MM left me...but he stalks me?

[bambiwboone]

It's been three months. I'm still hurt deeply. I loved him allot. Right before he panicked and chose to stay in his marriage we had talked about living together and we were going to figure out our situation. It was serious and we had strong feelings for each other. Anyway, he was at my house one night way too late, sparked a huge fight, got their 12 year old daughter involved who started texting him and calling him crying while he was at work, long story short, he changed his mind. He told me he wanted to work it out. I was hurt, madd we were just "together". We just set out a "plan." That was the reason he was at my house. I Did the number one no no, I told the wife, and well safe to say that night, the night he was at my house three months ago, was the last time I was alone with him. We have all fought on and off since then. He told me he wanted me gone that weekend. He didn't have feelings for me, they were just misplaced for his wife. So forth. Which hurt, I really believed he cared. I guess I deserved that. Anyway, I admit I emailed him a couple times telling him I missed him, I was very upset, those couple times were intercepted by his wife. Then I gave up. About a month passed and his wife had a trip across the country planned ...that is when it all started...that night he went by my daughters sb game two times. Saw him later at the bar he wouldn't stop starting me, he through his glass at the wall and stormed out. The next day, his niece was playing my daughters softball team, I coach my daughters team, he sat there and stared at me the whole time. It was very awkward. He went by my house on his lunch break three days that week. He sat at the corner of my house at one in the morning, I could see his suv clearly as I live on a well lighted main st. He text my phone from an AOL email, I got on my pc and sent him an email from my gmail, he emailed back I got his IP from the orginal message on gmail( easy to get ip address if anyone wants to learn how) it matched his REAL email Ip address..which is like impossible..like lottery odds. When she came home it got better, for awhile. His sister in law was writing some really nasty stuff about me on fb so emailed him told him to make her stop. His sister in law caught wind he gave her my email, so I was not so nice and told his wife about him emailing my cellphone pretending to be someone else. She didn't believe me of course, I let her into my email to look, I showed her my text. Showed her IP information, how to get it. He flipped out called me told me he never hated me....he started talking about our breakup. Then he was like"what if I did do it" then proceeded to say "what good would it do admitting it". I told him I was going to get a lawyer and we could go to court, he told me fine, like a five year old, I hung up on him. Called the cops, of course, his wife called the cops too, so it was he said she said, I had emails, she had emails, so we just have to not talk to each other...be good kids essentially. Awesome! So that was that. I blocked ALL of them on FB. And tried hard to just avoid it all. I thought he was doing good avoiding me. Maybe he had moved on. Until I just had a feeling he could see my fb stuff, so I entered in his name on fb and there he was! His wife made him delete his account after I told on us. He had reactivated it. So I blocked him. Last week he went by my daughters game, today he went by my daughters game again. I try to justify that maybe he is dropping his daughter off, but why would he keep going directly by after he was told not to! I would personally just avoid it! My emails are set so I get a recipet when people check their emails I send, I have been getting reciepts from old emails that I sent him. He has been rechecking old emails and rereading him. I'm literally intears because deep down, I'm soo stupid and still love this person. I'm not sure if he still cares about me, or he likes to see me hurt still..if it's an ego thing? Has this happened to anyone? Any thoughts? Sorry for poor grammar. I'm just rambling.

[Lillyfree]

you cannot control what others do. the only person that you can rely on 100% is yourself.

 

so what if he's checking old emails... driving past... he's just feeding his obsession. the important thing that you need to focus on is that he's decided to reconcile with his wife. your A has been over for 3 months, yet both of you are still carrying it on in a way - now with his wife involved too.

 

rise above this and do everything you can to stop constant reminders of him popping up. if necessary, get another email address - or mute the receipts.

with things you can't help, try and ignore. you say you still love him - how can you love someone who is capable of torturing you like this? what he's doing isn't because he loves you. time to put yourself first...

[spice4life]

Sorry to hear. Yes, it happens in these situations sometimes. My socal media is being stalked and I think it might be xMM's wife or some other woman in his life. Was thinking of texting him to let him know. I don't want to break NC though, but if it doesn't stop I will.

[grassisorisntgreener]

What an emotional rollercoaster. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

 

I don't have any advice, just know that I am thinking of you.

[Pierre]

It's been three months. I'm <Snip>

 

He is in love with you. People in love act stupid. People in love sometimes stalk.

Edited June 6, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Pierre]

You call stalking behaviour love???

 

No, maybe I did not express myself clearly.

 

When I say love I am talking about the changes in brain biochemistry that are identical to addiction. Some of these folks do stupid things. No different than a teenager in drugs stealing money from his grandmother.

 

The other better definition of love is that to love is a verb.

