The irony of our friendship, how tight it seemed to be and how quickly it fell apart

[Teknoe]

Hi everyone. My name is Teknoe, and I'm currently recovering from someone who I considered a very good friend, and a girl I was falling harder and harder for (despite her being in a relationship, although she had complained about it a few key times).

 

Anyway, she hasn't contacted me in 5 days now, and I just feel there's been a shift. I think I got too intense for her. She used to appear online all the time, but now she's always on "away" status. It's just been fishy. I'm smart enough to know for whatever reason, she wants personal space right now.

 

So I'm giving both of us time to heal or mend or whatever it is that we each need.

 

But as recently as 3 weeks ago I wrote to her KIT and she wrote back "NO! Don't say KIT. That's what they write in yearbooks and they never mean it! I don't want it, take it back!!!!!!"

 

She was totally playful and fun.

 

Now ironically, the tables have turned. I want to KIT but for whatever reasons she needs a break now.

 

Oh how I hate ironies. Stark contrasts are always hard for me to deal with. From fun back and forth texts and laughing to quiet nights

 

Time heals all. I wasn't even intimate with this girl, but it still hurts. I know deep down though that it's for the best.

[Els]

Teknoe, didn't we try to tell you to stay away from her, when you were asking for advice about it?

 

You need to get over her. Some people can do that while still being friends - more power to them. Some can't. Sounds like you can't. Time to cut the cord and move on.

[Teknoe]

Teknoe, didn't we try to tell you to stay away from her, when you were asking for advice about it?

 

You need to get over her. Some people can do that while still being friends - more power to them. Some can't. Sounds like you can't. Time to cut the cord and move on.

 

Well, I'm doing no contact for now.

 

If we're going to connect ever again, it will have to be through her contacting me FIRST. I'm not going to sit around doing nothing in the meantime, however, I would certainly welcome her initiating contact with me again.

 

And yes you did recommend staying away. Of course, like forbidden fruit I just couldn't. I understand where I am right now is directly my fault. I own it.

[TaraMaiden]

Well, I'm doing no contact for now.

 

If we're going to connect ever again, it will have to be through her contacting me FIRST.

No, if you're ever going to connect again, it's because YOU will break No Contact by responding.

It's you responding that breaks No Contact.

If you reply, you're the breaker, not her.

All she's doing is 'knocking'.

All you have to do, is to keep the door closed.

 

I'm not going to sit around doing nothing in the meantime, however, I would certainly welcome her initiating contact with me again.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Tell you what, why not pour ground glass in your eyes, and nasal-floss with razor wire while you're at it? Can't be any more painful....

 

And yes you did recommend staying away. Of course, like forbidden fruit I just couldn't. I understand where I am right now is directly my fault. I own it.

 

Good.

Now you own it - keep it.

And do not break No Contact by replying to anything at all ever, whatsoever.

 

(Ignores all advice in 3.... 2.... 1.....)

[Teknoe]

Hold on a sec, I get what you're saying.

 

But if I can be friends with this girl, just friends, after healing up and recalibrating my heart, then I think it's worth it to continue the friendship. We do connect well, especially on the job matters. What's wrong with that?

 

I feel like NC applies more to broken BF-GF relationships. When you are just friends, but you fall, it's different. Coz time can change your heart, and you can enter safely back into "just friends" mode.

 

I see nothing wrong with it other than the potential to fall hard a 2nd time.

 

But if you never try and just shut your crush out completely, you'll never know. No pain no gain.

[TaraMaiden]

You'renot getting it:

 

if your heart still holds a candle for that person, if there is still an underlying, subtle romantic agenda - then being a friend is still unrequited Love.

 

Of course you can be friends with them.There's never a problem with friendship - providing you can sit and have a relaxed drink, a laugh, a giggle, a really nice time - while the whole time, she's holding another man's hand, or has her hand on his thigh, may be pregnant by him, is setting up home with him - and you feel completely indifferent to this.

You can look at this with a nonchalant smile and a shrug.

 

Until you feel like this about her - your heart is still fragile and vulnerable, and what you're basically saying is, "I would love to be more than a friend, but if I can't be that, so I'll just love you silently, pretend, and just wait and hang around to get my heart broken.

 

Again."