Things got drastic 180 degree change

[HonestNeurotic]

Sorry it didn't work out. At LEAST it was over quickly instead of dragging it out and such. You're a strong person. You're gonna do just fine.

[Mount]

Thank you!

 

One thing that being proved from this case -age does not define maturity, or the mature thought-through that how you handle big event.

 

 

Sorry it didn't work out. At LEAST it was over quickly instead of dragging it out and such. You're a strong person. You're gonna do just fine.

[Pierre]

Mount:

 

I am sorry. Please take good care of yourself.

 

It seems most affairs follow a textbook. It is not about you.

[Mount]

Not really, I thought it might be a textbook - which is MM never really left or said to wife, only words all the time.

 

But in this case, action does follow words, but then turn around right away.

 

Guess it is a normal textbook case, you might need to add this new chapter...LOL.

 

All I am saying, I just feel whole event bizzare, and the MM is kidding himself all along.

 

Mount:

 

I am sorry. Please take good care of yourself.

 

It seems most affairs follow a textbook. It is not about you.

[ComingInHot]

mount wrote, "One thing that being proved from this case -age does not define maturity, or the mature thought-through that how you handle big event."

 

To view this from an unemotional position, the overall consensus on A's is their exact contradiction to the definition of mature thought and logic. Ergo the probability of at least one of the AP's acting immaturely is rather high.

 

It is most likely the best choice w/the given information to pursue activities other than those involving a M'd person to ensure stable yet stimulating, and mentally healthy relationships.

 

Your thought process will enable you to continue w/out interruption both at work and socially w/minimal emotional intrusion by MM and your heart.

 

I'm actually envious that you are to a point in your life to side step emotions that disorient & distract from life goals.**

[Mount]

:eek:Sorry I don't quite understand what you were saying below in bolded part..

 

mount wrote, "One thing that being proved from this case -age does not define maturity, or the mature thought-through that how you handle big event."

 

To view this from an unemotional position, the overall consensus on A's is their exact contradiction to the definition of mature thought and logic. Ergo the probability of at least one of the AP's acting immaturely is rather high.

 

It is most likely the best choice w/the given information to pursue activities other than those involving a M'd person to ensure stable yet stimulating, and mentally healthy relationships.

 

Your thought process will enable you to continue w/out interruption both at work and socially w/minimal emotional intrusion by MM and your heart.

 

I'm actually envious that you are to a point in your life to side step emotions that disorient & distract from life goals.**[/QUOTE]

[Mount]

I meant to say "Guess it is NOT a normal textbook case"

 

Not really, I thought it might be a textbook - which is MM never really left or said to wife, only words all the time.

 

But in this case, action does follow words, but then turn around right away.

 

Guess it is a normal textbook case, you might need to add this new chapter...LOL.

 

All I am saying, I just feel whole event bizzare, and the MM is kidding himself all along.

[Pierre]

Mount

 

I have noted one thing with married people having affairs. They often believe they do not love the betrayed spouse anymore. Then, when the betrayed spouse throws them out they somehow do the 180 dance. I will say that it is mostly men who do this.

[Mount]

I am fully aware that...and I have warned the MM and told him so, that he needs to think through before he took action and he had to be sure that he did want to separate. He kept assuring me....but now he is kidding himself. Also his wife did not throw him out, his wife was shocked when he said everythign to her, and called him a few times asking for one more chance (I was beside his phone since he shared the conversation with me when he was here that day).

 

Anyway, he wants to be back, I let him back to wife....:rolleyes:

 

Mount

 

I have noted one thing with married people having affairs. They often believe they do not love the betrayed spouse anymore. Then, when the betrayed spouse throws them out they somehow do the 180 dance. I will say that it is mostly men who do this.

Edited June 6, 2013 by Mount

[Pierre]

I am fully aware that...and I have warned the MM and told him so, that he needs to think through before he took action and he had to be sure that he did want to separate. He kept assuring me....but now he is kidding himself. Also his wife did not throw him out, his wife was shocked when he said everythign to her, and called him a few times asking for one more chance (I was beside his phone since he shared the conversation with me when he was here that day).

 

Anyway, he wants to be back, I let him back to wife....:rolleyes:

 

It must be brutal to learn in one instant that a 30 plus year marriage is over.

[Mount]

I agree...that is why I am saying the MM is kidding himself during last few days...don't you not agree?

 

His drastic behavior must be shocking his wife, even though she is taking him back....

 

It must be brutal to learn in one instant that a 30 plus year marriage is over.

[fllygirl]

Sorry you have to go through this. I feel sorry for his wife as well. A good thing is now you know him better and you don't have to waste another month as of your original timeline. You can use this month taking care of yourself and getting over him.