 

Sadly the love these married folks feel is just a chemical reaction and quite often this chemical reaction is meaningless after a d-day.

 

BTW, I think your posts are awesome!!

[Mount]

LOL....Pierre kisses LG's ##%^:bunny:

 

 

No, maybe I did not express myself clearly.

 

When I say love I am talking about the changes in brain biochemistry that are identical to addiction. Some of these folks do stupid things. No different than a teenager in drugs stealing money from his grandmother.

 

The other better definition of love is that to love is a verb.

 

Sadly the love these married folks feel is just a chemical reaction and quite often this chemical reaction is meaningless after a d-day.

 

BTW, I think your posts are awesome!![/QUOTE]

[Pierre]

LOL....Pierre kisses LG's ##%^:bunny:

 

 

No, maybe I did not express myself clearly.

 

When I say love I am talking about the changes in brain biochemistry that are identical to addiction. Some of these folks do stupid things. No different than a teenager in drugs stealing money from his grandmother.

 

The other better definition of love is that to love is a verb.

 

Sadly the love these married folks feel is just a chemical reaction and quite often this chemical reaction is meaningless after a d-day.

 

BTW, I think your posts are awesome!![/QUOTE]

 

 

LG is full of wisdom. She is a very smart woman.:cool:

[Mount]

I did remember you had said so a while ago here...

 

LOL....Pierre kisses LG's ##%^:bunny:

 

 

 

 

 

LG is full of wisdom. She is a very smart woman.:cool:

[weedsandposies]

As someone who has been fighting off xOM for a couple years now, I can tell you there is nothing you can do to stop his behavior AND his wife will NEVER take your word over his even with proof! I'd bet anything it's his wife reading your emails over and over. Because while she might not openly admit her husband is the one stalking you she has to be thinking about it.

 

Ignore every contact he makes with you. WS that get busted generally only regurgitate whatever BS tells them to anyway. You have to do everything humanly possible to stay away from them. They can turn this all around, as you saw when they also called the cops. Keep every contact he makes with you in case you need to file a restraining order. No more contact with either of them.

[bambiwboone]

Yes, I actually did this on his when we were fighting. Just google it there are random sites you can go through. Spypig.com Didtheyreadit.com

[bambiwboone]

As someone who has been fighting off xOM for a couple years now, I can tell you there is nothing you can do to stop his behavior AND his wife will NEVER take your word over his even with proof! I'd bet anything it's his wife reading your emails over and over. Because while she might not openly admit her husband is the one stalking you she has to be thinking about it.

 

Ignore every contact he makes with you. WS that get busted generally only regurgitate whatever BS tells them to anyway. You have to do everything humanly possible to stay away from them. They can turn this all around, as you saw when they also called the cops. Keep every contact he makes with you in case you need to file a restraining order. No more contact with either of them.

 

 

It sounds like you have been through the same thing. How is they can make us feeling the crazy one? I have never been so brain f'd in my life!

[bambiwboone]

As someone who has been fighting off xOM for a couple years now, I can tell you there is nothing you can do to stop his behavior AND his wife will NEVER take your word over his even with proof! I'd bet anything it's his wife reading your emails over and over. Because while she might not openly admit her husband is the one stalking you she has to be thinking about it.

 

Ignore every contact he makes with you. WS that get busted generally only regurgitate whatever BS tells them to anyway. You have to do everything humanly possible to stay away from them. They can turn this all around, as you saw when they also called the cops. Keep every contact he makes with you in case you need to file a restraining order. No more contact with either of them.

 

It's not his wife, it's him, it's his cell phone IP address, while he's at work. I know I shouldn't know this, But I know from the stamp that is sent back to me.

[spiderowl]

He's a nutcase who stalks you when his wife's away. He knows he has you on a string and he's just checking that's still the case. Every time you respond to him or to his wife, you are proving it. Your strongest weapon is to ignore everything. If he turns up outside your house and hangs round, photograph him with the date stamp on your camera but do not let him see you doing this. If he persists in hanging around your house, tell the police he is stalking you. Do not make direct contact with him or his wife.

 

The guy just likes drama and pulling strings. I don't think any of this is because he cares about you, he just likes to control people. I have a feeling you'll struggle to resist because you do want his attention.

[Praying4Peace]

It's not his wife, it's him, it's his cell phone IP address, while he's at work. I know I shouldn't know this, But I know from the stamp that is sent back to me.

 

I also thought you only get the notification when the email is FIRST read. I've never heard of it sending after the intial time you read it. UNLESS, he is marking it as unread and then re-reading it? Which would show he wants you to get the read-receipts. Which proves he is completely crazy/insane/cuckoo!!!!!!

