. my heart is broken :(

[Bojeebus]

My story is my ex and I dated 2 years and we have a 1 year old son together if that helps my situation. We have broken up once before for about 3 months. She rebounded and I was heartbroken then too. I started to see a therapist during that time and I was also reading these forums and aware of the no contact process. He advised against it since we have a son. He said be her friend and be a good dad. Always be there for her and be patient, the other guy will not wait this out. I did exactly that and took her breakfast occasionally and other gifts and was a friend. Eventually rebound failed and we reconciled completely without no contact. At first the friendship was barely any but eventually it swayed to my favor.

 

Ok fast forward to current situation. We started fighting and we were both having some issues. I left to try and work on my issues. For at least 2 months she begged me back. I wanted her back but felt I wasnt ready. She was devastated. She said she loved me and missed me and continued really trying to win me back. About 1 month ago I spent the night at her house a couple of nights and wee were talking. No sex just cuddling. Well for some idiotic reason I still felt we should wait and I think I may have been depressed. Well 1 week later I decided I really wanted this. I love this girl and we have an amazing son together. But..She started to rebound! It tore my world apart. Some guy she had feelings for but it didnt work in the past. In 3 weeks she changed her relationship status on facebook. They are together all the time. The part that hurt the most is 1 week prior she loved me and all that she said.*I need help. I have been being friendly and she is receptive. I have based this off my previous experience of winning her back. By being there for her and being supportive to her and my son. My fear is have I hurt her too much. Is there any chance? I have never tried no contact but the other way worked before? I am so heartbroken I dont want to do anything. Its all I think about andI hate feeling this way and she seems all happy about her new guy.. please help or advice.

[Bojeebus]

Anyone have any insight?

[SimonSerenade]

Aw man I feel you right now, I was there once upon a time and you may not see it right now but there is something seriously messed up with this girl, there's no love or loyalty in what she's done and is doing right now, you need consistency in your relationship, this girl isn't giving that, she should of waited and been patient with you, you did the same for her, this sounds like an all too familiar one sided relationship and your the side giving your all and she's the side doing nothing to be worthy of you right now.

 

Your there for your son right now, the thought of losing your family is keeping you around, my son was the same age when I fell in to this situation 3 years a go, I was blinded by that life style, I waited and waited and she was gone, you should be the ONLY man in her life, you should be the ONLY priority besides your son right now, you can't live like that man, you sound like a sweet guy an she's taking you for a ride because she can, because you let her.

 

Don't be a mug and wait for you to be the one for her, love doesn't work on as off like that, in your shoes I would confront her and give her the ultimatum, it's you or him, don't put a persona on and pretend your okay with this, be a man, reclaim your pride and reclaim your woman or take the long road and find someone who deserves you, it's a road of heartbreak if you let it but it can also be a road to better things, looking back I'm glad I'm not with the mother of my child, she was awful, I stuck with her for my child and nothing else, I thought I loved her, in fact I tolerated her, she did what your girl did, there's no love for people like that, at least not love well deserved.

 

Since her I enjoyed my time with my son, I lived a better life and I was the person I wanted to be, I found someone else and I truly loved her and she deserved every ounce of that love, it didn't work out but just knowing life goes on after someone like made it worth being without her.

[Bojeebus]

So you think I should give an ultimatum? My experience in the past has been when they are seeing someone new the first few months it csnt be shaken. The relationship is in the honeymoon stages. I also hurt this girl alot and i was confused and thought i wanted my first ex back which caused our first break up. I also feel bad for the months she begged me back and I wasnt ready. But I do feel she moved on quickly. Shpuld I remain a friend as my therapist said and it worked the first time. Or I like the ultimatum idea. I think she will choose new knight in shining armor because he hasnt shown his true colors. But how would you play that card and give the ultimatum? but how would you say it?

[SimonSerenade]

The only time I talked to my ex was when it was about my son, that was it, I figured if she wanted me back then It would be her decision and she would make it on her own, that way if we got back together it would last but looking at it now it wouldn't of lasted because she was the devil lol, I had my step dad pick my son up and drop him off again for the weekend which made it so much easier, I was lucky to have that option.

 

That's a tad risky if you ask me, it might not have worked out with the last guy but who's to say if it will or not with this new guy, the way I see it, you made a mistake and you didn't go back to your ex, instead you waited for her and was loyal to her, she's done this to you twice now.

 

I wouldn't be a bastard about the ultimatum, I made that mistake, I would dance around your words a little, be sincere, understanding and most of all be honest and open up about everything, in case it don't work out, don't give yourself something to regret later on, do and say everything in your power to show her your the one for her, that way you have no regrets and the rest is out of your hands, I think with something like this you need to whole heartedly wish the best not only for yourself but for her aswell, if you want to be her friend, do that because its what you want and not because there's something to gain, itll only be more painful if there truly isn't anything to gain in the end.

 

Don't sell yourself short and whatever she decides accept it with a pinch of salt, if your not what she wants right now you may be eventually, she probably wouldn't of tried so hard to get you back otherwise.

[Bojeebus]

Ive said all the I love you. I want you back stuff. Do you think I should open up to thr fact I think or feel like I made a mistake but I waited. But is twice she has moved on and I dont think thats fair. But end it nicely. Would you open that into the conversation?

[SimonSerenade]

You should let it be known that your sorry for what you did or for anything you feel you did, I wouldn't really say it as black and white as all that, you don't want her to think she's on trial, as much as you hate what she's done, if you get back together, that's got be buried in the past never to rear it's head again.