[waterwoman]

Sorry mount. It sounded like he was so sure. I guess the saying is true, no fool like an old fool, eh?

[findingnemo]

Mount,

 

I'm so sorry that this has happened. I didn't foresee it but I'm not surprised either. Leaving his W of so many years wasn't going to be a piece of cake. While the A is over, a whole new problem has cropped up for him. The good thing is that there are no more lies or secrets. MM simply has to decide what he wants in life.

 

The anger will come. You are still in shock. I can't imagine how his W feels. Most people don't really think about how easy it is for the MP to go back home. He can simply walk in, it's his house too. The BS is the one left dealing with the whole mess. There will be WW3 in that home for a while and it's quite possible he will get tossed out permanently anyway. So expect him to come back to you in some fashion.

 

Gosh, when I read stories like this I wonder if early exposure wouldn't have in many ways made things easier for everybody. If the BW wants to talk to you, will you agree to see her?

[2sunny]

I'm sorry it went this way for you Mount .

 

One of the reasons why I suggest waiting to date any man until the D is final!

 

The emotional turmoil of going through divorce is painful and best not dragging others along while its awful.

 

I hope you will heal and take care of yourself.

[Summer Breeze]

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this Mount. I know from dMM how hard it is to leave a life behind you. He!! I know it from going through a D with my own xH how hard it is. Sometimes the tug backwards is really strong.

 

I find myself still standing off a little with dMM. He's been out of the M home for over a year and we've been together well over 6 months but I still worry. I remember walking away before and how hard it was. I worry what it would be like if all of a sudden he called and said it was done. He's never given me any reason to worry but I do. I actually started IC again because it was something on my mind. You're strong though. I know you'll come through it fine and be even stronger once it's passed.

 

I'm glad you're not carrying on the A with him. Also I think it's commendable you've come in here to tell us all.

Edited June 6, 2013 by Summer Breeze

[secretlady76]

Aww, that's really tough.

 

I would imagine you are in shock. But in a few days the emotions will hit you. Every type. Be aware of them and get help if you need it. You may need counselling or/and ADs. I can't emphasise enough how this may affect you.

 

Take care of yourself. Whatever you do, don't do anything whilst emotionally charged. It's never a good idea.

 

I am afraid what he has done is pretty typical. Don't be surprised if he starts sniffing around again once he's at home for a while and remembers why exactly he ended up with you. For your own sanity, don't let him in again.

 

Please go NC with him otherwise he'll destroy you with his tooing and froing. Don't feel mad at his wife, feel sorry for her. She must be in a right state and as confused as you. And try not to be too angry with him, he needs to give his marriage one last shot instead of simply throwing it in the trash. Just a shame he didn't do that before walking out and giving you false promises. He sounds very confused and I don't think that will change.

 

Please believe me when I say he really isn't worth all this agony.

[Mount]

I don't think I am in shock or sad or angry - I just had to say "how come I am right again" (even I wish I was wrong), as I mentioned repeatly that I also did not think I have guarantee that he would really leave and tell wife the decision, so I have warned him not doing that until thinking through.

 

I foresee that he might be changing back and going back, the reason I waned him not doing so is not only for the relationship of us, also because I want people to know nothing about us.

 

But since the MM is kidding himself right now, by doing those drastic thing back-and-forth, one postive thing you can guarantee - his big image is totally gone, I don't have any "butterfly" feeling towards him anymore even though we still need to have contact at work. His aurora is gone from my mind.

 

He is not bad person, but just not have enough courage.

 

 

Aww, that's really tough.

 

I would imagine you are in shock. But in a few days the emotions will hit you. Every type. Be aware of them and get help if you need it. You may need counselling or/and ADs. I can't emphasise enough how this may affect you.

 

Take care of yourself. Whatever you do, don't do anything whilst emotionally charged. It's never a good idea.

 

I am afraid what he has done is pretty typical. Don't be surprised if he starts sniffing around again once he's at home for a while and remembers why exactly he ended up with you. For your own sanity, don't let him in again.

 

Please go NC with him otherwise he'll destroy you with his tooing and froing. Don't feel mad at his wife, feel sorry for her. She must be in a right state and as confused as you. And try not to be too angry with him, he needs to give his marriage one last shot instead of simply throwing it in the trash. Just a shame he didn't do that before walking out and giving you false promises. He sounds very confused and I don't think that will change.

 

Please believe me when I say he really isn't worth all this agony.

Edited June 6, 2013 by Mount

[Goodbye]

Yet another All Talk and No Action man. At least you don't seem to be emotionally attached. Your recovery should be pretty straight forward.