 

Are you sure he's safe? I think parking outside is just creepy as all hell. When I first saw the title of your thread I assumed you meant social media or asking around. Not this!!

[lilmisscantbewrong]

Listen I have the same thing going on from time to time. It's either his wife or the xom. I can tell one for sure. Every time they (he/she) cicks through it sends me the IP address. There have been a few times it is within a 25 mile radius but several times it pinpoints it to the address and I know one is his aunt house (she is elderly And his bs is a nurse so I am guessing she is helping with care) and a couple from his Internet provider. I get constant anonymous linkedin views which come at very odd times, blocked hang up calls, it's weird.

 

I finally kept a log of all of the ip searches and about a year later I sent an anonymous text to him because I was sick of it. I said "xom - 20 searches from ip 11,11.1..1.. - someone has too much time on their hands " - there was movement immediately - twitter became private, another guitar site he was on became locked up, an anonymous linkedin view,so I know he got it.

 

Maybe it didn't do anything but I let them know that I knew one of them was obviously fixated on me and I wasn't anywhere around and the thing I could have been - I knew his habits well enough, bands he liked, etc., I could have shown up at any time and made his life miserable but I haven't in over three years - I was sick of whomever trying to find out info on me so I called them on it and I'm glad I did.

 

But it still continues to this day - tells me I still am a major focus in their life for whatever reason. People are silly sometimes.

[bambiwboone]

I am starting to wonder if he is crazy! If he is marking it as unread. Never thought of that. It tracks the first five read though on http://www.spypig.com

[bambiwboone]

Listen I have the same thing going on from time to time. It's either his wife or the xom. I can tell one for sure. Every time they (he/she) cicks through it sends me the IP address. There have been a few times it is within a 25 mile radius but several times it pinpoints it to the address and I know one is his aunt house (she is elderly And his bs is a nurse so I am guessing she is helping with care) and a couple from his Internet provider. I get constant anonymous linkedin views which come at very odd times, blocked hang up calls, it's weird.

 

I finally kept a log of all of the ip searches and about a year later I sent an anonymous text to him because I was sick of it. I said "xom - 20 searches from ip 11,11.1..1.. - someone has too much time on their hands " - there was movement immediately - twitter became private, another guitar site he was on became locked up, an anonymous linkedin view,so I know he got it.

 

Maybe it didn't do anything but I let them know that I knew one of them was obviously fixated on me and I wasn't anywhere around and the thing I could have been - I knew his habits well enough, bands he liked, etc., I could have shown up at any time and made his life miserable but I haven't in over three years - I was sick of whomever trying to find out info on me so I called them on it and I'm glad I did.

 

But it still continues to this day - tells me I still am a major focus in their life for whatever reason. People are silly sometimes.

I hope it don't last three years. The last thing she said to me was "did you expect it all to go away" Yikes.

[spice4life]

I hope it don't last three years. The last thing she said to me was "did you expect it all to go away" Yikes.

 

I just read your back story and I can identify with what you're going through. I felt like I was pulled into a competition with someone I didn't even know. Like it only worked "for them" if I was steeped in a fog and accepting being treated like garbage. When I started to focus on myself and was moving forward it appeared to become an issue for someone and I'm not sure who. Then I felt like I was manipulated back into the fog because that is where that person had a sense of power and could control the situation. Well, guess what...not any more. I want nothing to do with it. I saw the picture and that was ALL I needed to see. If those are the lengths they want to go through to stay together that is on them and not me. Not my problem anymore.

[bambiwboone]

I don't know what to do anymore!! Tonight was my daughter's softball game. She played his nieces softball game. She only play's his nieces softball game 2 times out of 25 games. I asked my cousin who is his neices mother how many games he or his wife as been to of her daughers other than the ones that she plays my daughter and she said ZERO. Well tonight when I got there he was standing at the other end of the fence by himself...staring at ME! It was so weird. I couldn't believe it! After calling the cops and all that jazz..but it was his niece what could I do. And it still made me a little sad and I still looked a second. Then tried not to anymore. Well second inning came around he left, I felt a load off my check. Third inning came around he was back...WITH HIS WIFE!!!! OMG! I could of bawled. It hurt me so bad. I tried to just focus on the game. The girls. But god it was a blow. WTH are these people doing to me? Why? Out25 games he has been to two one by himself to the one his niece has played my daughter the other his niece has played my daugher part by himself part with his wife. WHY? I feel like I'm being mind tortured. I'm drinking and crying right now!( Why does he want to hurt me on purpose. I was having a good day. I just need someone to talk to.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

That really sucks. I have been there - the drinking and sobbing late at night. Look at it this way - you survived it. Hopefully you acted like you didn't care and focused in the game and you looked good!