 

You want to let her know that your hurt because She's with this man, not because she moved too quickly but just because it hurts to see her with any man when you and her both know your the man that truly is for her and will stand by her through anything and everything and when she's fallen on hard times you were there and always will be. You know, something like that.

[Bojeebus]

Yep. In past conversations she brought up but I left her. So I havent stood by her.. but truly she left me first break up. I left her and left to work on me. I always said I wouldn't see anyone else and that I wanted us to work. But I dont know if this will do any good besides hurt friendship. I did some of the pleading and I love you stuff when it first happened. Maybe I didnt say right stuff but im doubtful.

[SimonSerenade]

Unfortunately women will do that, they don't mean anything by it, you can do something wrong, everything will be fine and in 10 years time out of the blue it can come up again lol I think when they bring this sort of stuff up there looking for a comforting selfless reaction, you need to be honest about your mistakes and let her know your loyalty to her, what matters is what you can offer now, the past shouldn't come into that, that's your focus, that's what she wants to see.

[moneyneversleeps]

Hey sorry to hear about your situation.

Honestly, she seems like she was lonely and just needed someone.

Your probably a gentleman, however, when you rejected her she jumped onto the first guy she could find.

 

Completely not your fault. If anything she will be hurting more when they break up. No one can fall in love with someone else in such a short amount of time, and if they can, it is a case of 'easy come, easy go'.

 

I think you were doing the right thing.

[Bojeebus]

Ok so had the talk with her today. I put it all on the table as to how I felt. She was npt receptive. She feels like I wasnt there for her. Also she tells me she is moving new guy in after 3-4 weeks. So now I have to tolerate this. New guy living with my son. At least I said my peace but how in the hell does she think this is rational? At least the moving in part...

[SimonSerenade]

I am so sorry to hear that, that isn't rational at all and your a bigger man than I for tolerating that, moving in with a random guy after 3 weeks is putting your child at risk, I would seriously get the social involved in that because that's a dangerous game she's playing and I wouldn't put up with it.

 

Trust me, she'll realise her mistakes soon enough and she will come back but please, don't take her back, no way does she deserve you.

[Bojeebus]

All I know of new guy is they met in 2008. She had feelings for him then but he was on a bunch of pills and it didn't work out. He has apparently changed and now is the guy she wished he had been. I see one of two things. It didnt work before and change or not moving this quickly it probably wont work now. Also my ex can be very needy and have a temper. None of this has shown its face yet. I think moving thus quick and new guy not knowing the full package is a recipe for disaster. Since they are moving in so quick wouldnt this speed up the rebound and possible ending?

[Bojeebus]

Ps. I appreciate all your response. Im just hurt and grasping for answers I guess

[Bojeebus]

Here is the odd thing and also the thing that gives tiny hope. There is a small bit of dishonesty in her newfound relationship. We still text and talk all day. There is probably 10 to 20 texts throughout the day. She will ask how my day is going. I will say hope you have a good day. She will say thanks you too. I even took her an energy drinkto her work the other day and she texted me thanks so much tthat reslly helped. All these texts and communications stop every night. I know this is because she is with guy and I don't communicate during that time. Its just odd she is still very friendly. She has not cut me out of her life. This is the way I won her back last time. And I know the other guy has no idea the amount of communication we have. But its not something we discuss or its kind of unspoken.

[SimonSerenade]

It's good for your chances if your still in contact especially if its in a nice way, don't be an option for her though otherwise she may never leave this guy because she will know she has the best of both worlds at her disposal, she can just switch between as she pleases, I honesty don't think she deserves your friendship if she can do this to you so quickly, there's no respect in that.

 

Your a good man, you deserve to be respected, in this situation I would say don't put your life on hold, by all means be there for your son but don't be a welcome matt for her, I did so much for my ex when she was screwing another guy, I think now I did it because I wanted to show her that I couldn't be replaced, I used to buy her things, give her money to help out from time to time and not just a bit of money, A LOT of money. I was an idiot.

 

Even though she may have known this guy for a long time it doesn't mean it has a chance in hell of working, I doubt she even knows where she is in her mind right now, can't be a good place if she thinks that moving this guy in is a good idea, she'll realise it eventually on her own.

 

I remember that I couldn't make anything work even a year after my relationship with my ex ended, I met some really lovely women, women who could of possibly made me happy in the long run but I just wasn't ready for them, I even had an ex come back and we hung out a fair bit, had coffee together, went out for meals, even went for days out together, it was nice but the more I got closer to her again the more I thought about my ex.

 

Had it been in my hands I'd of gone running back to my ex but t wasn't in my hands, she left me so I had no other choice but to live that life, considering this is on her head, it's almos inevitable this will fizzle out and she will come running back, I just hope you have enough strength to realise you deserve better.

[Bojeebus]

Why are you almost certain she would come running back? I guess my doubt with that is that I have hurt her alot too. I do highly doubt new guy will work out because its moving so quickly. And you are right that i would be an idiot to take her back but i love her and my son. But how can you be certain Or tthinkits inevitable? Ive caused her pain too.

[SimonSerenade]

She told you she loves you, she tried so hard to get you back, that won't change over night, if your in her life then that's all that matters, you'll be around and when it fails she'll come back to you and yeah you hurt her too but that doesn't mean she's going to let that be a key factor in her decision because she's hurting you now, your still talking so if you want that chance, talk to her like you have been doing, the less said about what's his face the better, she'll realise how much an idiot she's being eventually.