[Pierre]

I don't think I am in shock or sad or angry - I just had to say "how come I am right again" (even I wish I was wrong), as I mentioned repeatly that I also did not think I have guarantee that he would really leave and tell wife the decision, so I have warned him not doing that until thinking through.

 

I foresee that he might be changing back and going back, the reason I waned him not doing so is not only for the relationship of us, also because I want people to know nothing about us.

 

But since the MM is kidding himself right now, by doing those drastic thing back-and-forth, one postive thing you can guarantee - his big image is totally gone, I don't have any "butterfly" feeling towards him anymore even though we still need to have contact at work.

 

The reason is that I always thought he is A MAN, now from this case, he isn't....so you figure.

 

It seems the wonderful magic of the affair is fading. I think that is a natural reaction from your part. You are seeing this guy as he really is.

 

IMO, long term marriages do not end suddenly after a d-day. It generally takes 2-5 years to end a marriage like this.

 

Furthermore, men having affairs do not end the marriage unless the marriage is truly the marriage from hell. They may tell OW it is the marriage from hell, but quite often it is not. Most men and women divorce if they truly have an awful marriage and quite often they do not need an OW or OM to divorce. This is one of the few statements that is correct by OWs: "I hope he leaves because the marriage is bad, I hope he does not leave because of me".

 

 

But, in the end it all goes back to sound principles: "Do not date married people, it rarely works".

[Mount]

And more bizzare...he did action upon his words, but back off right away.....that is kidding himself too much....

 

 

 

Yet another All Talk and No Action man. At least you don't seem to be emotionally attached. Your recovery should be pretty straight forward.

[Mount]

Guess what - I told him or asked him too during last few weeks, remember he told he would not want wait longer to tell wife about separation, he challenged me back asking what is point to wait longer?

 

I told him again and again, pls make the leaving mind on your own, not because of me only...

 

It seems the wonderful magic of the affair is fading. I think that is a natural reaction from your part. You are seeing this guy as he really is.

 

IMO, long term marriages do not end suddenly after a d-day. It generally takes 2-5 years to end a marriage like this.

 

Furthermore, men having affairs do not end the marriage unless the marriage is truly the marriage from hell. They may tell OW it is the marriage from hell, but quite often it is not. Most men and women divorce if they truly have an awful marriage and quite often they do not need an OW or OM to divorce. This is one of the few statements that is correct by OWs: "I hope he leaves because the marriage is bad, I hope he does not leave because of me".

 

 

But, in the end it all goes back to sound principles: "Do not date married people, it rarely works".

[weedsandposies]

Mount-

Just for being honest and posting this you have a lot of strength and I hope you honor the promise you made yourself and call it quits. Also, I don't think waiting another week, month, or year would've changed the outcome. It is what it is. Good luck to you.

[Mount]

Yes I realized that the outcome could be very different, due to MM's long marriage, other things rooted in family, that is why I keep warning him not to act upon untill his mind firmed. But he insisted and acted drastically, but turn around right away...

 

 

Mount-

Just for being honest and posting this you have a lot of strength and I hope you honor the promise you made yourself and call it quits. Also, I don't think waiting another week, month, or year would've changed the outcome. It is what it is. Good luck to you.

[MissBee]

As much as I don't want to post this, but I have to update you that things got Things got drastic 180 degree change after Monday.

 

I feel like it is a comical, or kind of ridiculous.....

 

Bascially Sunday when he told wife that he wants to separation first, then brought lots of his stuff/lugguage/everything to my place which I did not expect (that he would bring so many stuff), we spent Sunday together. Monday we both went to work, and after going home he told me that he could not do this anymore, needs to go back home.

 

I let him go..and the ridiculous part is that I tried to warn him again and again previously, please think through before making the move, but he insisted that he wanted to make the split with wife/marriage.

 

Now he said his wife forgave him and also is not angry at me either, because he said to his wife it was all his fault.

 

I guess it is the clean end now. He is angry at himself he is letting me down, bailed out. I am just speechless, but not angry or sad per say.

 

Also I quite don't understand he is at his such old age, how come he is doing thing in such impulsion, telling wife his leaving and brought all his stuff, clothes, luggage, IT stuff to my place, then after one day, he changed mind.... Act like a teen.

 

Wow.

 

Can't say I'm surprised though to be honest, as the whole thing seemed very ill-planned and impulsive and I didn't comment too much, but wanted to see how it played out, for fear of seeming like a "hater."

 

Old and wise unfortunately don't always go hand in hand. I'm sorry for this let down...what are your next steps for yourself?

 

I dunno Mount. I commented before that you don't seem like you love him or care that much, but almost like the A was just something to do. It seemed odd to me then why you guys were planning to be together and buy a house...and now that this happened, your reaction seems just as nonchalant as always.

Edited June 6, 2013 by MissBee