelings would NEVER change, but then again 3 weeks ago he told me he would NEVER EVER stop loving me. The same exact thing happened to my friend and the guy knew he made a mistake and wanted her back but I dont know what to do? Have any of you guys out there gone through the same thing and if this sounds familiar please give me advice...I'm giving him space and time but I just want him back, he meant everything to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Piccolo Posted December 17, 2000 Share Posted December 17, 2000 Frist off I am a guy!I'll tell you one thing,no matter how perfect your boyfriend was he is not ready even if you think and he thinks he is,you see he is 16'teen years old and he has no idea what he whats and he dose not know what the road ahead is.And he will not know until he is over 18 years old,thats when it all begins and thats when you do thing your way,so you see until he has the power to run his life,he will have no idea what he wants to do right now.but you are 17'teen,and it sounds like to me you are looking for a guy to go on with your life with.so I will give you some good advice,and just to let you know Iam using my own it advice to help find a girl to gone with my life with!so 1.make sure he has a planed future and that he has a job,make sure when you two have a problom you can work it out,that's the big one and make sure that you can trust him and he trusts you,you know with out trust there can never be relationship,remember that!And you need to give 50 and he needs to give 50.And don't get with a guy who dose drugs drinks and stuff like that,that will make things wrose for you.smoking well that somthing eles,I don't smoke.but I nottest that theres not much we can do about that,but try to help.So if this guy has all this then youve found you Man and this guy you can feel safe having sex with and sharing you secrets with.But remember to give some test to find out the truth and tell him in the end if need to that you were testing him!I would go with guys over 18,not high school fools that have know idea what they want and try to find a guy who has a good job.I wish you the best on your search and remember theres a tuff road ahead,take it one step at a time.Bye now Piccolo and if you need to talk more e-mail me at - <e-mail address removed>.I help you. Link to post Share on other sites
confused Posted December 17, 2000 Share Posted December 17, 2000 Do you think he'll figure out that he made a mistake and try to come back? I dont know I know hes confused and I dont understand why he wont even look at me in the eye when he talks to me. I dont get why he all of a sudden changed on me just like that. I know he needs space and I dont know what else to do. I just know I want him back and I think the best thing to do is just go on with my life and when hes ready hes ready but has any guy out there gone through the same thing? He could of least gave me an explanation of why he broke up with me... Link to post Share on other sites
Ed Posted December 17, 2000 Share Posted December 17, 2000 You said it. You already know what the deal is. You are most likely far ahead of him when it comes to emotional maturity (females, at your age, usually are several years ahead of the guys). He knows enough to realize that you are a special person in his life right now. He just doesn't have the maturity to follow through with it. If it is any consolation to you, he probably will look back on this relationship, with a fond memory of someone who cared very much for him. You will probably just have to chalk this one up to experience. Don't let it get in the way of being able to trust a future mate. It is him, not you, that has a broken life to deal with. Take with you what you can and grow from the experience. It sounds to me like you need to date guys a few years older than you. At least they'll be a little closer to your level. Link to post Share on other sites
Rogue Posted December 17, 2000 Share Posted December 17, 2000 This answer is a little off your topic, Confused. Reading your post makes me glad I'm not 17 anymore. (hehehe) At that age, everything small seems so big, and everything big looks impossible. (Smiles!) I still remember how messed up I was over the girl I fell for when I was 17. Those feelings seemed so powerful at the time,but now in retrospect...they really were just growing pains. Don't get me wrong..I still remember they hurt like a butcher knife to the heart! But the truth? I was in love but I didn't really know much about love or life or anything.Anything could have hurt me in those days. Gosh, I was SO green. So what have I learned since then that's so special? I've learned you can't place all your happiness into one person,no matter how good that person is. That person is only human, and can't be the end-all and be-all for you. I also learned,that growing up and new experiences DOES in fact heal old wounds. I learned that if I could fall in love once ,at 17, I could fall in love again...even at 75 years old !! (No,I'm not 75 years old..though I feel like it some days.) You will have these feelings for someone else someday, Confused. It will probably happen to you more than once,like it has everyone else. It will always feel the same, but you will be more in control everytime it happens. You love life does not end at 17 or at 35 or at hundred. This boyfriend sure feels like he's your everything (like my gal felt when I was 17) , but he isn't.The good news (or bad news depending on you point of view) is that you will someday go through all this again with a diffirent guy.(Lucky you.) For now, don't be scared to be single. Just try to apreciate all the things you have left. Don't waste your time hurting over something that was meant to end when you have so much LIFE ahead of you. Ok? Link to post Share on other sites
jenn Posted December 23, 2000 Share Posted December 23, 2000 email me at <e-mail address removed>. i am going through almost the exact same thing and it will help to talk about it. i mean the exact same thing. my boyfriend said a month ago he wanted to marry me. now he doesnt want a relationship. i asked everyone too, "is it better to not contact him, will he want me back?" everyone says yes. you cant stop loving someone that fast. even a month, in my situation. from what people say "dont call him and if he calls, let the machine get it. dont be available, it will make him wonder. he probably thinks you're home waiting for him. i made a vow to myself starting today. we should try it together and let each other know what happens. soon, he will start realizing that he had a great thing with you and miss you. i keep thinking "i want to make him want me," so i kept calling him. i realized, this pushed him away cuz it makes you available. dont be available. email me and we'll talk. <e-mail address removed> Do you think he'll figure out that he made a mistake and try to come back? I dont know I know hes confused and I dont understand why he wont even look at me in the eye when he talks to me. I dont get why he all of a sudden changed on me just like that. I know he needs space and I dont know what else to do. I just know I want him back and I think the best thing to do is just go on with my life and when hes ready hes ready but has any guy out there gone through the same thing? He could of least gave me an explanation of why he broke up with me... Link to post Share on other sites
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